Children wanting to quit, but i love that pony

She's 8, not a baby. Have this conversation with her - I'm thinking of selling pony as you don't seem to be enjoying riding/looking after him - and see what she says. She either agrees with you or she changes her attitude.

FWIW, I worked at the stables every weekend and every school holiday for many years before I got my first pony. Mum was very clear that we did the work of looking after him or we wouldn't have a pony anymore. Still have him now :)
 
paddi22 said:
did her attitude change completely just when new instructor arrived?
Also you mentioned pony bucking and falls, is it generally a safe pony or would you be scared of it now. Maybe the old instructor was good at being a safety net/reassurer when things went wrong and the new one doesn't have this skill, so she's struggling now?
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This, it sounds as if it is more about her losing confidence due to poor instruction, qualified or not it does not mean they are good or able to teach children, if your friend is still around could you take the pony to them, if no money changes hands there is no real requirement for insurance and qualifications are irrelevant if they have the right approach.
I certainly would not expect her to have lessons with someone who is not keeping her enthusiasm and giving her confidence in the lessons, at 8 they know their minds to an extent and she seems to be voting to give up because the riding is no longer fun, if you can make changes, possibly even a yard move, so it becomes fun again then she may get back into it but you must not push too much as she must want to do it.

I have a 10 year old here at livery who loves her riding but is not so keen on the rest of the work, her 8 year old sister is not interested in riding but loves to do the dirty jobs, the muddier she can get the happier she is, they are all so different you have to adapt to keep some interested when things get tough.
 
I do think for a lot of 8 year olds a pony that bucks 5 or 6 times in succession is never really going to be fun!
 
mums the groom said:
Help WWYD,
My 8 year old has had a pony of her own for a year now, has been down to the yard every day and has had lessons no problems.... NOW she has started playing up when we have to go to the yard even though she has lots of friends to play with I don't ask her to do much just a bit of running around fetch haynets buckets etc.
she used to have a friend teach her and she got on really well with him and loved riding, some one new came on the yard started stirring over insurance for people using the arena and because friend instructor wasn't qualified or insured not allowed on yard, New instructor on yard all insurance fine etc but Daughter just doesn't gel with them and has tantrums and wont ride horse and falls off through screaming and spooking horse ARGHHH!!!!!
now wants to quit riding- OH wants to sell horse as not horsey and doesn't understand, but I love that pony I have a great bond with him I'm just to heavy to ride him myself so he's not going to get ridden, my dilemma is do I just carry on and see if daughter changes mind (I'm stopping as many lessons as possible letting her not come down as much if I can get sitters for her) or do I put him on loan must stay on yard ( by the way Im a control freak over his care and would be watching loaners like a hawk to make sure they are not "ragging the arse off him". his is such a good pony who knows his job inside out and loves a good canter/ gallop across fields given a chance
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would you consider breaking him to driving so you can use him and keep him??
 
I don't think breaking him to drive is a good solution if it means your DD will still be going to the yard daily with you. I would be reassessing whether pony & child are a good match for each other, looking to move yards/find a way to get old teacher back - in essence trying to get to the root of her dissatisfaction. If all else fails, I would sell the pony - agree with other previous posters that if it's you who enjoys the horse, you could look to buy your own once your daughter's able to be left at home alone.
 
I cannot agree with selling the pony because a spoilt brat doesnt want to go to the yard I must admit. If she doesnt want to ride she can sit in the car until you are done but make sure she doesnt have keyboard stuff or phones in the car. It is a matter of discipline if you want to do something do it she will just have to do as she is told. How can you tell I am an old disciplinarian. Kids are pandered to far to much they are not the be all and end all of life they are an important part of your life but you still have to compromise even at 8. They best way to deal with it is to tell her she has to come but isnt allowed to ride at all and to be honest about 30 minutes in front of a screen is enough in any couple of hours. I am sure your daughter is charming but if you let her just pick up and drop anything when it becomes hard she will have a real shock when life really isnt like that. I may not be for her ultimately but if you enjoy it you are entitled to do it. Break him to drive and have fun.
Will bow out now as an ancient granny with grown kids who I am very proud of maybe my views are a bit old fashioned.
 
Keep him for a while, do some horse agility with him yourself. Make it fun! You have to let go of the reins to make it fun for your daughter. I didn't have lessons as an 8 year old on my own pony really. We hacked, raced, jumped and hacked to shows. Aged 9 I hacked alone for the first time on the roads!

You've admitted you're a control freak, maybe this is taking all the fun from it. Take her too the stables, just etc her do what she wants. Ride pony, donot ride pony. Practise vaulting on, practise plaiting, buy some glitter Polish and polish his hooves. Make it enjoyable.
 
windand rain said:
I cannot agree with selling the pony because a spoilt brat doesnt want to go to the yard I must admit. If she doesnt want to ride she can sit in the car until you are done but make sure she doesnt have keyboard stuff or phones in the car. It is a matter of discipline if you want to do something do it she will just have to do as she is told. How can you tell I am an old disciplinarian. Kids are pandered to far to much they are not the be all and end all of life they are an important part of your life but you still have to compromise even at 8. They best way to deal with it is to tell her she has to come but isnt allowed to ride at all and to be honest about 30 minutes in front of a screen is enough in any couple of hours. I am sure your daughter is charming but if you let her just pick up and drop anything when it becomes hard she will have a real shock when life really isnt like that. I may not be for her ultimately but if you enjoy it you are entitled to do it. Break him to drive and have fun.
Will bow out now as an ancient granny with grown kids who I am very proud of maybe my views are a bit old fashioned.
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There are things I make my kids do because either I think it's good for them or I think they ought to, to help me out and maintain the lifestyle they enjoy, but sometimes I think as parents (and especially mothers) we make rods for our own backs and frankly, if they really don't want to do something, why force them? Both my kids have things they are passionate about, and things they don't like doing. I'd rather encourage their passions.

In the OPs case it sounds like she's the one who wants the pony and her daughter, whether because she no longer has the instructor she likes or because the pony bucked her off (on the sixth buck!!!!), doesn't want it.
 
I can remember reading g a letter in a horsey mag once, it was from a young adult whose mum was horse mad and bought her daughter a pony. The daughter spent years doing the pony and hating having to, but not wanting to disappoint her mum. She ended up getting resentful and it affected her relationship with her mother, who just couldn't understand her daughter's point of view.

I'd let your daughter stop going and find a hobby that she actually enjoys. Neither of my children were bothered about horses, even though they were both cracking little riders, they chose other things to do. I'd probably sell the pony under the circumstances.
 
He sounds like a deeply unsuitable childs pony and she sounds like an overcompensated child. I would HATE for my parenting style to be criticised, and we all do our best but think who wants the pony - you or her?
 
It sounds like you've made a rod for your own back as you have to go every time to the stable, and take your daughter.
Can you not find anybody on your yard to do yours a couple of days a week, and you do theirs?
It's the "no escape" routine that bores children.
Alternatively, it would probably help if you could let her do some after school activities so that the pony is done by the time she finishes and she can just go and give him a cuddle if you must go to the yard.
I rode a bike before I was 6, to this day I still
go out but I've never changed a tyre or done any other maintenance! Boring!!
 
Here's a new perspective for you. The perspective of a little girl. Fourteen years ago, when I was eight years old, I was a pony mad little girl who was lucky enough to have been bought a pony. I loved the pony to bits. But he bucked me off EVERY time I rode him. It didn't take long for my confidence to bite the dust. And I was soon asking my mum if we could do something else. This from a little girl who rode before she could walk. And had been at her happiest on the back of a pony.

It wasn't the chores. It wasn't the wet. It wasn't that I wasn't watching TV. It was the pony.

Four months of biting the dust past. And mum came to talk to me one evening. The pony was going. I cried myself to sleep that night. But the very next morning a little riding school pony called Pip rocked up. She wasn't flash. And she wasn't going to win any show classes. But she was safe. And I loved riding her. The next week, mum waved me off and my friends and I disappeared off for a three hour adventure hack. And the rest was history.

Pip was never sold and went onto my younger cousins to teach them the ropes, and I'm found with hay in my hair and and bedding in my socks more often than not and am a self confessed horse addict.

If your daughter is falling off regularly then no matter how much you like the pony he is not suitable. If you want her to remain horsey then the pony needs to change. So I suppose you need to decide whether the pony or your daughters confidence comes first.

At the time it was tough. But I'm so glad my mother made the decision she did. I could not imagine life without horses. And if the first pony had stayed then I would have given up.
 
If she is being bullied at school due to having a pony and being bucked off then it might not be much fun for her. What do her school friends like doing in their spare time or the popular kids at her school. She is at an impressionable age and her peers will probably have a bigger influence on her than you do.

I do think it is important that children do not spend most of their spare time in front of a screen, obesity is becoming a problem in children, so if she no longer enjoys being at the yard then I would try and find something else she can do in her spare time that is an active hobby. Have you asked her what she would like to do instead of riding.

If you love the pony and have the time to look after it or can find some assistance with looking after it then why not keep it for your pleasure. If you can find a pony mad child without their own pony to enjoy it a couple of days a week great {however if it does buck you might need to be careful as other parents might not be happy if their child gets bucked off}

You could as others have said get the pony trained to drive so you can drive it and or you can also do in hand work as well, even take it out for walks on the lead rein too.

I would also try and find another instructor who can help make the lessons fun again for your daughter.
 
As the mother of a horsey girl, who is now an adult rider, I wouldn't consider a pony that spooks and bucks her off suitable to be honest. I always opted for the very quiet pony types with no buck or bolt when the kids were were that age. The pony should match the child's ability and it sounds like the pony is too much for your child at the moment. Maybe you should seek the advice of a professional to assess the match and if the child is within range of developing the necessary skills to manage the pony.

I would also say that if she doesn't want to go out to the pony she may just not be that interested. My kids at that age were relentless in their desire to go out to the pony. If she does want to opt out altogether, I think you should consider it.
 
I have an 8yo son. I do not push him into riding, if he decides one day that he doesn't want to ride then that's fine. However, he comes up, poo picks, helps with field maintenance and has fun. His pony will occasionally put in an odd buck and he lost a bit of confidence at a PC rally when he fell off. I talked to him about selling her and finding another pony. He cried as he loves her too much to sell her. I have spent time and money into regaining his confidence with her. She is a little poppet really, I love her too but as with all ponies they aren't perfect all the time. Assess whether the pony and your daughter are a good combination. If not, I would sell the pony and maybe find something for yourself.
 
I had one particular instructor when I was a kid (yes, I can remember that far back, just!) and she almost put me off completely. Yet I was the sort of child who hung around the yard all day to help, just to be close to the ponies. She didn't make the lessons fun. I came so close to giving up because I just wasn't enjoying it. I found another riding school, and it was so different. It does sound as though your child stopped enjoying the pony when the new instructor arrived, maybe they just don't get on, not all instructors, qualified or not get on with young children. If the lessons are no longer fun its no wonder she has lot interest. The pony sounds a bit of a handful for a little one. Maybe you could move yards, and get the original instructor back.
Maybe you could let the pony go out on loan for a while and get her a quieter one, to restore her confidence.
 
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Haven't read all the replies but when my daughter lost interest in her pony, he was sold and I bought one for myself instead. She did become interested again and then competed very successfully on him but he always was and still is, mine!
 
Is the pony safe enough for a child? That is the major question. If it is, then look for a sharer. Lots of adults struggle with 7 days a week let alone an 8 year old when time has a different meaning.
Things need to be safe and fun.
 
sunnyone said:
It sounds like you've made a rod for your own back as you have to go every time to the stable, and take your daughter.
Can you not find anybody on your yard to do yours a couple of days a week, and you do theirs?
It's the "no escape" routine that bores children.
Alternatively, it would probably help if you could let her do some after school activities so that the pony is done by the time she finishes and she can just go and give him a cuddle if you must go to the yard.
I rode a bike before I was 6, to this day I still
go out but I've never changed a tyre or done any other maintenance! Boring!!
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It's simple in my world a child who does not want to do the pony everyday should not have one .
A pony is not a bike and and child who can't embrace that ought have a bike and not a pony .
 
Is the pony stabled? Have you considered 24/7 turnout for him - might make him a bit calmer for your daughter to ride and means there should be less chores to do each evening, giving her time to do other activities as well as the pony.

But I do think you need to get to the bottom of the problem - is she just not keen on ponies and riding full stop? Or is it because she is a bit frightened of this pony and doesn't like the instructor either? Is she doing too many serious things with the pony - lessons, shows etc? Could she benefit from more fun, less pressured activities with the pony?
 
The pony doesn't sound suitable, and that being an issue, the child has lost interest. A pony that bucked until I fell off which is in effect what it did, would have put me off at that age. I would wonder why there is so much to do in the summer, as surely the pony the pony is living out. I think you need to revaluate this pony, and just how much time you spend doing it. Done right, ponies are fun, falling off and constant chores are not.
 
I don't believe chores are not fun I loved looking after my pony by eight I was doing ninty percent my self .
Although I was bucked off all the time It never bothered me I just climbed back ,on all children are not brave so I think the pony may well be to much for OP's child at this time however if the child is kicking off about caring for the pony she should have no pony .
 
Yes, but I do wonder how much of the fun stuff she does, and how much of the less fun chores she gets left with without getting to brush the pony etc. From personal experience it also depends on the relationship with mum, I hated mine, so anything she enjoyed doing I would actively avoid. Thankfully she doesn't like horses!
 
I had phases of not wanting to ride when I was little (had ponies since I was seven) due to losing confidence (I had one quite nasty fall which wasnt the pony's fault, he was quite naughty though especially when stabled) but always wanted to be around them even then. The threat of the ponies being sold (we had two, one for dad) was enough for me to buck my ideas up but I really did want to ride and was horse mad even when not at the yard. So if your child is not like that, I would move on.
 
I don't quite understand why if the pony were ditched as a hobby that would mean the child is spending hours sat in front of a screen. It is just as likely she might want to do other, active, hobbies :p
 
HeresHoping said:
I own a 9 year old. A couple of months ago, she was an 8 year old.

Fickle things, aren't they?

You want her to go and ride the pony. BUT there are SO many other things to do when you're 8. Let's face it, a pony of your own is a bit of a chore, isn't it? And as you will know, getting an 8 year old to do anything that remotely resembles work is usually greeted with a bit of strop. The words 'tidy your room' are enough to set bottom lips a trembling and to glue feet to the floor. Coming to the yard when you could be trying out the latest mod on Minecraft, or drawing up the latest fashions or face-timing a gaggle of other 8 year olds is just such. a bore. Mummmmmy. Especially when only Matilda rides everyday when she gets home from school (but you know that Matilda's mummy is an eventer and has a groom, mummy, who just brings Jet to the door and she doesn't have to do annnnnyyyything else!) and Penny rides too, but she only has to go once a week because she's at the riding school...

It's such a chore when they could be doing SOMETHING else. It's especially a chore when they know they're going to have to fill a haynet, or help with the water buckets, or something. I am afraid, that's just being 8.

Also, if they weren't born on the back of the horse, learning to ride when you are 8 is a BIG frustration. There they are out at PC. All the other kids their age are scooting around like lunatics and they're just understanding what the heck you meant when you said 'inside leg on'. And all the other kids' ponies seem to be push button jobs that never put their noses in the long grass and always do as you ask. Kipper, on the other hand... well, there's a reason they're called '*****lands', isn't there? And they have to go and have a lesson once a week and the instructor just makes them go round and round and do it again and again and they never make anything fun. Not like Helen. Helen let me do jumping... she never said 'learn to use your seat effectively and then you can go jumping, she just let us go jumping, anyway...'

As you can gather, I've been there and have the tee-shirt. Twice. And now both of them are a little older, they both love it again. My son was given the opportunity to ride when he was 8 thank you to a lovely friend. He was so keen and then winter happened and he stopped giving a stuff. Thanks to another lovely friend, he was given another opportunity aged 10. And the difference was incredible. He couldn't get enough of it. Occasionally there'd be a 'I just don't feel like it'. In which case you shrug and say 'okay'. They're children.

My daughter never really had the option until this year (we didn't have the money, or another friend with a suitable pony). Then a 20yo been there, done that Shetland came into our lives. For the first couple of months, she couldn't get enough of him. She was absolutely determined - he was also determined, never to do as he should. Then her interest waned considerably. She would do anything to avoid it. This, because she HAD to ride, even though it was a couple of times a week. She also felt way behind her best friend who does go to the riding school, because said friend (and 8 yo girls are dreadful people to be around, ask any prep school teacher) put her down, saying she'd never be good enough, blah, blah.

In the last few weeks she has become really keen again. Yes, there's the odd refusal to do as she is told ref helping, but without the emphasis on 'having' to do things, she has been very enthusiastic.

I think that, unless you are literally born to the horse, a later introduction can be hit and miss. The kid who goes to the riding school is fueled by the limit of her riding; the one born into a horsey family knows no different - horses have been an integral part of her entire life. Hold on to the pony for a few more months if you can - maybe find it another jockey for a couple of days a week. And have a good long talk. Find out why she doesn't want to ride and if the reason is valid, then think again.

Personally, I think it's her age.:p
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At 8 years old well we didn't have computers then, but I was only allowed one TV programme to watch on Saturday and Sunday mornings, then it was switched off, no arguements. I didn't have a pony, but I did have a guinea pig, my sister a rabbit. We were expected to clean them out ourselves every day, fetch green food from the hedges and kitchen scraps for them and tell Mum when we were running low on mix. We fed them before school, then again after. If I didn't tidy my room, the whole lot got dumped on my bed. There was no argueing and talking back - or your bottom knew all about it. If we ever mentioned the word "bored" there was always two bucket of garden peas to pod, or beans to shred.

I suspect though this child has become stale because she isn't having fun. Lessons should be fun, that is how anyone learns. There is more to riding than winning in the showring. When I was teaching, during the summer months we would have a gymkhana lesson every few weeks. I'd set up obstacle courses, timed spud and spoon runs, walk trot and canter runs, clear round jumping courses. It was easy to include work without stirrups, rapid transitions, thinking and looking ahead, accurate steering. All the things you need to master to be a competent rider. Even the little kids could go out hacking - I would take them out on a lunge line and we would step over the horse stiles, ride up and down slopes , stand up in the stirrups to see into fields, practice riding on the road with handsignals etc. In the summer when it was hot they learned about not overdoing it with the pony, how dark ponies got hotter than light coloured ones (physics), how in the winter their fur coats could make it harder for them to work too (physics and biology) and they all knew about centrifugal force and how to combat it when riding circles! Slap in some history of how humans used horses throughout the ages, geography to look at what horse breeds lived in which country. Yes, I hope I taught my pupils more than just "riding" and that they enjoyed it. One time I was at a show and in completely contrast to the primped and polished show ponies was a plain little 11hh of obviously more senior years. Its human friends were two little girls who were taking it in turns to do the clear round course where it proceeded calmly and steadily around the jumps. When it rained briefly, the children took their own coats off and covered up their precious little friend. Later I saw them doing some gymkhana classes with him. He wasn't going to win any speed classes but they were all having a ball. No pressure, no expectation, just fun.
 
I'm an instructor and have taught a lot of children that age. Very few children that age will continue to enjoy riding if their pony spooks more than rarely or bucks.

I would suggest a change or instructor, pref move to a yard where the old instructor who she liked is allowed to go and teach (although teaching without insurance??????? Mad in my opinion!) and I would seriously consider and talk to your child about selling the pony and perhaps buying one that is quieter/safer. Kids that age get put off very easily by falling off.
 
I can’t say I blame the girl at all, if she has a pony that regularly bucks her off and it doesn’t sound overly suitable.

If you want her to give horses another go, then I’d be looking at borrowing another pony with a more suitable temperament and see if that helps re-spark her interest whilst keeping it all fun and low-key. Or, if you can’t borrow a pony, can you get her some lessons with other children at a riding school – she might enjoy being part of a group with other kids?

But, it could be that horse’s just aren’t her thing. There are worse things than having an un-horsey child! I sometimes think because all of us fell in love with horses, the lifestyle and then because it is time and money consuming, there is sometimes a temptation to believe it’s the only way to be an active, passionate kid and otherwise they’ll end up over-weight, unactive and drinking alcopops outside the local shops with the boys that turned your head because they didn’t have a 14hh pony to call their own.

Is there anything else she is interested in? Or can you invest the time to find out – maybe it’s swimming, athletics, singing and not horses at all that interest her. Could she stay at an after school club whilst you see to the pony if you are desperate to keep him?
 
At 8 my daughter loved doing her own pony. She literally did everything, we turned out in the morning before school and she mucked out and rode after school. She didn't have lessons as I couldn't afford it. I think a lot of her attitude was down to the fact she loved the yard and had great influences around her. Older girls (late teens-20's)who evented. She looked up to them and they were just amazing with her. They all took her as "groom" to their competitions dispite my "you don't need the hassle of a child " protests.
My point is I think you've almost answered the question yourself and I'd be looking seriously at a yard move.

Failing that drive him, that's also a great idea :)
 
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