Concerned - am I right to be?

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Flicker

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Don't know if I'm over-reacting here... An extended family member has bought herself a very nice sounding cob. She has had about 6 - 8 months worth of riding lessons and they have two miniature Shetlands at home who seem to be getting on ok. She keeps cob on grass at livery yard because she is self-employed and her hours can be hectic.
I am just concerned because I don't think she is experienced enough to own a horse and has just kind of gone out to get one because she's met mine and now wants one too. Also, the livery yard she's at doesn't have the best reputation in town...
I became even more concerned when she told me that she bought a saddle for cob without the tack shop owner even seeing him - she just said 'if it's not right, bring it back'. How can someone who has been riding for 8 months know if a saddle fits or not??! She mentioned that she would like to see my (brilliant) saddle fitter because cob has started to play up when she goes to mount him.
I dropped hints about her moving him to our yard ('we could go hacking together... etc') where we could keep and eye on him and help her, but she couldn't do DIY and couldn't afford part-livery and there is no grass livery at ours.
Oh dear, do you think they'll be ok?? I don't want to come over as the know-it-all relative (because I don't know it all) but I just can't help being afraid that it'll all end in tears...
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Yes you are right to be concerned. She may be fine, she may have put a lot of effort into learning about keeping a horse, however there is nothing like experience. I have ridden since a child and kept horses for nearly 8 years now - and I am still learning. You need to be carefull, you could be that cobs best hope ATM so try not to alienate your relative by being over pushy.
 
All you can do is offer friendly advice. Try not to go too OTT or you will alienate her. At the end of the day, this happens and people have to learn as they go along - often at the expense of the horse. If you are there for her (and her horse) to help them along at least you might make it easier! Try offering to lend her some books and suggest a reasonable priced instructor to her (I take it she has stopped having lessons)
 
Yes, she has stopped having lessons and just wants to be a happy hacker. Which is fine and dandy, if it suits the horse. I'm going to see him sometime soon so I should get an idea of what he's like and there are lots of fab instructors around who are not too pricey.
What I'm worried about mainly is that he starts to get away with stuff with her and then gets too much for her and gets sold on with a black mark against his name, which would be very sad as he sounds a real gent.
Good idea about the books - I've got the BHS manual that would be good for her! Thanks!
 
Either she'll make a good go of it or come the grotty weather it will be for sale. I do hope it isn't the old 'fancy a horse but no idea what's involved so when the problems start horse goes' scenario.

I had a neighbour who had no concept that it was more than buying all the right stuff for mucking it out that she was endlessly round asking for help. I willingly gave it but the horse had already established who was boss (not her) and off it went. Then, she bought another - a rearer. That went, too. I don't know what they have now, I just feel sorry for it.
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Don't know which is more painful TBH. Butting out and watching the horse get short-changed, or butting in and appearing the know-all.

I watched quietly from next-door (so pretty easy to see/hear the goings-on, and helped when asked and only then. Made no difference. If she has the wherewithall and determination to learn and improve then horsey will be OK. You have done all you can for now. Winter will be very interesting and the acid-test.
 
I wouldn't judge her - she may well be fine with her cob. Give her time and be there for her if she needs any help. One thing is for sure, she may not have vast experience at the moment, but owning a horse is the quickest and best way to gain that experience. I have no problem with beginners buying horses so long as they aren't shy at coming forward in asking for advice.
 
I think all you can do is carry on with support, as suggested.
And hope that she survives and the cob is OK.

This is the second time on a DG that I have seen people start lessons and only months afterwards go out and buy a horse. The last one, some woman had bought a 16.2 from her instructor and couldn't ride it. Some instructor!


I hesitate to say that people should have a "certificate" but I do worry about horse welfare, and the owners too!

You could suggest that she does a course like the BHS Horse Owner's Certificate. Our local BHS County Branch arranges them from time to time, starting at level 1 which is quite basic, right up to Level 4 which is getting on to A level standard.

She could also do the Riding and Road Safety Certificate.
 
I thought about that, lizzilulu, but I don't know if I would have the time to commit and be always available when she was stuck etc... I don't want to promise something I can't deliver, if you know what I mean
 
If you are worried about the saddle - then you could 'cheat' and give her a very thick polypad as a 'horsewarming' present in a colour of her choice

I know the right thing to do is to get a properly fitting saddle but a thick pad is an alternative that would appear 'nice' and yet help the horse and maybe stop it becoming a problem due to a bad saddle
 
Is the saddle really the only thing bothering you right now? If she has kept shetlands OK then she is not a complete novice at general care. be friendly and offer her subtle 'suggestions'. Ask how cob is doing and if/when she mentions a problem, such as being difficult to mount, say "Hmm. I don't know but it may be worth getting a saddle fitter to check your saddle."
Sound helpful but not pushy or know-it-all. Otherwise, give her a chance to prove herself.
 
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