confidence - how to find it?

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FellOutOfFavour

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Has anyone here ever completely list their nerve following accident/nasty experiences/near miss and managed to regain it? If so, how have you regained it? Thanks in advance.
 
There are only two types of riders.... those who this has happened to and those it hasn't happened to yet!

Take heart - pretty much everyone on here will have experienced this to some extent. Only you are you and only you know what it feels like to be in your own skin and as scared as you are right now. And the answer to getting your confidence back is as unique. But there are lots of options - some will work, some won't.

For some it is careful exposure to a horse they know is safe. For some it is lessons with an experienced instructor. For some it is things like NLP and confidence coaching. For most it is a combination of all those things. And for some it is the deliberate choice not to ride again. Sad - but a perfectly genuine and honest option.

But you will find your answer!
 
The best way to regain confidence - fake it until you make it!
However, when you're dealing with something like a horse, there's no point in feeling like you're risking your own safety. You need to make sure you at least feel comfortable, if you can't feel completely confident, because riding a horse and not feeling secure is just a recipe for disaster.
I came off my pony the first time I ever sat on him, in early April, and broke my nose and injured my wrist. He was only a baby, it was the third time he'd ever been sat on, and I just moved the wrong way when it came to dismounting and he bronc-ed across the paddock. He was the only horse I had access to (and still is, to the extent I ride him), and at the time I had two choices - just get on with it, or give up. I was lucky, I'd done all the groundwork with him and so we knew each other quite well, and the problem with dismounting was easily fixable (though it took time!), and now we're doing brilliantly, we even cantered for the first time today!
But it wasn't easy. For a long time, I could only ride him if my friend was with me, as I didn't feel comfortable getting off by myself. In fact, the first time I ever dismounted without someone holding him, I burst into tears, I was so happy and so relieved! Even now, I sometimes need to take a breath or two before I dismount, just so I don't panic myself, but generally we are getting on superbly together.

Whatever happened, it will of course take time for you to get back to that same level of confidence. But you need to do whatever makes you feel comfortable and happy, and make sure no-one rushes you, because only you know how you feel.

I hope you get your confidence back soon! :)
 
Yes! I had an Arab who was totally unpredictable and bronked me off twice. The second time I watched his hoof just miss my face as I sat on the floor. I literally hyperventilated at the thought of getting back on. He was sold, I got my girl who is as saintly as ponies get. It still took many many months to get going properly and I wouldn't hack on my own or canter in the field and was really quite scared. I had to buy a new saddle recently and spent six weeks schooling bareback as I didn't want madam to get too fat or lose all her topline. Bam. I'm not scared any more. I don't really know why, but one day I just hacked her out bareback and it was ok, so I just wasn't scared any more. It's like the fear never happened. Yesterday we went cross country schooling. My friends are even more amazed than I am.

I think you need time, the right horse, lots of good experiences, and a supportive sensible friend or instructor (think pony club mum) to jolly you along a bit when trying new things. You certainly can recover, and I never thought I would.
 
Gosh yes and it's horrid. The most important thing I found was an instructor who understood, then rode lots of different horses at a good riding school, until I felt brave again. Then I found a lovely horse to share that I could trust.
Nerves are a weird, crazy thing to cope with in so many different parts of life. Also lost mine driving a car, despite having done it for a million years. Impossible to explain what happens in your head, until you've been there.
 
Completely. My confidence is in shreds right now for no reason. And I've just bought a sharp spooky mare- I really know how to help myself! Lots and lots of lessons :)
 
Time and lots and lots of positive post coming off experiences, re-establishing within yourself that you ARE competent and able. confidence comes from self belief.
 
Do what you can when you feel you can. Don't judge yourself, believe in yourself and savour every little positive. When you have a negative episode, look at what went wrong, try to put into perspective and then shelve it. Leave it be and move on.

Enjoy every moment, even if just handling a horse, such fantastic, forgiving animals. They won't hold a grudge or judge you- that's only for humans.
 
I lost a lot of confidence when I was bolted with by my tb, came off and broke both ankles. I was incredibly lucky to have access to my sister's solid cob. The first time I got back on was 3 1/2 months later, the day I got my last cast off I insisted on getting back on and had my sister lead me round - I was shaking the entire time. It took me about 6 months of slowly building up with him before I was ready to sit on something else. I got myself a new horse - went out looking for an 8/9 yo well schooled gelding who had been there, done that type and ended up coming back with a 3yo, backed mare. She's turned out perfect for me but again I built it up really slowly with her, starting being led around and going from there. She's 10 now and we've just started doing low level endurance. I still get scared cantering - once I'm going I'm fine, its the thought of it and I'm much better out hacking than in the school (where I came off). I think I've only cantered her in the school maybe 5/6 times but we regularly canter out hacking.
I don't think I'll ever fully get all my confidence back and I'm careful about what I sit on but am so much better now. Slow baby steps is the way forwards
 
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