Competition nerves, and managing childs expectations..

Rowreach said:
Just a question (because one of mine hated riding), does he really want to ride?
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He loves riding, though not necessarily mucking out or tack cleaning unfortunately for me 😭

Even after a fall yesterday, he was back on, riding under some whippy overhanging tree branches in the manege and cackling with laughter in couple of min flat.....

Pony is back to being her normal angelic self at PC tonight, she just has her very occasional moments.... Hubby says ...typical woman 🤣

Haven't replied to everyone, but I'm on phone. Will do tomorrow 😃

Fiona
 
Pearlsasinger said:
The show is just another opportunity for your son to ride his pony.

It does worry me that you are taking your 6 yr old son to shows which do not have clear round classes, as, usually, the atmosphere at shows which do is more relaxed and encouraging to children. In your position, I would try to find shows either especially for children or which have classes to encourage novices. IME those are often RC shows.
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First sentence is brilliant. I never thought of it like that... Will definitely use that in the future...

Re clear round jumping. It's just not done where I live.. There are lots of local unaff low key sj shows though, evenings and weekend, and that's what we do... Never thought of asking to go again HC though...

We've only once this year been to a big show aka our nearest county show, and that was to do a show class and cross pole sj in a ring run at the show by a local PC.

Fiona
 
Batgirl said:
My two penneths:

I haven't seen anyone talk about he specific behaviour that the pony is doing - the stops/run outs. These aren't the normal showjumping 'either you go clear or you don't' things (like knocking a pole). Perhaps he is getting upset as he feels he should be able to fix it and he can't? (I only say this having seen a talent child of a friends having similar issues, not having the easy pony) They were more frustrated as they felt they should be able to make the pony go where they wanted and couldn't.

I'd be trying to figure out why the pony is stopping/running out and giving him more control over it - more competition experience of more run outs/stops won't help. Teaching him to fix the issue and him then being able to do it in a competition will. (IMHO)
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He has lots of lessons, at PC and privately.... Runouts are very infrequent to be fair to pony, but more often at competitions than at home where she is super. She's quite a low mileage 9yo, having done PC for a couple of years, then being used in a riding school (when outgrown) until we bought her.

FIona
 
Fiona said:
He has lots of lessons, at PC and privately.... Runouts are very infrequent to be fair to pony, but more often at competitions than at home where she is super. She's quite a low mileage 9yo, having done PC for a couple of years, then being used in a riding school (when outgrown) until we bought her.

FIona
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That's kind of the point (certainly what I saw with my friends child) - we (all of us) can be naturally lazy riders (steering rather than riding), once a tricky pony has learned that it can run out because the rider doesn't have the shoulders in control, isn't riding towards the fence etc etc they then try it on in the more stressful situation of the show where us riders have even less control because we are worrying about the show, we can't do it multiple times.

Figure out why the run outs are happening or in my opinion it will just get worse.
 
I think my son would likely have been the same had he carried on with ponies (he's just turned 6 and packed it in last month) - he's the type that if he's not doing well enough in his mind then he'd rather just give up and go off in a huff. I think if mine did this, I'd focus purely on him getting over the problem he had. So if the horse refuses, when he comes out I'd gush about how well he did getting the pony over the jump the next time and how well he rode to achieve that. Then you're taking the focus off the "failure" and giving him a sort of success.
 
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Dear OP . I guess you are hoping that things will change . I have exactly the same problem , but my rider is 29 . At Badminton after rider was eliminated (grass roots 100) I caught the shuttle golf buggy back to the stables .I shared it with a lady that I can safely describe as Equine matriarch. She asked about horses round , then stared me straight in the eye and said "Do not discuss this with her, not for at least 3 days and only of she brings up the subject!"She went on to add that her daughter ,at 56 was like a wounded tiger after a bad round . You must be seen to care but let them sort out their own heads, This is the great thing we learn from horses ,to accept success and defeat with equal humility.
 
I was going to say same as above actually.
I wouldn't worry about his response or try to change it or soften it.
He is learning amazing lessons at life through his pony! I would offer encouragement and not put pressure on him in anyway (so hes not dealing with your disappointment too as that's not fair on him) and let him process and Express his frustration and upset.
I have 2 little boys 3 and 5 and frustration is apparent frequently. My 4 year old is writing now and he got so frustrated because he couldn't fit writing 'I want to be a dinosaur guy' in one line. He had tears in his eyes, crumpled up the paper, banged his fists on the floor. All I could say to him was 'you are leaning, you are doing great and dont give up you will get it, I promise'. It didn't console him because he was so cross with himself for not getting it right first time.
That is however a natural response. It's one we all have and as adults we learn to deal with it and rationalize it but kids can't.
Its wonderful your little boy is learning these life lessons. So many kids are mollycoddled in the school system nowadays. Everyone's a winner, everyone gets a prize. Life isn't like that though is it.
I think you should tell him you are proud of him and know that was he is feeling and displaying is normal and healthy and hopefully will set him up for a successful life :).
 
Folks thank you so much for your replies.....

I really appreciate it, though its depressing to know that its not a problem that improves with age ;)

Firewall and MM - I know your littlies are similar ages so thank you for the encouragement.

Update - we've been out to a lesson and a mini XC session with the new pony (re the XC I ran beside to keep pony straight the first time, then he rode it alone a second time), and also a PC rally with his other elderly pony where they did gridwork. Pony had a couple of runouts due to poor steering round the corner, and I was really pleased with his response (no crying and a determined re-approach)...

So things are good for now....

However next weekend we have a stay away show to attend, and I've already entered him ages ago in 2 WH classes as well as on the flat. However I'm hoping that because its only 50cm (and he's jumping 60-70cm at home) that this will go OK. If it doesn't we'll just do the flat classes...

Fiona
 
Glad to hear things are improving and I'm sure you gave him lots of praise for the way he handled the run-outs! Make sure he gets plenty of sleep at the stay away show, as a tired child is a grumpy, over-emotional child! Good luck :)
 
TGM said:
Glad to hear things are improving and I'm sure you gave him lots of praise for the way he handled the run-outs! Make sure he gets plenty of sleep at the stay away show, as a tired child is a grumpy, over-emotional child! Good luck :)
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Crikey TGM - we've never stayed away before, so I've no idea how the sleeping is likely to go.....

Good point though, I'm thinking hard how we can all get a good two nights sleep....

Thank you...

He's got loads of praise for his sensible behavior over the past few days :)

Fiona
 
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