Clingy mare!

[Wimpymama]

My horse, almost 20, has become very clingy towards her next door neighbour and friend. We hack out together often and they are often brought within a few minutes of each other. She's in a fairly big herd and has many friends, this has only started over winter. She was fine in the summer. She paces around her stable and squeals on! Any advice? She did live on her own for a while before we moved to this yard but we've been here for about 9 months and this has only started in the last 3. Should I be worried?!

 

[Flowerofthefen]

If she is just worried in the few minutes before her friend comes in I wouldn't worry.

 

[Wimpymama]

She goes on crackers if I turn her friend out first. I did it on purpose on Sunday as I want to try and calm things a bit. She just squeals and walks in circles. She's fine if I school her, she'll shout back if her friend shouts but as soon as she's working she concentrates on that. She will hack out happily with others too.

 

[Red-1]

Neither of mine are clingy, I can turn out alone or at the same time, ride one out and not the other etc. I consider it normal if one calls a time or two if their friend goes out, but they are not destructive, nor do they get wound up. However...

I took BH to a beach camp. he had been to many other camps with no issues, but on this one a friend was there with her mare, who we'd met and ridden out with a few times. We had adjoining stables, they had adjoining paddocks. We rode at the same time. Crucially, BH was a little worried at his first beach experiences, but the older mare saw him through. I think the fact that she saw him through a scary time made him feel attracted to time with her. On the second day, I realised he was getting too attached, when she was fetched in earlier than her and he made an uncharacteristic fuss, despite other horses in adjoining paddocks. In reality, the reliance on this mare was making him less confident, not more. So...

I stopped them being together as much. The first time I split them, I took him to the riding arena where we had a lesson on our own, in compliance and focus before we got onto jumping. I then found another riding buddy, who he was happy to be with but not attached. He then only went out when his mare friend did not. I made sure that I could take him out of the stable, or leave him in the stable, at will, whether alone or with someone else. It meant watching him in the paddock or standing with him in the stable. But, he didn't see the mare until he was calm and happy.

It was soon broken, and soon he was back to his normal chilled self. It was a new thing for him, but only took 24 hours to sort. It was 24 hours of active sorting though, mindful separating and keeping his focus.

One time, I had 2 horses at home where the gelding did the same. The mare didn't give two hoots where the gelding was, but the gelding was getting worked up if the mare was not with him. In that case, it took a week but, for a while, the gelding went out at night and the mare in the day. They still had some stable time together and rode together. He needed me to stay with him in the paddock initially, to get over the worst of it. After that, he was again back to his normal happy self and could be in or out with confidence, regardless of where the mare was.

With yours, I would stop riding together for now. if you turn one out without the other, I would do so whilst other horses are in the field for company, but not if the mare will join them before yours is settled. If yours makes a fuss and then is 'rewarded' by his mare appearing, it perpetuates the behaviour IMO. I would take yours in and out randomly when the mare is there, but never returning him to her unless he is with you mentally rather than still fretting. If the mare is always out, I would put yours out later, but only once he is settled in the stable area without her, perhaps after a ride, and bring him in earlier and then go ride him or something. Anything so he is focusing on you rather than her.

 

[scats]

I do find mares can get very clingy with each other. My girls can be, more so if something happens that’s out of their routine. They are used to one or the other disappearing at riding time, so if tack appears, the one left behind isn’t bothered at all. Same with when the wagon appears. But if I take one out at a ‘random’ time, the remaining one will scream and pace a bit in the stable.
To be honest, I expect them to get on with it. I’d never leave one in the field on their own though.