Bought a pony and feel totally out of my comfort zone

WanderLust said:
My son had another lesson earlier but the pony was really wound up and spooked then bucked him off!:(
Currently sat in the waiting room at the hospital. I cried so much!! I don't want to let him back on her now. In fact, I don't want her at all, it sounds horrible, but it was quite a dramatic fall and he banged his head. I don't know what to do now!
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I had a big fall as a kid and my mum decided that she wasn't letting me ride again. So the next time I rode was as an adult. As a mum now myself I totally sympathise with her (and you) but I do wish she'd asked me if I'd wanted to ride again - we didn't have much money so I just assumed we couldn't afford lessons any more so never pushed it.
 
Morning all,

Well, 3am we were allowed to come home! I'm totally knackered!
I think I'll let the girls on the yard ride and lunge her until she settles down totally and I think it's a good idea that my son goes back to riding the RS pony he was on before until his confidence comes back.

Thanks for being so supportive, it means a lot. :)
 
Mince Pie said:
Wanderlust, how is your son?
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Hi Mince Pie, he's ok, but he won't even come to the yard now. I must admit, I don't think she's the right pony for him and I've asked the previous owner if they'll take her back, but still waiting for reply. I know it's only been just over a week but I'm struggling. Previous owner said she'd never bucked and she was advertised as a novice learner pony. Apparently she's been loaned out loads of times and been fine. One of the girls at the yard rode her the next day and she behaved beautifully. Maybe she's more suitable for an experienced older teenager. Nothing wrong with her, she's lovely.
It's all a bit of a mess now.
 
Chin up WanderLust! Wait until she's allowed to go out in the field and I suspect you'll find that she calms down. I know I'd go a bit mad if I was cooped up in my room for 14 days straight!
 
rotters13 said:
Chin up WanderLust! Wait until she's allowed to go out in the field and I suspect you'll find that she calms down. I know I'd go a bit mad if I was cooped up in my room for 14 days straight!
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Thanks rotters, I'm all over the place with this now! What I find odd is that the previous owner has not given an answer, or any sort of reply! Even a 'sorry, you're on your own' message would be better than silence.
It doesn't help that I'm beating myself up over all this every day. The guilt is terrible!
 
Possibly they haven't as they may be making their own inquiries and working out what their options are. Don't read into it - you just need to come up with a reasonable plan so you aren't panicking so much. How much longer is she left in quarantine?
 
I do think you are being a little hasty, sorry. I really feel that when pony is finally allowed out she will become the quiet pony you brought home. As Rotter's said any pony will become a lot more energetic if they are stuck in for days on end. I'd personally wait until she's allowed out again and then see what happens before deciding what to do next. Sadly kids will fall off ponies - is this his first fall? I know its never nice to watch but it is a fact of life unfortunately. Perhaps some rescue remedy for you and your son? What have your yard said?

I'm in no way trying to make light of the situation but remember the pony is a living, breathing animal with a mind of her own and she can't be expected to be bombproof at all times. Any pony you buy will be the same. In the nicest possible way do you think you're ready to own? I'm really not trying to be nasty, or to make you feel bad but I just want to give straight facts.
 
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rotters13 said:
Possibly they haven't as they may be making their own inquiries and working out what their options are. Don't read into it - you just need to come up with a reasonable plan so you aren't panicking so much. How much longer is she left in quarantine?
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She's got until Saturday, so not long to go. I offered her back free of charge, but will just have to wait now.
 
Mince Pie said:
I do think you are being a little hasty, sorry. I really feel that when pony is finally allowed out she will become the quiet pony you brought home. As Rotter's said any pony will become a lot more energetic if they are stuck in for days on end. I'd personally wait until she's allowed out again and then see what happens before deciding what to do next. Sadly kids will fall off ponies - is this his first fall? I know its never nice to watch but it is a fact of life unfortunately. Perhaps some rescue remedy for you and your son? What have your yard said?

I'm in no way trying to make light of the situation but remember the pony is a living, breathing animal with a mind of her own and she can't be expected to be bombproof at all times. Any pony you buy will be the same. In the nicest possible way do you think you're ready to own? I'm really not trying to be nasty, or to make you feel bad but I just want to give straight facts.
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Honestly, I don't know. I thought I was, but maybe I made a mistake. The good thing is that she's being looked after really well on the yard with experienced handlers. It's not cheap, but I couldn't do it on my own, not as a first time owner.
 
Before the accident would you be happy or sad not to have a pony? What was the decision making process before you bought her?

I really would wait 4 weeks, see what happens after the weekend when she's allowed out, have lessons on her in the school and then reassess the situation then. Again, not trying to be nasty but this does seem to be a bit of a knee jerk reaction, and I actually think you'd regret giving her back in the long run xx
 
Mince Pie said:
Before the accident would you be happy or sad not to have a pony? What was the decision making process before you bought her?

I really would wait 4 weeks, see what happens after the weekend when she's allowed out, have lessons on her in the school and then reassess the situation then. Again, not trying to be nasty but this does seem to be a bit of a knee jerk reaction, and I actually think you'd regret giving her back in the long run xx
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I did everything by the book, had a really knowledgeable friend go over costs, what I wanted etc. She came with me to viewings. I went away, talked it over, took my boy back, went away, discussed it etc, went back. I asked a lot of questions.
I don't want it to end badly, but I'm scared that this bucking episode will become a pattern.
 
I hope your son makes a speedy recovery and is not too scarred by the accident.

As others have said, a pony/horse needs time to settle in a new situation and environment. She doesn't know either of you and establishing trust between horse and owner/rider takes time. Two months would be too short in many cases, never mind less than two weeks. She has already been through a move, has to deal with new surroundings, a new routine, and new people handling her. Then on top of that she hasn't yet been allowed turnout (which will make even settled horses unsettled) or interaction with other horses, and I personally would be wary of expecting/asking too much of her at this point in time, especially with not one but (more than!) two new riders involved.

I am sure you all would benefit from bonding more on the ground before forging ahead with riding and asking questions of her while she is clearly unsettled. You need to get to know each other. Brushing sessions and groundwork are nice options to establish trust from both sides.

You bought her because she ticked the right boxes and you saw how nice she was in a settled environment, there is no reason why she should not get there with you but you need to provide that safe environment for her and with the quarantine that is understandably a little difficult yet.

As above I don't want to make light of a scary situation but don't give up so quickly on an otherwise nice pony because of this. It could have happened to anyone in this situation and she does sound like she deserves a chance. Ultimately safety must come first, especially with children involved, but this could happen with any new horse, or indeed any horse at any time, and the question then becomes are you willing to accept that risk at all to enjoy the animals you love. :)

In any case I hope you arrive at the solution that is right for you all.
 
Hi Wonderlust.

When I first went and viewed my horse. She was everything I wanted, a nice steady hack, that I could have some fun on. Within 2 days of her being with me, she was a grumpy, bargy, hormonal cow. She was horrible. Coming from a paddock with no grass to mine that had been resting for 9 months and full of grass and coming into her first season of the year made her nasty. She kicked out, bit me and she meant it. I was convinced I had been had by the previous owners...

It took a good 6 weeks for her to settle and that was with her being out 24/7. Your little pony must be so frustrated being cooped up and watching the other horses grazing. Please give her some time, ask your son to sit in the car at the yard and I'm sure curiosity will soon get the better of him once he can see how she is after she has settled into her new home and routine. I'm sure she will be back to the pony you first met.

Keep us posted xx
 
You need to take a deep breath and a step back. I own an absolutely superb horse, can be ridden by anyone, including me who is disabled and useless. Hes rock steady. If I moved him to a new yard, with new owners and kept him stabled he would be a pain in the backside! Stabling horses can send them a bit whappy, and if you combine that with new owners its a recipe for disaster.

I dont know if you have mentioned it, but check what shes being fed. Lots of part/full livery yards feed them hard feed that first ponies in light work just dont need and that could well be making it much worse!

Give her a month, dont ride her if needs be, get the yard to do it. Then see how she is. I bet she will be a reformed character.
 
WanderLust said:
I'm scared that this bucking episode will become a pattern.
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From reading your account of the incident, she was wound up (this is to be expected keeping in mind the circumstances), spooked (did anything immediately stand out as being the cause? If yes, you can work to desensitise her to said situation/object with ground work. If not, the new environment combined with being unsettled from no turnout etc. might explain it anyway), and bucked the (new to her) rider off. She was unsettled and scared and reacted accordingly. It was not a malicious action.

Additionally rider differences can be a thing to keep in mind. As riders we do feel different to the horse; me as a tall rider will give slightly different signals than a child: our legs simply rest differently against the horse, for one. This is where getting to know each other as horse and rider comes in and it takes time. Depending on how a spook is sat by the rider (do they lose balance, inadvertedly hit the horse with the leg in a different way, accidentally snag the rein etc.), this might explain a buck as a reaction to the particular situation.

From what you described I would not be worried about a pattern developing at this stage. It sounds situational and not behavioural. I would aim to set yourselves up in good situations and turnout and time will likely help. :)
 
Do listen to what others have said. Your pony does not sound malicious to me and it seems like a very unfortunate accident. Like others have said, if she is being cooped up for 24 hours a day she is bound to have pent up energy and will react more to situations then when she is allowed turnout. A week is nothing for a horse to settle into a new environment, it can take a while.

Does the yard not have any isolation fields? At my yard the horses have to be quarantined at first but they have isolation fields they can be turned out in. If not then just do lots of groundwork to build your bond with the pony, she doesn't know she can trust you yet, she will still be unsure of her surroundings. And if you have suddenly disappeared from her life after this incident and even more new people are now looking after her it may be more unsettling for her.

Explain to your son that sometimes even ponies can get scared and she didn't do it on purpose to hurt him and she is a very very sorry. I'm sure he will come round eventually. Tell him he doesn't have to ride her just come and spend time with her.

I really wouldn't give up yet. You need to give her a chance to settle and get used to everything, if the yard girls are happy to ride for now then maybe let them ride and you and your son just spend time with her and build a bond. Why don't you try walking her out inhand if there's somewhere suitable?? Then no one has to ride her but it will help with building that relationship.

Once she has turnout and is settled in a routine, then maybe make a decision. She will probably be much better once she is out.

Also a good point above about the feed, if she is inside and not doing much work she really shouldn't be needing that much food (if any) and if she's getting too much this may be giving her more energy then she requires.
 
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Hi everyone,

So, after reading all your advice and with all your support, I have decided to keep her and see how we get on. I will have her on working livery for a while so that she is being exercised, but only more experienced riders. That way, it takes a the pressure off and my son can properly bond with her without feeling anxious that he must ride her.
The previous owner came back to me and was quite upset, but did agree to take her back if that's what I wanted.
I'm taking my son up to have a walk around on her in a while. One of the girls asked me to go up and said she would lead him round on her.

So, wish me luck! I'm such a worrier and feel like a total idiot!!:redface4::o :D
 
WanderLust said:
Hi everyone,

So, after reading all your advice and with all your support, I have decided to keep her and see how we get on. I will have her on working livery for a while so that she is being exercised, but only more experienced riders. That way, it takes a the pressure off and my son can properly bond with her without feeling anxious that he must ride her.
The previous owner came back to me and was quite upset, but did agree to take her back if that's what I wanted.
I'm taking my son up to have a walk around on her in a while. One of the girls asked me to go up and said she would lead him round on her.

So, wish me luck! I'm such a worrier and feel like a total idiot!!:redface4::o :D
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Hey there, I don't have kids but I do know how daunting it is buying and bonding with your first horse as an adult (I was 40), and I just wanted to wish you luck. I mentioned in an earlier post about now having my mare's daughter. She is really pushing me in terms of my comfort zone but isn't malicious in the slightest and in fact adores me, but she can be a bit naughty. Scares me to death! I do a lot of deep breaths and take everything in really small steps. Each day I have a little victory - today was her not rearing on being led to her field, even though she started giving me the signs to let her off, I persevered and she stood quietly whilst I let the lead rein go. How about you do things in bite size chunks and each day go home with a positive. You'll soon be having fun on her in no time, I'm sure, and you're doing the right thing having all the support round you. I've had many wobbles with my youngster, but I've heard of such positive stories where people have come through the other side and are so glad they didn't sell. I know I would be completely heartbroken as she's the only thing I've had from birth!! I can also remember when I got my mare and how nervous I was, and now I can't believe I had those issues with my mare! One thing though, if your pony is still in her stable, do get someone to lunge her before your little boy gets on her today. Am sure you have thought of this already!

Very long-winded way of saying perhaps take everything very slowly, and each day come home with a win that you and your son can celebrate! Even if it's just him sitting on her for 2 minutes! :-)
 
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WanderLust said:
Hi everyone,

So, after reading all your advice and with all your support, I have decided to keep her and see how we get on. I will have her on working livery for a while so that she is being exercised, but only more experienced riders. That way, it takes a the pressure off and my son can properly bond with her without feeling anxious that he must ride her.
The previous owner came back to me and was quite upset, but did agree to take her back if that's what I wanted.
I'm taking my son up to have a walk around on her in a while. One of the girls asked me to go up and said she would lead him round on her.

So, wish me luck! I'm such a worrier and feel like a total idiot!!:redface4::o :D
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Ah wonderful, I have a sneaky suspicion that in 6 months you'll be really glad you kept her :) Perhaps sitting down with old owner and just explaining everything, your nerves, the accident and your worries - you never know she might become a good friend - and then she'll understand a bit more as to why to texted/rang/emailed her the other day xx

ETA: where are you OP? Chances are nowhere near me but maybe someone is local and could come and give you a hand/hug/gentle kick up bum as appropriate?
 
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WanderLust said:
Hi everyone,

So, after reading all your advice and with all your support, I have decided to keep her and see how we get on. I will have her on working livery for a while so that she is being exercised, but only more experienced riders. That way, it takes a the pressure off and my son can properly bond with her without feeling anxious that he must ride her.
The previous owner came back to me and was quite upset, but did agree to take her back if that's what I wanted.
I'm taking my son up to have a walk around on her in a while. One of the girls asked me to go up and said she would lead him round on her.

So, wish me luck! I'm such a worrier and feel like a total idiot!!:redface4::o :D
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That's great news :) Worrying is part of it but sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and step back. Horses are animals and will be unpredictable sometimes, even the most bombproof ponies can bad days and be spooked by something. Especially when they are in new surroundings with new people. (I used to ride a bombproof cob, he was absolutely lovely and for months I rode him lead of rides and he never batted an eyelid at anything, would have put anyone on him, then one day we were hacking through the woods and someone had a bright red giant umbrella up and he span around and ran to the back of the ride!! He had a fear of umbrellas but nothing else!)

Keep us updated on how you're getting on and try and forget the incident in the past :)
 
Hi Wanderlust I have read through your post and just wanted to reply and let you know we're in a similar situation to you. I don't ride but my daughter does. She's 13 so a bit older than your son. We have just bought our first pony and have had him 5 weeks but have just come back (last weekend) from a two week holiday and our bombproof sweet pony has turned into the devil. He previously used to buck on transition into canter (something he's always done with his previous owner) so daughter could handle that but first day back from holiday and he bucked her off from a complete standstill, which she wasn't expecting at all. She was ok and just got straight back on him, give him a telling off and he walked round again and done it again. Since that moment, he's been a right **** to put it politely. He wouldn't let her catch him in the field last night after always coming in so nicely and when lunging he just bolts off. She was in tears with me last night and said she doesn't even know if she wants to keep him.

On the ground he's still such a good boy, has really good stable manners and when I catch him he's fine with me so I guess he's picking up on her nerves. I've had word with his previous owner and she was also 13 when she first got him (same age as my daughter) and she's offered to come visit next week to help daughter get through this. She said he was exactly the same with her when she first got him, he's just testing the boundaries and pushing his luck.

I have built up a lovely relationship with him and love him to bits. Daughter did too and I'm hoping she will love him again soon. After he wouldn't let her catch him last night, we had planned for her to ride him but she refused so we just tied him up outside his stable and she groomed him for about an hour and plaited his mane and tail and I think it chilled them both out a bit.

As other people suggested above, try taking the pressure of yourself and your son for riding. Just do lots of groundwork with her, grooming, even just walking around the yard. The day after my boy was being such a **** we just walked him in hand around the school, put a couple of poles down and we kept talking to him and praising him and this seemed to take the pressure off him too. We think he's being lazy and not liking being worked at the moment so it helps.

We've also took him for a small hack in hand which he appears to love. it all helps with building your relationship with her.

I hope this helps from a fellow suffering new pony mum! xxxx
 
Showmum, this is the point where your pony will start testing the boundaries to see what s/he can get away with - they are very much like children :D Just stick to your guns, keep your routine, and let pony know that you mean what you say so s/he may as well knuckle down and behave!
 
Showmum, was the pony ridden while you were on holiday? Could be a bit of pent up energy/not used to being ridden? Could also be testing the boundaries as Mincepie suggested, maybe its routine has been a bit disturbed since you went away and it just needs to settle again?

If you think about it - you've had in 5 weeks but have been on holiday 2 of those weeks so really only 3 weeks with him at the moment :)
 
Showmum said:
Hi Wanderlust I have read through your post and just wanted to reply and let you know we're in a similar situation to you. I don't ride but my daughter does. She's 13 so a bit older than your son. We have just bought our first pony and have had him 5 weeks but have just come back (last weekend) from a two week holiday and our bombproof sweet pony has turned into the devil. He previously used to buck on transition into canter (something he's always done with his previous owner) so daughter could handle that but first day back from holiday and he bucked her off from a complete standstill, which she wasn't expecting at all. She was ok and just got straight back on him, give him a telling off and he walked round again and done it again. Since that moment, he's been a right **** to put it politely. He wouldn't let her catch him in the field last night after always coming in so nicely and when lunging he just bolts off. She was in tears with me last night and said she doesn't even know if she wants to keep him.

On the ground he's still such a good boy, has really good stable manners and when I catch him he's fine with me so I guess he's picking up on her nerves. I've had word with his previous owner and she was also 13 when she first got him (same age as my daughter) and she's offered to come visit next week to help daughter get through this. She said he was exactly the same with her when she first got him, he's just testing the boundaries and pushing his luck.

I have built up a lovely relationship with him and love him to bits. Daughter did too and I'm hoping she will love him again soon. After he wouldn't let her catch him last night, we had planned for her to ride him but she refused so we just tied him up outside his stable and she groomed him for about an hour and plaited his mane and tail and I think it chilled them both out a bit.

As other people suggested above, try taking the pressure of yourself and your son for riding. Just do lots of groundwork with her, grooming, even just walking around the yard. The day after my boy was being such a **** we just walked him in hand around the school, put a couple of poles down and we kept talking to him and praising him and this seemed to take the pressure off him too. We think he's being lazy and not liking being worked at the moment so it helps.

We've also took him for a small hack in hand which he appears to love. it all helps with building your relationship with her.

I hope this helps from a fellow suffering new pony mum! xxxx
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It's hard seeing your children upset isn't it? My folks never watched me ride, which was probably a very good thing!

The more time I spend with the pony the more I am bonding with her. She looks at me with those eyes and I melt. I'm very, very glad I didn't send her back and I'm realising it's better to just relax about it all. Also, now my son knows she's staying and isn't under any pressure to ride he's cheered right up!
 
Woohoo!! So pleased for you, but do be prepared for her to test the boundaries a little bit in the next few weeks, as I said they're like kids trying to see what they can get away with but if you stay consistent you will be fine :) xx
 
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