Can someone phone horse line for me?

[Hovis_and_SidsMum]

Morning all its Hovis here. Once again I have sneaked on here whilst my mother is at some place called "work" as I'm after a favour from you lovely people. Can one of you please report my mum to horse line?
Its not that she's being strictly cruel to me but she is ruining all my fun at the moment.
First of all last week shes changed the thing you put in my mouth to one I can't lean on. Now I had no problem with this leaning business - it was much easier than keeping my own head up. Does she have any idea how much a head my size weighs ?
THEN she went to some place called Burghley on saturday and has come back with loads of fun spoiling gadgets. First some sort of net thing to stop me wedging my head under my stable chain. i like that game. Judging from the way when I do it lots of people join in the fun unwedging me i think they like it too.
Then shes got me some poncy fleece thing. I think it makes me look camp but she tells me it was free so i have to be grateful. Apparently if you signed up to some thing called dog and donkey you got one for nothing. I shall be trashing it the first chance i get although she says i look handsome in it. If I do why did the fit mare across the gangway snigger at me?
Then to cap it all of she's come back with some smelly spray stuff that she can put on me to remove my stable stains without the need for a bath. WTF? I LIKE having a bath. Its warm and I get her more wet than me. Plus sometimes i get to go in with the girls and its like something out of wet and wild!! Hubba hubba.
I spend ages getting my white knees mucky to show the others how hard and manly i am and she's going to have me smelling like a fairy and so white aircraft will mistake me for a landing light. Does she not get it at all?
Someone save me from this woman.

Oh and PS how do i get her banned from these show things so she can't buy anymore "good" ideas?

 

[chickeninabun]

PMSL! Really brightened my morning! Thanks Hovis. P.S. Can we see some pictures of you in the gallery, as I don't think I've ever seen your hansome face!! Thanks, Your adoring fan, Chickeninabun x

 

[The Original Kao]

PMSL Hovis
we do need to see some photographic evidence. especially of said poncy rug

 

[devilinajar]

Thanks Hovis that has really brightened up my day, and yes we def need to see photo evidence of this fleece thing!!!

 

[libby3011]

Hilarious!!!

 

[Theresa_F]

Dear Hovis

Bring out the clyde in you, it is there if you seek it - when you are 17 hands and a full clyde, all you do is to walk through these things, as I did recently - one ping and you are out. I understand from little squirty mate who I now live with that the old master Clyde used to sit on them. Only problem is you end up in the yard on your backside with people laughing at you. The chains are excellent at getting your head under and removing your mane when having a good itch so get it back as soon as possible by destroying the web thing.

Squirty too has a new mouth thing - apparently the short bossy thing says it is a hanging cheek barrel and helps her inadequate riding to get him rounding nicely. He is pretending it does and will soon have her lulled into a false sense of security ready for the next dressage test when he'll have her.

Fleeces - no match for a good hard clydie rub against the wall - soon turn them into piles of rags.

If you fancy a strawberry roan full clyde, come and see me big boy - I am four and full of hormones - short bossy one says I am a nice mare but a slapper and Squirty paniced when he mounted me to play and I squirted and backed up at him and won't try it again

Miss Farra
x

 

[Hovis_and_SidsMum]

Miss Fara. You sound like my kind of girl but my mum doesn't let me play with slappers. Shes says that they're uncouth and that I haven't got the equipment for it anyway.
Besides which I probably smell more girly than you now. Its SO not fair.

 

[The Original Kao]

PMSL

i think we need more Hovis and Farra diarys on here

 

[Theresa_F]

Dearest Hovis

I am very well bred, I have a full clydesdale pedigree and am registered with the society and I am friendly rather than uncouth. I did try being nice to the welshie gelding but he ignored me too.

Why can't I find a nice big boy to play with? Shorty said she will breed one foal from me later as I am a rare breed, but I have to do some work first

Don't worry about your lack of bits, I don't.

I did smell very girly, had a bath and pamper a week ago, but a few days in the field with all this lovely rain and mud and I am now a true hairy mud beast with green knees and hocks. I also now copy Stinky and lie down and rub my belly - very satisfying - plus Shorty screams at the sight of two bellies caked solid with clay.

She also mumbles about picking out huge feet again. I have dainty 19cm wide ones - she really is a moaner.

Hope you get back to normal soon.

Your loving Farra
xx

 

[Hovis_and_SidsMum]

In that case I am the uncouth one as I am clydesdale crossed with something. On a good day mum says I am obviously crossed with something handsome and talented,on a bad day she says the milk cart horse obviously banged my mother. Not sure what that entails but it sounds like fun.....

 

[gggirl]

LOL!!

Oh please write more ..!!

 

[Angua2]

brilliant

 

[Shilasdair]

Y'alright Hovis 'n' Farra?
I is Shil's three year old chav pony. Gettin' dirty is no good, dat makes da bling look dull. I likes bling. I likes pink. I is shiny silver pony and don't like da mud. I is always clean.
Shils says I is an 'embarassment' to her, but she don't know wot she sayin.
I did try to hotwire a JCB once, fab innit?
THEY stopped me. They is no fun

Luv Chavpony x x x

 

[jen1]

I know I know I keep asking for photos!! Hovis must think I am stalking him, just from his mums descriptions he sounds like my horses twin!!

Come on Hovis, get her sorted out with a camera or a camera phone and someone to show her how to get the pics on here, or get her to email me some, in fact you are such a clever horse bet you could do it yourself!!!