child + dog = stress

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fatpony

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I just need a little rant.....
I have a dog - we've been together 12 years and I absolutely adore him. I now have a child - just over a year. Child and dog get on - especially at feeding times! Though dog prefers to go upstairs/out of the way when things get too noisy - so far so good. I admit it is tough getting the dog out for proper walks in the wind and rain with a little child. Its a pain getting dog sorted and child ready for nursery in the morning especially after broken sleep but... thats life - I took on this dog, he has given me nothing but love and happiness and no matter how hard it is I just get on with it and do it.
My husband on the other hand, constantly tells me how he hates the dog now, he doesnt want him to die (great!) but it will be easier when he is gone. Cant we rehome him? ( I think this one is a joke) He shouts at him when he gets in the way, blames him for things. Generally the love has gone and it upsets me so much. I dont want my dog to feel anything other than secure and happy. What can I do (other than rehome my husband) I do understand when he says it would be easier without a dog and its my dog not his but its more his attitude that upsets me. I dont know wether just to do all the looking after etc myself and ignore my husbands views for the next few years or to keep trying to change his views and inevitably argueing.
 
Surely its not child + dog = stress but husband + dog = stress!

Did you have the dog before you met your husband, or did you and your husband get the dog together? Are you asking him to do a lot more of the dog-keeping tasks now you have a child, and is this what your husband is resenting?
 
First posting -normally lurk- had to reply.

I had a dog of similar age when my first child was born and yes it was a bit hard but dog came first so his needs had to be met. Baby benefitted from daily blasts of fresh air and leant to accept ( well sort of) that dogs needs had to be met. Two daughters are now grown up having grown up with a succession of dogs and would not have had it any other way. They too would love dogs of their own but fully understand commitment involved. Husband tolerated first dog but has had much stronger bond with subsequent dogs.

Suggest a little subtle husband whispering- don't forget to reward positive behaviour and try to ignore the bad.

Good luck
 
TGM said:
Surely its not child + dog = stress but husband + dog = stress!
Click to expand...

True

I have had the dog twice as long as the husband but they used to get on really well. He doesnt do more walking its just now when he does it he has to take a child with him so it takes twice as long to do the task. I suppose its little things like feeding him or putting him behind the baby gate. Maybe I just need to do all that and accept his attitude. Its when he shouts at him or sends him out the room when in my mind he hasnt done anything wrong - thats what upsets me and I cant work out how to deal with that.
 
I totally get where you are coming from. It's not the difficulties of the situation that is bothering you so much, but the way your husband is treating and talking about your beloved dog.

When Dan and I got together, I already had the collies, he loved them to pieces and they were his world. When we got the puppies though, as the JRT got a bit older and more opinionated and frankly, annoying, one of the collies (my baby) would pin him occasionally to the floor. No biting, just pinning. Dan just wanted to protect his baby, the JRT and though Stig was the worst thing since sliced bread. It was over 6 months and took me pretty much begging Dan to watch what Squirrel (JRT) was doing as opposed to watching Stig. In that time, he would hardly look at Stig. Stig would still see Dan as the centre of his world (outside of me) but every little attempt to get some love from Dan saw him being told firmly to eff off. He got very very few moments of affection over that 6 months and he noticed. It broke my heart, I gave him extra attention to try and make up for it. Eventually though, I got Dan to watch Squirrel through a combination of begging him and showing him lots of little scabs on Stigs chin. Dan came in the front room one day looking like he'd seen a pig flying over the garden. He said he had seen Squirrel jumping up at Stig and nipping him on the chin repeatedly. He said Stig put up with it for a good 30 seconds while he got out there to stop Squirrel and eventually, Stig just had enough and pinned him again. Still no biting, no bullying, no injury, just a "STOP NIPPING ME YOU LITTLE S***" pin to the floor.

Dan was gutted. He felt so guilty that he had pretty much ignored Stig for such a long time. The point is, I know what you mean about how horrible it is watching a person you love so strongly dislike a dog that you love.

This dog is a part of you. He is your family, you have had him for 12 years. You have every right to be upset with your husband but he does probably have some reasons for feeling how he does.

Ask yourself how much you have moaned about the dog since the baby came along? If you have done it quite a bit, he may have just been siding with you initially, but taken it further now.
Ask yourself how much of the dog duties you are asking hubby to take on more than he used to? He may resent the extra duties...in which case, he needs a big dose of man the eff up.

Above all, talk to him. When I did finally get Dan to watch Squirrel, it wasn't so much that I begged, but I snapped. I showed him the scabs and he turned a blind eye and said they were from scraping the floor playing with toys. I went mental. I was hurt and angry and I went off the charts at him, crying my eyes out at the same time. I think he thought his missus had been replaced with a raging alien psychopath judging by the look on his face. In the end though, I calmed down and I just told him that regardless of how he feels, Stig is a dog, a living breathing dog who loves him to the ends of the earth and that it was no less than down right cruel to treat him that way. On top of that, that every time he ignored Stig or told him off, he may as well punch me in the stomach.

Talk to your husband. Tell him properly how you feel. I'm not normally one for making mountains out of molehills and usually think things are better said in a matter of fact, stress free way, but some issues require you to make time to sit down and have it out.

Good luck and keep going. You'll do it because you want to and you'll find a way to make it work because you want to.
 
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