Boyfriend and horse - help

C

Colline

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Ok so heres the scenario - I'm divorced and live with my boyfriend (in my rented house) who has grown up around horses all his life. I didn't manage to keep my horse after the divorce (or my dog for that matter either). I am desperately missing my horse and want to do something about it and soon the only problem is the bf keeps trying to put me off - I do quite like my life as it is at the moment but I do miss horses terribly. Finances would be extremely tight but I want to work longer hours to enable me to keep a horse - i think thats when it causes a problem as I'm home quite a bit at the mo. (i don't work full time). Help guys what do I do?
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I guess I just need to find the courage to do something about this and soon. I guess I'm just being walked over and need to stand up for what I want. similar scenario to my marriage really - i should of seen this coming!!!!!
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If horses are so important to you and he doesn't want you to have one, is he really the right man for you? I was in the same situation as you - got divorced and then met someone else. Right from the outset he knew I had a horse and that they were a huge part of my life, now 15 years later we have 6 horses and he is ace at mucking out, lorry driving, poo-picking, etc. and loves them just as much as I do. If I were you I would think long and hard about it, if you get a horse you will have to work longer hours to afford it and then spend lots of time with it - can't see your BF being happy about it somehow.
 
I've looked just about everywhere - travelled miles (on my own I might add) to view horses who sounded great and then turned out to be complete disasters. Maybe I should save some more as my budget only stretches as far as about £2,500 at the mo. I'm not looking for a grade a for gods sake just something safe and sensible that I can hack on my own and possibly do a bit of cross country and hunting.
 
Hello!
This may sound old fashioned, but have you tried talking to him about how much you want a horse? If you are then going to get one, it might be a good idea to do a spreadsheet and work out how much it will cost per year (or month) for livery, hay, feed, farriery, insurance, vet and dentist, and so on. Then you'll be in a better position to judge whether to share etc.
Good luck.
S
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I'd buy a horse - and bugger the boyfriend.

But then I won't be at any bodies beck and call.......

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Kinky , sorry i'll get me coat
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I'd buy a horse - and bugger the boyfriend.

But then I won't be at any bodies beck and call.......


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Kinky , sorry i'll get me coat

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PMSL!!
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loan one, or buy one and tell him you 'could always sell it on if it doesn't work' (yeah right!). Basically make him feel that it's not a life sentence. Men are funny and get bizzarely jealous. Above all though, you have to do what will make you happy!
Yay for horses!
 
he should want you to be happy, and he should be supportive. i think it helps a lot if he has a big hobby/passion of his own too (golf, fishing, whatever!)... if he doesn't, maybe he's worried that he won't see as much of you. i'd tell him it's very important to you, explain how much you miss it, see what he says. if you're happy to work more to pay for it, then he isn't going to be required to foot the bills... is that what he's worried about, deep down?
 
Don't let the BF hold you back from doing what you want and being who you want to be. that's not to say you should ignore his feelings, but at the end of the day it's YOUR life and you have to make the most of it and do what makes you happy. If you don't, you'll only end up resenting him anyway, and that may well destroy your relationship.

Perhaps just sit him down, explain that having a horse means a lot to you so you're going to go ahead with it, but that you've thought very carefully about his concerns.
 
The broader picture doesn't seem to be whether you want a horse, more of a potantial relationship issue?

Try and think of all the boyfriend/horse scenerios you can - ie will he leave you when you get a horse, how will that make you feel etc. Be honest with yourself, write it all down if you need to (secretly is best!).

Take your time over this, and make the RIGHT decision for you, and good luck with whatever you chose to do.
 
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I'd buy a horse - and bugger the boyfriend.

But then I won't be at any bodies beck and call.......

[/ QUOTE ]

Kinky , sorry i'll get me coat
wink.gif


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Naughty
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I read all the posts and just wanted to say that... I spent a long time with someone who didn't let me do what I wanted to do and everything revolved around him. When we split up I went back to horses and they got me through all the bad times and misery that then occured trying to pick myself up from years of being with someone who completely sapped my self confidence. I then gave up my very well paid indoors job to be a groom for 3 years (which by the way was the best thing ever to get my confidence back - I had the most fantastic time and also met my lovely present boyfriend) and now I have my own horse and I wouldn't give him up for anything. I have a wonderful boyfriend who is horsey himself but doesn't ride anymore. He knows that for me to be happy I need my horse and to look after him and do little events etc. He always says that he is at the bottom of the list after the horse and the dog (and the hound puppies... and the other puppies...!!) but doesn't mind one bit because I am happy. If you really want a horse then you should get one!! With a horse you have a purpose and a reason to go outside everyday. Surely its better to be active than sit inside moaning that there is nothing to do. Tell him that!! You having a horse would give him more time to do his own thing and you need space for relationships to work.

Finance wise - its a real struggle for me BUT... life is very short and if it makes you happy having a horse then do it.
 
Guildford I'm glad you are having a better time of things, there's hope for me yet!!

I recently broke up with my fiance (obviously now ex-fiance!) and one of the biggest issues in our relationship was that he thought I spent too much time with my horse! I tried to ride when he was out playing sports, but obviously, horses need every day care and attention, like having a child! And that was too much for my ex to cope with. We started our relationship and I didn't have a horse, but did tell him it was something I was going to do. He wasn't keen but said if that's what I wanted, then fine. I don't think he understood the full implications of that!

What I'm rambling on, trying to say is - how important are these things in your life? Can you live without the boyfriend? Or can you live without the horse?! Because in my experience, one of these things will have to go, unless you are incredibly lucky to find a horsey bloke, or one without jeaousy issues...

needless to say, I chose my lovely Henry and he has got me through a really tough few months.
 
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If horses are so important to you and he doesn't want you to have one, is he really the right man for you? I was in the same situation as you - got divorced and then met someone else. Right from the outset he knew I had a horse and that they were a huge part of my life, now 15 years later we have 6 horses and he is ace at mucking out, lorry driving, poo-picking, etc. and loves them just as much as I do. If I were you I would think long and hard about it, if you get a horse you will have to work longer hours to afford it and then spend lots of time with it - can't see your BF being happy about it somehow.

[/ QUOTE ] Ditto - If he cant see how important this is to you then perhaps you should be boyfriend hunting instead! Have a good long hard talk to him, dont allow yourself to be walked over. I have a fab relationship with my partner (of 10 years) , probably because he never sees me!
 
Random, but totally true - I am listening to "Its a kind of magic" by queen and it has just freakem me out a bit Gina that the cat in your sig was dancing in time to it....
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Just go and get one. My now hubby used to moan constantly about my horse, now he's given up. The bf should want you to be happy. Do what YOU are happy and comfortable with. If he doesn't like it - well that's his problem!

Sounds harsh - but you are your own person and you have a RIGHT to be happy and doing what you want with your life!

Go for it - I bet eventually he will be up the yard with you an all!
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Good luck
 
Have you looked on www.thehorseexchange.com i found my loan pony on there and brought a brought another lol also there is a site just for loan horses someone may be able to help with the address (horsesforloan)or something similar its hard to advise the best place cause we don't no where u are but good luck in your search!! (then when u find a nice one your fella wont be able to say no lol)
 
i would explain to him how important it is to have one and how much you miss it.
compare to computers/cars/footy or whatever his thing is.
if he still flatly refuses to suport you i would think whether you are right for each other or not(but i really do LOVE horses lol)
 
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