Can I have a reality check/dog people thoughts please!

VictoriaSponge

VictoriaSponge

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I’ll preface this by saying that I’m not really a dog person. I didn’t grow up with them and never had one until I gave into years of begging from my three boys and we got two labs. Now I absolutely adored these dogs; they were apart of our family for 14 years and I can’t imagine the boys growing up without them. We were all absolutely devastated when they died, but I never had any intention of getting another, especially once the boys started to move out.

OH absolutely is a dog person, and they seem to gravitate towards him. He’s had a tough year health wise and we’ve had some troubles with our house move. He’s decided that to cheer us up, we should get a dog. The time is right as I’ve just retired, we should still (touch wood) be on our feet in say 15 years time, and we have a very empty feeling house.

We’re in a good position in terms of having our own land and I have to be around to look after the horses anyway. However, OH does still work away a lot and it would be myself that would be the primary carer. In many ways, I would like the company, and I know it’s something that would make OH incredibly happy. He’s completely right in his reasoning. But, I just don’t want a dog. They just aren’t my thing, and I have no true justification for that:

I don’t want my house to smell like dog (it smells like horse anyway there would be little difference).

I don’t want to be committed to staying at home (I already am because of the horses).

I don’t want the emotional stress (but I agree it’s worth it for the love).

Am I just being miserable? Do I accept that if we did get one I’d love it and couldn’t imagine life without?

Thoughts welcome!
 
It's always difficult when partners want different things, and there's no right or wrong answer.

For me, life without a dog would be empty. And after our little Doo passes we will get another. How soon is difficult to say. But the difference is we both agree on that.

But fundamentally, if your husband is away a lot then now is not the right time, given your feelings on the matter.
 
Well I'm probably the wrong person to ask because I can't imagine life without a dog, I was brought up with them and have had them in multiples ever since I was 12, mostly Labs The few weeks spent waiting for the Rottweilers to be old enough to leave their mum was purgatory as we had had the last Lab pts just prior.
We are back to Labs now. If I were you I would get 2, so that if you want to go out, within reason, they can be left together, they will occupy each other, so that you don't have to spend hours playing with them, as you would with just one. Just think how pleased your OH will be. Go on, you know you want to, really!
 
Probably not the right place to ask!
I would say I really don’t like cats. I’m not ambivalent, I actively dislike them. I would never have a cat in my house.
But… I grow to like individual cats I get to know. I had some ferals dumped on the farm BITD and kept two, at different times. They were never house cats but I looked after them and stroked the tamer one and liked them as ‘people’.
Your house doesn’t need to smell of dogs, although it requires management. I would say why does your wish not to have one top trump your husbands wish? I get you’ll be looking after it while he’s away.
I love dogs. Get six 🤣🤣🤣
 
HopOnTrot said:
Yeah, sorry. You're wrong. A house without a dog is just wrong.

But, in your case, look at rehoming an older dog, cut out the puppy years and go for something a bit more trained. Look at getting a breed that doesn't need lab levels of simulation?
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Or get a gun dog that’s stepping down.
 
HopOnTrot said:
Where would one look for one of those? If for instance they had a husband who wanted a spaniel, but didn't have time to commit to spaniel levels of initial training. Asking for a friend (who loves terriers).
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Go on gundog groups on fb and put a shout out I should think. I hear about them word of mouth. People down here running teams of 20 dogs often rehome.
 
Now I grew up with dogs and think they re great but I vetoed getting one whilst my OH and I worked full time and I agree with your list of cons Victoria sponge but I gave in when my OH was given some bad medical news. I love our dog but whilst I can keep horse chaos out of my home I can’t keep dog chaos out of it. All my cushions and fleecy blankets have been chewed, I’m forever wiping flecks of dog pee from doors and walls. No spontaneous nights away or long days visiting places…if I’m honest I wish I hadn’t given in but the dogs here now and I never give back word on a commitment. And he s stood on the back of my chair licking my ears as I type….
 
Now I love dogs but 3 years dog free after we lost our last one was actually very nice ( except the extra time spent visiting OHs family), spontaneous nights away / mini breaks, no endless cleaning up of dog fur, lie ins etc. When he totally out of the blue sent a picture of a malamute in rescue to me I initially said no as I knew no matter what he said she would become my responsibility, I gave in and whilst I love her I do miss not being constantly tired from 5am dog walks, recent birthday day out taking said dog round cotswolds wildlife park does not compare with the surprise week away to Croatia last year and the constantly worrying if we are doing good enough by her is exhausting. As I said I love dogs and still feel this way, if you don't want a dog don't get one x
 
If you were open to the idea it sounds like you'd make a great foster home for rescue. Then you might decided you want or don't want one. I wouldn't get a dog if you're not 100 percent in, it wouldn't be fair on you though I'm sure you'd treat the dog so well they wouldn't know. Btw my dog doesn't smell for the record, dunno if it's because she's short haired but i do appreciate it!
 
HHO is not the right place to ask whether to get the next animal!!!

All your reasons for not wanting a dog are personal and valid.

For me, smell is not an issue (i don't have a properly functioning sense of smell).
If your dog is a sociable, calm type that is crate trained and trained to be left alone for reasonable amounts of time, having one shouldn't really really mean you are committed to staying at home. My two come with me on holidays and to friends' houses. They are happy to sleep in their crates in the car as long as they get plenty of exercise (slightly more complicated now I've got three). I also don't find they really stop nights out (not that I go out a lot). I would expect an adult dog to manage for 8 hours inside overnight, so I let them out say 8pm before going out and then again whenever I get back in. If it's a last minute thing, well I just pop home to let them out anyway.

The emotional stress is the hard part, and no way of knowing in advance how much they will put you through the wringer, but it's generally worth it.

Is your reluctance to have a dog just that you are comfortable with your life at the moment, by any chance, and you simply don't want to rock the boat?

If you do decide to get a dog, perhaps go for an adult rehome or an ex-breeder that is calmer and already knows about life. You could decide on dog allowed rooms and no dog rooms to keep the smell down in some areas of your house. Above all, if you do go for a dog, choose one you like!
 
You're entitled to your opinion and both of you need to be onboard before you get a new dog. If you're thinking of a puppy, they're hard work (easy to forget when you've been used to an older dog) and as the primary caregiver you're right to take the commitment seriously. I wouldn't get a dog with the view you'll come to love it, the dog deserves to be loved from day 1.

Having said that, my dog/s are my entire world. I'd be miserable without them in my life and I do find people who don't like dogs very strange! What's not to love about them(?)

As for your reason;

Smell-you don't even notice it, it becomes your houses smell.

Commitment-a great excuse to get out of doing things, I don't want to do. I love being at home.

Emotional stress- we only worry because of how much we love them. They destress far more than they stress!
 
An older dog would possibly be easier to manage and a retiring gun dog could be a good option. Check why it’s being retired though, they’re usually obedient and get along with other dogs. A rescue might be an option but if you’re not sure things could go wrong if the initial assessment wasn’t done properly. If you were happy with the labs why not look at a Labrador rescue or consider fostering for one? Don’t expect to be able to automatically keep a foster dog unless it’s agreed in advance that this might be an option. Lots of people foster older / middle aged dogs as it leaves them dog free time when the dog moves to its permanent home. You would most likely have to manage spays and neutering though. Good luck whatever you decide.
 
I met up with the rich branch of the family a couple of weeks ago. Aunt, 94, is on her 2nd retired/didn't make the grade gundog. 1st was a lab, this one is a spaniel. A bit nervous, but she loves it.

Will say a farmer's daughter, married a farmer, never been without a dog I think. Although uncle (mum's brother) was hugely intolerant so I expect she is fairly indoctrinated into clean and unsmelly dogs 😊
scats said:
I do dogs teeth as part of my job. If a dog has evidence of gum disease or their teeth are too far gone for my ability, I refer on to a vet.

However, I regularly get panicked new customers on the phone telling me that their vet has said their dogs teeth are in desperate need of being done under anaesthetic and have been quoted usually around £600-800 but they can’t afford it/don’t want to put their dog through it.
I always agree to see these dogs to give my opinion. In far more cases than you would believe, the build up on these dogs teeth are minimal. I’m talking very mild, initial staining on pearly white healthy teeth that I’m fairly sure the owner could get on top of by doing a couple of brushing sessions. One case recently, a young dog had the most beautiful mouth with about 1mm of tartar by the gum on its canines. They had been quoted £550 under anaesthetic. I did it in less than 5 minutes with a brush and my finger nail.

Some vets ARE taking the pee out of people, whether people believe it or not.
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daffy44 said:
Well, to be fair, horses dont care what size we are, unless we try to ride them. Looking after them and doing things from the ground we can be any size at all.
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blackcob said:
Found today, thin and dehydrated but safe. Very lucky dog considering the recent temperatures.
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VictoriaSponge said:
I’ll preface this by saying that I’m not really a dog person. I didn’t grow up with them and never had one until I gave into years of begging from my three boys and we got two labs. Now I absolutely adored these dogs; they were apart of our family for 14 years and I can’t imagine the boys growing up without them. We were all absolutely devastated when they died, but I never had any intention of getting another, especially once the boys started to move out.

OH absolutely is a dog person, and they seem to gravitate towards him. He’s had a tough year health wise and we’ve had some troubles with our house move. He’s decided that to cheer us up, we should get a dog. The time is right as I’ve just retired, we should still (touch wood) be on our feet in say 15 years time, and we have a very empty feeling house.

We’re in a good position in terms of having our own land and I have to be around to look after the horses anyway. However, OH does still work away a lot and it would be myself that would be the primary carer. In many ways, I would like the company, and I know it’s something that would make OH incredibly happy. He’s completely right in his reasoning. But, I just don’t want a dog. They just aren’t my thing, and I have no true justification for that:

I don’t want my house to smell like dog (it smells like horse anyway there would be little difference).

I don’t want to be committed to staying at home (I already am because of the horses).

I don’t want the emotional stress (but I agree it’s worth it for the love).

Am I just being miserable? Do I accept that if we did get one I’d love it and couldn’t imagine life without?

Thoughts welcome!
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Your reservations are valid but FWIW, I think that you sound like a fantastic home for an adult rescue - horsey (they make amazing rescue homes usually because they understand that animals are just that rather than toys/accessories), adult only home (unless you child mind preschool grandchildren 5 days a week? In which case, being tied to the house is the least of your worries :)), experienced AND your own land...ideal.

The smell, well as you said, you have horses at home but a good diet as well as regular brushing and a shortish coat does really minimise the doggy smell. The emotional stress I can't deny but the upside of that is the companionship and something that always thinks that you are the very best person in their world - priceless!
 
Get a whippet. There is light mizzle here today, he has been asleep or relaxing on the sofa for all but about 15 minutes of the day, when he nipped into the garden for a wee and a poop. Doesn’t smell. Barely sheds. Fires up the enthusiasm when needed (we have two days of agility training starting tomorrow, we will have zoomies).
 
Clodagh said:
I love dogs. Get six 🤣🤣🤣
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🤣

You’re in the wrong place if you want valid reasons not to get a dog! I dislike the thought of having to look after mine if my OH is working but I think that’s a hangover from having a very dog aggressive dog some years ago. He was extremely difficult to manage but these two are a piece of cake, possibly too friendly. My house doesn’t smell although a relatively new rug on the tiled lounge floor does but it stops Mitch (clumsiest dog ever) slipping. When I had the horse on straw, my boots probably outsmelled the dogs by a factor of about eleventy billion.

Is your OH fixed on breed? That might swing it for you? I agree, something older and established might be better than a rambunctious puppy. I’d be bored stiff without the dogs when my OH isn’t here, shift work means I haven’t seen him since Sunday and I regularly have pretty much the whole weekend alone. As yours works away, would it be a good or bad thing to have a dog?

A colleague of my OH is retiring his GSD soon, but I think you need to be pretty brave to take on an ex-police dog. He’s getting a spaniel (must be mad 😂).
 
I do not know whether you should get a dog or not but, in your shoes, if I agreed to a having dog to make my husband happy I would try and get a calm, laid back, adult, short haired dog so that the demands on you are minimal. A dog who can be left, does not need a lot of exercise and has no problems or training issues. I spent years fostering rescues and they mostly needed a lot of training and psychological rehabbing and even toilet training. I was happy with all that but I am a dog person, I love training and I fully understand this kind of commitment is not for everybody. You need to find a dog who will fit in with your lifestyle. A rescue dog may well fit the bill providing it has been in a foster home where it will have had time to show its full personality and you can then get an accurate report on what daily life with it would be like ( do NOT let your husband chose the dog, he would most likely fall in love with a wildly unsuitable one. You need a head over heart decision here!)
 
Thanks for all the ideas and the sounding board, you’ve all echoed my thoughts really! I definitely am leaning towards the pro-dog camp now, I just wish I had that innate love for them like I do for the horses.

Clodagh said:
I would say why does your wish not to have one top trump your husbands wish?
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I think this is what may sway me in the end. It really would make him so happy, but he’s a dreamer and I’m much more a realist!

Amymay Again said:
But fundamentally, if your husband is away a lot then now is not the right time, given your feelings on the matter.
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That’s my most valid reason, however we would definitely be interested in adopting a rescue, and a big part of my husband’s reasoning for doing it now is that the older we get the harder it is to rehome from a charity. We have friends who have been turned down because of this, even though they would otherwise make perfect homes.

Cinnamontoast said:
Is your OH fixed on breed? That might swing it for you? I agree, something older and established might be better than a rambunctious puppy. I’d be bored stiff without the dogs when my OH isn’t here, shift work means I haven’t seen him since Sunday and I regularly have pretty much the whole weekend alone. As yours works away, would it be a good or bad thing to have a dog?
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Not set on breed, however he does have dreams of long walks and pub lunches with a dog curled up by the fire. Honestly, I think I would like the company, as long as he/she could be left at home alone for a reasonable amount of time.

ArklePig said:
If you were open to the idea it sounds like you'd make a great foster home for rescue. Then you might decided you want or don't want one. I wouldn't get a dog if you're not 100 percent in, it wouldn't be fair on you though I'm sure you'd treat the dog so well they wouldn't know. Btw my dog doesn't smell for the record, dunno if it's because she's short haired but i do appreciate it!
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This is a fabulous idea thank you, will see what OH thinks about it to test the waters.

Titchy Pony said:
Is your reluctance to have a dog just that you are comfortable with your life at the moment, by any chance, and you simply don't want to rock the boat?
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Not exactly, I think a lifetime in healthcare has made me eternally cautious and plan for the worse! When I bought the big horse, it was with the idea that should anything happen he would be sellable for the next ten years. Obviously that would be an absolute last resort but a dog is different.
 
My dad wasn't 100% sold on getting a dog when mum was empty nesting and especially not a little one ( he wasn't sold on the dog before that either but said dog arrived whilst he was at sea and his paws were firmly under the table 😂 there's maybe a pattern) he very much adores the westie though and admits a small dog was sensible. Dig is also very portable he goes on holidays and isn't an intense sort of dog so has fitted well into their life over the past 10 years.

That said I don't have a dog for many of the reasons you have suggested I have a cat and a pony and with the pony being on livery I can still travel and have company in the house. Plus my cat does go for evening walks. Have you considered a cat? 😜
 
Cloball said:
My dad wasn't 100% sold on getting a dog when mum was empty nesting and especially not a little one ( he wasn't sold on the dog before that either but said dog arrived whilst he was at sea and his paws were firmly under the table 😂 there's maybe a pattern) he very much adores the westie though and admits a small dog was sensible. Dig is also very portable he goes on holidays and isn't an intense sort of dog so has fitted well into their life over the past 10 years.

That said I don't have a dog for many of the reasons you have suggested I have a cat and a pony and with the pony being on livery I can still travel and have company in the house. Plus my cat does go for evening walks. Have you considered a cat? 😜
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Your post reminded me, there are 2 different men round here who I've met each walking a Staffie. They both said 'I didn't want a dog, it was my wife's idea' and they.are both now completely besotted with their dog.
 
Clodagh said:
Many (most?) rescues tend to separation anxiety. Not all but I wouldn’t want to deal with it.. and I doubt you would either. Good luck whatever.
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The brown Lab that we took on at 5 months has separation anxiety, even though we have 2 older dogs to keep her company, a relatively mild case but still. She doesn't like her people to go out without her, even singly and does like to follow us round the house.
 
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