Confidence at rock bottom - how to get it back?

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Gatsby1994

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So a little backstory... I recently sold a horse that I loved dearly, but absolutely thwarted my confidence and had to be sent to a competition home as after the second trip to A&E with a spinal injury from a fall and another winter looming - I finally was convinced enough was enough.

So in comes this absolutely wonderful 6 year old from Ireland I've had him three months now? He's settled like a dream in his new home. He's calm, he's quiet and he's a right plod. Everything was going great till suddenly he got a little too excited and threw in a series of bucks that really unnerved me (he'd bucked before on hacks, but more like bunny hops...) and so, because for some reason I was so afraid, I got off and queue him having the upper hand. We tried again the next day, but I was so unsettled, he felt it and about 3/4 of the way through our hack - he bucked again and I just broke down - but didn't get off this time.
It's worth noting that he doesn't do this with anyone else to the point my YO tried to get him to buck etc yesterday and he plodded along like a riding school horse!! It seems clear he's feeding off of my nerves. We school brilliantly, but I don't get as nervous due to it being an enclosed space. We aren't fortunate enough to have our school just yet - it probably won't be ready till the end of February because of the weather! I've competed at 1.10m showjumping before so it's not like I don't have the ability...

But my question is, how do you overcome nerves like this? He's such a gentle and kind horse that has so much potential.
Do you jack it in for a month and come back to it with a fresh mind? Do you have someone else ride him for a bit?
The last thing I want to do is sell him on. Nor do I want to go through the turmoil of finding another horse!

I've heard the rstor are great for helping with this sort of thing.... I do have lessons too... but any advice, I'm willing to take any right now before I give in!!

Just thought Id throw in a picture of the wonderful creature I really don't want to part with.

2pyneoy.jpg
 
I’ve experienced this recently. Lost my horse of a lifetime. Bought an emancipated youngster and bought him on, he then started feeling fit and well and became explosive and very sharp. He had some time off for mild lameness and when I bought him back into work via long reins I remember telling myself I would never sit on him again because his behaviour was so bad, my confidence was at rock bottom.

I got a rider in. She’s the best decision I’ve made, rides twice a week and I’ve slowly got the confidence back to ride the rest of the week. I have a happy fresh horse whose thriving off regular work and touch wood seems to be kept in check behaviour wise. I’m at the point now where I am taking him to tiny jumping clinics etc, three months ago I wouldn’t even get on him.

So yes you absolutely can get it back and I thoroughly recommend having a pro help you ride and or teach. Perhaps riding for the first half hour then you hop on. Baby steps, but it’s doable. I doubt I’ll get back to where I was any time soon bf the direction is right.
 
Posts like this are so common and the answers so individual. OP I absolutely feel for you. Most folk on here will have experienced something similar - or if they haven;t yet they will if they stay around horses long enough. So first thing first - know you are not alone.

What works for you will be very individual but there are lots of options. Given yourself a break. Don't do what scares you just for now. School if you want to; box out to a hired arena if you want. Not if you don't. Having someone else ride will help him stay engaged and fit - although you don't want him too fit!!. And you can do ground work or long lining if you want.

There are rider confidence courses you can do; books you can read. You can try herbal medication, rescue remedy or something from your GP. There are counselors, NLP specialists. All sorts. Knowing that you need help and starting to look is a great start. You will get your Mojo back - but don't push yourself just now. There may come a time for brave pants - but give yourself a break for a bit.
 
I think you have already been given great advise and I've been in a similar situation with a horse who knocked my confidence and a genuine amazing ISH who got it back for me. Get some help, fake it till you make it and just take it slow. Also to add your horse looks the absolute spit of my boy when he was a youngster (before I had him, he has greyed out now)

Good luck, you'll get through this :)
 
Already I can't thank you all enough for the advice. It's always comforting (in a weird way) to know that people have/are in your situation. Help books, a rider and fake it till you make it seem like some of my best options!
 
Would watching him be ridden for a few weeks by your instructor maybe help you? If you see that he doesn't do anything silly with her, you might feel more inclined to trust him.
Failing that, I had a weird NLP session with someone who advertises as specialising in equestrian confidence issues. I say weird because it was - I had to tap bits of my body and say something ridiculous over and over, but I got back on board and my irrational fear of being bronchoed off by anything that tenses it back, had vanished. I'd been struggling for a decade with that and it was affecting everything I sat on. I can't even tell you how it worked, but apparently it did.
 
I feel for you. I had a bad fall in the summer which really shook me up. Now little things have bothered me that wouldn’t before.

Last night my mare was a complete twit on the lunge. Squealing and tanking off in canter and if I’m honest, I’m now scared to ride her tonight, whereas before I would have found it amusing

What has helped is I have a friend who can pop on her and show me its fine. But everything is individual. If you don’t want to ride at the moment, take a break. If you think getting someone to ride your horse will help, then do that. Don’t put pressure on yourself. Perhaps get riding some other, proven to be sensible horses, whilst someone else rides yours. Lots of options before selling.
 
Having had a couple of falls this year (I'm middle aged so don't bounce anymore), I asked for an air jacket for my birthday and wear that out hacking now. I also try and wear full seated breeches for that extra stickiness. They both make me feel more secure when my oldie is feeling rather fresh.
 
You have gone through alot OP and after spinal injuries, you are incredibly brave getting back ON a horse! Not only that, you made progress by staying say on him when he bucked and you got scared, it may seem like a baby step, but don't force yourself.

I sometimes think we put too much pressure on ourselves, we are human and sometimes horses frighten us. After all, they are big animals. Noone is the perfect rider and noone reacts perfectly in every single situation.

My first horse had a nasty buck and nap. The thing is she fed off my nerves so when I thought she would react to something or "she napped here last week so she will again", she felt me tense up and acted up because she was nervous that I was getting nervous and then you have that vicious cycle.

What helped me? Singing!!! And why? Because it makes you breathe :D When I tensed up I'd stop breathing but I started singing "10 green bottles" loudly and is completely distracted the horse, distracted me, made me breathe so I wasn't tensing so much, it has a very nice even rhythm and it really helped. I still do it now.

The "fake it til you make it" philosophy helped me and the singing goes hand in hand with that, it kind of masks your tension to a situation.

A good instructor to help you through things is also a massive bonus :)
 
I went on one of the courses run by The Confident Horse Rider. The lady who runs its is fantastic. She runs 2/3 day courses all over the country. I can't begin to tell the difference it made to me and my big horse.

I had hit rock bottom with him (whilst still competing to a fairly high standard on my other horse). She gave me so many tools to use to regain confidence that we're still getting better and better together 6 months later.

It really was a turning point. You'll find her on FB, definitely worth a look, and if she's not doing one near you, ask here and she'll probably set one up!
 
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