Confidence crisis

[pistolpete]

I am struggling. Would like to hear from people who have suffered with fear of their horses? I have an older horse who I found challenging but struggled on with him as best I could. Recently I have bought a lovely Highland pony specifically to help get me out and about again. Two weeks after her arrived my older horse went down with Cushings related laminitis so not had much time to work with new boy.
Saturday new horse kicked YO's horse and now has to be kept separate! It's all getting on top of me. Don't even want to go to yard. Normally my favourite place. Feeling very anxious and depressed. It's supposed to be my hobby!

 

[Sukistokes2]

I really feel for you. First you need to work out what you are worried about. The horse kicked another horse. This is quite normal, maybe the other horse pushed and bullied him into it. If you are worried about handling then you need to get in a ground work expert to help you rebuild your confidence. A Recommended Associate from Intelligent Horsemanship is a good start. If its riding then a good instructor is a good starting point. In other words don't think you have to do it on your own. I had issues with riding a certain horse, he was the wrong horse for me. Now I have a new horse and I have built back my confidence, with my instructor. I have no issues on the ground but I still have ground work lessons, they are useful and can be fun. Its important to remember you are not the only person to have problems, you are not silly, they are real feelings and MOST important.......you can work you way through this. If you want to. If not there is nothing wrong with saying enough is enough and having a break.

 

[pistolpete]

Thank you. It's a problem with my confidence. Feeling overwhelmed by everything. Work, horses. The lot. :-(

 

[Sukistokes2]

They sounds to me really like stress and could lead to depression. It could be the horses are the least of your issues. I would pop to your GP and have a chat. To be honest it wouldn't hurt and there is a lot they can do. Without help you could end up chasing your own tail.
I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Damnation]

Fabulous advice from SuzieStokes2.

Take your time, there is no rush to do anything. Kicking is not an abnormal thing to happen in a field - it is a fact of life we accept when we let go of a horse in a field we no longer have "control".

A kick can be from playing, it could be because the other horse was bugging him and not getting the hint, it could be so many innocent things, it doesn't mean your horse is horrid and it doesn't mean it will happen again!

My last mare was an utter bully and had to be kept separate, you had to be really careful who she went out with. She was fine with people, infact, she looked the picture of innocence every time she saw me! (I used to get phonecalls saying she wouldn't let anyone get their horse in, I arrived and butter wouldn't melt, little swine!!)

I hope your older horse gets better soon

 

[Nugget La Poneh]

Visit your GP. THey can either prescribe something to help you get over the initial feelings of being overwhelmed, or they can refer you to a cognitive behavioural therapist if you don't want to go down the drugs route.

Are you able to get help for the horses in any way? Even having someone look after them for a couple of weeks can be enough to take the pressure off, you to get head start you can be in a better place to see the light, so to speak.

As already mentioned, horses kick. Even when they have never done it in the past. It's part of owning them - and him being on his own could be a blessing in disguise in the short term as you will at least won't have to worry about him possibly kicking another horse. I appreciate that your current mindset will then make you concerned about him being on his own. Worry about that as and if it happens - it might not!

 

[Mule]

Often part of depression is feeling overwhelmed. Problems are magnified so things that you can usually cope with become too much. Obviously I don't know you but it might be worth thinking about.

If you don't need to don't go to the yard until you are feeling better. You could always go to see your horse but don't put yourself under pressure to ride. You will have plenty of time with your new pony so don't force yourself to ride if you don't feel up to it. Hope things improve for you

 

[pistolpete]

Thanks everyone. Kind words.

 

[thistledonicely]

It sounds like you need to find the pause button. Is there someone you trust who can look after the horses for a week or so to give you a bit of space to gather yourself? Get an arrangement in place so horses are sorted, visit GP and discuss a plan forward that feels manageable. Take each step at a time and don't overburden yourself with feeling you need to fix everything all at once. Don't put any pressure on yourself about what you should be doing with your horses; as long as their essential needs are met, they won't mind one jot if you need to take some time off - your health is more important.

You've taken an important step by writing it down and saying 'out loud' that you're not coping. Don't feel you are alone; feel free to PM if you want to chat. You'll get there.

 

[sharonmaskell]

I really sympathise with you. I had the same feelings earlier this year. My lovely boy had me on the floor several times and for some unknown reason I turned it into a huge problem. I got so depressed I did not want to go down the yard to see either my boy or my other retired horse It all felt overwhelming. I made the decision to put my boy out on loan and have a break from riding for a bit. This took the pressure off and I feel so such better about everything. Sometimes one thing can just tip you over. It will get better.

 

[Antw23uk]

I thought about you whilst at the yard last night OP so wanted to post although not sure it will help in anyway!

I love my horse, he loves me and I now keep him at home which is just a dream come true BUT I get the impression he really doesnt like the little yard and stables we have, especially as he is on his own at the moment (horse and ponies in paddocks all round him!) It was dark last night, my lighting is new and not the best yet (work in progress off grid solar) but I bring him onto the yard every night, remove rug, groom, pick out feet, fuss, handful of chaff for supplements and out he goes again.

Last night he was spooked and rather wound up, it doesnt help my knob of a neighbour has started keeping his damn dogs kennelled two paddocks away the poor things and the bloodhound is constantly kicking off which makes my boy even more wound up. I really didnt want to be there last night, it was pitch dark, I didnt want to be on the yard with him on his toes so I had to make a decision ...... I put my music on, wore my hard hat and in my mind it was a nice cool sunny day and he was behaving perfectly as I groomed and fussed him (it was the exact opposite!!) and I cracked on with what I needed to do.

I guess what I'm saying is this .. the mind is a very powerful tool and you have your imagination and it can take you anywhere and achieve anything. Last night I imagined early summer evening with a well behaved pony being groomed whilst we quietly listened to music to pass the time, what a wonderful experience it was .. such a lovely evening spent with my pony. Tonight I will do the same and tonight it wont be as bad .... Hopefully you see where I'm going with this? Sometimes we need to act/ pretend we are confident and in control and little by little the confidence and control comes .... but its a lot of faking and using your imagination positively. Small steps and lots of imagination can and will help you through this. Good luck, sorry if none of that made sense, lol

 

[pistolpete]

Thanks again. Some really good thought provoking answers. My dear little dog is in for surgery today too. It never rains...! I am feeling better though. A bit more in control.

 

[pistolpete]

Managed to get a friend to ride for me yesterday and have an appointment tomorrow to sort me out! Back to work today which isn't ideal. Still feeling pretty rubbish but working on it.

 

[Antw23uk]

Managed to get a friend to ride for me yesterday and have an appointment tomorrow to sort me out! Back to work today which isn't ideal. Still feeling pretty rubbish but working on it.

Hows the dog? and how did the ponio go?

 

[pistolpete]

Dog doing great! Ponio really well behaved too. My friend said he makes hers seem like hooligans!

 

[Antw23uk]

Sounds good, glad to hear about the pooch. Were you tempted to get on after your friend had finished? When I went to see my horse when he was on loan and I was always jumping on to cool him down for her, lol

 

[pistolpete]

Yes but glad I wasn't on him for his first leap! Maybe I will get on if she rides him tomorrow.

 

[catwithclaws]

Don't forget me and the Timber pone are here for hacks out - we'll come and pick u up. If u ever want him ridden out I'm happy to help with that too. Don't beat yourself up and don't put pressure on yourself, you're right they ARE meant to be a hobby and fun! You're having a stressful time of it at the moment - just tell me if there's anything I can do to help

 

[Pinkvboots]

Don't beat yourself up dealing with a horse with laminitis is stressful enough let alone a new horse and a poorly dog needing surgery, get some help with the horses and have a bit of a break from it and if you feel up to it may be have some lessons on your new horse to help with your confidence, I hope you start to feel better soon and am glad your dog is on the mend.

 

[Dave's Mam]

Go easy on yourself. I get a bit like that now & then. Accept the help offered & just take each day as it comes. Sending a big hug.

 

[pistolpete]

Managed a rainy hack out on the Highland. He was really good. Big lorries, rattley trailers. Even went past the pig farm. Thank heavens for a Highland!

 

[MyBoyChe]

Highlands really are the best I bought mine 3 years ago as I hit my 50s and decided I needed something easier to manage than a TB. Amazingly I have fallen off him more often than I did the TB but the difference is he doesnt scare me and I never feel unsafe around him. The falls havent been his fault and I know he hasnt got a bad bone in his body. He is an amazing little guy and I love him dearly. If you are feeling worried about things I would just step back for a while, do lots of other stuff with him, grooming, handling, getting to know him. I dont know your set up but as long as he can be turned out, ideally 24/7 I would be surprised if he acts up after not being ridden for a while, certainly when I bought mine I did very little for almost 3 months as I had major issues finding him a decent saddle. I was so chuffed when I got on for my first hack out and he was hoof perfect. They really are people ponies and Im sure once youve had him a bit longer your confidence will soar, Ive never been particularly brave but Im doing more now in my 50s than Ive ever done and its all thanks to my little hipo