Confidence in tatters.

Equus Leather

Equus Leather

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www.virtualdressage.co.uk
Gah, I'm down and need to get this out, and get some objective opinions.

I'm struggling at the moment. Schooled today and mare was a cowbag....she's upset as the field companions have changed and she's not settled yet. First 20mins is spent with her being tense and wooden and fidgety. After an hour I get off and burst into tears.

OH is watching, asks what's wrong and I just can't pinpoint it. He said it was actually looking quite good.

To me it felt sh!t. I have no confidence. I link my self worth as a rider to how crap/good the horse is going. I ALWAYS blame myself if things aren't working, but I can't get out of this mindset.

Today I felt unbalanced, unrhythmical, unco-ordinated. i just couldn't ride.

The thing is I've set myself the goal of doing an Intro in September and I really can't see a way to me getting there at this rate. Horse is more than capable, and when OH rides her, all is beautiful.

After fence judging at the event yest that I hope to be going to in Sept I just feel even worse....people going round miles better than me and I just can't see my way to it. I still feel like a beginner.

*sigh* sorry, just ignore me.
 
I know your problem, you need a trainer to tell you to tweak bits here and there because i'm forever telling my trainer it must look like sh1t cause soemtimes it feels like sh1t but he says it doesn't look it!

Basically, what we feel on top might not always look like it from the floor.

Don't be disheartened, try and get some lessons and take the pressure off yourself.
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I am sure you are doing fine, I do exactly the same, think is was rubbish, moan and moan but Mum thinks it looks ok.
I find my lessons really help, it gives you something new to do, is another set of eyes to tell you how you are doing, and if its not great helps you do it better.
But if you are having a day at home when you cant get it right, i either get off and call it a day or go for a hack, IMO its not fair on my horse for me to battle with myself on top of them if they are actually going ok.
 
Oh I don’t really know what to say, but big hugs! Do you have lessons? It might just help having someone other then your OH (I never listen to mine) telling you how well you are doing and giving you CC.

I know you aren’t as bad as you think, but you need to know it!
 
Sounds like ur putting a lot of pressure on ourself for this Intro. It is ages away so put it out ur mind for now and take your time. I also agree with JoBo and get someone else to give u CC instead of OH x
 
Yeah, another set of eyes will prob help. OH is often busy with the other horses so doesn't watch that often.

I listen to my inner demons too much. I always think riding/eventing is for other people, not me, like i'm not worthy to do it.

I hate having a crap mind.
 
I think you should have some schoolmaster lessons. Having them has made me realise when I am asking the right question in the right way and the horse is giving the wrong answer and I just need to repeat until bored, and when I am asking the right question in the wrong way and need to change something, and when I am asking the wrong question entirely!

It has given me self-confidence as a rider, which I was also lacking.
 
1. Everyone has crap days- strides don't come submission doesn't happen etc. Get off or go for a hack and forget about it, I know this is easier said than done.
2. horses aren't machines, if your mare isn't happy she is unlikely to feel happy when working so not your fault.
3. Don't worry about your intro. I did this last year. I aimed for richmond intro and ended up windeing myself up to fever pitch as I dodn't think I could do it. I ended up scaring myself so badly that I kept making my neddy stop at fences because I was so worried about getting it right. Go schooling round the intro course somewhere else so you know you can do it. (richmond has a xc schooling day in August)
4. To be blunt- Get a grip
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, stop moping, think of all you have achieved and get the idea out of your head that you aren't worthy and can't do it- you clearly can ride from your signature photos.
 
oh dear, poor you. that's rotten. Agree with the other posts re getting some pro help - maybe then you can work with them to help you partner the horse more, and get the feel of her without putting pressure on yourself. Maybe have slightly different goals to work towards for the time being, or you'll just feel overwhelmed.
 
It often feels a lot worse than it looks and as you say you link your riding with how the horse is going so as a consequence of you thinking she/he feels awful I'm useless (or something along those lines) you ride worse and it's a viscous circle from there.

I am exactly the same when everything's going right I can do it, more so when I think no one is watching!

Eg. I have 4 double clears at Intro, where I know absolutely nobody
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But then I go to PC and I get my knickers in a twist and I just can't ride. This evening I had pony club eventing training my mare's been going fab, did well at hutton etc. but she through a shoe warming up, I didn't get enough time to warm up, she stopped at the first fence because I'd convinced myself it would be a disaster and well tbh it was it just spiralled downhill form there!

So what I'm trying to say is we all do it, the more you put it off the worse it will get and having lots of lessons really helps. If it doesn't go right you get help to sort it this gives you more confidence and you ride better and do better.

So keep Hutton 2 in your sights and go for it!
 
Get your OH to video you and maybe have a friend, preferably female and horsey
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, to mutter pacifying nothings while you work through the tricky bits. Go home, pour a glass of wine and go through it (once you've fed your OH and sent him off to bed
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), it won't seem so bad and the wine will help you see it more clearly.
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I used to come out of the arena (dressage or sj) with a face like thunder, and it would cloud my judgement for the rest of the event. If I can see it on the camcorder then I can put it to bed and get on with the rest. Don't forget that everything will seem magnified when you're nervous or annoyed, so the tiniest thing will seem like an insurmountable challenge.
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Oh, and take a day or week at a time, don't flap about the intro you plan to do - does it really matter whether you do it in early September or do a different one in early October? If you can find an instructor to help then great, but pick one that will suit you not just one that is available/cheap/local.
 
Thanks for your posts.

I'm going to get the OH to video me today, maybe that will help.

I shall think about the lessons, there are plenty of people about to choose from, just need to find the right one....really want to start getting to grips with the jumpinig too, so might have a pop and video that as well.

Thanks again.
 
Find yourself a trainer whom you respect and get on with. I went through just the same sort of "moment" and found a trainer who was brilliant. We increased our dressage score by 10% and it was all down to this lady. She gave me so much confidence.
Good luck and try not to be so hard on yourself.
as others have said, if its not going well either stop for that day or go for a hack and unwind.
 
Some really good suggestions here already, I'd definitely recommend some lessons from a neutral (
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) instructor, as you may find you are more relaxed taking instruction from them, learning anything from a partner/family member/close friend is never easy as there's added pressure and you can't walk away from it all after your hour is up!

It sounds like it's a confidence issue, as external parties are saying the horse is going nicely, so you're obviously doing something right!
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If you're looking for XC practice, I'd thoroughly recommend a session with David Gatherer, he is fab for giving you confidence. He's doing a training session at Strathallan on Mon 3rd Aug over the BE course (including their BE80 course) which might be good practice for you and let you see that you can do that "standard" before your event in Sept?

Good luck!
 
Maybe get yourself a horsey sports psychology type book to help with the negative thought processes. I found this worked wonders for me. I like Jane Savoie but there are lots of them.
 
Thank you Figjam...trouble is Strathallan is nearly 4 hours away for us...but I will def look at getting some training in...

Schooled today, here is a video. It's a bit jerky so apologies for that. I know I tip forward and look down, so other CC def needed please. What do you think?

 
Ah, you must really be "up North" then!
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I'm sure there's places near you that you could hire out for schooling and arrange a good instructor to come with you. I'm afraid I don't know of any though. Doing the XC training days have inspired me and really bumped up my confidence no end.

A year ago, I'd never jumped a XC fence in my life, my horse was on field rest through injury and I was going along to BE events as a spectator, watching in awe and wishing one day I could be "that good".

Fast forward a year and I've done two BE training days (Scone and Oatridge) with David (along with a few PC HTs at 75-90cm height and couple other training sessions in April/May) and have gone from complete beginner to popping over some of the Novice fences at Oatridge!
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(I'm very lucky that my horse is a super star and puts up with me!)

The more you do stuff, the more confident you'll get. Riding really is a big mental game as well as physical and it's such a viscious circle once you start losing your confidence.
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Try not to throw yourself in at the deep end and worry about too many things at the one time. Make a lost of goals, and try to work on them one or two at a time, ticking them off will help you physically see there's been improvement and only focusing on one or two lets you give them your full attention.
 
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