Comforting a friend who has lost a horse

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Fools Motto

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is never easy at the best of times. But, sadly when said stricken horse has to be removed from a stable with difficult access it seemed very hard.
Happened to me today. We, (friend and I) knew that the horse Cousher (pn'd 'Coosha') was not going to go through another winter. She was elderly, arab type who was diagnosed with a cancerous lump early on this year. But, it happened all too quickly. I've always said I'd be there if and when needed. Late last night, the poor mare went downhill rapidly. It was her time. She was unable to leave the stable, and the collectors were unable to get to her til this morning. I have to admit, I've never seen a horse been collected from a stable, and to be honest, I don't want to see it again. I therefore found it really hard to support her, and feel guilty for it. I should have been ok, but today I wasn't. Maybe I should have looked away, but I promised to see the mare through til the very end.
Life is hard, today was hard. It is also my wedding anniversary, poor OH, he doesn't quite understand!!

Sorry, not a pleasent post, but feel better that I've written it down!
 
How awful :(.

I didn't see mine taken away from out in the open because it would have upset me too much.
Watching one being extracted doesn't bear thinking about.

Please tell me your friend wasn't there :eek:. Poor, poor her if she was :(.
 
What a very lucky friend she is to have someone like you to support her and her mare in their hour of need, be proud of yourself that you done what you done for them, now take some time for you to try to clear your head of what you witnessed, let the OH spoil you x
 
What a dreadful, grim experience for you. You must be feeling very shocked.

I'm sure you'll still be a good support to your friend, once you've recovered from the initial shock. She'll need that support for some time to come, and I'm sure you'll be there for her.
 
That sounds awful. I stayed with a friends til she was taken away from outdoors and that was hard. I stayed with mine til it was time to be put on the lorry but felt i didn't want to see him like that.
I always worry that my mare goes in her stable as it would be difficult to get her out. Not quite sure how they do it but have a bit of an idea, not nice.
I am sure your friend understands that it was hard for you and appreciates what you have done. xx
 
Hello.
sorry to hear about the sad news it is never nice when something like that happens
lots of hugs go to you for being there for your friend and hugs to her to.

from purplelady
 
I've been there a few times in my life when horses have been collected, although thankfully always via easy access. Still, I know only too well how traumatic it is and you shouldn't beat yourself up for taking it so badly. You're still a top friend for being there, and really do hope that you can all come to terms with it before too long. With love.
 
I know from personal experience how much difference the presence of good friends can make at such a difficult time.
We've had to have 2 horses removed from the stable, one by the hunt and one by the Equine Crem. In both instances we were advised by the collector to go inside, without watching and TBH, I think that this was good advice.
I do prefer to stay with the horse until it knows no more about it but can see no real value in staying to watch what I feel is the most unpleasant aspect of the whole procedure.
 
This is so awful for you, as well as your friend, and the only way to deal with it is to keep telling yourself that whatever happened AFTER the horse was actually PTS, it won't have known anything about.

That's the only way you can deal with the awfulness of it I think. I'm very surprised that you were "allowed" to stay though; as usually the vet or hunt or whoever's done the deed (and presuming the horse is in the open, or wherever) gently suggests that owners and anyone else just clear the area for a bit and they then just get on and deal with all the unpleasantness, and then clear off. It has to be said that they are used to it and are thoroughly professional, so for them, whilst its not exactly a pleasant task, they are able to maintain a detachment that your friend as an owner, and you as her friend trying to support her, cannot have.

You both need to treat this as you would if it were a bereavement of a family member. You will (and she will particularly) go through the various stages of grief, i.e. shock, denial, emotional stuff like crying, guilt, etc etc., and all of this is normal and must be allowed to run its course.

Sometimes, but great sensitivity needed here, gently encouraging her to perhaps get involved with horses again is a good thing, but quite often when someone loses their trusted horse people very kindly offer them rides on theirs, or suggest "getting another" and this can often just make the loss seem all that more awful. They themselves will know the right time to think about "getting back into horses" and you just have to allow them to work through the grief process. I still, if in the right frame of mind and after a gin or two, have a good old blub about my two old boys; one of which I lost 26 years ago, and the other 6 years ago, so its just like losing another human being really, the grief never goes, its just about how we learn to cope with it.

Bless you, you're being a super friend, and this isn't easy for you either, particularly at what should be a happy celebratory occasion for you and OH.
 
I lost my precious pony this summer and quite frankly wouldn't have coped without a very special friend. She liaised with the vet on my behalf as I found it just too difficult to discuss the arrangements. When pony was PTS she kept discreetly out of the way so it was just me and the vet with him until he was out of his pain and then we sat with him for a while. Vet was brilliant and caring. The crem people had followed vet to yard but kept out of my sight. When I'd spent some time with him I went to a quiet spot down the fields while friend stayed with crem people as they loaded him. She was able to report back to me how sympathetic and respectful the guys were. It was an incredibly painful experience but I just cannot find the words to describe how grateful I am to my friend for her help and support. I'm sure the friend you helped feels just the same.
 
Oh bless your heart what a lovely friend you are, I am sorry for the loss of your friends mare too, but my goodness I am sorry but I couldn't watch it happen either.... you were so brave and so thoughtful to your friend, you must not feel guilty at all.

You have to try and get that image out of your head i'm afraid... bless you.

Sending big hugs to you both and happy anniversary try to enjoy it together.
 
However you feel now or however you were at the time, you were there for your friend and her horse at their time of need. It's never easy and its never plesant whether planned or unplanned.

I was lucky (if you can call it that) I was able to plan my old boys end, he had arthiritis and a severe heart murmor. We all knew that his time was coming to an end and he confirmed this by telling us on the Friday morning. He'd gone down in his box due to his heart murmour and couldn't get up due to his arthiritis. We managed to get him back up and called the vet. The vet couldn't of been any better, he drugged him up for the weekend so at least he was comfy and organised for the crem people to be there for the Monday morning.

On the morning itself, it was me, the vet, my horse and my friend with me, it was really peaceful. I made sure that the crem people didn't come onto the yard or be in his sight (or mine) whilst he was still here. After the injection, I stayed with him and cried into his neck for the last time whilst my friend and the vet made themselves scarce.

My vet came over and told me that the crem people were ready for him when I was ready. I said my last goodbyes to him. My friend stayed with my old boy whilst his body was loaded into the trailer. I couldn't be there for that part.

For that bit alone, I was grateful, I'm sure your friend would be grateful for what you did for them too. x
 
I am sorry to hear about your friends loss. I lost my mare on friday night very suddenly. I always wanted to be there but I could not be there when she fell to the ground so I left just before. Some wonderful people including the YO dealt with it while my OH carried me to the car that night.

They collected her from her stable yesterday morning to be cremated. Part of me thought to go and see her body but I could not bare it, losing her is bad enough but coping with flashbacks on top of seeing her in agony with colic, followed by three fits I could not bare to see any more. Your poor, poor friend, my heart goes out to her as it i truly awful
 
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