Bonding?

It took a long long time. Lots of grooming and progressed to cuddles. I think it may have also helped only being able to do groundwork for the first two weeks i owned her (she was really unfit and fat)
 
I had to make a conscious effort with Adrian because I was devastated when I lost Catembi earlier this year as we were very, very close.

I made a big effort to spend time with him, talk to him, bring him treats, & try to behave with him like I did with Cat eg kiss him on the nose, ask him how his day's been, try to be tactile with him.

At first it felt like I was going through the motions with him, but I kept telling myself that it wasn't his fault Cat had died & it wasn't fair on him not to love him the same as I did Cat. It was so hard, but eventually the 'forced' feelings began to turn into real ones & I think we're prob 75 to 80% there now.
 
mine was a rescue and treated pretty badly before i got him, if you're nice to him (a nice word, a pat, a treat), he falls in love with you and tries to follow you around xD

when i first got him i couldn't ride him because he was too thin, so i found out his itchy spots and would spend ages in his field every day just fussing over him
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we have a very good bond now! he also likes being groomed, which is good, because that's a good way to bond.
 
Glad to see i'm not the only one who found that treats helped
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My dad used to buy bags of carrots from the supermarket and fill his pockets with them-surely that helped too
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Owning him from been 8month old!!
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!!I have done absolutely everything with him myself(needed a bit of support along the way obviously)If i go away on holiday now i get the biggest whinnie and he gallops across the field to see me!!LOVE IT!!I have always treated him as a horse not a baby/child and he trusts and respects me as i do him,believe it or not even when he was learning to jump he would never run out with me even if i kept cocking up,lol!I am lucky enough to have my horse of a life time and i have never bonded with any other horse the same!!!
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Catembi - I do sympathise with you. I found it harder than I thought to bond with my new horse who was a replacement for my beloved Jake.
I think I am about 80% there too now.
I found that my first hack out alone with my new horse really helped - he was so good, not at all bothered by a speeding lorry coming towards me on a narrow lane!
It frightened me but Jerry just calmly walked onto the verge and didn't bat an eyelid. I burst into tears and cried and cried til I got home - partly cos I was so happy I had such a wonderful horse and partly cos I missed Jake but was relieved I wasn't on him as he would have been more scared.
I do believe the bonding between horse and rider does happen but you can't force it!
 
OMG Saintnickiless68 - that's really spooky cos that's more or less what's happening with me! Adrian is v similar in breeding to Cat as I wanted the closest to him that I could get, he's the same colour & his quarters & legs are identical. But Cat (by Cruising) had a HUGE spook/spin & could be v scarey (prancy/snorty, unexploded bomb) if he was in the mood. Adrian was only 4 when I got him in April but he's totally unflappable. There have been many occasions when I've been schooling Adrian up the field in high winds or hacking out when the weather's been iffy & there's NO WAY I'd have done that with Cat! In fact the other day I was hacking out down the road in a strong, cold wind, exercise sheet rustling away, & I wouldn't even have lunged Cat!

I can take A anywhere & do anything with him & feel totally safe whereas Cat did scare the living daylights out of me every so often, & I think A's reliability & his cheeky into-everything pony personality have def helped us to bond in this difficult circumstance.
 
I don't really know but as you know George is my first horse and my dream, so I just spent so much time stroking him, grooming him and just marvelling that he's mine! I think we have a pretty good relationship, we have our moments though because we are very similar characters and can be a bit stubborn - but I found groundwork has really helped. I didn't realise it was possible to love a horse this much!!
 
Well with micks i didnt ride him for 2 months and just let him loose in the field with me and groomed and cuddle all in an oopen field.

Then i rode him bareback, just starting slowly.

And after that sadly he came down with Laminitus (sp) and we built up such a strong bond with that, that afterwards i could do pratically anything with him.
 
I know the feeling well. I never bonded with Izzy (currently with Binkybex). God knows I tried but she is totally indifferent to me and only ever showed the remotest flicker of interest in me if I had a bucket of feed in my hand! It has been a pretty horrible experience as it has never happened to me before with any sort of animal, I normally have a super rapport with them but not with her, miserable cow!
 
Catembi - then we should think ourselves very lucky to have such wonderful horses and not try to worry too much about the bonding - I'm sure we will find we are 100% bonded in no time! I sometimes wonder whether my old Jake is sending psychic messages to Jerry saying "you'd better look after her, she was my best mummy!"
OMG - do I sound like I'm in need of the men in white coats!!
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Ralph was brought to my old yard as an RSPCA rescue. He had awful injuries to his face were the headcollar had been left on too long. I used to sneak into his stable and say hello and found that he loved to be scratched on the neck, I continued our liaisons until he was re homed at my yard, he was a yearling at the time.

Three and a half years later, the girl who had taken him on decided she was unable to keep him, so I looked into the prospect of being poor for the foreseeable future and took on Ralph as my second horse and large dressage dream.

He was unsure at first and a little bolshy as he had been backed a bit too soon and was not sure what was what. So, I took him back to the basics and let him be a baby again and doing the scratching and playing we had done on his first few weeks at the yard.

Seven years later and after the sudden death of my pony and Ralphs best mate, I have the most wonderful and placid horse, we have such bonding, we completely understand one an other, to the point that clipping is done without a head collar and he lowers his head for me to do around his jaw, due to his past, I never do his head. He is a wonderful animal and we have a great deal of respect and love for each other.
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Well, Saintnickiless68 after Cat had died, I got in contact with Ann Dee the horse psychic communicator whom I'd used when he was ill, to check that he was okay in horsey heaven.

Apparently he is. Maybe I need my head checked, but I found my experiences with Ann immensely helpful & reassuring.

The thing I'm working on now (not tremendously successfully) is thinking about Cat without crying. We had 4 tremendous years together, doing things I'd never dreamt I'd do & having a bond that I'd never imagined could be forged, (and six awful months when he was seriously ill on & off) & it seems a shame to have a Pavlov's Dogs reflex action of crying when I think about him.
 
aww thanks JessieM.

I'm sorry I sort of hijacked your post a bit but I thought you might be interested in my experiences. You will bond with your horse I am sure but there are some things that I have learnt which have helped me:
1, If you want your horse to run up to you and nuzzle you affectionately, forget it and buy a dog!!
2. A horse that hardly acknowledges you are there is paying you a compliment, he obviously feels comfortable in your company.
3. The more you try to convince yourself you need to bond, the harder it is.

Just spend as much time with your horse as you can. It's especially hard at this time of year but look forward to the spring when you'll have lots of time together. Remember, tomorrow is the shortest day - it only gets lighter from then on!
Nicki
 
Catembi - it seems to me that you were very lucky to have a special horse like Cat, just as I was to have had Jake. It has been 7 months since Jake was pts and only now can I smile when I think about him instead of cry (although I do still cry sometimes). I smile because I think what a great team we were and how lucky we had 9 fantastic years together.
I hope this thread has not made you cry too much although sometimes I think it helps, I had my last really good cry over Jake when I watched the Horse Whisperer (again!) about a month ago. The horse - Pilgrim - in the film was very similar looking to Jake. I cried for about an hour and I think it did me the world of good!
Nicki
 
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