Change of heart...

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Limbo-the day-

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Been a lurker on here for a long time. Just wanted some views to shed some light on this situation. I brought my current horse (16hh ISH gelding called limbo, 9yrold) when i was just 20- he was three. 6 years late we have had lots of fun, still many things we could do. but i have just lost the will to do it. i find it time consuming being up the yard, i spend so much money on him. Im ashamed to say i feel sometimes begrudged i have had to give up alot for him; career, holidays, nights out, shopping sprees. however saying this i know he has done such a lot for me got me through at time no one else could.

its just a few weeks ago i woke up and thought "CRUMBS, i have no mortgage, no substatial savings- but a well kitted out horse"

also because of the snow i have put him on livery with a friend and havent seen him for a week or so, but i have been enjoying myself with friends in a way i havent normally because im doing him.

is it ok to come to the end of a relationship with a horse you have a great bond with and consider selling?

or is this just a phase horsey girls go through?

any help or thoughts well recieved.
 
I've gone through this before with my first pony cracker we got her when I was 8 and had years and years of fun with her but when I got to about 16 I wanted to go out with friends, and didn't want to be nagged at by mum to see to my pony. I couldn't deal with selling her though we put her on loan but to stay home where I could watch her. We had her till she passed and I did regret loosing the connection we had but I know she had someone to pay her all the attention she needed. I had a few years break from horses after cracker till just 5 months ago I bought a wild untouched youngster.

I needed that break to have time to myself see friends and go out so maybe that's what you need. Maybe consider a loan first so you have the chance to change your mind
 
I often look back on my life so far, I'm in my late thirties, and feel slightly shocked at the fact that I have devoted all my time & money to my horses - AND haven't even achieved very much with them let alone anything else!!

If your lack of mortgage/savings/social life worries you know then try imagining how you will feel if things haven't changed much 15 years down the line..

It's a personal choice but I think a bit of balance is sensible - maybe consider getting a sharer then you get a bit more freedom and a financial contribution which you could put into savings or just spend on the things you are missing out on?

Or take the plunge and sell/loan and have a break - you can always get another..
 
Horses as with any animal are a huge commitment and an expensive one. It's down to the individual if you feel the time is right to sell your horse. He will for sure bond with someone else and if you feel you are no longer having fun you have probably answered your own question.
My daughter took her horse of 7 years with her when she moved away - that lasted just over a year and the little mare is back with me now. She did have to have an operation and rehab, but now that is over my daughter is not seeking to take her back :) I don't mind my horses are a big part of my life and I don't see it as a financial drain or time constraint. But I am older and no longer wish to paint the town red....:D
 
This is the exact reason I've always had shares and never had my own horse. It's not that I'm afraid of the commitment required, it's just that I know I couldn't afford to keep a horse in the way I would like to without having to make enormous sacrifices elsewhere in my life. If I had wanted something to stick in field and throw hay at in cold weather then maybe.....I'm in my early thirties now and I think I can only now seriously start to think about getting my own horse and still be able to go on holiday/go shopping/eat whilst being confident that I'm not shortchanging my pony.

The suggestion of a sharer / loaner is a great one - it'll ease the pressure on you (both financial and time-related) without having to sell your horse or lose the relationship you've worked so hard on. I can be happily schooling my current share and she'll still wicker at her real mum when she arrives at the yard :)
 
Yes it's perfectly OK to come to the end of the road and consider selling.

I'm 32 and have only just bought my first house because I've always spent my money on my horses. My current horse is great and just what I wanted *but* I bought him knowing that I could easily sell him if I found I couldn't afford the house and the horses. So I will give it a go with both but may end up having to make a decision.

It's also not wrong to enjoy having other interests. If you don't want to sell then maybe you could think about getting a sharer who'll do day 3 days per week, which frees up some money and time for you.
 
I don't think I would go down the sharer route it's all or nothing for me. Just felt I really needed to talk to some one as I found myself looking through adverts of sales livery. Loans do sound like a good idea- but u do hear horror stories and I'm not sure how to go about finding him a decent loan home.
 
In the short term I'd certainly consider a loan, just incase in 18 months time you miss your horsey fix! Good horses are really hard to find, as so many threads on here show.
If after 12/18 months you've made the right decision you may well find the loaner will buy the horse from you or you can look into sales livery at that time.

Good loans are out there, word of mouth is by far the best, speak to your YO, instructor, farrier local pony club leaders etc. a well behaved horse will find a good home.
Get a good contract and check on him regularly - I checked on mine every 2 weeks for the first 3 months, then monthly for 3 months, then every 3 months from then on.
 
The only thing I'd say about a loan is that when I put a previous horse out on loan, within 6 months I really wished I'd sold him. And be prepared that regardless of how well the loan home looks after him, there may well come a point at which they want to return him then you're stuck trying to either find a new home, sell or find livery at short notice yourself. I know people will say you should have a 3 month notice period, something like that, but in reality if someone wants to return a loan horse, they will do it whenever they like.

But...I've loaned two horses, loaned one out and had a sharer. All great experiences :)
 
Thanks for all these great responses. Don't come from horsey friends or family. And all my horsey friends are in different situations to me! After thinking about this loan is starting to appeal to me. Has anybody ever had success from finding a loan advertised in feed and tack shops?

If anybody has gone the loan route- how did u go about it?
 
Local feed/ tack shops are good ideas, IMHO good loan homes are often with people who have a horse that for whatever reason (age, injury) they can't ride - they understand the commitment and have the experience but often not the cash to rush out and buy one.
 
Limbo-the day- said:
Thanks for all these great responses. Don't come from horsey friends or family. And all my horsey friends are in different situations to me! After thinking about this loan is starting to appeal to me. Has anybody ever had success from finding a loan advertised in feed and tack shops?

If anybody has gone the loan route- how did u go about it?
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When I loaned mine out I advertised on Horsemart and locally too, got a couple of calls from the local ads and loads from Horsemart. He went to a wonderful family who bought him 2 years later (and still have him, another 5 years on).

You need to decide what sort of loan home you want. Do you want him to be a happy hacker, be a RC all rounder, what is his job? I put up quite a specific ad describing the horse, the type of home I wanted, what job he could do. Had loads of calls then you need to sift through them all. Some are really obviously unsuitable ("I have had 3 riding lessons, I can canter and gallop and jump can I have your horse"..) and some will sound pretty good. You need to be explicit about the type of loan too - long term, permanent, loan with view to buy, short term.... Then when you've spoken to some people on the phone that you like the sound of, let them come and look. I had a couple of people come who sounded great on the phone but weren't right when they came to see him, and in that situation you have to be honest.

Once you've found someone suitable, get a good contract drawn up, visit the yard where they will keep the horse (if it's not at your current yard). Get references (from maybe an instructor, someone like that). I even visited their house and got photocopies of ID (passport and driving licence). You need to decide what you will each be responsible for £ wise too.
 
Whenever I feel like I've had enough, its a phase. I turn the horse out for a few months, only visiting daily to check for injuries and having a short hack once a week. The rest of the time I'm off doing whatever I want. After a break of a few months I gradually find I start wanting to ride more often, groom more, go to shows etc, I even start to miss mucking out! It happens once every few years. I gave up once, but it was a mistake and I went back to horses after 18mths.
 
Sugar and spice- I have thought about that and generally he has a month or so off over Xmas and January time every year. I don't want to just keep giving him breaks. And where I live grass livery is more than DIY! That's Surrey for u!!
 
I personally can't ever imagine feeling that way. I'm actually quite relieved that daughter has vowed she will never part with her pony even when outgrown because whatever happens to my oldie, or financially with any future horses, I'm already tied in for at least the next 25yrs. And tbh I'm also pretty attached to the little madam, even if daughter hadn't ever been bothered I would never have considered more than a local loan. Pony is so small & cheap to keep its not much more than keeping a dog. But, we do all this because its meant to be fun. So if its not, why carry on? Horse doesn't sound worthless or difficult to rehome, so no point you not enjoying yourself to keep him.
 
Quite honestly, if you can even think about giving up your horse, then I would sell rather than loan. The reason being, he is nine now and will be at his most saleable and you can be very choosy about who you sell him to. If you delay and you are at this stage several years along the line, then prospective buyers will be fewer.
 
Owning a horse is a massive commitment, both money wise and also time wise.

I am a similar age to you, and bought my first horse aged 16. I loved the bones of him and couldnt bare to part with him no matter what..but I gave up alot to keep him. I didnt go to uni, I dont have a car/own house and I struggled with money. I vowed to keep him forever, but I am in debt because of it, I could survive with livery costs but he was getting to be an old man and had regular vet visits etc. My insurance tripled over the 8 years I had him and so had livery costs. I couldnt loan him out as he was grumpy and could be nasty when he felt like it. He also hated living out so I could opt to do that either.
I sadly lost him in September due to colic, I am gutted still and miss him evertday, but happy I managed to keep him to the end and he never wanted for anything. There is no way I could afford another one and neither do i want the committment again of having my own. Loaning one doesnt interest me either as I feel it would be a waste of money and time that I havnt got anymore. Although i do miss riding.

Your horse is still young and if you are thinking about selling/loaning then this would be an ideal time to do so. This is becoming a sign of the hard ecomonic times sadly, people just cant afford to keep them anymore. After all horses are a luxury. Hope it all goes well for you. x
 
I had my old boy from the age of 13. When I went to Uni I loaned him to a girl but he stayed at home so my dad could keep an eye on him. She ended up keeping him for about 5 years. I had my fun at Uni, got a job, house, husband etc. When she moved on I retired him and he lived happily for a couple of years before succumbing to a bout of colic. I then had a few shares until I needed my own pony fix again and bought Rocky when I was 29. So I effectively had about 10 years free of the full time commitment of a horse. If you feel you need the break go for it, don't resent the horse for tying you down and come back to it when you are ready.
 
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