Confidence Advice

HumidClimate

HumidClimate

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Joined
12 September 2010
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Basingstoke, Hampshire
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Hello everyone, another newbie here.

I am loosing confidence with my riding, I am now at the point of avoiding going to the stables and when i do I only manage to ride at walk around the school or hack out at a walk. Part of the reason for this is that I am not massively experienced and I am on a yard of top even riders and I am just a happy hacker and feel so useless compared to them. They are all lovely don't get me wrong but one of them is a 4* Badminton Rider and what he can't do with a horse isn't worth knowing. Can anyone offer me advice on how to get more confident? I ride a 16.1 ex racehorse who is pretty good but I haven't been able to ride him much and I feel I am a little over horsed. The yard owner who is lovely and a dear friend of mine says I just need to ride more often and have lessons on him to get more confident. Does anyone have any constructive advice on building my confidence back up please?
 
Sorry to hear you feel like this. Horses should be fun!! I would definately start to have lessons with a recommended instructor. The instructor should fill you with confidence and give you tips on how to control your horse in different situations should they arise. There is absolutly nothing wrong with walking every where but it does depend on whether you feel you want to do more. Take advice off the people on your yard but don't try to be as good as them. Chances are they do this as a job where as you seem to want to do it for pleasure? As my instuctor used to say ' keep your nose in your own trough!! Meaning concentrate on what your doing not what everyone else is doing!! More riding would help as it creates a bond with your horse, as does spending time grooming etc. Good luck!
 
"keep your nose in your own trough" hahaha thank you , great advice! You are right of course, I cannot compare myself to them, they were born in the saddle and ride every day. I think it's frustration on my part that I can't do what I want to do. I dream of having a lovely canter on my boy one day :-)

My husband said I am silly and would I expect to be able to ride a superbike without any instructions ????? .... No i would have lots of lessons.

It helps just speaking to people like yourself, and realising I am not alone in my concerns and worries. It doesn't help that I have suffered with depression on and off for many years and when it's bad I have little or no self esteem and this has a knock on effect on my riding.

There is also the fact that my horse (which I only bought in April) nearly died 6 weeks after I bought him and he was hospitalised for 4 weeks after a major operation and he got "choke" the other day so I never quite know how he is going to be and it also knocks my confidence.

Thanks again x
 
Number one take the pressure off yourself You don't HAVE to ride .
Can you go up early or late when there are less people around less of an audience!
See if you can find a good trainer poss someone who deals with young horses and problem horses as well as confidence issues taking the horse back to basics will increase both your confidence and his.
Can you work on ground work lungeing long lining and some le Trec obstacle course a trainer should be able to help you with that.
Clicker training is also quite interesting and rewarding .
All this will build your confidencs and your relationship with your horse and the 'le trec' style obstacle course helps de spook you horse so thats all to the good as well .
If you look up 'le trec' on google or on the BHS site you may find a local group they will probably be able to advise you of a local trainer.
 
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I wish you lived near me....we could go out plodding together! I have been riding over 20 years and am still only a happy hacker. I'm also bored going out on my own, its so much more fun with someone else, is there no one at your yard that will go for a gentle ride with you? Could you advertise for a riding companion...I put an ad on NFED.com, have a nosy. I would also find an instructor who understands. I've found more and more that I enjoy lunging and taking my horse for walks in hand when I'm having an off day and not up for riding, you don't have to ride.
 
Thank you Horselib, that's brilliant advice. Thank you. I am a huge fan of NH and would love to do more groundwork with my boy, but the ménage is very rarely empty and we don't have a round pen here. I do try and ride in the afternoons when the others have finished their jumping or dressage training. I hate having an audience as I think they are laughing at me. Can you suggest anything else I could do on the ground that would help the bond with my horse?
 
Dear EllieBelly1

What a lovely post thank you. That's a good idea actually. I do know of a friend who is in a yard a mile or so away form me and she would be more than happy to hack out with me. There are possibly some more happy hackers moving to our yard so it may be that I have some other's to ride out with also.

I think purely from a personal point though I need to improve my riding so I don't feel panicky if he's going a little faster than I want and feel able to control the situation. I have it running around my head all the time that he's going to buck or tank off and of course he never has it's the old "what if" scenario. Having two little children doesn't help either as I am aware that they need a mother and if I were to injure myself riding or worse that would be so selfish of me.

I am rereading my posts and I need to take a "chill pill" LOL

Are you very far from Basingstoke?
 
Here is a list of books sent to me by someone who does clicker and le trec.I am sure she won't mind me sending to you

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I would look at Alex Kurland's stuff - I believe her books are now available on 'training lines' - think you'll find it if you google it. Her step by step books are really detailed and useful, although I don't agree with everything in there, there's a lot of good stuff

Shawna Karrasch has written 'you can teach you horse to do anything' and that's quite good as well.

Emma Lethbridge has written 'Know Your Horse' (also CT based stuff) and Ben Hart has also written something like 'the art and science of clicker training for horses' - but be warned, he uses the clicker differently to the way I, and everyone else does, so don't confuse yourself I actually wasn't terribly impressed with this book - which surprises me, because I thought I would have been ...

'Equine clicker training' is a good site, and 'stale cheerios' and Alex's site has lots of info (google alex kurland the click that teaches, that should get you there).

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The le trec course can consist of stuff you have around like plastic feed sacks on jump stand jump flags in odd places, a florescent jacket on a polyblock with a brush and shovel leaned against it ,an open ubrella,a string of party bunting you can buy cheaply a tarpauline to walk over.
I set it up then work in hand around it with the horse rewarding going past and under things lots of patience and reward. After a couple of weeks I found I could ride around ducking under things and going really close to flappy things.This is all really useful when out hacking
I have started clicker training to build the conidence of my recently broken youngster and he is a star and just loves doing it .
Le trec is becoming very popular now so is clicker training . I just love it .
It builds a real bond with the horse and gives you confidence and the horse confidence in your leadership.
 
Definitely some lessons! I would be nowhere with my horse if it wasn't down to having lessons with an instructor who fills me with confidence. I have yet to canter Belle on a hack, mostly because someone has to walk or cycle with me and we can't get far enough like that to any decent canter spots. However, I know that when I do I will be able to control her much better because of the schooling we've done. I know that she listens to my aids, I know that I can shorten up her canter with my body, I know that I can turn her and stop her etc. I really think that if I had gone out and cantered her without this then I would've been nervous and somewhat incapable and Belle would've taken advantage.

A good instructor could also help you with some tips about groundwork. :) You just have to remember that there is no rush or pressure for you to do anything, it's up to you. How about you start having one lesson a week and then say that you will have one hack a week as well? Then those are your goalposts and any extra rides you manage are a bonus. You can just walk on your hack and then start to incorporate tips from your lessons into your rides out. I'm certain that it will improve your confidence tenfold!

Let us know how you get on and good luck. :)
 
HumidClimate said:
Dear EllieBelly1

What a lovely post thank you. That's a good idea actually. I do know of a friend who is in a yard a mile or so away form me and she would be more than happy to hack out with me. There are possibly some more happy hackers moving to our yard so it may be that I have some other's to ride out with also.

I think purely from a personal point though I need to improve my riding so I don't feel panicky if he's going a little faster than I want and feel able to control the situation. I have it running around my head all the time that he's going to buck or tank off and of course he never has it's the old "what if" scenario. Having two little children doesn't help either as I am aware that they need a mother and if I were to injure myself riding or worse that would be so selfish of me.

I am rereading my posts and I need to take a "chill pill" LOL

Are you very far from Basingstoke?
Click to expand...

I'm in The New Forest, by junction 1 of the M27. If you have a box you are welcome to come for a wander round the forest with me. I've just remembered an insructor that was recommended to my friend when she came off her horse and kept thinking it was going to happen again...Amanda Barton http://www.amandabarton.co.uk/pages/about.htm I think confidence is her speciality, might be worth a call? It def sounds like lessons would help you. Just keep it simple and have fun!
 
Just to add .I can see exactly where you are coming from .
In my 20's 30's etc I hunted, rode cross country and was as brave as a lion .I brought on my own horses from first broken.
I am now in my 50's and I am bringing on my own homebred youngster who will be my happer hacker into my 70's I hope!! AND I find I am more cautious about 'what could happen' I have seen things go badly wrong for people over the years and I really don't want to hit the floor .I really don't bounce like I used to and any injuries take much longer to recover from .
I am now slowly slowly catchy monkey small steps all the way .I think probably what you need is to get to know your horse inside out on the ground and build a bond of trust with him that just rubs out all the 'what if's '.
Having a good NH /clicker/ le trec trainer will help as mine does an hour session consolidating what I have done introducing a new thing and then giving me 'homework'
for next time .It really makes me get on and do 'stuff' and I notice a real difference in his ridden work .
Rest assured you are not alone but you can crack it.
 
Wow thank you so much everyone, you have been so kind and encouraging. I have decided to go to the yard today and just be with Max. Then if I feel more confident have a little hack out. I will arrange for some lessons this week and also work out when the school will be free and have a play with him. EllieBelly1 I don't have a box but maybe once I am more confident I can arrange to borrow the yard lorry and come for a visit :-)

I am so glad I posted here this morning. I don't feel now that I have to be competing at Badminton in the next couple of weeks or sell my ex racehorse and buy a cob LOL
 
Totally agree with lessons with a goood instructor. Its amazing how much they can improve your confidence. I have helped a few people over the years with confidence issues. The worst 2 wouldn't even get on some days!! It is important to take you time, confidence is very fagile. Both these took about a year before they were happy and confident cantering and galloping in an open field.

It is important that you make sure anyone you hack out with will allow you to sent the speed of the hacks. So that if you are feeling a bit more brave you can have a trot.

If you are worried he won't stop or get too fast, only do and few stride of trot, bring him back to walk, to build your trust in your control. Then grandually build it up.

So make sure you don't rush getting up and going. Remember you are expeciting to be riding him for many years to come, so there is no rush in doing more than walk. Rember this is supposed to be fun!!
 
Thank you suzyseymour . I think I have been too hard on myself and expected too much. I am an impatient person and I guess I expect to be an expert immediately!! I have many, many years yet to enjoy my boy so I need to just slow down, have some lessons and take all of the very good advice given out to me here this morning. It also helps massively to know i'm not alone :-)

Sarah x
 
Sorry to hear you are struggling with confidence. I have been through major confidence issues myself and so I know a little of what you are going through. I found lessons are helpful, and a supportive friend works wonders, so if you can meet up with other HHOs to hack out that would be fantastic for you. You need to ignore what everyone else is doing and work on you and your horse, groundwork, hacking, and just spending time together will help you learn all about each other.
I remember riding in a dressage warm-up at my old yard and riding round in tears because everyone's horse looked amazing and mine wouldn't even canter on the right leg. It wasn't till I really started focussing on my horse and not other people that I made any progress. In the end I left the competition yard and am now at a small farm with a friend, and we have a great time.
 
The second of the worst 2 was just like that as well, expected to be competing and riding like a pro within 5 minutes. Also had ridden as a child and teenager and thought she would be fine. She was very hard on herself.

Another thing that I found helpfull, when bring on my yongster and she did building her confident. Was as you improve and do more, when feeling frustrated your not getting better, or getting it right, remeber back to your riding 3 months or 6 months before. At what you couldn't do, but now you can and I bet you'll be amazed how far you actually have come.
 
Thanks Suzy, she sounds just like me.

I did what you suggested and realise now that 6 months ago I would never have dreamed of riding out alone on a 16.1 ex racehorse, I would have laughed at the thought .... some more wonderful advice :-) Sarah x
 
Hi,

Just to add about 8 months ago I had two terrible falls and totally lost my confidence. I was struggling to even get on my horse and walk around or even get on for a lesson it got so bad. I took the difficult decision to move to a yard which wasn't competative with happy hackers and started riding a bit more. In the end although my horse wasn't the one I fell from and hadn't done anything wrong as such I couldn't get past the 'block' in my head about it and now have found him a lovely new home and have YO's absolutely solid cob on loan and am hacking out confidently and even jumping a small course of fences. You are doing well to be riding your horse out alone and sticking with it. Maybe consider finding a yard with more like minded people or have a few lessons on something really solid to build your confidence?
I found as soon as I felt no pressure (although imagined) from those around me it all instantly felt alot better! There is tons of other great advice above but well done for sticking with it. I never thought i'd enjoy riding again so if I can do it you'll be great!

x
 
Hi, you've had some great advice so far :)

I know what it's like to lose confidence. I used to jump everything and anything in sight, on any horse. I never used to check the takeoff or landing side, and I used to have a blast.

That was in my teens/20's. I had a family but still continued riding lots of different horses, although subconsciously I knew I had to be more careful and not put myself at unnecessary risk, but still my confidence was high.

But then I had a jumping lesson, same as I always used to have, and my horse (an aged but very talented TB) spooked half way down a grid of good sized fences, leapt like a stag over one of them but landed too close to the fourth to jump it. He put on the brakes, and I continued flying over his head, landing on the jump, breaking a couple of ribs and within minutes my eye was black and swollen shut.

That's all it took - 30 years of riding and jumping all down the tubes. That was 10 years ago. I still own horses and ride a lot - I'm not afraid of going fast - but I won't jump unless it's titchy.

Maybe you could take baby steps and have lessons on the lunge first, working up to hacking out on a real steady Eddy (if yours isn't 100% bombproof), then gradually building up your confidence again.

Never ever be afraid to ask for advice and help. You don't have to take it but you might find that some of the fabulous riders at your yard would welcome the chance to help you out.

Gosh, what a long reply. Hope you're still awake!!!

Good luck and enjoy yourself, that's the main thing :)
 
Well I think the good thing is you have now realized that you are not alone!

I posted this thread last week about my first time being brave enough to ride totally alone and got some fantastic support.

http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=397852

I have been riding for 43 years and have always been considered a brave to the point of being fool hardy rider (I was one of those hunting, jumping charging across country types) one accident undid all that and I had no confidence at all. Once I was fit enough I spent 2 months on a lunge most of them in tears.

Find yourself a good instructor and be honest enough to tell them exactly how you feel, what helped me was working with my trainer on my youngster and getting the confidence to 100% manage and work him on the ground before even getting up for for some lessons.

You will get your confidence I promise but it will take time and patience....just keep plugging away and every time you have a success or a blip come post on here.

p.s. my OH bought me the Kelly Marks Perfect Confidence Book which was a great help as well.
 
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