Confidence has vanished :(

C

Centra89

New User
Joined
8 May 2025
Messages
2
Visit site
Hi all, just wanted some opinions on what to do next as my confidence has completely vanished with jumping and hacking.

I have a 18 year old 16.1 tb, possibly ex-racer with some unknown history.

He is an absolute schoolmaster in the school and I enjoy schooling him but I find everything else tricky.

He will not hack alone (we have tried every trick in the book, he plants and then backs up into anything including traffic) he will follow behind another one but I get quite nervous as he doesn’t seem to ever relax and is quite looky. If we canter in a group out hacking he gets very strong and hot.

He gets very excited when jumping and gets extremely strong, I suffer with back, knee and hip pain and this gets quite uncomfortable quite fast and it turns into a pulling match.

I really suffer with my anxiety and have had this horse for about a year and I share him with my partner who really suits him, my partner only just started riding last year and has come on leaps and bounds with this horse.

I want to add that although it shouldn’t make a difference I am very petite for an adult, have history with horses that bolt, rear, buck and refuse by skidding into jumps so I feel this has made it hard for me to trust now especially when I feel I don’t have breaks and can’t control the approach to jumps.

I don’t know how to get back to where I was and I feel a bit stuck honestly, was jumping 90’s SJ on my ponies previously and now struggle jumping a cross pole without tears.

I am coming to terms with the fact that maybe we just don’t suit each other but I’m really struggling to work out what might suit me instead. Weirdly enough I have ridden some quite young and green horses/ponies recently and relax as soon as I am onboard as they just give me a different ‘feel’.
 
It's interesting that your partner (who sounds quite novicey) is actually really happy with this horse - could it be that he is a bit more gung ho and has more confidence, and the horse is reacting to that? Or is he only doing a very limited amount with him, so isn't experiencing the jumping and hacking issues?

If the former it may be that the horse just doesn't suit you. I'm an okay rider but I wouldn't get on with a strong TB who's anxious hacking. I would probably survive but it wouldn't be fun in the slightest.

Re your last point I think there's a difference between an inexperienced horse who's waiting for you to tell him what to do, and an older horse who has already learned that if he doesn't like something, he can reverse at speed immediately. So I don't think that's weird at all.

If you want to keep the horse the only thing I can think of is to get a pro in to teach him to hack more confidently, which might break that horrible cycle of anxiety. Sorry you're in this situation though, I know from experience how horrible it is to lose your confidence, and how long it can take to get it back.
 
Centra89 said:
I don’t know how to get back to where I was and I feel a bit stuck
Click to expand...
Time for some professional eyes on the ground! If you already have that, then time for a different set of eyes! If you're a generally anxious person (like me!) then look for someone who also does confidence coaching, it's getting fairly popular these days so hopefully there is someone reasonably local to you. Even if they don't do it professionally, there will be someone with a reputation for being encouraging rather than critical ❤

If you have body pain when he gets out of control, do also consider that he might also have body pain somewhere that is causing it, especially at 18 and largely unknown past. Maybe he can keep a lid on it when schooling as he knows his job there, but when he's asked to do something he is less confident with that is when he bubbles over.
 
Widgeon said:
It's interesting that your partner (who sounds quite novicey) is actually really happy with this horse - could it be that he is a bit more gung ho and has more confidence, and the horse is reacting to that? Or is he only doing a very limited amount with him, so isn't experiencing the jumping and hacking issues?

If the former it may be that the horse just doesn't suit you. I'm an okay rider but I wouldn't get on with a strong TB who's anxious hacking. I would probably survive but it wouldn't be fun in the slightest.

Re your last point I think there's a difference between an inexperienced horse who's waiting for you to tell him what to do, and an older horse who has already learned that if he doesn't like something, he can reverse at speed immediately. So I don't think that's weird at all.

If you want to keep the horse the only thing I can think of is to get a pro in to teach him to hack more confidently, which might break that horrible cycle of anxiety. Sorry you're in this situation though, I know from experience how horrible it is to lose your confidence, and how long it can take to get it back.
Click to expand...
Hi, thank you for your reply,

To answer your question, yes my partner has jumped and hacked him but has had pretty much only positive experiences in his short riding journey and is naturally much more gunho than me.

I am also a ‘worrier’ and try to help a horse out as much as I can on the approach to jumps and my partner just leaves the horse to it.

You really hit the nail on the head about ‘surviving’ a ride - will look into getting some help with this
 
Could you ask around for a loan / share to rebuild your confidence on? I hadn't realised how much my mare with pssm had damaged my confidence hacking (she'd reverse into cars, down big ditches etc) until my 13h lockdown project came into my life. Never thought I'd find myself on a whizzy kid's pony but she has brought back my love of hacking.

Sometimes personalities just don't gel
 
It's unpleasant when you don't feel you can 'trust' your horse - some horses you just don't click with even if others aren't worried by them. I'm sure a trainer can help and there are techniques to improve both the horse and how you feel, but it may simply be that he's not the horse for you.

As an alternative - could your partner do the hacking and jumping and you focus on flatwork with the TB? Then maybe find a share that you are comfortable to hack so you and your partner can go out together...
 
Can you afford to have two? Maybe look for a second less excitable horse on loan, or borrow someone else's quieter horse for a while. Sparky thoroughbreds can challenge your nerves if you are not in the right place. There's nothing wrong with admitting a horse is not right for you. Or have some flatwork lessons and don't worry about jumping/hacking
 
Disclaimer: I’ve had a glass of wine, it’s Friday night, shoot me 😅

I read one and a bit paragraphs. Sell the horse. It doesn’t sound fun.
 
This may sound weird, but is your horse completely sound & pain free? I've twice now had experience with feeling nervous riding a horse for no apparent reason. Wasnt nervous on anything else i rode. Both of them were found within a month or two to have issues, one was bilaterally lame, the other had internal tumours.
I'm not some amazing intuitive rider but it's the only thing that made sense 🤷‍♀️
 
It sort of depends on how much you want to keep riding the horse, how much work you are prepared to do and how much you would enjoy that journey and your timescales.

If so, attack on all sides

Riding skills - I bet your nerves are compromising your position, time for a biomechanics teacher?

Your confidence - hypnotherapy can help some of that baggage.

Your horses confidence in life and you -any situations where you can gradually build the tempo, let him assess while you reassure him will help build his trust in you. For example someone riding a bike in your field slowly getting closer, moving away again etc. use what you can and never miss an opportunity. for a bit of confidence building (spook training). My horse now loves wheelie bin day - runs to them for a treat, but we are working on walking through long grass etc, which she hates!

Hacking skills - absolutely nothing wrong with building up from a 100 yard hack or small loop. Always be prepared to hop off if you feel you can give your horse more confidence from the ground.

If not, stick to schooling, sell the horse or buy another!
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top