Brief Lesson Report - Nerves gaaah!

[SaddlePsych'D]

Back from holiday and to RS for lesson today. Arrived feeling frazzled which didn't set things off to the best start; I had tried to get into a calm mindset in the car on the way over. New pony; really cute but when I heard the words 'pocket rocket' my heart sank a bit. She was actually good as gold in the lesson, I just didn't enjoy riding her. We've agreed a horse for me to request for next lesson. I really, really miss building up a bit of a relationship and trust with a horse over a number of lessons.

My instructor is great because I feel I can say things like 'can we walk and trot only today?' and it's not a problem. We push beyond my comfort zone every time so I feel I have progressed by the end of the lesson while keeping it manageable. Except today it didn't. We are agreed that I struggle to ride forwards. I know this means needing to kind of just do it to get used to higher gears in trot instead of pootling all the time, transitions that say 'yes!' instead of 'maybe, oh god maybe not, oh alright then!' and cantering again (although this has in part been to do with my feeling of a less balanced horse the past few lessons, the one before that the horse had a huge stride which made me feel like I was teleporting around the school but was actually very chilled when I watched it back on video).

So we looked at pushing on a trot as much as possible on long sides then balancing up for short sides. I quite like doing this exercise and have done it successfully in the past, except then we did just end up going really quickly (it felt that way anyway, trying to bring myself to watch the video back) round the short sides, which I then had to work very hard to undo the fear response and use my seat instead of my hands, and release the tension creeping in which obviously doesn't give off 'let's slow down' vibes for the horse. It was crap riding but I made myself count out loud to get the rhythm back, and we did get it back but that didn't stop 'the fear' sticking with me and I just got even more backwards thinking and ended feeling pretty pathetic.

I get so frustrated with myself and embarrassed when I am like this. I have never had a serious fall riding. If I had it would be so much easier to explain and people to understand why I get so anxious sometimes. I am not entirely sure it's fear of falling off; my brain never gets that far - it's the rushing/out of control feeling, like the horse is going to tank off. My instructor wants to help me through this and asked what might be helpful at times like this and I wish I knew!

Gaaaah! Apologies for the pity party. Hopefully next lesson will be better.

ETA - just watched the video back for the part of most intense anxiety in the lesson. WTAF is all I can say. A barely perceptible increase in speed. I look fine (initially, until I really did tense up), no wonder others might struggle to see what I am anxious about!

 

[splashgirl45]

Can you go for a quiet hack with company so you have something else to look at rather than just concentrating on how nervous you feel. It’s quite normal if you haven’t ridden for a while, maybe do lots of slow breathing while you are riding, and ask Yourself what you would tell the rider you are seeing on your videos…and do what you are telling that rider…. sounds Like it’s your mind that needs re setting so you can enjoy the ride. Good luck

 

[Wishfilly]

If you've never ridden a forwards horse, then I do think it is really different! A lot of people find it unnerving at first. It feels out of control, even though the horse/pony is just moving at a speed natural to them.

If she had a pony type stride, the legs moving quickly can make you feel like you are going faster than you are, too!

I think if you're just riding as a hobby, it's totally fine to say you don't like a certain type of horse though! I much prefer forward going, because I'm lazy, especially hacking I'd rather have something off the leg that I don't need to nag every step!

 

[Peglo]

Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s not easy switching horses every week. Especially if you’ve gone from bigger movements to quick buzzy strides. You’ve learned that a pony like this isn’t your thing so that’s good if you get your own.

I watched a video back of me riding cross country. I had pulled Tali out of the next jump as she felt wild and fast and being new to jumping I didn’t want her having to deal with jumps coming at her quick. I also didn’t want to deal with it. On the video she looked like she was going lovely, not fast, not galloping off. After watching it I was a bit annoyed I didn’t take her to the next jump but then when I thought about it I didn’t feel comfortable to when I was riding so of course I shouldn’t. But next time I will be able to reassess if she’s fast or forward so it was good to have the video. But I probably would still pull out. We’re too new to it.
ETA and I know Tali inside out. Don’t feel bad about the video.

your instructor sounds great and hopefully you can have a few lessons with one horse for a bit. It is nice getting to know a horse. Are you looking for a share did I read?

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

Can you go for a quiet hack with company so you have something else to look at rather than just concentrating on how nervous you feel. It’s quite normal if you haven’t ridden for a while, maybe do lots of slow breathing while you are riding, and ask Yourself what you would tell the rider you are seeing on your videos…and do what you are telling that rider…. sounds Like it’s your mind that needs re setting so you can enjoy the ride. Good luck

Definitely the mind getting in the way. I like the idea of giving myself feedback from the videos to take back next lesson. For some reason yesterday I just let it really get to me, so there's the nerves and then there's all the extra crap on top. Unhelpful!

I think if you're just riding as a hobby, it's totally fine to say you don't like a certain type of horse though!

I try to be positive that you can learn from riding different horses, which is true, but I think I have ridden the same horse in two of about 8 lessons now. There's been two I think I really haven't enjoyed riding. It would be nice if we can stick to just a few I can get to know as in the past I got to know RS horse and feel I could be much more 'yes let's do it!'

your instructor sounds great and hopefully you can have a few lessons with one horse for a bit. It is nice getting to know a horse. Are you looking for a share did I read?

I have been looking for a share, started a trial with one although there are a few niggly things about it I'm unsure about. Initially I felt positive about it but having talked through with instructor yesterday these are possible red flags.

 

[Peglo]

That’s a shame that the share doesn’t seem quite right. Hopefully something will come up soon.

 

[DiNozzo]

I try to be positive that you can learn from riding different horses, which is true, but I think I have ridden the same horse in two of about 8 lessons now. There's been two I think I really haven't enjoyed riding. It would be nice if we can stick to just a few I can get to know as in the past I got to know RS horse and feel I could be much more 'yes let's do it!'

I think you'd be better off going the other way tbh. I'd suggest having as many lessons as you can, as close together as possible (one or more a day), on as many different horses as they have suitable for you. Ideally with the same instructor.

 

[Wishfilly]

I try to be positive that you can learn from riding different horses, which is true, but I think I have ridden the same horse in two of about 8 lessons now. There's been two I think I really haven't enjoyed riding. It would be nice if we can stick to just a few I can get to know as in the past I got to know RS horse and feel I could be much more 'yes let's do it!'

Some riding schools do unfortunately have a bit of a "thing" about not letting you ride the same horse too often or get attached to the same horse. But if it's not a huge place, and you speak to them and explain you much prefer to ride the same horse for at least a few lessons in a row, they may be accommodating. Explain you're happy to ride something different if the horse is lame etc, but you feel you'd get more out of your lessons if you're able to ride the same horse at least a few times.

I think the vast majority of riding schools would be happy with that!

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

I think you'd be better off going the other way tbh. I'd suggest having as many lessons as you can, as close together as possible (one or more a day), on as many different horses as they have suitable for you. Ideally with the same instructor.

At £50 a go that's probably not do-able for me but I do see the advantage of this. I'm just doing once a fortnight at the moment so increasing to weekly is something I could do which would probably help quite a bit, money just got tight and I was holding some back in case I found a share.

My instructor asked me to request another of the horses I have previously ridden for the next lesson so hopefully this can be accommodated.

 

[Cob Life]

You and your instructor sound very like me and mine!
I’m a very anxious rider (sometimes, I get scared riding the school master but love riding the newly backed 4 year old!) and we always say I ride with the hand break on. I’ve been able to canter since I was a kid but it took 5 months for my instructor to get me cantering last year!

If possible I’d look for a share horse that hacks out well in company. I’ve been hacking hunters out for a neighbour and it’s made such a difference to my confidence that when we went bouncing and jogging down the road because they wanted to join the hounds I didn’t panic, i just turned her sideways and we carried on jogging and bouncing sideways. A few months ago I probably would have got off and refused to get back on. (I even considered jumping a fallen branch!)

Nerves when riding are so variable, some days I get on and immediately want to get off, others I feel unstoppable.

 

[sportsmansB]

If you are not confident trotting around a school I'm not sure you are ready for a share in case things don't go exactly to plan - you don't want to ruin your confidence completely. A share horse, even a quiet well behaved one, could be less forgiving than a lesson horse.
I'd echo trying to have more lessons, maybe initially on one horse but knowing that you do really need to try different ones.

Instead of holding back money for a share consider saving up for a riding holiday- it is a wonderful way to really remember why we face our fears and ride. You can get one with a lesson each morning and a hack in the afternoon for example, which is a great way to improve quickly while having fun. PM if you want some recommendations

 

[j1ffy]

I was also thinking that a riding holiday would help - there's nothing better than doing lots in a short space of time, and you can build your confidence and skills over a few days

Riding once a fortnight is tough as you're not getting into a rhythm of riding, but I agree that a share is riskier for your confidence. Could you hold off on a share and have weekly lessons for the next few months? I'm a nervous jumper but can get a lot braver if I do it regularly, but if I go back to sporadic jumping my nerves come flooding back.

 

[Skib]

Cantering in a school with corners, especially a small indoor school is far harder than cantering on a hack. I learned to canter out hacking and probably not until I had beern riding for a couple of years.

 

[smolmaus]

This might be a slightly left field suggestion but a group lesson environment might help? Less pressure, maybe cheap enough you could afford once a week instead of once a fortnight, and I find having other people at a similar level riding with you puts both successes and failures into perspective.

You might progress skill-wise more slowly than focused private lessons but also you can't really learn efficiently if you're anxious all the time anyway and I find a group lesson just a more relaxed environment. Apologies if you've already tried groups and they don't work for you, it just sounds like riding skill isn't the issue, it's all brain-problem and some company and camaraderie might be helpful.

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

If you are not confident trotting around a school I'm not sure you are ready for a share in case things don't go exactly to plan - you don't want to ruin your confidence completely. A share horse, even a quiet well behaved one, could be less forgiving than a lesson horse.
I'd echo trying to have more lessons, maybe initially on one horse but knowing that you do really need to try different ones.

Instead of holding back money for a share consider saving up for a riding holiday- it is a wonderful way to really remember why we face our fears and ride. You can get one with a lesson each morning and a hack in the afternoon for example, which is a great way to improve quickly while having fun. PM if you want some recommendations

I realise the tone of my post given I was incredibly down on myself and probably catastrophising when I wrote it but having had some space from it, I don't think having a wobbly moment in a lesson, then beating myself up about it afterwards translates to 'not confident trotting around a school'. I have had shares previously, one which helped my confidence until it really didn't so I ended it because I could not be the rider I needed to be. The second was the dream; I had one wobble of confidence with her which I worked through with the support of the owner and others at the yard acknowledging it happens to many people. Building the relationship with that horse was key, and a privilege of sharing/ownership I don't get with RS lessons. I would never have given up the last share if I hadn't moved away and it is kind of heartbreaking that it's so hard to find anything like what I had with that share.

I'm not sure if I will be able to manage the holiday for a while but I think the RS do camp for adults so perhaps I could do that next year. There's also a (slightly rough and ready but well thought of) trekking centre I've been to fairly locally where the canter parts were good practice in facing the fear and rolling with it for the fun!

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

You and your instructor sound very like me and mine!
I’m a very anxious rider (sometimes, I get scared riding the school master but love riding the newly backed 4 year old!) and we always say I ride with the hand break on. I’ve been able to canter since I was a kid but it took 5 months for my instructor to get me cantering last year!

If possible I’d look for a share horse that hacks out well in company. I’ve been hacking hunters out for a neighbour and it’s made such a difference to my confidence that when we went bouncing and jogging down the road because they wanted to join the hounds I didn’t panic, i just turned her sideways and we carried on jogging and bouncing sideways. A few months ago I probably would have got off and refused to get back on. (I even considered jumping a fallen branch!)

Nerves when riding are so variable, some days I get on and immediately want to get off, others I feel unstoppable.

The canter thing for me has just been on a couple of horses; interestingly one on a slightly wibbly wobbly/unbalanced young horse that I actually really enjoy riding and the other was this very small 'pocket rocket'. Mostly it's been fine otherwise. It's also needing to feel like I can say 'no canter today please' and that be okay. Can definitely relate to the variability thing! We've been out of my comfort zone but just on the right side of it for most lessons; a couple of lessons ago I was cantering and jumping on a horse I hadn't ridden before (and wasn't particularly enjoying riding), no expectation of doing that at the start of the lesson but I came out over the moon about having done it! The one before that I got my first taste of medium trot and a canter that felt like teleporting from one end of the school to the other - scary but loved it! It was just this last lesson it just went that bit too far out of the comfort zone, plus some stuff I think actually had nothing to do with riding got on top of me, and I shut down.

I was also thinking that a riding holiday would help - there's nothing better than doing lots in a short space of time, and you can build your confidence and skills over a few days

Riding once a fortnight is tough as you're not getting into a rhythm of riding, but I agree that a share is riskier for your confidence. Could you hold off on a share and have weekly lessons for the next few months? I'm a nervous jumper but can get a lot braver if I do it regularly, but if I go back to sporadic jumping my nerves come flooding back.

I am going to try for weekly lessons I think. The share I am currently trialling I am not sure about and to be honest I'm not feeling hopeful about finding anything, it's getting depressing even looking now.

This might be a slightly left field suggestion but a group lesson environment might help? Less pressure, maybe cheap enough you could afford once a week instead of once a fortnight, and I find having other people at a similar level riding with you puts both successes and failures into perspective.

You might progress skill-wise more slowly than focused private lessons but also you can't really learn efficiently if you're anxious all the time anyway and I find a group lesson just a more relaxed environment. Apologies if you've already tried groups and they don't work for you, it just sounds like riding skill isn't the issue, it's all brain-problem and some company and camaraderie might be helpful.

I could ask about groups. I have enjoyed them in the past although my last experience of this I found so stressful it really put me off (this was at another RS though and in a mixed ability group. I would cope with moving around open order in walk and trot but as soon as there were people heading at and around me in canter I shut down.