Confidence crisis whilst competing! please help :(

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ellhall

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Hi,
I have owned my ISH for nearly 4 years, but have only really started competing properly in the last 18 months or so.
Basically, for no real reason, I've just had a complete crash of confidence, I went to a Hunter Trial a few weeks ago and I couldn't eat before competing and I was sick that morning. I don't really understand why, but I think my main fear is what other people will think of me/my horse/my riding etc. I'm at that awful age (18 years) where 'horsey' teenage girls are at their bitchiest and I think I'm struggling to enjoy myself because I'm so nervous of other people staring at me and judging me.
The worst part is, it's beginning to affect my horse's performance. He is very well behaved, but just a bit green, but we were getting better every time we went out, however recently, I think my nerves have been affecting him...he actually refused a fence 3 times the other week which he has NEVER done before! (just want to add, we've had everything checked health wise) And I noticed that that was the day I was really nervous as loads of people were watching. I also get incredibly nervous (and ride awfully) whenever anyone watches me ride even in the warm-up ring or in the school at home!
I know it's my fault and not him because my incredibly confident 18 year old cousin took him around a 2ft9 SJ course and he was fine.
My nerves are getting the better of me and I don't want to ruin my horses opportunities because of my irrational anxiety.
PS - I have a good instructor who is helping me at home, but I still really struggle at competitions!
please help :(
 
i used to get the same when i was competing, i used to be so self conscious and self aware that i just rode like a statue at times. I had a great old army coach who got me out of it though. I complained that people bitching about me was putting me off, and he very casually said "sure, it's NONE of your business what they think of you, they are allowed think what they want. You could be riding well and they'd still be bitching! half the crowd are better riders than you, and that half are going to think you're cr¨*p - the other half are worse riders and that half will think you are good. none of it matters, just get on the horse, enjoy it and let him show off, or else stay at home'

it completely made sense to me and I never suffered from nerves every since!
 
Well you could remind yourself that the bitchy people will say bitchy things and the kind people will say kind things (whatever you're doing) or on the other hand look forward to getting to over 40 (how can anyone BE that old you ask yourself ...) when you really stop worrying what other people think - it's a wonderful liberation!
Good Luck and focus more on your horse and less on other people!
 
Stick an ipod on to ride with, will give you something else to concentrate on- I find this works as my mare is the one that stress's me out and having music to sing along to makes me ignore her just that little bit.

If it makes you feel any better, I used to not eat before comps as a kid, and I haven't grown out of it! Can just about manage a cup of tea before riding- total PITA when your dressage test is at 3pm!
 
Do you feel a lot of pressure to compete and do well? You don't neccessarily have to compete to enjoy your horse. If competing doesn't feel fun for you right now, then why not take a break? If you have a lot of other stressful things in your life right now (I'm guessing A-levels and university applications?) then you don't really need to add another stress to your life! Maybe when you have taken the pressure off yourself for a little while, you will want to come back to competing?

I know it is easy to say that you shouldn't care what others think. I wasn't very good at that at 18 either. Over the last few years (I'm 22 now) I would say I've developed a lot more self confidence, and don't mind as much what others think of me. So it might be just a question of time and in a few years you won't feel so much pressure.

Alternatively, If you do still want to compete, could your instructor come to a competition with you, to give you some support?
 
That is an awful age to be - the sad fact is that the older you get, the less you care what other people think but that only comes with years I am afraid. However, one thing to remember is that the people who matter are likely to be watching your horse, not you. They will be interested to see how he is going, how he jumps etc so focus on having him look as fantastic as possible and forget that anyone is looking at you.
 
Will your instructor come help you warm up? That might make you concentrate on riding not other people. Do you have a warm up plan? If not it might be worth making one with your instructors help. Have you thought of doing some rc lessons or similar to get used to riding in company, might make you realise that people are more supportive than you might think and get you away from the negative crowd.

By the time I'm actually on I don't get a chance to think about others I'm so focused on what the horse is doing that people could be saying any thing and I wouldn't notice. I'm my own worst critic so what ever any one else says I will be saying worse which in a weird way makes me feel better.
 
wow thank you everyone so much for replying - I didn't think anyone would lol. It's really nice to know that I'm not the only one who gets competing nerves. I think it's just time to accept the fact that people are always going to bitch, no matter how nice I am or no matter how much I keep my head down, people will always talk. I think unfortunately, that's the nature of the sport, and the nature of girls my age! I think I just need to be more positive and confident which will help my riding and therefore my horse's performance.
Penumbra, I've just finished my A-Levels this July just gone, and I thought it would be a great opportunity to start competing weekly as I wouldn't have the stress of A-Levels any more, however I think maybe I piled it all on myself too fast too soon and lost all my confidence. However, I'm going to go and do a dressage test in January for my first competition since October and I'm actually quite looking forward to it, I've never been a fan of dressage before, cause I never had the confidence to do it but I'm going to be brave and go for it! :)
thanks also everyone for your idea to bring my instructor with me, I'm sure she would and maybe if she could help me warm him up, I would be more focused on what she's asking me to do instead of worrying about other people!

I'm feeling a lot better now I know that other people understand what I'm on about, I'm going to go for it and start competing again next year with a new attitude and hopefully a more positive one :)
Thank you again, I really appreciate all your answers :)
 
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