Confidence in riding after a horse has been rehabbed

(This is more notes to self to look back on and chart progress). I rode in the school on my own for the first time at the weekend, walking trotting, cantering and poles with no issues. This morning I joined two other liveries who go out for a short hack before work a couple of times a week. It was lovely arriving at work a 9 having already ridden, definite advantage of having off road hacking accessible from the yard. I definitely feel like I have a horse again.
 
Do you use Equilab or Ridely? You can track your rides and keep notes on how you get on. Both record distances and speeds and really great for tracking progress. Although I think we’d all still like you to keep track on here - it’s great to hear you are enjoying your horse and the progress you are making!
 
As an aside are there any devices that track your ride and can also be used to find your way home, ie you can have your home location stored.
 
We had our first challenge today, horse was spooked at the end of a hack by some runners with dogs in the woods, we went from the back to the front rather fast! I stayed in control but she as we turned the track towards home I could feel she was very tense so I got off and walked the last five minutes back. She relaxed with me on the ground beside and I got back on in the yard and walked her round for a minute. Getting off before a potential escalation seemed like the right thing to do? I was safe, she was safe and what could have become a bigger issue didn't?
 
Waxwing said:
We had our first challenge today, horse was spooked at the end of a hack by some runners with dogs in the woods, we went from the back to the front rather fast! I stayed in control but she as we turned the track towards home I could feel she was very tense so I got off and walked the last five minutes back. She relaxed with me on the ground beside and I got back on in the yard and walked her round for a minute. Getting off before a potential escalation seemed like the right thing to do? I was safe, she was safe and what could have become a bigger issue didn't?
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Definitely sounds like the right thing to me 🥰
 
Waxwing said:
We had our first challenge today, horse was spooked at the end of a hack by some runners with dogs in the woods, we went from the back to the front rather fast! I stayed in control but she as we turned the track towards home I could feel she was very tense so I got off and walked the last five minutes back. She relaxed with me on the ground beside and I got back on in the yard and walked her round for a minute. Getting off before a potential escalation seemed like the right thing to do? I was safe, she was safe and what could have become a bigger issue didn't?
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Well done.
 
Thank you; I was thinking about it more today and having joggers with attached dogs running behind her would have been the equivalent of her being chased in the wild by a predator. She couldn't see them, but could obviously hear and potentially smell them. No wonder she was so wound up, this would have been far scarier than a lorry, tractor or a motorbike. Its been helpful to reflect on the situation from her point of view, getting off and reassuring her was definitely the right thing to do.
 
Arrrgh things did not go well today, hacked fine a couple of times during the week and had booked a lesson today with a visiting instructor. We didn't make it as far as the school, bucking and threatening to rear while stood outside the school waiting. I got and she broke away from me, one of the yard staff caught her and she was still very unsettled. They lunged and then rode her, she settled after she had been lunged, was moving well and tracking up, so I don't think it was pain related. The person riding her has ridden her throughout her rehab and said she was her usual self and the instructor watched and said all looked good. I think the issue is more that there was more going on at the yard than usual and she is potentially coming into season. The issue I have is that although rare when something really unsettles she becomes very explosive, and today would indicate that treating the SI hasn't entirely resolved that behaviour. I know it is spring, she is a mare and the grass is coming through etc etc, and I have absolutely loved getting back to the point I have a horse I can go and ride when I want again, but equally this is a something I do for fun. At the present moment I don't want to get back on again, in reality I know I can and it will probably be fine the next one or twenty times I ride, but equally I don't want each ride to be underpinned by a worry about what may happen. Its also very annoying because when not doing this she is a lovely quiet ride. Oh well sorry for the rambles.
 
You have given it your very best shot.It is very hard to think of anything more than you have done.You are certainly not giving up after "Just one day:.Speak to the yard staff.Ask them for their honest advice and promise not to get angry or upset if they say something along the lines of "Will make a good horse for someone but not you."
This happens to an awful lot of us at some stage.It is nothing to feel bad about.
In your shoes I would call it a day.Get her the best home you can and move on.When horse shopping again take one of those staff with you.
 
You have given her time and money. You have nothing to feel bad about if you do decide to sell.

Personally, if I knew she could still react like that even after the treatment, then I wouldn’t feel confident riding her. But I’m not the most confident of riders, others may feel differently.
 
Agree with post above, you've put blood, sweat and tears in to this horse. I've no doubt you've spent a small fortune on her too.

It is absolutely not giving up to say 'she is a wonderful horse, but she's not for me'.

This is not about your riding or how brave you are, it's about wanting to have a reliably, safe fun horse that you can get on any day of the week without concern.
 
Waxwing said:
I love the horse but cannot spend the next fifteen plus years feeling like this. DH thinks I am potentially giving up after one bad day.
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I think there is no harm in finding a better suited home for a now sound horse. You want something sweet and steady, and could go looking for what you specifically want rather than you and daughter. Someone else might adore her and not mind her quirks, rather than being put off by them.
 
Oh my. You clearly love the horse. However, you have to love you too. As a horse owner, we sometimes need reminding of the sacrifices we and our 'family' have to make to furnish our lifestyle. It should be fun. You mention '15 years plus years of feeling like that'. It's far from unreasonable to think that way, but could you see any other hobby normalising that feeling? I can't. We all have a moral default that makes us feel obligated to carry on, whatever is thrown at us. It's often guilt. Guilt of what? We don't actually know! Feeling that you shouldn't give up? When in reality, you have never given up! There's no shame in feeling that you have done everything in your power and the relationship is just not working out anymore. Life is so short and precious.
 
Thank you all; I will have a chat with the yard this week and see what their views are and if they might be able to support with selling if required. The last month has ironically shown me that I definitely do want a horse in my life, I have loved riding several times a week and doing it when I want to. If I am looking at selling it probably isn't a bad time of year to think about it.
 
Oh my goodness please don’t feel bad!! I can totally relate to this, it’s meant to be fun and you really and truly have given her your best shot. As you know we sold my boy as I couldn’t really get past the “what ifs” which is just not fun at all. I think speak to the yard but it might be time for you to find something that both your daughter and yourself feel happy riding…because I know it was a big question mark for her too getting back on.

Please don’t feel bad, there will be someone out there for her if you decide to sell her on. It’s so difficult 😞
 
If knowing that she may occasionally be explosive when she is overwhelmed/ trigger stacked is not something you feel happy and confident dealing with and is making you feel like you don’t want to get back on then I think selling her would probably be the best thing for you.

It sounds like she needs someone who can help her put her brain back in, take a deep breath and move on like nothing happened. It’s ok to admit that’s not going to be you. (And I know it probably doesn’t feel like it but it’s a positive thing that the staff member was able to get her to calm down, settle and focus afterwards as some horses once they lose it then you may as well throw the rest of the session in the bin)

You’ve tried your absolute very best to do right by this horse but not everything is meant to be and it sounds like she’d be lovely horse for someone who isn’t bothered by what she can do when she’s worried.

Obviously you’d need to be very honest about her history, her rehab and how she can be sometimes but I think it’s highly likely there is someone out there for her.
 
Thank you; I think trigger stacking sums her issues up pretty well; 95% possibly a bit more she is the quietest calmest horse you could hope for. The rehab yard will use her to nanny other horses out hacking. On some occasions something may bother her but she calms pretty quickly, this has included going past a rock laden cement mixer!. However today there were horses coming and going as a clinic was being held on the yard and the horse walker was on when it usually isn't. Today this was too much for her, five minutes on the lunge and she was back to her usual self. The trouble is there is no telling what may bother her and when.
 
Waxwing said:
I love the horse but cannot spend the next fifteen plus years feeling like this. DH thinks I am potentially giving up after one bad day.
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Tell DH to get on and ride her then!

There is nothing so scary as an intermittently explosive horse . You'd be doing right by her and by yourself if you sell her with full disclosure, or loan her if you are able to do that and want to be sure about her future.
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I guess you'll know my response as I was for selling your mare right from the start, before even her physical issues were known. It is not from some 'knowing better' place, it is from having been under huge stress myself and suddenly not enjoying riding the sorts of horses I used to.

I sold up from competition type horses and bought a knackered old cob. He was worth nothing really, in fact I paid for him but it was under 1/10th of what I sold the previous one for. But, I look forward to riding him every single time. Even on the rare occasions he has been an arse, he is still a contained arse and it is funny rather than worrisome.

I know you have a busy life, with stress. My recommendation to sell way back then was as much about that as it is about the horse, and I still think you would love the bones of an innocuous, plain, steady horse. One that others probably wouldn't look at. One that will child-mind as well as being a fellow adventurer.

It would not be giving up after one bad day. You have had many bad days. Some horses are just more sensitive than others.

Recently, Rigs went off to holiday at a new yard. There was someone there who may enjoy riding him, and he enjoys being ridden, so I gave permission for the lady, who I didn't know, to ride. I hadn't left any tack, but Rigs isn't bothered what tack he wears as long as it fits within reason.

He wouldn't win any competitions, but has had kids ride him, nursed me when I was stressed beyond belief and has taught my boyfriend to ride.

After years of sensitive flowers, it is nice to have one who just is happy with his skin and gets on with life... Unless there is a lorry up his bum, but that is a separate issue 🤣 and no horse is perfect.
 
Red-1 said:
I guess you'll know my response as I was for selling your mare right from the start, before even her physical issues were known. It is not from some 'knowing better' place, it is from having been under huge stress myself and suddenly not enjoying riding the sorts of horses I used to.

I sold up from competition type horses and bought a knackered old cob. He was worth nothing really, in fact I paid for him but it was under 1/10th of what I sold the previous one for. But, I look forward to riding him every single time. Even on the rare occasions he has been an arse, he is still a contained arse and it is funny rather than worrisome.

I know you have a busy life, with stress. My recommendation to sell way back then was as much about that as it is about the horse, and I still think you would love the bones of an innocuous, plain, steady horse. One that others probably wouldn't look at. One that will child-mind as well as being a fellow adventurer.

It would not be giving up after one bad day. You have had many bad days. Some horses are just more sensitive than others.

Recently, Rigs went off to holiday at a new yard. There was someone there who may enjoy riding him, and he enjoys being ridden, so I gave permission for the lady, who I didn't know, to ride. I hadn't left any tack, but Rigs isn't bothered what tack he wears as long as it fits within reason.

He wouldn't win any competitions, but has had kids ride him, nursed me when I was stressed beyond belief and has taught my boyfriend to ride.

After years of sensitive flowers, it is nice to have one who just is happy with his skin and gets on with life... Unless there is a lorry up his bum, but that is a separate issue 🤣 and no horse is perfect.
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I really want a Rigs, you say he's worthless but to he honest he sounds priceless x
 
Kirstd33 said:
I really want a Rigs, you say he's worthless but to he honest he sounds priceless x
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Yet so many people wont look at older horses (or horses over 10or 12) and often they're the ones that have developed that side to their character where they just enjoy going out and seeing the world and being ridden and couldn't care less what tack they're in, how many days off they've had or whatever else is going on in the world that day.
 
I actually feel annoyed at DH on your behalf. You have not just given up so I think that’s a very unfair thing to say. Whilst no horse is 100% bombproof, from everything you’ve said you need a steady confidence giver, and your mare is not that. Being unpredictable is difficult to manage as you don’t know what she will be worried by and it sounds like her reactions can be quite extreme and escalate quickly. Find her a lovely new home and look for a horse that you feel safe on and can enjoy riding.
 
I may have done my DH a disservice, to be fair, he has always been supportive of me having a horse and helps out with the costs. In his mind he was trying to get me to consider all the positive times I have had recently versus what happened yesterday. He doesn't ride so doesn't really get the fear I felt yesterday sitting on top of a horse when it feels like it might explode. The horse is quite a complex soul, the majority of the time she is the steady, consistent all rounder I want and need, apart from when she isn't. A number of the issues last year were definitely attributable to the SI pain but yesterday 100% wasn't. If I am honest what I really like is if the yard she is currently on can help me find her a good home and then help me find a new friend. DD was due to ride tomorrow but I have told her this will be postponed so she is now cross with me. However she has recently got her confidence back and is riding really well again, and I want it to stay that way.
 
Upthecreek said:
Yes I think it is very difficult for non-riders to understand the importance of having confidence in the horse and how easily that can be damaged and how difficult it is to repair. You and the horse both need a fresh start.
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I agree, you’ve done your best and I’m sure she’ll be a fabulous horse for someone!

I bet you will feel a little relieved once you have made the decision though, I know I did, as difficult as it was to say goodbye x
 
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