Confidence - how to get it back again.

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black_horse

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I need a boost. It seems that my confidence has taken a hit of late. I thought me and Dee were doing really well together, yes we had a bit of a way to go but still we were headed on the right path. But it seems i might have been a bit deluded as to how well we were doing.

CC is such a good tool when used constructively, but sometimes there are issues more pressing then though easily visable. I have issues with how i ride steming from a serious injury that has led to a disability. I lost all my confidence when i was injured 5 years ago and it has been an uphill struggle to get it back. I have written reports of late, expressing my gratetude in my horse and how well we are doing. But it seemed my last did not go down all that well and i was hit with a lot of critisim, a lot of which stemed from my choice to ride in a double and not a snaffle.

I wear my heart on my sleeve and i am in awe of a number of riders on this forum and so, naturally, i wished to post so i could learn more, gain knowledge to help both my horse and I to progress well in the appropriate manner. This was last saturday. On the sunday i tried some of the techniques offered to me. After tanking off with me delicia seemed to do ok(ish). But i noticed that i was not riding her as such. I wasnt being exact in my aids and i was a little hesitant.

I think delicia has picked up on this, unfortunately due to work, she has been lunged rather then ridden every day this week. Today i went to ride and for the first time in ages, wasnt looking forward to it, contemplating lunging rather then riding her.


But i did ride. I tried everything everyone taught me. I had her stretching to reach the bit etc. All went well till she spooked. I immediately tensed up, delicia paniced and bolted with me. Not out of fear. I have never been so scared.

I managed to get her back but she was a bit up on her toes. I tried runnign through a few tests with her as i am ment to be competing tomorrow but i couldnt canter, i was too scared too. I tried dropping my curb rein a little and as soon as i did she shoved her head between her front legs and bucked. I think my determination not to fall off was all that stopped me. So the remaineder of my ride was in walk. After a while she relaxed and so i did and she did some fairly good work.

Delicia is a very hot horse and a tricky ride, she has a lot of issues i have had to rectify. Im supposed to be competing tomorrow but i dont know how i can. I am a nervous wreak and i was relieved to dismount her today. My leg now hurt, my back hurts. But i know this will get better, what i had is that feeling of unending nervousness that seems to have returned.

I know i have to compete tomorrow, for if i dont, i dont think i will get back on top of her again. I need some help please. I need to regain my confidence. She has been going beautifully but i dont feel i am good enough to ride her anymore. I know in her video she seemed to be a little unbalanced but i wish you could have all seen her two years before.

I need to get back onboard, because i know me. I have been in this place in my head before and if i do not get on her tomorrow, i might as well sell her now.

I appologise if this post seems a little emotional. But i need a little help. I didnt think i was that bad a rider.

This is the problem when asking for CC, it can sometimes bite you on your @ss
 
Oh hun :( that's a horrible situation to be in.

Horse riding is supposed to be fun, and it seems like you have lost sight of that a tiny bit. You don't have to go out competing, couldn't you just spend a bit of time with your gorgeous horse in the school learning some new things and playing.. I think you are putting yourself under a lot of pressure to 'perform' and your horse is obviously smart enough to pick up on how you are feeling. If you can just 'chill' for a bit, even just spending time in walk and trot, perfecting your lateral work, doing polework... whatever you enjoy without constantly putting pressure on yourself.

You said you really looked up to some people on this forum, but I don't think you realise how many people look up to you and all that you have achieved with Dee. You appear to have a great partnership and I know that a lot of people will be quite envious of that! I don't know the full story but it is clear that you have had a hard time of things recently, do you have any old photos or videos to look at to reassure yourself of just how far you have come?

Huge hugs :)
 
You know what I think you did really well and if mine ever knocked my nerve(he did on the unexpected occassion) however the way I use to look at it ..is tell yourself it never happened(as reading your piece...it didnt did it?)?. You rode through it..even the bolt...didnt get thrown off and arrived back in one piece. I think when they are naughty we always think of what could of happened. However if it didnt happen then you dealt with it really well. I remember reading a book that said you only ever jump off if they are about to jump off a cliff, otherwise you stay put!

I honestly think horses are just one constant learning medium. But I do think its good to be around those ultra positive horse instructors/horsey folk that just get it, that will actually get on. I have only ever met one and she was great to watch...with her youngster she would talk about what they would like to do but that she wasnt going to allow it, it was sort of open therapy on a difficult horse. I learnt a lot just watching and being around her. She had their number.

But good luck, I think there are many people that claim to be experts that are not, so just ignore anyone on here that is unhelpful. Tommorrow is another day and good luck be positive. You want to do it, dont look back look forwards and enjoy.
 
@Rhino - thank you for your response, here have some chocolate cake :)

I have to compete tomorrow because i have a championship in two weekends time and dee needs to be a little more ring crafty then she is. I was just going to use it as a schooling session and was looking forward to it. My family are all coming down from manchester to watch (added pressure!)

I know myself, i have to keep at it, so to speak, otherwise i will back completely away from it. The whole reason she was put in her double in the firstplace is because she prefers it to her cambridge pelham and she used to bolt in the snaffle.

Meh, i love my pony, she is adorabubble and means the world to me. I just need to get over this hump i have got myself into. I wish i didnt care so much about what people think, but i remember how good i used to ride before my injury, and compared to that, yeah i ride like cr@p now :(
 
I can sympathise with you on this one, having broke my back in January of this year from a riding accident. The only difference with me was I couldn't wait to get on a horse again, and now I'm (crazily) slightly eager to get thrown off to convince myself that I'm not going to shatter lol!

In all seriousness though, it does knock you a hell of a lot-and you don't even realise just how much until a 'hiccup' (bucking, bolting etc) happens again. My confidence is just how it used to be-only now if a horse messes around I start doubting myself before quickly pulling it back together again (before I was that crazy person you'd see and avoid at shows with the even crazier horse!). But don't ever judge yourself and say "I'm never as good as I used to be" because all that does is cause more problems. Think to yourself "I will be a great rider at any level" and even if it's not the same level, surely it's further than you ever imagined you would come again?

Coming back from a serious injury is tough-tougher if you feel you've got to prove yourself to other people too. Just always remember that where you are now, is a lot further than where you were when you were injured. I'm afraid there are no confidence boosts I can give you- I literally just got back on the horse and decided to do a bit of everything (even a mini bolt-unplanned ha!) so I can't give you any tips on what I did to relax myself.

The only tip I can give you is enjoy your horse- even if that means sitting in a field and admiring how fantastic she looks. Enjoyment is never soley from riding, just knowing you've got a great bond with a horse is enough. PM me if you ever need to chat, I really do know how hard it is x
 
Well I think you ride her well, yes she needs some work but what horse doesnt? I would still look at your competition as a schooling round, could you put a neck strap on? it might make you feel a little more confident, a little word with the organiser to explain the situation and I'm sure they would let you use it in the ring. Is there any chance you could hop on another horse before your competition just to remind you that you can ride?
We all have down days but our horses mean to much to us to give up so keep going and just look at what you have achieved with your beautiful horse.
 
Oh hun! I didnt realise you had taken another hit! Ive been following on Facebook and you have been doing so well. On the confidence front.. I think the only cure is enjoyment.. and its not easy to come by. It took me absolutly ages to jump again after i lost mine!

((hugs)) and give Del a cuddle for me!


Lou x
 
Have you considered letting her down a bit, if you're having to work her in a lot maybe she's getting too fit? Stay out of the school for a while and hacking with a sensible friend? Is this the same Delica that DR trained? Have you asked his advice?
 
Could your instructor perhaps come down and give you a lesson or some help in the warmup? I find focusing on the instructor or just getting someone to chat to me helps me relax and in turn helps the horse relax.
Try to wipe the slate clean, get on her with a smile on your face and someone to natter to. :)
I hope you get over this hump because when you and D are on the same page you are a fantastic partner ship and you have been doing so well, you can do it again, believe in yourself!! :D
 
mainpower said:
Have you considered letting her down a bit, if you're having to work her in a lot maybe she's getting too fit? Stay out of the school for a while and hacking with a sensible friend? Is this the same Delica that DR trained? Have you asked his advice?
Click to expand...

She doesnt hack, last time we hacked she reversed through a hedge backwards with me and fell down a ditch in a pure temper tantrum, then planted in a field for two hours, refusing to move forwards. So i sat and waited, till she eventually got bored and we jogged home.

I need to work on her hacking but again, its finding the confidence.
 
Damnation said:
Could your instructor perhaps come down and give you a lesson or some help in the warmup? I find focusing on the instructor or just getting someone to chat to me helps me relax and in turn helps the horse relax.
Try to wipe the slate clean, get on her with a smile on your face and someone to natter to. :)
I hope you get over this hump because when you and D are on the same page you are a fantastic partner ship and you have been doing so well, you can do it again, believe in yourself!! :D
Click to expand...

Im sorry, but your siggi means i cannot stop giggling and ergo cant take what you say seriously :P brilliant! sod the anky bandages, i need to get dee some red wellies :D
 
Nailed said:
Oh hun! I didnt realise you had taken another hit! Ive been following on Facebook and you have been doing so well. On the confidence front.. I think the only cure is enjoyment.. and its not easy to come by. It took me absolutly ages to jump again after i lost mine!

((hugs)) and give Del a cuddle for me!


Lou x
Click to expand...

I think im just having a bad few days and need to cuddle my pony :)

I used to talk to her as i ride, maybe i shall start doing this again, i get some odd looks but dee tunrs her ears to me and listens.
 
Sod funny looks!!! I do this with cate.. and its slows ya breathing and relaxes you.. thus relaxing Del!

Red would suit her.. but Baby Blue with lots of bling would be better! haha!

You will have to send her to come visit me for a few weeks lol (only cus i want Del cuddles too)

Shes been competing well though hasnt she!

chin up hun.. you will get there. I remember the first time you cantered her way way back. You put a post on here, and all I can remember thinking was 'thats it.. they are unstoppable now' and i was right =oP
Lou x
 
You have been given some good advice already, so I will just add a few, hopefully helpful comments.

I saw the thread last week and whilst much of the advice given would be correct regarding how your horse is going, they are NOT your trainers, they are NOT riding your horse and to try and make changes to the way you ride her should be done at your own pace with help from your trainer.

Ride for yourself not others, dressage especially is about striving to perform better, having your own goals, trying to do a better test than last time, there is no real risk involved to the horse if you dont ride as well as someone else may be able to, unlike jumping when bad riding could put horse and rider in danger,not implying that you are in anyway a poor rider.

Keep your mare in her double, go out tomorrow and ride a positive test and try and enjoy yourself, riding is supposed to be FUN.

Work more on you and your horses strengths, focus less on what you cannot do so well and build on the best parts, this is something I read once and it does make sense, I use this a lot when teaching.

CC from last week, I didnt post at the time as I felt it was all very negative and I did not want to add more to it, but I would work on your downward transitions she tends to run on at times and then rather fall out of her stride, this showed when going from canter to trot, if she was more balanced in the downward trans. I feel she could be easier for you to ride and may be a little less onward bound the rest of the time.I do know some helpful exercises but will leave them for another day.:D

A good report from tomorrows dressage and some more super photos expected. Good luck and:)
 
@nailed - :D sending dee down, pony express :D hehe she loves cuddles :) I remember when i first cantered her, i think i am asking too much of myself :)

@be positive (great name btw :D ) yes it was very negative and it really bummed me out. It seems this forum is very clicky and if you dont buy the biggest bestest GP horse and draped it head to hoof in matchy matchy then you simply dont belong.

hmmff. rant over :P
 
Black_Horse said:
@be positive (great name btw :D ) yes it was very negative and it really bummed me out. It seems this forum is very clicky and if you dont buy the biggest bestest GP horse and draped it head to hoof in matchy matchy then you simply dont belong.

hmmff. rant over :P
Click to expand...

That's me screwed then!!!

You and Dee look brill together and long may it continue! And sod anyone who dares to disagree! :D
 
Oh hunny.

I saw a bit of your thread last week. I don't know enough/am not good enough to comment, so didn't say much. I think my words were 'lovely, and I couldn't ride one side of that horse'.

As BP says, whilst the cc you got will no doubt all mean something at some point, for now you have a trainer, you have a beautiful horse, you have come so far - please, don't let people on here, who will have, on the whole, offered their best advice and have not wish to be harsh, be your be all and end all. Delicia is your be all and end all.

Many (many, many) people have had a slating on here. Some justified, some not so, and the rest somewhere inbetween. CC is meant to be constructive, but people will only give the CC that makes sense to them, seeing the few snapshots in time; few will know the history of either horse or rider. Very (very!) few will mean to have a dig, the vast majority will be trying to help going on their own knowledge and experience. Learn to take things on board, to the extent that you are comfortable and safe to do so; learn what does and does not work for you two. If you know for sure that something isn't right for you/your horse, then don't do it.

Just keep doing what you're doing. Do what is right for you. Do what makes you and Delicia happy, safe and comfortable.

Keep learning, keep doing your thing, keep making yourself and your horse happy.
 
Hope all goes well for you today.

I don't know your history, but it sounds like you've been through a lot with your horse, just spend time doing what you enjoy, and don't do more than you feel comfortable with.

Remember, this is meant to be fun :)
 
I think you are being way too hard on yourself! But i have been at that stage when you stand at the mounting block crying and shaking with fear cos you don;t want to get on your horse because you know whats going to happen when you do!

As for the CC, Who gives a monkey chuff what other people think? Nobody rides perfectly, and if they do then they should be Carl Hester! if you do the best you can on the horse you have got and keep striving to improve then NOBODY has a right to criticise. If you and your horse are expected to be the perfect finished article then what's the point of carrying on? You may as well hang your saddle up and take up playing chess or something. The WHOLE POINT of riding is about the satisfaction you feel knowing that every day things are getting a bit better because of your own hard work. And when setbacks come, that you do your best to deal with them, and work out a solution to the problem, whether it be napping, bucking or just not being able to quite perfect that movement that will get you a high enough score to be placed.

It really p***es me off that the horse world is so critical of others. I went through a phase of 'wanting to be as good as other people on the yard' and it got me nowhere. My horse knew it and behaved like an absolute swine, bucking, spinning, spoolking, napping, refusing point blank to hack out. I got more and more scared and his behaviour got worse until I ended up in hospital. Everybody tutted at me and told me to sell the horse and get something safe that I could handle. But I knew it wasn't the horse, it was all in my head.
My solution was to move yards, surround myself with SUPPORTIVE people and go back to basics with my horse and work on OUR relationship - not how we would 'appear' to other people! We slowly built up trust in each other by doing less - and funnily enough once we got his manners and the hacking alone cracked, everything else just fell into place. I sort of made a deal with him (in my own head of course) - if he behaves himself then I will take him to do things he enjoys like jumping and galloping on the beach. I became confident enough to bloody well tell him off for doing those naughty things he used to do to frighten me! And he respects me enough now to know NOT to do them or he knows he will be in BIG trouble!
I am really happy with my horse now and brave enough to go xc and hunt, so I must have my confidence back...

I am not saying you should move yards, but you need to learn who to listen to and who to ignore. It is hard but you are currently on a downward spiral. You need to break the cycle of self-doubt somehow.

I hope that helps. Personally I would get the hacking sorted out, only because your horse will respect you a LOT more if she learns to trust you out on the roads.

Good luck. I hope you got to the show today.
 
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