Can someone give my advert a quick opinion please

B

browbrow

Well-Known Member
Joined
26 April 2007
Messages
673
Location
West Yorkshire
Visit site
Finally have to give in and sell my mate - I just cannot afford to keep her anymore and due to me working in the banking industry - redundancy may be just around the corner - so shes up for sale - Ill make sure she goes to a good home so im in no rush to sell her - could I have thoughts on the advert? Thanks


13.3 tricoloured mare, 6yrs old. Fab little pony, currently owned by small adult. Exellent allrounder, been to local shows and sponsored rides and behaved well. Hacks out in company or alone - great in traffic, good in the school and jumps clear up to 2ft 6 easily, exellent pony to catch from the field - infact prefers to be stabled and she can be turned out only a few times a week and still be the same chilled out pony to ride. She is currently lightly used in the riding school where she is stabled where viewers can see her in a lesson. Very good stable manners never kicked or bitten, no rearing, bucking or napping. Great with loading, farrier dentist and vet. Great with kids and dogs - take her out galloping alongside my greyhound and never puts a foot wrong. She is also broken to drive but I dont drive her. Great middle/heavy weight with nice conformation and good bone. A happy pony with a real lust for life - everybodys friend. She can be exuberant to lead to and from the paddock (rarely) but I pop her in a chifney which sorts the issue and she walks along with no problems. All vaccines up to date ansd teeth done. I would love to see Poppy go to a family home where she will be loved and well used, she would probably prefer to go to a small yard as the yard she used to be on had over 100 horses and she hated it - she is now kept on a small yard with individual turnout and is very happy (25 horses). No vices. Doesnt suffer from any illness or injuries, never seen the vet. Extensive wardrobe to be included in price which includes saddle, bridle, rugs and other bits. Good trail facilities - This is a sad sale of a much loved pony due to a relationship breakup. I am happy for Poppy to be tried as many times as people want and she is open to vet. I would consider a loan to local people and for her to stay on an approved local yard. Price £2750 ovno
 
Personally, although it gives a lot of detail, I think its too long. I don't think you need to explain each point in detail in the ad. Personally I would give the details to prospective buyers when they contact you.

I think she sounds a lovely mare and I hope you find the right home for her. Good luck
 
Too long...makes you sound too desperate to sell...read thru and take out bits which don't really give reader new info...
If you had to sum her up in six words or phrases they would be???
Easy to do/pleasure to own
sunny temperament
willing
100% sound and vicefree
Experienced home (chifney cases aren't for everyone....!)
etc etc
 
Too long for me also. I am the same though, i write novels about them
blush.gif
I did switch off until the chifney alarmed me
shocked.gif
Sounds like a nice laid back horse until you come to that. The chifney thing would start alarm bells with me. Does it realy need a chifney? That bit would put me off looking.
Good luck
grin.gif
 
13.3 tricoloured mare, 6yrs old. Fab little pony, currently owned by small adult. Exellent allrounder, been to local shows. Hacks out in company or alone - great in traffic, good in the school, clears 2ft 6 easily.
Good to catch, shoe, box,dentist and with the vet. She currently lives in, but is happy to live out.. She is lightly used in the riding school where viewers can see her in a lesson. good stable manners never kicks or bites, rears or bucks. Great with kids and dogs. She is also broken to drive. Great middle/heavy weight with nice conformation and good bone. A happy pony with a real lust for life - everybodys friend. All vaccines up to date ansd teeth done. I would love to see Poppy go to a family home where she will be loved. No vices. Doesnt suffer from any illness or injuries. Extensive wardrobe to be included in price which includes saddle, bridle, rugs and other bits. Good trail facilities - This is a sad sale of a much loved pony due to a relationship breakup and she is open to vet. I would consider a loan to local people and for her to stay on an approved local yard. Price £2750 ovno

i had a jig around with it (very bored!)
taken some stuff out out - still could be shorter.
you can tell them about the fluffy bits when they call - etc the greyhound galloping!!
i would also mention the chifney bit in the phone call - if they dont like it they can always put the phone down.
 
She sounds like a complete angel until you get to the Chiffney bit and then I would have thought that very few families would consider her because it sounds as though she would be dangerous for a child to lead.

Could you not lead her in something like a dually or a be nice instead after a bit of groundwork training? I know what awkward leaders can be like, Daisy was very difficult when we first got her and tbh Iwouldn't go there again because it can be dangerous for you and the horse if it becomes a battle
 
nope the chifney stays in - ive tried everything with her and the chifney completley eradicates the problem - she is happy in one and plods alongside you with it in. I do tons of ground work with her and shes great in all aspects apart from very rarely coming in from the field so maybe I can just tell them when they see her and ofcourse I would show them what shes like etc.

Thanks for the comments - I suppose its very wordy

I dont care if the chifney bit put people off - as I want her to go to a home where it wont be an issue and will wait six months to find her a home that can cope with her.

Thanks :-)
 
Sorry but lost the will to live about a third of the way down -faaaaaaaaaaaaar too long . Try and get it down to 6 bullet points.

I wouldnt put about the chifney in the ad, you can mention that at a later point.
 
well thanks for that - I dont think I sound desperate to sell at all - im happy for someone to try her as many times as they like and have put that but - thanks -ill shorten the ad.
 

13.3 tricoloured mare, 6yrs old, currently owned by small adult and lightly used in a riding school.
Exellent allrounder. Hacks out in company or alone, good in the school and jumps 2ft 6 easily.
Very good stable manners never kicked or bitten, no rearing, bucking or napping, but can be exuberant to lead occasionally. Great with loading, traffic, farrier, dentist and vet. She is also broken to drive but I dont drive her. No vices. Extensive wardrobe included. A happy pony with a real lust for life - everybodys friend! I would consider a loan to local people and for her to stay on an approved local yard. Price £2750 ovno

Here is my go at shortening it.
 
thanks - I like that - as I do want people to see she can be daft to lead - it really is only once every month or so and shes not strong she just jogs up and down on the spot and skips about but I think that it needs to be told! x
 
[ QUOTE ]
thanks - I like that - as I do want people to see she can be daft to lead - it really is only once every month or so and shes not strong she just jogs up and down on the spot and skips about but I think that it needs to be told! x

[/ QUOTE ]
Of course people should be told, but i think it would be better when it can be explained. Further down in a reply you made it sound better
grin.gif
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top