Breed stereotypes - stolen from New Lounge

CorvusCorax

CorvusCorax

Deary me...
Joined
15 January 2008
Messages
62,193
Location
End of the pier
Visit site
I know we've done stuff like this before but really enjoying a similar post in NL ;p

I'll go first :p

GSD owner -

Wearing tracksuit (Adidas, preferably, in homage to the fatherland), covered in dog hair.

Dog in a brass large link choke chain with which you could secure a barn door, and on the end of a 3m leather line, handmade in Germany, bought from 'a stall at the Sieger' during a bus tour and which cost more than the dog, which is currently giving GSD owner the metaphorical fingers and screaming like Nick the devil because it wants to go bodyslam some other dogs.

In each pocket of trousers is a pile of dog nuts. In each pocket of jacket is a ball on a rope, a spare choke chain and a whistle and some more dog nuts. For emergencies. Spare 3m line looped twice over shoulder. For emergencies
And football boots (studs are in the car in case one might be asked to handle or outside attract, or just to stop getting towed).

Obligatory line of dog snot running up entire left hand side of tracksuit.
This is good, as it means the heelwork is correct.

Subsists on either coffee, alcohol, fags, crisps or a combination of four.
Has an impressive vocabulary of, and mainly only speaks in, swearwords. German swearwords, even better.
Likes to talks about hips, elbows, eyes, 'drives', 'lines', dogs being 'hard and dry' and 'very correct'.

Doesn't get on with 'that lot' from 'the other club'...until they all hit the pub after show/training.

:p your turn!!!!
 
haha thats very good CC! I'm too tired to write anything of any humour tonight. But will be sure to do one tomorrow! :D
 
The husky owner:

Wearing hiking boots, waterproof overtrousers and a fleece covered in white hair. Thinsulate fleece hat optional. Has between two and four sibes (never just one) attached per human waist by a complex array of belts, carabiners and alarmingly pingy bungee lines. All dogs wearing custom-made harnesses and collars in a variety of garish colours and jolly nordic patterns.

Will tell anyone that will listen that they are 'not like other dogs' and compare having their first sibe to having a first child, such is the horror of the experience. Avoids talking with owners of neurotypical dogs about recall, heelwork or agility. Has the words 'he's very friendly' on tip of tongue at all times, yet has developed a commanding boom for clearing tourists out of the way on busy trails.

Spends hours in the specially converted rusty Transit van travelling to bleak areas of forestry in order to spend ten minutes hurtling around a wet track shouting at dogs and being pelted in the face with dog ***** and mud. Eats from butty vans. Doesn't understand why shouting 'HAW!' in public earns them strange looks.

Works from home (can't leave the dogs), never goes on holiday (nobody else can cope with the dogs) and instead has a holiday cottage in Scotland visited only in the months between October and March.

:p
 
The spaniel owner

Attire: wax jacket, covered in pawprints, and wellies, also covered in pawprints. Leg coverings may vary, but will be covered in pawprints. Also wears whistle (normally owns several in a variety of colours) and carrys several slip leads at all times.

Permanently hoarse from yelling to/at their dog to come back. Requires zen-like sense of calm, robust sense of humour, a rhino hide and leather lungs. Often carries a hipflask for medicinal purposes (to dull the shame of whatever their spaniel has just done).

Spends all their time wading into patches of brambles to extricate their dog, that thought there may have been a bird / rabbit / squirrel there twenty years previously.

Occasionally threatens to part-ex spaniel for a nice lab, but would actually never consider any other dog.
 
CC that is so true! I was unfortunate enough to be around when shell suits were de rigeur, a real style statement that probably scarred me for life.:D
 
The HPR owner.
Dressed appropriately at all times in tweed and country boots, whistle round neck and clutching a worn out slip lead in one hand. The slip lead never actually goes near the dog but it is in hand 'just in case' whatever the occasion, its part of the overall look and helps prove that the dog IS a gundog despite not being a lab or springer. Often an odd shaped lump under tweed jacket, this is not a horrific growth, generally a training dummy resides there.
Hair styles vary but bits of twigs and leaf are compulsory accessories. All HPR owners are slightly flushed and rosy looking from so much time spent outside.
Feel free to ask these owners what breed their dog is, they will chirpily respond, the answer is on the tip of their tongues, as is repeating three or four times and breaking the pronunciation down for you. They are aware the next response always required from them is country of origin, what the dog is used for and 'no its not one of those, but that is an HPR breed too'. They will swear under their breath after the conversation as they walk away, dont be alarmed. As a side note, if during the conversation they seem a little preoccupied and there is a break in sentences while they blow the whistle, again dont be alarmed, this is normal, a momentary lapse in concentration for the HPR owner could end in disaster or your hat being retrieved to their hand. As such they must always be alert and have eyes in the back of their head.
 
^^^^lol

Are also constantly having to explain the difference between a thin and a fit dog.

Become withdrawn between the months of March and September :D
 
mollichop said:
^^^^lol

Are also constantly having to explain the difference between a thin and a fit dog.

Become withdrawn between the months of March and September :D
Click to expand...

Also for spaniel owners:D

To add to spaniel owners bit - caution. Asking the spaniel owner if their dog is a 'cocker-poodle thing' may result in violence.

An additional quality expected of all spaniel owners is the ability to say' No, not a sprocker / springer / springador / etc, he's just a big cocker' with a completely straight face.
 
Last edited:
Terrier owners have to deal with removing "stilts" from stupid dogs paws!
190219_10150415036245150_712525149_17654683_5652682_n.jpg


You should have seen what I had to get out of her mouth! :eek: :o
 
We Bully lovers are a varied species ranging from

the tastefully fake baked, shell pink velour tracksuited wag, tucked into her beige ugg's ( and real uggs no imposters allowed thankyou very much ) whilst clutching the latest Mulberry bag, copy of Closer and Delilah's diamante enclustered lead.

to tattooed George down the pub with a lager belly so huge it hides his beloved 'Butch or Spike' whose welded to the bar chair so he doesn't eat the Landlords Cat

to little old moi,

a relatively normal ( on a sunday anyway ) horse owning person with a perchant for only canines who fart, snore, belch, sniff and squish their way through life. Who doesn't love the most socially delinquent dogs on the planet.

Once a bully owner always a bully owner.
 
The pointless x breed owner in this instance the maligator (malinois x malamute). (sorry cc i know he isn't full breed but the nick name fits him sooo well! )

Is fully resigned to walking miles daily and as such is fully kitted out in sturdy walking boots at all times.

Is most likely to suffer from some form of repetitive stress injury either to the elbows or wrists (from the continuous playing ball before,after and during above xxx miles you walk each day)

Will usually be sucking or in some case choking on a sweet of some sort to help alleviate the strain of repeating commands xx amount of times per day.

Has an alarming collection of gadgets/straps/leads/ anti pull devices in the cupboard

Suffers mood swings from elation to frustration and random spates of hair pulling and premature greying depending on the dogs mental state at the time (said dog can go from raving genius to woolly brained cabbage in 0.2 seconds)

Is permanently attached to treats and clicker, has been known to occasionally hand said items to the check out person in the shop instead of the expected money.

Has been known on more than one occasion to check behind her while shopping, to make sure above mentioned dog isn't in it's usual place (ie directly behind her)

Can not be alone at anytime while in the house and is resigned to peeing with an audience because the dog can open the bathroom door. (lol)

Has to check before placing feet on the ground before getting off the sofa/bed to avoiding standing on the dog.

Has a collection of paint for the kitchen to continually repaint over any damaged caused on a weekly basis.

lol i love my dog.
 
Beagle owners:

Attire: running shoes for running after their beagles on a scent - tend to be fitter than some because of this. Winter woolies are a necessity as they WILL walk in all weather. Binoculars for searching aimlessly for the beagle you were at one point walking with. Twigs in the hair from rummaging through the undergrowth and running through the woods to catch the beagle. Work gloves to protect hands from thorns when you have to reach into a thicket to pull beagle out. Finally, protein bars in large pockets for extra running energy.

Accessories: throat drops for treating sore throat from shouting "come" and "no" and "oi, are you listening to me I said NOW!" and "quiet" followed by "I said shut up!" :D Lot of dog treats in very loud bags for rustling to attempt to break through the deafness. A megaphone to use as a final attempt to gain the beagles attention. A compass for finding your way back to the trail you were on before you had to chase your beagle to catch it. Headache pills because you have a headache from all the shouting. Clothes brush to get rid of all the hair that your super-hairy beagle sheds all year round. Hose and towel to wash the beagle off with when it finally returns to you soaking wet and muddy.

Dog accessories: about five kinds of tags so that the beagle gets returned to you. Micro-chip: ditto. A highway code (or "rules of the road" here) so that when the dog attempts to travel home without you it is safe doing so.
 
I am trying desperately to come up with something good for greyhound owners, but am at a loss :D They are just SO well behaved :p:D:D:D:D:D:D

Mind you one point - the greyhound owner will have keen eyesight, a harrassed expression and will be seen constantly scanning the horizon for any sign of cats or other small fluffies :D
 
Well I've been waiting for someone to do a whippet one but seeing as nobody has I'm going to have a go - apologies in advance to anyone I may offend, it is not indended to be insulting :D

Whippet owners sincerely hope they will grow to look like their dogs (sleek, elegant and graceful) but never do given the fact that they have the ability to exercise their dogs to the point of exhaustion simply by standing stationary in a field that may or may not have had a rabbit / hare / deer / dog in it recently. They have the same kind of farsighted gazing-into-the-horizon expression often seen on sailors used to scanning the horizon - in their case not for sight of land but usually for any potential quarry their beloved hound may chase, or five minutes later, for the now-less-than-beloved hound that has b*ggered off after a small furry that didn't get spotted quickly enough. Other walkers often look with puzzled expressions at the lead and treat bag clutched in the hands of an apparently dogless person........

The only essential bit of kit for a whippet owner is a really comfy sofa. This will ensure the lifelong devotion and loyalty of any whippet in the home but if it is too comfy they may be forced to drag the whippet off it for daily walks. Well, I say daily but the whippet owner never has to walk their dog in the rain as the whippet refuses to do more than the essential business before shivering uncontrollably and refusing to move, looking as if they have been severely beaten if anyone else is around to see them and thus inducing huge guilt in the whippet owner.

This has two results: One - the whippet has a better selection of raincoats and a bigger wardrobe in general than their owners (not forgetting the huge collar selection too) and Two - the whippet owner cannot understand owners of "all-weather" dog breeds who seem to actually enjoy trudging miles through rain wind and mud every day with their filthy, matted dogs then spending hours grooming the mud off before starting the process all over again. The whippet owner thinks she may have a dog brush languishing in the dust somewhere in the cupboard behind the hiking boots that haven't seen the light of day in months :D :p
 
Hmm lets have a go at the Terriers!! :D

The terrier person can dress in a variety of ways, usually jeans and dogs hair covered jumper/fleece, but everything will have numerous paw prints just about knee height as that is the most common place for a terrier-ist to run at it's human and use it as a launch pad!!

Has a number of squeeky toys to "try" to keep said terrier's attention, and a number of accidental teeth marks in one's wrist where the squeeky toy worked but the terrier's aim didn't!!

Walks around with a sore throat from shouting "get here now" either for recall or telling off purposes, or walks in silence having given up trying to get the terrier "here now" and just keeps an eye on the twitching hedge where the terrier is looking for the something that made the smelly smell that smells smelly to smell when terrier-ist smells it (:p lol nearly lost myself typing that!!). Drives with the radio on full blast to try in vain to block out over excited terrier yapping and snarling that getting in the car usually causes!

Has a house that looks a little Colditz themed as any hole proves to greater temptation in luring said terrier out! But a safe house as there is always a terrier on guard duty. Sits down with a lovely hot water bottle that doesn't move (unless the doorbell goes).

And the best one: a terrier owner always says "one's enough for anybody" and has at least 2 and normally looking to add more :p


How's that? lol
 
Love the terrier one!

Here's the Setters:

The Setter owner is either 1) properly dressed in tweed, hunters and a rifle with several setters all beautifully under control. Their coats are so beautifully long and they shimmer in the light. Everyone sighs in their presence at their beauty and marvels at their owner's ability to control them with one harsh bark. However, the owner inevitably looks down on the other kind of Setter owner as they seriously let the side down!
2) This type of setter owner is possibly the opposite to number one. Dishevelled and covered in hay and mud, they invariably look either lost or completely resigned as they amble across the countryside. In fact, you probably won't even realise they own a dog as the Setter is nowhere to be seen. It will be several fields away. You may wonder why the owner isn't calling for her dog, but it's simply because she knows that there is no point. The dog will finally appear and although it clearly is a beautiful dog, it's quite hard to see under all the mud - you see, the dog doesn't realise it's a dog, the dog thinks its a hippo!
 
to add to the bullys - in particular staffies..

Like the whippets, staff owners will have a very large wardrobe for their dogs. Failure to rug properly will result in a violent shivering, tail between back legs and attempt to rehome. And thats just the owners

All sofas completely covered by a variety of fleeces and dog blankets
Beds similiarly covered.
Same sofas also pushed back from window to stop the goosestep staffie house patrol.
Bed also moved in bedroom and away from main window after being goose stepped on in the guard patrol late at night
Again, paint for retouching around the front door
instructions on how to rewire the master BT socket which keeps being knocked into when dogs are being enthusiastic in telling you someone is at the door
Inability to use the "sleep" button on the remote, since being joined in the night by cold staffies... who sat on the remote. (that aged me a LOT)
Final one - all friends/liveries at yards become experts on getting in and out of their car with OUT! letting in the staffs who are sooo pleased to see them!
 
The malamute owner

(see husky owner)

The malamute owner can often be found in waterproofs and walking boots wearing the obligatory AMWA and AMCUK clothing
Dogs will be multiple as owners will suffer badly from breed addiction
Dogs will be walked in bright coloured collar and leads with matching backpacks whilst trecking miles across country to gain pack dog titles whatever the weather
The sun will no longer be looked at as something of pleasure and malamute owners will be found doing various versions of the snowdance
The forest will become a malamute owners second home where they can be found at the crack of dawn most mornings throughout the year
Siberian Owners will be known to own Half dogs or Halfers

A malamute owners motto will be "if it aint a malamute it aint a real dog"
 
Brownmare said:
Well I've been waiting for someone to do a whippet one but seeing as nobody has I'm going to have a go - apologies in advance to anyone I may offend, it is not indended to be insulting :D

Whippet owners sincerely hope they will grow to look like their dogs (sleek, elegant and graceful) but never do given the fact that they have the ability to exercise their dogs to the point of exhaustion simply by standing stationary in a field that may or may not have had a rabbit / hare / deer / dog in it recently. They have the same kind of farsighted gazing-into-the-horizon expression often seen on sailors used to scanning the horizon - in their case not for sight of land but usually for any potential quarry their beloved hound may chase, or five minutes later, for the now-less-than-beloved hound that has b*ggered off after a small furry that didn't get spotted quickly enough. Other walkers often look with puzzled expressions at the lead and treat bag clutched in the hands of an apparently dogless person........

The only essential bit of kit for a whippet owner is a really comfy sofa. This will ensure the lifelong devotion and loyalty of any whippet in the home but if it is too comfy they may be forced to drag the whippet off it for daily walks. Well, I say daily but the whippet owner never has to walk their dog in the rain as the whippet refuses to do more than the essential business before shivering uncontrollably and refusing to move, looking as if they have been severely beaten if anyone else is around to see them and thus inducing huge guilt in the whippet owner.

This has two results: One - the whippet has a better selection of raincoats and a bigger wardrobe in general than their owners (not forgetting the huge collar selection too) and Two - the whippet owner cannot understand owners of "all-weather" dog breeds who seem to actually enjoy trudging miles through rain wind and mud every day with their filthy, matted dogs then spending hours grooming the mud off before starting the process all over again. The whippet owner thinks she may have a dog brush languishing in the dust somewhere in the cupboard behind the hiking boots that haven't seen the light of day in months :D :p
Click to expand...


Thankyou for doing that, very good!
 
Thank you Brownmare, totally spot on! I've always thought that I could improve recall just by dragging a sofa out into the field. And I genuinely had forgotton that I bought a brush when he was 8 weeks old, still like new!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top