Can’t seem to get my mojo back

[Jingleballs]

I’ve owned my horse for over 8 years – we’ve had so much fun over the years and I’ve done a lot with him but since starting a family I have really struggled to motivate myself.

It’s not that I don’t have time – I can get to the yard 3 or 4 times a week if I want, I just struggle with the motivation.

I seems to come and go – I’ll go through a phase when I find it relatively enjoyable and then other times it’s a chore – not the day to day care of him (I pay someone to do that) but the actual riding.

I don’t enjoy schooling as much as I used to – I used to compete so I always had a goal but don’t have the transport (or motivation) to do that anymore so I find it harder to motivate or focus myself to school. We have decent hacking but I don’t enjoy it as much as I used to – when I first got my horse I was a nervous hacker and over the years I got over it but I’m not sure if it’s because I’m not riding as much now or because having kids makes you slightly more cautious but I feel more on edge than I did before and again it can feel like a chore hacking him out – it’s something I have to do to try and keep his weight down, keep him in some level of work and let him get out and about rather than something I do because I enjoy it - although sometimes I do enjoy it.

I’d much rather spend more time with my child or do things with the dog (I’d love to do some cani cross again or some training) but I just don’t have time to do it all.

I did consider loaning him out and got loads of interest (he’s a pretty bomb proof cob) but bottled it because all the potential loaners were so far away and there was also that risk that he could be returned to me at short notice in a hell of a state (I have plenty of friends with horror stories).

I’ve tried getting a sharer but no one suitable could be found. I have even written his for sale add but couldn’t go through with it – not because I couldn’t bear to part with him but the thought of him having an uncertain future terrified me – what if I sold him on to someone who worked him into the ground or passed him on again and he spend the rest of his life being passed about/mistreated – he’s such a good horse that he doesn’t’ deserve that! If I could guarantee him a good home I’d be more inclined to sell – but you have no say once you’ve handed over ownership do you?

I know that I’ll no doubt starting enjoying it again – but for how long? My daughter is 18 months now and this about the 3rd or 4th time I’ve considered packing it in – do I just need to bite the bullet and do it?

 

[Yardbird]

Horse riding is something you can enjoy through much of your life, and maybe for you now,you should do the other things that you want to do. You can come back to riding when you want to. maybe with your child. No need to assume that your horse will go to a bad home, and you can take your time over selling to get the best possible home.Or maybe you just need a friend to ride with , to make it more fun.

 

[Chiffy]

Personally, I don't think it's anything to do with having a baby except perhaps preferring the baby's company to the horse.
Both myself and now my daughter couldn't wait to get back to riding after childbirth and neither of us lost our nerve.
Riding is for enjoyment, you shouldn't have to force yourself. If you now have different interests, pursue them.
But do think what is best for your horse too. Does he really want to do nothing? Man up about finding him a new home or rider. There are many precautions you can take to ensure he is well cared for. Good luck.

 

[dixie]

I think when you read your post back to yourself you will realise that you need to sell him and move on with your life. Having horses is meant to be enjoyable and life enhancing not a chore. There are plenty of lovely homes out there and of course you can't control his ultimate destiny but you can be as careful as you can in finding him a new home. Loaning shouldn't be totally ruled out either or maybe loan with view to buy. Yes, some to go pearshaped but there are plenty that don't. If you are in a position to take him back should it go wrong maybe reconsider this option again to ease your way out of it & make sure you thoroughly vet the new home. Good luck in whatever you decide.

 

[Jingleballs]

Thanks both for your replies.

Yardbird - I do have friends at the yard and regularly hack out with my friend so I don't think that's a factor.

Chiffy - I disagree with you, I think that for some people, having a child does change your priorities and how you want to spend your time - I certainly think it has for me but I have other friend who haven't lost their enthusiasm for riding. I don't think it's the direct driver but now that I'm more time poor I'm reassesing how I want to spend that time - if that makes sense?

You're right though about manning up and considering a new how (although he would geniunely be perfectly happy doing absolutely nothing and living out the rest of his life as a lawn mower). I think the guilt makes it difficult - he's an amazing horse, owes me nothing, has looked after me brilliantly taking me from a total novice to competing in so many disciplines - I feel a bit like I'm betraying him if I sell him but at the same time I don't feel like I have any real bond with him. If I compare it to a couple of years ago I was rushing up to the yard after work to see him, he was at the forefront of my mind most of the time whereas now he's a bit of an afterthough (although he is still getting all of his needs met).

 

[OWLIE185]

No point keeping your horse if you don't enjoy owning a horse anymore.
I am sure that there will be loads of people that would like a nice looking bombproof cob to plod about on.
Some horses go to nice long term homes it is just a matter of researching the new owner and home.
Good luck with your decision.

 

[dixie]

How old is he? It would seem that maybe he is a teenager now? You say he's happy being rested so if you have the means to keep him and really cant face up to selling, just keep him, maybe find a part time sharer to hack him a bit. As you say he owes you nothing, its not like he's in the field wishing he could go out and about.
I know this is opposite to what I said above but I know where you are coming from with the guilt of selling him. I think if I were in your shoes my decision would be partly based on his age and what's best for him. There are also retirement livery homes, is that a consideration?

 

[Chiffy]

Jingleballs, I love your expression 'time poor', my daughter is certainly that! She has two children now of 5 and 3, she looks after 3 horses, a pony, helps on the farm and does the wages and accounts. She never stopped riding for a moment. She realises she couldn't do it without my help but luckily it's my passion too. She even managed to find a 'horsey' OH!
It's manic when we go eventing with two horses and the children and I am the only groom/nanny! Last weekend just she and I went with one horse and no children, bliss.
Promise we love the children, she does loads of things with them . That's why she is 'time poor' but it's her choice and the children are steeped in riding and horses too. It will be interesting to see if they remain keen.

 

[Jingleballs]

Dixie he's about 13/14 now - still perfectly fit & sound - never really had any lameness or issues in all the time I've had him but I see your point about age. Looking at some adverts online from people looking for a horse 12 seems to be the maximum age many people are looking for which seems a bit crazy given I ride out with sound, fit horses who are well into their 20's!

 

[Yardbird]

No, people ARE looking for older horses, you just can't find them, especially cobs. Think of older riders that want to carry on.