Confidence at rock bottom. Now this

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dodgers89

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I've lost all my confidence in riding over the last 10 months and recently decided to try again. I've got the same horse. On Sunday I lead him up the track and got on on the road. We were doing well until a car came and he spooked, leaping about and chucking his head. I managed to calm him down and we came home. I took him out again today and we were doing fine again until a tractor came. He completely freaked out and I couldn't calm him down. He set off jogging and chucking his head. I got him through the gate to the track and then fell off. I'm not hurt and I landed on my feet but I'm pretty shaken up. I managed to get back on him and walk the last mile to the yard. I'm not sure I can try again, I'll be terrified of meeting a car while we're out. What can I do? Should I cut my losses and give up?
 
is he your horse? is he like that in traffic with other riders? You need to find a horse that isn't bothered by either the rider's nerves or by traffic-set yourself (and the horse) up to win.
 
Don't ride on the roads ... and if he doesnt settle in being ridden in the field or school, or you get very nervous about even attempting it, get some horsey help or an instructor who deals with confidence issues. They are worth their weight in gold. There are solutions to be found to your problem if you wish to find them. I think a lot of us have huge dips in confidence - I'm just getting over my own. Never thought I'd get on a horse again, so great was my anxiety. But a good horse, the right surroundings and the right instructor has been my answer. I might only be brave enough to walk and trot still at the moment, but 3 months ago I would've trembled about even getting on without someone holding my horse. Find the right people to help, go at whatever speed suits yourself and gently build yourself back up again. Yxx

ETA: just caught up that you have no school. can you pen a bit of field to create a little area to ride in? Or ride around the boundaries of your paddock? You just want somewhere you feel safe to get your confidence back up again. IF you have to go out on the roads, I wouldn't go wihtout someone experienced either walking or riding beside you.

It also depends on what you mean by cut your losses - cut you losses with this horse and look for another? Possibly a good idea if you need to hack out on your own a lot and you feel this horse may not suitable and you have no other riding alternatives e.g. school or field. Give up on riding or spending time with horses? I wouldn't do that ... unless you really have had enough. You can always return to the hobby later. xx
 
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He is reacting to your nerves. :) Play some music outloud or sing a song when a car comes past - It could be twinkle twinkle little star or ACDC :p

Try and get a friend who will put you on the lead rein and walk (on foot) with you on your next hack, but keep your next hack short. :)
 
Sorry you're shaken up, but you could look at it like this. On Sunday, he spooked and you dealt with it - you calmed him down successfully and got him home. That's a good thing. Today, you took a tumble, but managed to get back on and walk home - another good thing.

I think you need to get some help though, for both your sakes. Your nervousness it seems is rubbing off on your horse and vice versa. I'd find someone confident to ride him and not be worried by traffic to help him build his confidence. Once he's improved, you could then walk out with them to see that he's not frightened which should build your confidence. Then move on to you riding and your helper walking alongside to give you and the horse some confidence and build from there. In the meantime, I'd try to ride a very quiet horse who won't pick up on your nerves. Whether you will have to pay for this or have friends with the right skills or a suitable horse, it's worth doing.

Good luck. You can do it, you just have to take baby steps.
 
Tern said:
He is reacting to your nerves. :) Play some music outloud or sing a song when a car comes past - It could be twinkle twinkle little star or ACDC :p

Try and get a friend who will put you on the lead rein and walk (on foot) with you on your next hack, but keep your next hack short. :)
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Singing is great. The Sun Has Got His Hat On is my favourite. It's just so cheery! You can't be worried singing that!
 
it sounds like he is just reacting to your nerves? Could I ask what the reason is you have lost your confidence? Has something similar happened previously?
 
Ok here's how I dealt with it when I lost my confidence. Took horse for a walk in hand (tacked up) When I felt confident enough to get on, I got on, then got off. Next day, same thing but this time I got on and walked a few strides, then got off. Every time we approached a situation that I was unsure of, I got off until we were past it. Built it up really slowly. It's taken about 4 years and I'm not at the same level of confidence I was at before but I can control it now, I'm confident in my ability and I'm confident in stopping if I think I won't cope. Take things slow. You've done really well so far. If you have a good friend who is willing to take things at your pace on a ride that will help too.
 
This is going to sound harsh, so brace yourself! I'm not trying to be judgemental or unkind, but the reason you are feeling this way is because you are NOT READY to be out riding on your own. Get some help; either take lessons, have someone ride out with you, or walking on foot. If the horse used to be OK and now is not, it is because he is now as frightened of the situation as you are. "Lack of confidence" is a euphemism for "I am scared", usually with good reason.
 
I agree with Cortez.

You need to look at moving yards with ore facilities so you can have lessons to build up your confidence. Riding should be enjoyable for you.

I know the feeling i had a huge accident jumping when i was younger and then it got to the point where if anything higher than a cavelti appeared I would be in tears (over the age of 25).

I found an instructor i trusted and built up from their. I still dont jump but can without falling to peices.

you being anxious you are passing it on to your horse. If you tense up and start to panic at the sight of a car your horse is thinking moms worried whats scary about it!
 
ridefast said:
Ok here's how I dealt with it when I lost my confidence. Took horse for a walk in hand (tacked up) When I felt confident enough to get on, I got on, then got off. Next day, same thing but this time I got on and walked a few strides, then got off. Every time we approached a situation that I was unsure of, I got off until we were past it. Built it up really slowly. It's taken about 4 years and I'm not at the same level of confidence I was at before but I can control it now, I'm confident in my ability and I'm confident in stopping if I think I won't cope. Take things slow. You've done really well so far. If you have a good friend who is willing to take things at your pace on a ride that will help too.
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I used this method as well when I lost my confidence after a couple of falls on the road. Unfortunately I had to retire P before ever really getting my confidence back with him, but a very kind friend stepped in and allows me to ride her horse. With her helping me I made bigger strides in being confident (her cob is just sooooo marvellous and looks after his jockey soooooo well) and am gradually getting back to where I was before.

Keep plugging away at it OP, one step at a time, and if you don't fancy it one day, don't force it, you may feel in a better frame of mind the next day. You've made one big advance already - admitting you have a problem and wanting to solve it. Now you just need to work steadily on the solution - you'll get there one day if you want it enough.

btw - my set up meant that I didn't have access to a school, and so had to take to the road, I just picked quieter times and when it was busier I didn't ride - P and I just got used to being confident in each other while out and about. Even when I started on my friend's horse we would hack out rather than me becoming dependent on riding in an enclosed space.
 
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Thanks for all your encouragement! We live in the middle of the northumberland countryside and there's a distinct lack of livery yards - everyone just keeps their horse at home. I have a friend who has just built a school on her farm and I'm wondering whether it would be worth asking if he could stay there, even if temporarily? Perhaps Dino and I could work on our confidence together in a school and round the farm and then venture into road work. Don't know whether that would work or just prolong the inevitable.
 
dodgers89 said:
Thanks for all your encouragement! We live in the middle of the northumberland countryside and there's a distinct lack of livery yards - everyone just keeps their horse at home. I have a friend who has just built a school on her farm and I'm wondering whether it would be worth asking if he could stay there, even if temporarily? Perhaps Dino and I could work on our confidence together in a school and round the farm and then venture into road work. Don't know whether that would work or just prolong the inevitable.
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It would be a good start. If you could find a good local instructor that would help too. I went through similar many years ago withy first pony. Time and a lot of lessons turned me from a nervous wreck, and him from a spooky naughty thing, into a combination that won loads and were on PC teams.
 
dodgers89 said:
Thanks for all your encouragement! We live in the middle of the northumberland countryside and there's a distinct lack of livery yards - everyone just keeps their horse at home. I have a friend who has just built a school on her farm and I'm wondering whether it would be worth asking if he could stay there, even if temporarily? Perhaps Dino and I could work on our confidence together in a school and round the farm and then venture into road work. Don't know whether that would work or just prolong the inevitable.
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That sounds like a much better set up I would start with just riding around the school and only hack out with someone for now until you feel better about going alone, how often do you ride through the week? This can have a huge impact on horses behaviour some get too fresh with just two days a week riding, so often will react to tractors and traffic, I would also have some lessons with a good instructor it will really help your confidence.
 
I've only just got back into riding again after giving myself a severe talking to. I work 50+ hours a week so in the winter it's just not practical to ride more than a couple of times. In the summer with the longer days I can go after work so it's more achievable.
 
I think maybe you've overfaced both yourself and the horse. If neither of you have done much for a while, hopping on and going straight out on to the roads is a big ask for you both.

The best way to build confidence in horses and humans is incrementally. For now only do what you feel happy doing and if that is getting on and getting off again, then that's just fine. Once you feel happy with the first step you can start pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone. I wouldn't go out on the roads until you feel happy wandering around the fields first and know that you are totally in control of your horse and can handle any situation. The golden rule is....don't frighten yourself! :)

Just take it slowly and I promise you, your confidence will come back. :)
 
southerncomfort said:
I think maybe you've overfaced both yourself and the horse. If neither of you have done much for a while, hopping on and going straight out on to the roads is a big ask for you both.

The best way to build confidence in horses and humans is incrementally. For now only do what you feel happy doing and if that is getting on and getting off again, then that's just fine. Once you feel happy with the first step you can start pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone. I wouldn't go out on the roads until you feel happy wandering around the fields first and know that you are totally in control of your horse and can handle any situation. The golden rule is....don't frighten yourself! :)

Just take it slowly and I promise you, your confidence will come back. :)
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I've tried taking him round the field but he spooks so easily. I think it's because he's so close to the stables and the other horse isn't good for him. And the roads are just country lanes really. It's rare to meet traffic but unfortunately when I do it's often a tractor or a quad or something scary.
 
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