Cat, sorry - but need words of wisdom (sad)

Box_Of_Frogs

Box_Of_Frogs

Well-Known Member
Joined
1 May 2007
Messages
6,517
Location
Deepest Wales
Visit site
This is Spencer, my 14 yr old Moggie. The Spencer half of 2 little rescued brothers I called Marks and Spencer. Marks hunting mice in God's garden now. They broke the mold when they made Spencer.



IMG_0915.jpg


1 year ago, I almost lost him to a blocked bladder. We were lucky to have had him for this last year. 3 months or more ago, he started limping on nearside front, dog lame. Left it a few weeks thinking it was just a sprain. Got worse. Vet said could be arthritis, could be a bone tumour - needed an x-ray. Back down for the GA for the x-ray but they couldn't do it because he got terribly distressed and started struggling to breathe. Long story short, undiagnosed overactive thyroid leading to thickened heart. Started on thyroid blocker tabs and meta cam. Metacam made no difference. Tried low dose steroids. Made no difference. Doubled the steroid dose 2 weeks ago. Still made no difference. Position now: barely able to hobble though can still struggle onto a lap for a cuddle and a quiet purr. But unable to get an x-ray as he could have a heart attack either under the GA or even just the car journey down. Unable to control his pain. Starting to limp on hind legs. Eating ok-ish. Today found him lying in the garden in the rain and I had to lift his bum up to encourage him inside. Half an hour later and for the rest of the afternoon, laying in the garden in the rain. I have no idea why - ? breathless due to heart condition? trying to leave uncontrollable pain behind? Dunno but it's distressing to see and clearly distressing for Spencer. I think he's miserable pretty much all his waking hours, and possibly when trying to sleep too. But he IS still hobbling around and enjoying nibbles of Sainsbury's butter roast chicken slices cut up fine and warmed gently (don't ask).

I'm a huge proponent of the "better a week too early than a day too late" school of thought but a close relative has said that cats feel pain differently and he's probably ok. Not what the vet said - she said chronic pain can do a lot of harm.

It's a very lonely decision to have to make but has anyone got any insights or comments or thoughts or advice? I'm desperate not to do the wrong thing becuse I'm distressed at Spencer's distress if you see what I mean.

Hot choccy and jammie dodgers if you got this far xxx
 
Hi dear Box_of_Frogs,

I think many of us totally understand.

(My old collie, who did so many mountains with me, Welsh, Scottish, Lakeland, now 17, people look at her + say 'aaahh') (but they're never around when i'm dealing with incontinence issues...!!) (Some treat me like i'm a weirdo, like all dogs should be put down at 10) But she still enjoys her food, still wags her tail, still enjoys a (very slow) walk, still kisses me.

Some vets would say it's time, but ours doesn't (actually we haven't asked him, we just know, he's our great village vet who knows us all so well)

I sincerely believe, friend, that you will know when Spencer has given up, + that's the time to let go. You're his best friend, his closest person, so you'll know before anyone when he chooses to go to sleep. He will tell you when he gives up x

My heart is with you (+ he looks just like my last much-loved old cat), love BS x
 
I'm very very sad for you both and would like to give you a big hug for finding him the Sainsbury's butter roasted chicken and warming it up for him. We had a cat that every so often would go into a huge decline and nothing would do for her but freshly caught rabbit cut into 1cm cubes and lightly fried in butter until stil raw but just warm in the middle. The things we do for these much-loved friends.

But back to Spencer, If you read dispassionately what you have written then I think you'll find it does seem pretty clear cut. Added to that you have known and loved Spencer for a long while and if he is finding so much of his life distressing and that is distressing you then the kindest thing is the long sleep. He isn't going to have a miraculous recovery, he isn't going to even feel a bit better day by day, he's just going to fade more and more and what I'd be worrying about (because one of ours that my husband wouldn't let go has just done it) is that one day he will take himself off and you won't find him. I feel very very mean about that so may be my view is coloured - I have spent years trying to keep other cats alive.

Look in his eyes, is the light still there?

Whatever you do at this point is not going to be the "wrong" thing. Having a life in your hands of someone you love is a very scary place to be. Being distressed at his distress and wanting to stop it is not "wrong". The phrase "putting it out of it's misery" is often used, as you are finding it is not a sign of weakness to want to do that, it's one of the toughest decisions.

One thing you could try for him is to re-introduce the Metacam. It may not have helped with his actual condition but I have found that it seems to act like cat cannabis, making them very chilled and I'm sure it numbs their pain. If he were mine and I were wondering what to do I'd be giving him a double dose, sure it's not good for them but he's not going to be suffering from the long-term effects. As for your close relative, maybe cats do feel pain differently - but if you stand on a cat's paw they do one of two things; scream or bite you, ie it still damned well hurts.

In your place I think I'd be phoning the vet, at least to arrange that when I rang and said "please come now" there was no quibble and it was treated as emergency.


Sorry, a long and very tear-stained essay. My lovely old grey cat who had to have the rabbit, we managed to keep her going for years after I found her in a dreadful state as a stray. She had so much cattitude that she kept fighting back from the brink but one day I just looked at her and although the fight was almost still there the light, and the desire to fight, had gone. She was pts less than half an hour later.

Big hugs to you and gentle chin tickles to Spencer.
 
I wish I had an answer, or even some words of wisdom for you, but I think you know really that it has to be your decision. You clearly love Spencer and whatever you do will be the right decision because it will have been made with that in mind.

I really do feel for you - as the owner of several elderly cats, I dread the day I'm in your position.

I'm so sorry there isn't anything I can do to help, but hugs to you and Spencer.
 
Sending you big hugs, I know how you feel we were there with our old cat a couple of years ago.
His decline was very fast though, we lost him one night then he dragged himself home from wherever he had been. His backend had completely given up and he had scraped all his claws off dragging himself. We got him to the vet fast, she said it was his heart too and because it wasn't pumping properly he wasn't getting blood to his rear end, hence the lack of movement.
Like Jemima mentioned, it was his eyes that made the decision for me, I can still see his little face, he really had had enough. We let him slip quietly away, it was hell but the kindest thing for him.

You will know with your beautiful Spencer when it is time to let him go catch mice with his brother Marks
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
 
What a sad post and what very thoughtful answers.
frown.gif


I would worry that I wouldn't find him soon enough next time he gets caught in the rain. And he might. One of mine repeatedly took herself out when she was poorly; each time moving further away from home but just curling up and lying down til she was found.

I think, as others have said, you'll know in your heart when the time is right.

Many, many hugs for you and Spencer.
 
I do feel for you. 'Lying in the garden in the rain' brought back sad memories of our old 3-legged cat, who had become increasingly lethargic and listless until one morning I found her lying out in the heavy rain. When I carried her back inside, she limped straight back outside again. I then rigged up a makeshift shelter of a golf umbrella - she moved away. At that point I called the vet who found on palpation a massive tumour in her abdomen. She was put down there and then.

I'm really not convinced by the 'cats feel pain differently' school of thought. My vet was in no doubt that there was no choice but to PTS - and neither was I. I'm sorry you're making this decision on your own but TBH my husband was no use whatsoever - when I phoned him at work to tell him what the vet had said, he tried to persuade me to keep her going till he got home that evening ...

Big hugs to you and Spencer.
 
I had a Persian cat a long time ago. She was the most cantankerous, smelly, unaffectionate thing ever, but I loved her dearly - she wasn't a cat, she was a grumpy old woman with a really bad hair do! Nobody crossed HER! She was part of the family.
Her thyroid went when she was 16 , and she was on pills, but she lost weight, threw up at regular intervals..... I kept her going like you do, but she became unhappy, uninterested in life and listless. Before, she had always had an attitude as big as a house. It's almost as if they 'forget' how to end......
She was still pottering about, but her quality of life had gone. I thought about how I would feel if I were constantly being sick...... I don't agree that cats feel pain differently, I think they deal with it differently. It just becomes part of their life. But they still shouldn't be in pain.
The rain was hammering down when we put her under the apple tree. That was where she would sit with her eyes closed, ignoring nextdoors dog barking at her from 2' away trying to make her run! (That last summer, she spent so many hours under that tree that she killed the grass off in little catnests....)
Like DK says, one day, you'll look at Spencer, and you'll just know... enough is enough.
 
Sainsburys Butter Roast Chicken - my goodness your cat eats better than I do
smile.gif


I don't have much experience with cats but I will second what another poster said about her collie - our old lab eventually went at 16, and also have continence issues, clearing up of a morning became part of the routine! But while he still enjoyed a gentle potter, his tail still wagged and he still looked forward to dinner we felt his life was worth living. Eventually he told us it was time.

I am sure that your cat will do the same.

Big hugs hun. I think all of us on here know that this is part of the price we pay for owning an animal but we also all know that doesn't make it any easier.
frown.gif


I don't know what your vet is like, but it might be worth having a quiet chat. Our vet was great with Barney and was a big help, giving us his opinion kindly but honestly as well.
 
What a sad post from an obviously caring owner. Someone else has said that if you read your post back you will probably be able to make your decision, and I agree. Cats do have this weird thing of sometimes taking themselves off to die, imagine how heart breaking it would be if he wandered off and you couldn't find him. He sounds like a wonderful character, and only you can make the decision because you know Spencer, but as you have said , "better a week too soon...".
Sending you loads of hugs, I have been in your position too many times and understand how painful the decision is.
 
He is so lucky to have you.

I think you are describing a cat who knows his time has come. It is heartbreaking but when a cat starts sitting out in the rain I really think he is trying to tell you something. We had the most fantastic Ragdoll boy who we knew was suffering from kidney failure. Nothing could be done and our sole aim was to keep him for as long as he was enjoying life. In his last week he was quieter than usual but still curled up on bundles of ironing, spreading his fluff and enjoying the warmth, purring away as if there was no tomorrow. Then one morning he had disappeared - he very, very rarely left the house, and after a frantic search we found him curled at the base of a tree in a little wood at the end of our paddock. |He'd never been there before and I'm sure he'd gone there to die, sos not to bother us. The light had gone from his eyes, he'd had enough and we called the vet. I still miss him, he was a one-off without a single mean bone in his body.

It is a really hard decisiion to make but having a much loved pet put to sleep is the last act of love we can give them. Death isn't always easy, it can be cruel and it is a process that can take a long time. At least our animals don't have to suffer that.
 
My sympathies, it's such a horrible place to be. You clearly care for him very much.
We were in the same position last year & kept saying we'll give him another week until one morning we got up & realised we had left it too long & had to rush him to the Vet's for opening time to do the decent thing. Thyroid problems can end up causing liver & kidney problems too, which is what happened with our cat.
 
I am probably no help whatsoever but when I had Suzy put to sleep I realised after it probably should have been done a little earlier it is only when I decided to take her to the vets and picked her up I realised how bad she was.

And before you all shout she was going backwards and forwards to vets regularly and he had told me I would know when it was time. She was 18 and it was 3 years ago and I still miss her.
 
Well, the fact that none of the medication is even making the slightest bit of difference to the cat IMO means there is a possibility that the vet diagnosed him wrong but TBH it sounds pretty bad and if he is in that much pain I would probably have him put to sleep myself - if there is no way to x-ray him and find out exactly what is wrong you could be trying all sorts of medication for months and meanwhile the cat will still be in pain.

Also, is he supposed to be on daily medication for the blocked bladder? If he is and isn't eating well it could come back, too. When my cat had a blocked bladder I think the vet said it can be made worse by stress - so it might be another thing that you have to consider.
 
I lost a cat late last year, she was poorly overnight and went out. I spent ages calling for her, banging a tin of tuna and eventually she dragged herself out from under a tree crying. She went straingt to the vets and was eventually PTS as she had been poisoned by something. It still breaks my heart to think of her but it would have been 10 x worse if I hadn't have found her and never knew what happened to her.
I would be worried about Spencer going out and not being able to get back.
It is a horrible decision and I do feel for you.
Typing this out has made me cry!, they are all such characters.
 
Saturday morning. Huge thankyou to everyone for their thoughts and experiences and kind wishes. I hadn't thought through that lying in the rain might be the start of going off to die. He's been lying in the rain last night too. A few weeks ago we cut a hole at ground level in our back garden gate because he couldn't climb up and over it any more but he missed his front garden territory. Good idea about re-starting the metacam at high dosage. We're at the stage now where it doesn't really matter whether it's a bone tumour or chronic arthritis - the result is the same and we can't x-ray.

He does still have a little spark in his eye at times, but at other times he just hobbles into where I'm sitting and stares at me until I look back and then he gives a strange sad meow. I know he's trying to tell me something but I don't know what. Plan for the weekend - metacam, turkey, gentle cuddles. Vet back at work Tuesday. Ring to talk. Make appt for Weds for vet to come out and put Spencer to sleep at home on my lap. Then under the oak trees with Marks.

So hard to say goodbye xxx
 
My dear little Sooty of The Sooty and Sweetpea combination ( sweetpea was called sweep untill we realised he was a she) was PTS a few months ago at the grand old age of 16. She was healthy and happy all her life but the ravages of old age took over and she got thyroid and kidney problems. She was still bright in her mind but at that age I didn't think it was fair to pump her full of drugs to keep her alive for my benefit.

It is never an easy decision to end a pets life but I firmly believe that if they are suffering from long term pain due to an illness or injury that has no hope of getting better then you must do the right thing by them. They should not be kept ' going' for our benefit.

I am sure BOF that you will make the right decision for your cat and big hugs xxx
 
If he were mine he would be PTS. Hes an old boy and the uncertainty to how much pain hes in would be too much for me.

I dont feel for you making the decision though
frown.gif
 
Oh very big hug for you - you poor thing. I think you're doing the right thing definitely. If I might add anything, my father is a vet and he always put ours to sleep by injecting in the kidney rather than stressing them at the end by trying to raise a vein. It's very quick that way and they don't feel a thing. If you're having it done at home, that might be the best way.

I also am a big believer that where one cat leaves a huge hole, it also creates an opportunity to give a home to another lost little soul. I lost one of mine in September last year and I went and rescued another one from Wood Green Shelter in her memory as she was a stray and I wanted to give another one a good home. It also stopped me moping and pining after her as cat-free homes can feel extremely empty.

Oh lord, I'm all choked up for you
frown.gif
It's the right thing to do for an old friend - be brave and we'll all be here for you afterwards.
 
Hi again, dear Box-of-Frogs,

We can't help your lovely old boy, only wish we could, but you know we're here.

My old horse had Cushing's, leading to chronic laminitis/rotation of pedal bone. My vet at time thought we should keep him going, while my farrier said it was time. It was a very difficult time, with 2 experts having different views + me with an emotional input, until the day the old lad lay down in the wet mud, then i knew.

I very much hope that Spencer has enjoyed his chicken bits from Sainsburys (while thinking Marks + Spencer's food is better?!!). (My old collie wolfed down a tin of tuna today + now complaining cos it was Co-op only!!)

Please talk to your vet on Tuesday, as you plan, get a definitive diagnosis + prognosis, then that will help you in any decision you have to make x.

You're a brave lady, you're not alone + you have not only much support from us on forum, but lots of happy memories of a much-loved friend which will stay with you for ever.

Sincere best wishes to you and Spencer, love + hugs, BS x

PS: Just seen Kit279's post, very helpful words, x
 
So sad when they have to leave us - but certainly sounds as if you've made the right decision.

If he were mine, he would have gone the day you made the original post.

Hugs (((((( )))))
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top