Confidence - can you ever get it back?

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keepitugly

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I am an experienced rider have worked for dealers getting on anything that came off the lorry, taking green as grass horses out jumping and XC schooling, last job did dozens of breakers. Been a top end competition groom riding out big, fit, sharp warmbloods every day.

I had a bit of time out after leaving a dealing job where I was my fittest riding 8/10 horses a day. I had the odd ride here and there. I've since bought myself a lovely 15hh whom I have broken myself, she's a little sharp and a bit of a worrier but is absolutely lovely and (should be!) well within my abilities. I don't know what has happened to me and I think I've been trying to deny it, and put it down to me not being fit enough so feeling insecure in my seat, but it all came to a head this morning when I ended up holding back tears in a lesson when she had a huge spook at one end of the arena out of nowhere, think frozen to the spot tail up snorting, spin I'm out of here sort of spook. I kept making myself ride through it but I was definitely making it worse as I was kicking through but I'm sure every muscle in my body was telling her danger and ended up clinging for dear life onto my neck strap kicking this poor horse who would barely leave a slow trot she'd gone so dead to the aids.

I feel absolutely pathetic. I'll get on absolutely anything and ride, I don't worry about riding, I'm not nervous when I get on but as soon as something starts to go wrong like that I absolutely freeze and it's a horrible feeling. At the moment the thought of going out into the unknown jumping etc on anything less than a super straight sensible horse seems impossible, I feel like I'm going to wobble off at any moment which is just ridiculous because I'm not.

I suppose I'm just looking for some reassurance from people who've been in the same situation. I honestly feel so ashamed and embarrassed. I think part of it is a huge fear of failure as I've always ridden for other people and I'm terrified they'll think bad of me and not let me ride anymore. I want to get back out there, I ride for other people, it's not a case for me to just do what I'm comfortable with because I'm not happy with that I definitely want to get back out there and get going. I just don't understand I've had awful falls over the years and got back on no problem. Nothing in particular has happened recently but I just can't shake this mental block.

I'm looking to book onto the rider confidence course at the horseback combat centre and hoping this may be the help I need, any experiences?
 
I did. It just took one great horse to remind me why I love it, and forget the fear :) It also only took one horse to destroy it mind you! and like you I would ride anything before.
 
I found riding a straightforward, dependable horse for a while really helped me get my confidence back after losing it for a while. It seemed to remind my subconscious how to relax so I could ride well again. Then when I got back on the horse I was struggling with things just went a lot better. Some horses just seem to have a particular feel which either makes you tense up, or which you take to and can ride through anything. Confidence can definitely come back though, mine did so don't give up!
 
Yes absolutely - loss of confidence is only a temporary state. You are obviously more than capable so it has got to be your lack of fitness and seat security at the root of the problem. I had a similar blip after i was sidelined due to illness and then got myself an absolutely lethal horse so I took myself off to Talland for some lunge lessons - everyone thought I was bonkers but I knew something was wrong with my riding and I got it sorted.
 
Archangel said:
Yes absolutely - loss of confidence is only a temporary state. You are obviously more than capable so it has got to be your lack of fitness and seat security at the root of the problem. I had a similar blip after i was sidelined due to illness and then got myself an absolutely lethal horse so I took myself off to Talland for some lunge lessons - everyone thought I was bonkers but I knew something was wrong with my riding and I got it sorted.
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Agree very much with this. Before you were fit and capable. Now you are not as fit, not in practise, and not as capable. I would be gentle with yourself, take time, have a good trainer who understands fears and confidence.

I would also ride other horses. If you do feel happy on others but are not getting pleasure from your own make a judgement as to if this may be the right horse, but at the wrong time. Maybe the horse could be schooled for a month or so by someone who is riding fit?
 
Red-1 said:
Agree very much with this. Before you were fit and capable. Now you are not as fit, not in practise, and not as capable. I would be gentle with yourself, take time, have a good trainer who understands fears and confidence.

I would also ride other horses. If you do feel happy on others but are not getting pleasure from your own make a judgement as to if this may be the right horse, but at the wrong time. Maybe the horse could be schooled for a month or so by someone who is riding fit?
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She's absolutely fine, if anything I feel she probably won't be enough horse for me in the future, I'm not worried about riding her at all, I take her out to dressage and we do well, it's tricky moments like that I used to be able to and should be able to deal with but I just seem to freeze up now. I should explain I'm not totally unriding fit now, I'm probably your average one horse owner riding fit, but I'm used to being 10 horses a day mad dealer riding fit and it's a huge difference to me I think.

I'm the same on any horse, I'm fine until I think they might drop me, then I freeze up and make things worse. I'm not worried about getting back on my mare tomorrow as I know she won't do it again it was just a freak thing, but I am bothered about the fact I couldn't deal with it and I want to get back to that confidence in myself.

Thank you for your replies.
 
In your last post you said ' I am bothered by the fact that I couldn't deal with it' BUT you DID deal with it!! Ok you were worried, blubbed a bit, but you rode her and got through it!!! I'm sure we all have moments when we freeze and our mind goes blank as to what the best way to ride it is, and we usually end up flapping about!! I hope you have a lovely ride tomorrow x
 
I'm terrible with my confidence, especially jumping, as my old pony would always refuse, which in turn has made me a very nervous jumper. Also I had an accident way back in 2008 and my confidence hasn't been the same since.
But... my new mare is helping my jumping confidence, she doesn't think about stopping, I just need to make sure I don't sit there and kick on, so I stop being so worried about jumping! It's definitely helped improve my confidence. I would only ever trot into a jump "just in case", now we're happily cantering into jumps and jumping things I never thought I'd get over :)
 
I wonder if you are overthinking the situations now you have more time. I expect when you were working at the dealers you were so busy you were almost on auto pilot and got on with things including riding without thinking so much. You were a professional rider and people had confidence in you and your abilities and that probably helped as well.

Although you clearly have the ability to ride like a professional you are possibly thinking like an amateur now you are longer working with horses on professional yards and maybe that is affecting your riding.

I am not sure how to solve this issue though but wish you luck in getting your confidence back.
 
SO1 said:
I wonder if you are overthinking the situations now you have more time. I expect when you were working at the dealers you were so busy you were almost on auto pilot and got on with things including riding without thinking so much. You were a professional rider and people had confidence in you and your abilities and that probably helped as well.

Although you clearly have the ability to ride like a professional you are possibly thinking like an amateur now you are longer working with horses on professional yards and maybe that is affecting your riding.

I am not sure how to solve this issue though but wish you luck in getting your confidence back.
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That's interesting, I do think I've got it into my head that I'm not good enough/fit enough anymore and I'll fall off if something goes wrong. I took a young horse XC schooling for someone a few months ago for the first time and I felt physically sick it's ridiculous. I'm going to be pro-active and book onto that confidence course and in the mean time just crack on and keep trying. I know I'm very hard on myself but I feel so frustrated.

Thank you for your kind replies.
 
There is also probably an element of "I am solely responsible for this horse". In the past you have known that you were capable of dealing with anything the dealer's horses threw at you becasue dealer had asked you to ride them - and he wouldn't have asked if you weren't up to it. All in the subconscious of course.
I think most of us have felt a similar feeling about the first horse we owned and also to an extent about every subsequent horse for the first few weeks of ownership. For some it might be more about the handling than the riding and the timespans may change but I bet there are very few owners who haven't felt something like you are feeling.
 
My issue was I had change direction in what I wanted from my riding and didn't realise it - once I came to turns with my new direction - riding for fun no pressure to compete every weekend etc riding was all good again. I sold my schoolmaster and got an unbroken broodmare - I don't pressure myself on young horses and the challenge has been brillant.

Stop beating yourself up go back a few steps and reassess.
 
Yes you can get confidence back. I'm in the process of regaining mine, for me it helps me if I analyse what I'm worried about and then working out how I can deal with that. So with current horse when he's nervous (we feed off each other) I work hi in small circles until I have control - this gives me confidence. If there's something in the school that he spooks at depending how spooky it is I start by working away from that and gradually working towards it. If it's small spooks like just a bend I try bend his neck away or stay slightly off the track - I don't argue unless I'm prepared to carry it through. This is giving us both confidence.

I also have a very good instructor who has worked with me to give me a better position and from that I get coping techniques so for every problem there's an answer and the more answers I have the more I can cope with. Sometimes faking confidence helps.
 
Someone once gave me a really good analogy for confidence. It's like a tower, you build it brick by brick with the odd little hitch on the way perhaps but once it's built and you have your shiny new tower you forget about the trauma of the building process.

If you look after it with regular maintenance (lessons, regular activities etc) it will stay sky high for many many years but a few things can make it come tumbling down - either a bomb (big incident) or just neglecting it for a while and letting the rot set in when it will gradually crumble. In both circumstances you can rebuild the tower, you just have to do a bit of remedial work first.

It sounds to me the latter is your situation. You need to sure up what's already there with a bit of re-pointing work and sorting out the damp (lots of lessons, maybe on a more established horse to begin with) then you can rebuild the crumbling tower with your horse. A bit of a cheesy analogy but it's pretty true!

If that doesn't work - sing! Singing is great for regulating your breathing, relaxing the body and taking your mind off the immediate situation. You can never be worried singing The Sun Has Got His Hat On - you feel too daft for starters!
 
annagain said:
Someone once gave me a really good analogy for confidence. It's like a tower, you build it brick by brick with the odd little hitch on the way perhaps but once it's built and you have your shiny new tower you forget about the trauma of the building process.

If you look after it with regular maintenance (lessons, regular activities etc) it will stay sky high for many many years but a few things can make it come tumbling down - either a bomb (big incident) or just neglecting it for a while and letting the rot set in when it will gradually crumble. In both circumstances you can rebuild the tower, you just have to do a bit of remedial work first.

It sounds to me the latter is your situation. You need to sure up what's already there with a bit of re-pointing work and sorting out the damp (lots of lessons, maybe on a more established horse to begin with) then you can rebuild the crumbling tower with your horse. A bit of a cheesy analogy but it's pretty true!

If that doesn't work - sing! Singing is great for regulating your breathing, relaxing the body and taking your mind off the immediate situation. You can never be worried singing The Sun Has Got His Hat On - you feel too daft for starters!
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I like this^. Loss of confidence is absolutely crippling, and it seems to arrive sometimes for absolutely no reason at all! I've suffered from this before - just take it steady and stay in your comfort zone for a while.... eventually you'll get fed up with this and start to want to do more - then just take it steady from there. There's nothing more 'boring' in the world than setting your own limitations and not allowing yourself to break free from them. Just remember all you have done before, what you have achieved, and just how good a rider you really are.... you'll get there! Good luck!
 
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