Competition stereotypes and bugbears!

This is such a good post
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The pothunter- 100k lorry turns up with 4 very flashy dark bay WBs, at a local riding club show. Mummy and Daddy preen horses and blonde girl with tight white jods steps out of lorry and hops onto first immaculate WB. She is heard telling anyone who will listen about how it won a 1.20m class last week. She canters into the ring, ready for the 70cm class and the horse jumps clear (well duh) and she proceeds to jump all 4 posh WBs in the 70cm clas, 80cm class and 90cm class. She wins them all. (amazing on a 20k horse) The girl eventually leaves the showground exclaiming how tired she is, while mummy and daddy run around after the horses. Mummy and daddy can also be seen collapsing under 25 trophies as they stagger back towards the lorry.

The pothunter can usually be spotted by the vast array of rosettes and trophies covering the front windscreen of 100k lorry.

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Owww another

123) the i'm not competitive promise. Said rider always informs everyone around she is only competing for the experience and isn't bothered if comes 1st or last. In reality though you know this couldn't be further than the truth. If showjumping there are no experience building jump offs instead every corner is cut and top speed ahead. If she gets a pole the will sulk for days and claim it was bad coursebuilding, if she wins she will lap up the praise and claim she wasn't even trying
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If dressage if she doesn't win the judge will be claimed blind and she will sulk and complain for days. If she wins she will lap up the praise and claim she wasn't even trying and how much better they can go on a 'good' day
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14) The I Could Do So Much Better Spectator - usually a mummy of another competitor, and usually one who hasn't sat on a horse for years. Spends their day stood at the edge of the arena sighing and telling anyone who will listen all the faults of whoever is currently riding.
Great Thread

THAT ONES MY GRANDAD!... not ever ridden and does on the whole know his stuff... but when sat in packed stands... alongside other competitors supporter commenting... "well that was bound to happen... he is going to fast... " etc.... doesnt go down too well!

It is made a little better when they hear him cheering me on... until i hit a dodgy stide at which point he shouts.."IDIOT" at me!
 
It's quiet again this morning so a couple more for you...

111) The forever groom never competitor - When she started the working pupil position with Bettina Funnel-Foxpitt she was full of hope and ambition. The advert had promised regular tutition and opportunity to compete. The perfect way for her to learn the ropes with the ambition of one day owning and running her own yard. Unfortunately things hadn't gone to plan. Instruction was few and far between and BFFP never paid her proper attention, and due to the high horse to groom ratio (8 horses of which she had sole care including riding) her own horse was rarely ridden for sheer lack of time and energy. Because of this and there never being a spare space on the lorry she has not competed since she arrived at the yard 4 years ago. She would love to work for another rider but you don't cross BFFP so she has resigned himself to being a pepetual groom. OH well she sighs at least she saves some money which she would otherwise spend on entry fees!

112) The dressage 'Queen' - for years he denied his sexuality but last year finally came out admitting what everybody already knew. With it now public knowledge he takes full advantage of the fact he is now allowed bling! Of course he is 6ft tall with legs up to his armpits and the most elegant effective rider you have seen in years. His once gangly 4yo wb has now blossomed into an impressive 7yo with results to match and a sure thing for the PSG national title. Between classes he is often seen nattering with a group of girls analysing turnout decisions and Maria Hindle-Channons choice of jacket/bandage combo, whilst clutching his small toy dog with diamante collar which of course co-ordinates with his horse. Watch out ladies he could well be the next Carl Wilton-Eilberg!!

113) The pretender - commonly found at the side of the arena surveying the course and competitors of the main class of the day. She will have walked the course making note to make comments regarding distances whenever someone famous passed her in the hope it made her more convincing. Back outside she will warm up her horse (nothing special looking) but no one ever actually sees her jump a warm up fence, but no one takes any real notice when she then returns to the ring side where she then stays for the rest of the class. Ok so she could never ever jump in the class, infact she struggles round a british novice but she can now say she was in the same class as 5 lesser known Whitakers, ok she didn't jump but she paid the entry fee! If anyone suspiciously asks how she did or when she jumped she will say she was in the first 10 and had a couple of unlucky poles, that normally puts the doubters in their place.

114) The pocket Rocket - Our rider here stopped growing at 11 and struggles to reach 5ft but in the arena this means nothing. Her trusty 14h2 who she is now riding in senior ranks is practically unbeatable up to 1m20 level. If he had been just that bit more scopey he would have been the next Stroller but our rider is more than happy with their results especially when week in week out she beats the girls who taunted her regarding her height. She most certainly got the last laugh.

115 The Geek - Ever since she was a child our geek had wanted to ride but hadn't had opportunity. Now older with a well paid technological research job she was determined to own her own horse and compete. From the word go she has applied her scientific research methods. She has developed her own video recognition software which analyses her position and the horses outline & paces throughout the entire test/round to help her acheive perfection. Unfortunately although she has identified her body is regulary 14.3 degrees of centre with a false axis rotation around the 9th verterbrae and that her horse only has a 38 degree flexion of the hocks and needs to track up by a further 8.37cm she cannot find an instructor who follows round her methods to help her. Therefore her current work in progress is a virtual trainer. She is inputting all the training books she can find her trainer will be able to offer the best advice at all times. This project though is progressing slowly mainly due to the huge contradictions between books..
 
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I like bex SJTA........ whose mother can often be heard to say I told him not to go too fast
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OMG I have a video of me doing this. My son is now 6ft tall & drop dead gorgeous and really keen to keep competing. I am soo in for it this year.
 
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