Breed stereotypes - stolen from New Lounge

Pix said:
*passes over a tin of red bull and readjusts your camo face paint*

There's some pretty cute pups around these days.... Shadowboy has a fluffy... Front hedge? :D
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A step ahead of you Pix...I'm cunningly disguised as a wooden fence :p I do like your hedge outfit though, much improved! Red Bull is much appreciated...Puppy nappers are often forgot about at this time of year, maybe I should start an appeal? :confused: :D
 
numptynoelle said:
A step ahead of you Pix...I'm cunningly disguised as a wooden fence :p I do like your hedge outfit though, much improved! Red Bull is much appreciated...Puppy nappers are often forgot about at this time of year, maybe I should start an appeal? :confused: :D
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I wondered why you were stocking up on Ronseal!

An appeal is a good idea. As little as £1 will buy soup to warm a puppy napper on a long cold night. Give £3 and they can buy themselves a blanket....
 
welshcobnewbie said:
The pointless x breed owner in this instance the maligator (malinois x malamute). (sorry cc i know he isn't full breed but the nick name fits him sooo well! )

Is fully resigned to walking miles daily and as such is fully kitted out in sturdy walking boots at all times.

Is most likely to suffer from some form of repetitive stress injury either to the elbows or wrists (from the continuous playing ball before,after and during above xxx miles you walk each day)

Will usually be sucking or in some case choking on a sweet of some sort to help alleviate the strain of repeating commands xx amount of times per day.

Has an alarming collection of gadgets/straps/leads/ anti pull devices in the cupboard

Suffers mood swings from elation to frustration and random spates of hair pulling and premature greying depending on the dogs mental state at the time (said dog can go from raving genius to woolly brained cabbage in 0.2 seconds)

Is permanently attached to treats and clicker, has been known to occasionally hand said items to the check out person in the shop instead of the expected money.

Has been known on more than one occasion to check behind her while shopping, to make sure above mentioned dog isn't in it's usual place (ie directly behind her)

Can not be alone at anytime while in the house and is resigned to peeing with an audience because the dog can open the bathroom door. (lol)

Has to check before placing feet on the ground before getting off the sofa/bed to avoiding standing on the dog.

Has a collection of paint for the kitchen to continually repaint over any damaged caused on a weekly basis.

lol i love my dog.
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this decribes me and my dog to a T, but he is a groenendael x husky
 
Vizslak said:
The HPR owner.
Dressed appropriately at all times in tweed and country boots, whistle round neck and clutching a worn out slip lead in one hand. The slip lead never actually goes near the dog but it is in hand 'just in case' whatever the occasion, its part of the overall look and helps prove that the dog IS a gundog despite not being a lab or springer. Often an odd shaped lump under tweed jacket, this is not a horrific growth, generally a training dummy resides there.
Hair styles vary but bits of twigs and leaf are compulsory accessories. All HPR owners are slightly flushed and rosy looking from so much time spent outside.
Feel free to ask these owners what breed their dog is, they will chirpily respond, the answer is on the tip of their tongues, as is repeating three or four times and breaking the pronunciation down for you. They are aware the next response always required from them is country of origin, what the dog is used for and 'no its not one of those, but that is an HPR breed too'. They will swear under their breath after the conversation as they walk away, dont be alarmed. As a side note, if during the conversation they seem a little preoccupied and there is a break in sentences while they blow the whistle, again dont be alarmed, this is normal, a momentary lapse in concentration for the HPR owner could end in disaster or your hat being retrieved to their hand. As such they must always be alert and have eyes in the back of their head.
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LOL, being the owner of Weimaraners, really get this one :D
 
twisteddiamond i do believe both dogs look very similar i posted pics of him when i got him, im sure the forum is due more .

CC i have now started a wig fund, i think im going to need it! ;)
 
Being the owner of a German Shepherd and a Golden Retriever, I'm not sure what stereotype I should follow but I'm pretty sure I should be showing signs of nervous breakdowns, have lost my voice from constant "get back here you little ****" etc and guarding ALL my food with my life! :p:p:p
K x
 
I don't fit the proper GSD owner stereotype that CC posted :( So here is a stereotype (based on n=1) of the first time GSD owner once their pup hits the teenage stage:

The owner of the adolescent GSD has been lulled into a false sense of security by a well socialised, obedient puppy who fully believes said owner is completely responsible for making the sun come up in the morning.

There may have been a shaky spot at around 5-7 months whereby everyone and everything was to be barked at, but the new GSD owner managed (by possibly supernatural means) to work through the glitch and has spent the last few months enjoying their lovely new dog.

Dog in question will wait until the owner is totally lulled into a false sense of security until said dog is convinced that they are indeed now the size of a Clydesdale, and thus utterly terrifying to the local population. The dog will then, at random, and usually whilst walking off-lead, decide "I am now a teenager, as of this very minute. ****** you, I'm never doing recall again. And that woman that walked past me without stopping to fuss me? I'm going to bark and attempt to grab at clothing, just like I did when I was 8 weeks old; small, fluffy, and generally forgivable!"

Due to enormity of dog, and complete and utter disintegration of general manners, the First Time Owner of the Teenage German Shepherd is usually well equipped. They have treats. They have clickers. They have a minimum of two balls on a rope. There may also be a bag with a Kong in it for 'settling down' exercises. They can often be spotted near busy areas and parks, attempting to reinforce those early lessons whilst hoping to any available god that hard work and time will pay off in the end.

First Time Owner of the Teenage German Shepherd may appear completely circular in shape due to amount of toys/treats/leads of various length stuffed in jacket pockets. Conversations with any other human that speaks the same language will almost always turn to proofing, focus training, re-directing play drives and other such things that others are simply not interested in.

When seen on a walk facial expression fluctuates between intense concentration and devastating mortification. Cognitive abilities are generally completely focused on preventing the mortification, and thus in many cases unable to process irrelevant things such as friends walking by and saying hello. Prone to making bizarre requests of strangers such as 'could you stand there for 10 mins-ish? The dog has to re-learn to calm down before he's allowed to say hello'.

FTOotTGS (try that one after a glass or two of wine!) will usually have dark bags under their eyes. They are not unwell. They are up all night worrying about the dog's latest bad habit and Googling in the vain hopes of the ultimate answer.

Should you live with or be friends with such an owner do not be alarmed by their new-found interest in physics and time travel in particular. A deep rooted desire to 'skip' the next 18 months of their life is completely normal.
 
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Pix - that is brilliant :D but I think you could apply it to owners of teenage dogs in general - i can certainly see some of me & Dash in there :rolleyes:
 
Cyrus said:
The malamute owner

(see husky owner)

The malamute owner can often be found in waterproofs and walking boots wearing the obligatory AMWA and AMCUK clothing
Dogs will be multiple as owners will suffer badly from breed addiction
Dogs will be walked in bright coloured collar and leads with matching backpacks whilst trecking miles across country to gain pack dog titles whatever the weather
The sun will no longer be looked at as something of pleasure and malamute owners will be found doing various versions of the snowdance
The forest will become a malamute owners second home where they can be found at the crack of dawn most mornings throughout the year
Siberian Owners will be known to own Half dogs or Halfers

A malamute owners motto will be "if it aint a malamute it aint a real dog"
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LOL just saw this - how true - between horse and dog, Im never out of the damn forest lol :D
 
echodomino said:
Hmm lets have a go at the Terriers!! :D

The terrier person can dress in a variety of ways, usually jeans and dogs hair covered jumper/fleece, but everything will have numerous paw prints just about knee height as that is the most common place for a terrier-ist to run at it's human and use it as a launch pad!!

Has a number of squeeky toys to "try" to keep said terrier's attention, and a number of accidental teeth marks in one's wrist where the squeeky toy worked but the terrier's aim didn't!!

Walks around with a sore throat from shouting "get here now" either for recall or telling off purposes, or walks in silence having given up trying to get the terrier "here now" and just keeps an eye on the twitching hedge where the terrier is looking for the something that made the smelly smell that smells smelly to smell when terrier-ist smells it (:p lol nearly lost myself typing that!!). Drives with the radio on full blast to try in vain to block out over excited terrier yapping and snarling that getting in the car usually causes!

Has a house that looks a little Colditz themed as any hole proves to greater temptation in luring said terrier out! But a safe house as there is always a terrier on guard duty. Sits down with a lovely hot water bottle that doesn't move (unless the doorbell goes).

And the best one: a terrier owner always says "one's enough for anybody" and has at least 2 and normally looking to add more :p


How's that? lol
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:eek: That IS me! :D
 
The working sheepdog.
The lead may well be a piece of bailer string, which may either be on the floor of the pick up, or in a pocket somewhere, or even permanently attached to the dogs neck, because the bloody thing will bite anyone, shepherd included, who tries to remove it.

The dog itself, and depending on the time of year, may have the remnants of last years coat still attached, because as the piece of bailer string, no one's been brave enough to remove it. He may well have a face which is scarred, from fights with other dogs or pitch battles with awkward ewes, or a combination of both. He views his scars as medals.

The shepherd is little better, and is hardly a picture of sartorial elegance, and probably carries as many battle scars as his companion. Trousers and coat are probably of DPM, and rarely see a washing machine. The dried and encrusted afterbirth from lambing ewes will either get washed off in the rain, or by the annual visit to the washing machine.

When dressed in this fashion, and in a public place, passing dogs seem to find him fascinating. The owners often seem to think that he must be a genius with dogs. Not so. They just think that he smells nice.

Generally there will be a whistle, hanging around his neck, and one which the dog only actually listens to at the end of the day, and when he's knackered. Those with scant regard for their stomachs may not bother with a whistle, but prefer to stick their fingers in their mouths, and whistle in that fashion. Unwashed fingers, which have been used for lambing, can taste a little bitter, so I'm told, when they are used as a whistle, as can sandwiches which the shepherd may share with the above dog, at lunchtime. It can't do that much harm, because generally most dogs and shepherds make it through to old age.

The serious trialers are a different matter altogether, and are considered to be rather precious!

Alec.
 
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Alec Swan said:
The working sheepdog.
The lead may well be a piece of bailer string, which may either be on the floor of the pick up, or in a pocket somewhere, or even permanently attached to the dogs neck, because the bloody thing will bite anyone, shepherd included, who tries to remove it.

The dog itself, and depending on the time of year, may have the remnants of last years coat still attached, because as the piece of bailer string, no one's been brave enough to remove it. He may well have a face which is scarred, from fights with other dogs or pitch battles with awkward ewes, or a combination of both. He views his scars as medals.

The shepherd is little better, and is hardly a picture of sartorial elegance, and probably carries as many battle scars as his companion. Trousers and coat are probably of DPM, and rarely see a washing machine. The dried and encrusted afterbirth from lambing ewes will either get washed off in the rain, or by the annual visit to the washing machine.

When dressed in this fashion, and in a public place, passing dogs seem to find him fascinating. The owners often seem to think that he must be a genius with dogs. Not so. They just think that he smells nice.

Generally there will be a whistle, hanging around his neck, and one which the dog only actually listens to at the end of the day, and when he's knackered. Those with scant regard for their stomachs may not bother with a whistle, but prefer to stick their fingers in their mouths, and whistle in that fashion. Unwashed fingers, which have been used for lambing, can taste a little bitter, so I'm told, when they are used as a whistle, as can sandwiches which the shepherd may share with the above dog, at lunchtime. It can't do that much harm, because generally most dogs and shepherds make it through to old age.

The serious trialers are a different matter altogether, and are considered to be rather precious!

Alec.
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This is oh so true of my OH,but you forgot the stinking feet--
 
Alec you forgot the paring knife that the shepherd uses to cut out foot root which is then wiped on trousers before cutting into the cheese he has for his lunch.:D
 
What about the RESCUE dog one?

The new owners were bumbling along in their nice little life, with a nice little clean and tidy house and decided it was time, used to spend weekend afternoons relaxing in the pub- all this is now a thing of the past.

Can now be found walking (well trying to) said rescue dog in the latest, anti pull, bite, lunge gear, (dog looks alot like an advert for S&M) stinking of the latest must have treat, wearing jeans smeared with said treat (where they have been in the pocket and then been through the wash)....... whilst doing random training that the latest behaviourist/trainer has advised (well trying to)- and long sleeved tops to cover up the teeth bruising from said 30kg 2 year old "puppy", and long trousers to cover up claw makrs from humping!!

Emotions range from "take the sodding thing back" to tears of joy (when said dog actually listens) to tears of "we cant send it back that mean, but can we cope". From "be nice to it, its a rescue" to "shoot it for all I care, to "right then tough love it is".

The pub is no longer a relaxing place as dog only has attention span for one pint and then owner is always on edge scouring landscape for another dog, funny looking man, screaming kid, and constantly has a handful of treats which eventually end up in said pint.

The clean tidy house is now covered in hair, bits of tennis ball fluff, paw prints, and any other item of furniture/clothing said dog has decided to destroy. Aswell as being covered in all the dogs "stuff" beds, bowls, kongs, balls, chew toys- noone can visit for fear of what said dog will do, so the couple become recluse.... but hey they have a dog!
 
I know I know....... he'll have to do something SERIOUSLY bad for me to even consider sending him back.... big daft ginger lump.

Should have just bought a Lab pub LOL
 
Have to add another greyhound one im afraid .. :rolleyes:

Owner is normally found covering face in corner because said dog has farted .. again :p
Or on walks .. wishing their greyhound actually used his natural instinct for chasing small furries after a small jack russell has jumped on their dog for the 100th time :D
 
The Chi hua hua (the only way I can remember how to spell the name) owner is either an elderly lady who uses the dog (?) as a replacement for her now grown up children and/or far away living grandchildren and company since her husband of 45 years ran away with her best friend.
Failing the elderly older owner Chihuahuas are owned by famously rich footballers wives, film stars or pop idols. This is so that they (the owners) can be seen as compassionate and when not on a photo shoot they can stuff it in a handbag.
The third type of owner are the gay couple. This again is to satisfy their maternal nature.
In all cases the dog will have a wardrobe of its own and clothes will be of the latest fashion. This will include sets of bootees which will never touch the ground as the dog is always carried.
This breed is always named something like Sugar, Petal, Flower, Sweetie Pie or Twinkle all get called Diddums at one time or another.
In reality they should be called Tiger, Fang, Diablo or Tyson because the one idea in a Chihuahua's head is that, because they are always carried, they are bigger than any other breed and it is their job to savage anyone who goes near their owner, who truly believes that Petal was really being friendly as their 'baby' is so good all the time.
 
Foxhunter49 said:
The Chi hua hua (the only way I can remember how to spell the name) owner is either an elderly lady who uses the dog (?) as a replacement for her now grown up children and/or far away living grandchildren and company since her husband of 45 years ran away with her best friend.
Failing the elderly older owner Chihuahuas are owned by famously rich footballers wives, film stars or pop idols. This is so that they (the owners) can be seen as compassionate and when not on a photo shoot they can stuff it in a handbag.
The third type of owner are the gay couple. This again is to satisfy their maternal nature.
In all cases the dog will have a wardrobe of its own and clothes will be of the latest fashion. This will include sets of bootees which will never touch the ground as the dog is always carried.
This breed is always named something like Sugar, Petal, Flower, Sweetie Pie or Twinkle all get called Diddums at one time or another.
In reality they should be called Tiger, Fang, Diablo or Tyson because the one idea in a Chihuahua's head is that, because they are always carried, they are bigger than any other breed and it is their job to savage anyone who goes near their owner, who truly believes that Petal was really being friendly as their 'baby' is so good all the time.
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This is sooooooooooo true- there is a guy (6ft 2) at our training club with one. His Mrs has been banned from handling the dog, as just like you say she scoops it up, whilst it is going for yet another dogs throat- all 4" of him!! :D
 
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