Can someone talk me out of this please .... before my OH kills me!!

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Ladylina83

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Ok so background info

I have a mare and her yearling son , he was weaned successfully with only minor heart ache and turned away with an other youngster for 6 months. I am on a (very cheap £70pcm) livery yard and we get our own separate grazing. SO mine have gone back in together about 4 weeks ago and up until last week all was fine but he is now really suffering from anxiety when I bring her in first/to work/to rest off the grass. - I have been trying to think of a solution to this ( I would like him to be a well rounded type as I bred him for keeps) if any one can offer any other advise or solutions to this that would be fab !

My solution (obviously ) get another horse ! 3 being better than 2 and all that !!

I have seen

forsale.jpg


This lovely mare is for sale through no fault of her own, she has had the same home since she was a youngster and is now for sale due to lack of time/finances.
She was broken as a three year old mostly hacked, done fun rides ect.
Since then she has bred two foals, she is now ready to be put in foal again or be brought back into work will be a nice easy project for someone who has the time to give her which i don’t.
She has a lovely laid back temperament and is easy to do in everyway.
she happily lives in or out real good doer.
Nice stocky conformation clean legs no health issues or vices.
Offers around £850

Any comments appreciated ! !

I am going to see her tomorrow after work will put a deposit on subject to vet if I like her with the plan of bringing her on over winter / spring and selling on to find her a good ridden home. The only problem is we are supposed to be saving up for a house and just moved in with the in-laws to help with this!! I will still have plenty of expendable income after paying for her each month and it will solve my anxious lad problem

please discuss...

thanks and stolen biscuits from the meeting room buffet !!!

ETS she is also called Lady !! my other mare being called Lina .... is it fate ??
 
Hahahaha he might not be impressed :D

Your case is very persuasive and she looks like a good sort. Will you actually be able to make yourself sell her on though?
 
Did I ever tell you that owing to the recession I have had to take a second job, that second job is as the devil that sits on your shoulder and tells you to "doooo it!"
 
Good plan:D:D
Seriously though you will find your yearling more settled with two others and he will never need to be alone.
I think £850 is rather steep in the current market for the mare I would think £500 you need to work out your costs over the winter and if she comes back into work well you should be able to cover all costs and have a little profit towards the house,but there is no guarantee this will happen.
Other option would another livery share your field? No cost to you but problem with youngster solved.
 
Suziq77 said:
Will you actually be able to make yourself sell her on though?
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This is a VERY good question - I took my mare on when I was young and stupid and I should have sold her really when she was a bit younger ! Sometimes now I can't be bothered to ride her because of the drama although I brought her back into work over the summer and she is going well, we can't hack out alone! I love her though and she is V good from the ground I have had her 9 years. If this one turned out to be sane and hackable it may be hard to say good bye

skint1 said:
Did I ever tell you that owing to the recession I have had to take a second job, that second job is as the devil that sits on your shoulder and tells you to "doooo it!"
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Lol you are not helping at all !! :-) She's a nice type isn't she

amymay said:
Bring your yearling in - when the mare comes in. Or get a small companion pony would be my suggestion.
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Amy - up until now the problem did not exist if I was to bring him in first although recently he has stopped wanting to come away from the field first and bouncing on my head going up and lashing out with his front feet I have been very firm with him but I feel the problem is escalating - I am going to have to pay just the same to keep a small companion in field/ stable rent and it will have no other use other than getting squished and tormented by my 15 hand yearling ! at least this way I can ride her and she would have a re sale value.

As for the other liveries there are only 6 of us and I have exhausted all possibilities with sharing - I do not want to move

Are horse really not selling at the moment ??
 
The side of me that is being your OH says: Borrow something to put in the field with the youngster or try to have him as part of a herd at your livery (but I take the point that you are given your own individual grazing).

The riding half of me says the mare looks lovely, a solid dependable sort who would prorbably be a very good role model for Baby and nice for you to ride.

Two things though:

You youself say that she would make a nice project for someone who had the time, which you don't?!!!

It's not a clever time to be buying goodies (which is what she is) when you're meant to be getting the house, AND living with the in-laws. I remember how angry I was when we were on the breadline house-wise once; I was doing two jobs, and OH sneaked off one night and came back with two antique telephones (his hobby) neither of which worked!

What the hell - I'm a horsewoman. Get the mare, but see if you can find someone to share her with. One of my livery horses here is shared, and it works really well for all concerned, especially finiancially of course, and there's another bod around if you're ill, on holiday - or even moving house!! Good luck whatever you do.
 
I couldn't possibly tell you not to do it! My question would be this:

Are you sure you'd be able to sell her on?

Reading your post, I'm not too sure!!:D
 
Rose Folly said:
You youself say that she would make a nice project for someone who had the time, which you don't?!!!
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I'm ok for time really - I finish work at 5 at the yard for 5.15 I'm one of those folk that can ride muck out and do jobs for 2 and still be home for 7 plus I don't really mind being out of the house as it is not my house ie it will keep me out of the way of the inlaws lol

I think I've sold it to myself - reselling may be a struggle for me, I need to go into it with the mindset of it being temp like a loan !! but you are very right re a share and I have someone in mind too !

Thanks so far for all replys
 
be positive said:
Good plan:D:D
Seriously though you will find your yearling more settled with two others and he will never need to be alone.
I think £850 is rather steep in the current market for the mare I would think £500 you need to work out your costs over the winter and if she comes back into work well you should be able to cover all costs and have a little profit towards the house,but there is no guarantee this will happen.
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Re this Be positive, Do you think I could be necky enough to offer £500 ??? I was thinking of starting at £650 ??
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I think you're approaching this from the wrong angle, to be honest. Because this is a management problem - and one which doesn't have to be solved by purchasing another horse.

Your youngster needs company, so does your mare.

What options do you have about having him somewhere where he can be with horses of his own age and can your mare go in with other horses on your yard?
 
I made the mistake of purchasing companion animals to assuage my horses - now I have a herd, mostly of youngstock and nobody wants to buy any of them right now :(
 
I would send the youngster away before he becomes too dependant on others. I am fortuate that I have a herd of eight and babies are put out with the older ones with a friend and then the friend is taken away so they learn to cope in a variety of situations.
I had bought a foal at 3 1/2 months( long story vet involved), he was weaned from his surrogate mum and is now independant with his chums. Now he is bold and independant.
Was once on a livery yard where the mare and foal had not been seperated properly and they were a nightmare.
Save the money and send him away to somewhere where they have winter grazing for youngsters.
 
amymay said:
I think you're approaching this from the wrong angle, to be honest. Because this is a management problem - and one which doesn't have to be solved by purchasing another horse.

Your youngster needs company, so does your mare.

What options do you have about having him somewhere where he can be with horses of his own age and can your mare go in with other horses on your yard?
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Let me explain I have thought about this and I found somewhere so I could move him off to somewhere I know but I would have to pay more than I do now for him to live at grass and I wouldn't be able to see him every day. Then Lina would be on her own

I handle him every day and always have - he comes in for a feed a brush and his feet picked out I believe it is best for him to live out although he does have the odd night in and is fine. Lina on the other hand needs her weght managing so comes in through the day.

Our yard is odd everything is in pairs !! apart from one lady who has a 3 month old welsh colt in with her herd and they are all settled and one lady who has 8 but wants all her horses in her field as she is having some problems at the moment. He was in with her youngster up until recently which is when I put mine back in together. People quite rightly like their horses the way things are, it suits them why should they muck up thier routine for me ??


.... I did actually look for another yearling but that could well just be double trouble !

PS Amy thank you for being objective !
 
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Could you not see about taking something on loan rather than buying?
WHW have quite a few for re homing and least with them you shouldn't have the problem of loaner wanting the horse back out of the blue.
 
She does look very lovely, I would be thinking exactly the same way as you and I know what my husband would be saying:

We have just moved in with my parents to help us out and we are saving for a house and you are going to spend £xxxx on another horse that you have to keep over the winter and feed and hay with no garantee of resale, what if there is a problem?? Injury, illness, behavioural etc and costs balloon - my OH and parents would be really annoyed at me moving in to help us save money while I spend it out of the other hand on the horses :(

Could you not just maybe get a long term loan if you are adamant that you want another, there are lots on preloved and such sites, even a little pony that wont cost you too much??

I must say I worried about the same thing with my yearling, I was so stressed incase people took their horse out of the field and she would be alone, but its probably going to happen at some point so I though sod it she will have to get used to it and when I moved I put her in a paddock on her own for a week (next to another horse) and she has just done the same again now for a week, now she will come into the stables on her own too. At least i know if she were ever injured or sick i could separate her.

Could you not separate you field in half (or smaller if your mare is really fat) and put one in each side for a few days then when he is used to that start bringing her in??

Hope you sort it out xxxxx
 
I think she looks lovely BUT and its a relevant BUT i think anyway

If you do purchase another horse and not actually deal with your youngster being A) naughty to come away from the field now B) not able to be left alone.
You want him for keeps you are going to cause yourself problems in the future and problems if you do ever have to sell on.
I would be trying to get him some manners taught bouncing on your head is a no no and he needs to learn this now rather than when he is 500kg of horse! And I personally dont like to leave a horse alone in a field but I think all horses should cope for a short period of time alone as you never know when that situation may have to occur.

SO as lovely as she is, get your youngster over his anxiety issues properly rather than just solving the problem the easy way! sorry to be harsh but if he is naughty and not good alone now he wont be when he is older and you will probably find he is hard to break in/hack alone as he doesnt 'do' seperation.
 
Sounds to me as though you've already made your mind up, but I also think that the solution to your problem is NOT to get another horse - I'm sure if you wanted to, you could find another way to manage the problem.

What happens if one of your mares has to have a few weeks of box rest....will you then get a 4th one?
 
dizzydancer said:
II would be trying to get him some manners taught bouncing on your head is a no no and he needs to learn this now rather than when he is 500kg of horse! And I personally dont like to leave a horse alone in a field but I think all horses should cope for a short period of time alone as you never know when that situation may have to occur.

SO as lovely as she is, get your youngster over his anxiety issues properly rather than just solving the problem the easy way! sorry to be harsh but if he is naughty and not good alone now he wont be when he is older and you will probably find he is hard to break in/hack alone as he doesnt 'do' seperation.
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This too....
 
dizzydancer said:
I think she looks lovely BUT and its a relevant BUT i think anyway

If you do purchase another horse and not actually deal with your youngster being A) naughty to come away from the field now B) not able to be left alone.
You want him for keeps you are going to cause yourself problems in the future and problems if you do ever have to sell on.
I would be trying to get him some manners taught bouncing on your head is a no no and he needs to learn this now rather than when he is 500kg of horse! And I personally dont like to leave a horse alone in a field but I think all horses should cope for a short period of time alone as you never know when that situation may have to occur.

SO as lovely as she is, get your youngster over his anxiety issues properly rather than just solving the problem the easy way! sorry to be harsh but if he is naughty and not good alone now he wont be when he is older and you will probably find he is hard to break in/hack alone as he doesnt 'do' seperation.
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Hi Thanks for your reply.

Can you offer any solutions to him being naughty other than a firm hand ?? I don;t think that backing down and always taking him out first is the answer. I have asked for solutions to the anxiety problem other than getting another horse so he is not on his own, hopefully this shows I am aware it is a problem. If I send him away to grass he wil not get handled which is a worry for me. I feel the actual problem is that he shares with his mum as this has only come on in the last 2 weeks or so and has always been fine when left before - he had 2 weeks on his own before he was cut in may as he was being colty and was no problem at all. He is on his own now as I sit here but is not overly happy about it

So solutions and tips to stop him jumping in the air and generally bolshing his weight about when being led away from his mum and overcoming anxiety issues - how would you deal with it ??

My thinking was just to change the dynamic in the field rather than it just being the 2 of them.
 
Ladylina83 said:
be positive said:
Good plan:D:D
Seriously though you will find your yearling more settled with two others and he will never need to be alone.
I think £850 is rather steep in the current market for the mare I would think £500 you need to work out your costs over the winter and if she comes back into work well you should be able to cover all costs and have a little profit towards the house,but there is no guarantee this will happen.
QUOTE]


Re this Be positive, Do you think I could be necky enough to offer £500 ??? I was thinking of starting at £650 ??
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If you dont try you wont know!I think it was bexxybec?? that bought a grey a while ago and really got the price down way lower than the seller was asking.
Lots of good advice you need to make the right decision and MUST be prepared to sell.
Sharing is a good idea but may mean the youngster is alone if you both ride together.
You may find that your yearling would benefit from being turned out with a group of other youngsters for the winter,he may not get daily handling,but this is not going to matter in the long run.Most studs dont handle theirs much,they would never have time,he would learn the natural way of pecking order and respect within a herd.
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Although I am a sucker for looking at other horses and giving in to impulse, I actually think maybe the solution here is NOT to get the other mare but, as others have said - sort out the yearling's issues as it is.

You say he gets anxious when the mare is taken from the field - what does she do? Is his behaviour going to cause damage to him, other horses or fencing etc? Maybe it's worth while just ignoring it and he may well just sort it in his own time. Obviously if he's jumping over fences/gates etc or careering round and round unitl he's in a real state, that's another issue.

You sayh you bring him in every day and he's started to misbehave coming in? Have you thought about maybe not bringing him in every day? I got my 15mth old last year and i know he was handled a lot and granted he could tie up, pick his feet up etc etc. However, he was also quite nippy and bolshy (he still can be to a degree) but I think he has got better as he's had a bit less attention. I do still bring him it but how frequently I do this changes and in general he is very keen to come in (almost puts his own headcoallar on) and genuinely seems pleased to have some attention.

Maybe you could just leave yours everyso often so he doesn't get into a routine of being brought in. Somedays you do nothing with him, other days just a bit of fuss in the field and another day bring him in and do the usual things you would do.

I would possibly suggest a diversion tactic for when you bring your mare in - ie throw some feed on the floor so he has something to distract him in his field - even a treat ball etc. I think the problem is, he will have learnt if he creates then he gets to come in and be with his pal/mum so that behaviour needs to be changed.

I amnot sure what to suggest re the bolshy behaviour when being lead - mine has never lashed out with his legs, I just have to watch out for the teeth!!! I am sure someone will have some tried and tested techniques for that though.
 
I can see why you are thinking that and yes it could be to do with it being his mum with him. He is obviously gelded now. I think some things require a firm hand (bouncing on you) dont always bring him in first/last. Bring him in alone sometimes too.
You could use treats to get him in from the field if he walks reward if not turn round and try making him walk backwards/walk in circle then go off the circle in direction you want. If possible get somebody to walk behind him and encourage him forwards. also agree if his behaviour isnt going to cause him/others harm then try ignoring him!
My friend had the same problem with her youngster when he went back to yard with his mum, after a few stern words and very much being boss he is now much better behaved. Her boyfriend did have to take him a few times though as he was very strong even for a baby.
As for the anxiety it will be a hard one to overcome and take time but try and make him feel confident maybe even give him some balls in field to keep him occupied when the mare comes out. Also try just taking her out for very short periods gradually building them up so he relaises she does come back to him!
Sure others will ahve other ideas though, but i definately wouldnt rush to buy another horse!
 
I think it is expecting a lot to be able to leave a yearling alone at any time,it is still a baby and a herd animal.As they get older some will be less dependent but there are many horses that cannot stay alone and in my opinion they will never be happy alone.
Yours will get better but if stressed by being left will probably become more dependent not less.
If you are having problems leading him in I would get someone to bring the mare in as well ,when he is coming in at the same time as her it will be easier for you to take charge of the situation and be firmer with him.
If you could then leave him in a stable ,with feed/toys he will be safer and you can ride your mare.
 
Thank you soooo much for all these replys

I will look into sending him away, He has to have a navel hernea op in October at Leahurst and will need box rest for a few weeks after that but he can come home for that or maybe wait until then. Perhaps it will be good for him to spend time away from us both and I am being soft wanting him at home.

He is just cahooning and shouting when she comes in first - but he does have horses he knows very well either side of him so is not alone alone. His mum doesn't react at all to his behaviour. This morning I fed him after she had gone and he seemed to settle a little- there was no way I was going to bring him in with the way he was behaving it would have been dangerous for us both. I went with the ignore approach today. Other days I have been bringing in first to save hassle but he doesn't really need to come in at all

I am also going to move Lina to another empty stable rather than the one next door to him.

I am afraid I am going to keep my date with this mare - I like her. If I get her it will be as a project for me and I will make financial sacrifices elsewhere. It also makes sense if I do send him away as Mare will not be on her own. Who knows I might not even like her in the flesh ?

Best case I get her for cheaper than asking price - she comes back into work well and I can sell her on to a nice ridden home. What ever price she will be getting vetted. Worst case she is a nutter or so good I want to keep her! maybe I can manage for a few years she'll only be 10 by then people might be buying again maybe.

OH has spent much more on much worse ie 3 weeks ago £500 on mountain bike he also has 2 cars and wants a new one ....we are doomed but thank you all for trying to save us :-)

Other than this I have been good I promise!!! in 6 months I have paid off 4k in old debt and credit cards so I am debt free and saved 2.5k towards the deposit I am trying honestly.

I have been honest here and thanks to the folks again that have put my straight !
 
Well, good luck with the viewing, ultimately it's your decision and, if you can afford it then there's no reason why you shouldn't get her. It may even help the youngster getting used to more than just one horse coming and going. I think to be honest if he's just creating and hooning about but can see other horses are there so he's not completely alone that basically he's just having a bit of a tantrum.

If food works to distract him for a bit then do that - chuck some about on the floor so he has to find it. He will then associate being on his own with something positive. Hopefully, once he twigs on that actually the horse will be taken away but will come back he'll calm down and accept it more.
 
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