Confidence is a fickle thing!

[samleigh]

I can't remember ever being so worried about riding, I sold H about 5 weeks ago after 2yrs, he was a TB, I'd always had weekly lessons with him and before buying him was a confident rider but in Jan I decided to give it 4 months, more extensive lessons flat/Sjumping & if my confidence didn't improve with H than I would sell..I fell off alot..the last fall hurt & my instructor even told me to get rid! When I told friends I was thinking of selling they said "thank god"! Emotionally its so hard even though your head tells you its all for the best. The thing is friends have offered me their horses, some I ride quite often anyway and I just want to get off or do get off as being on a horse doesn't seem to be somewhere I feel comfortable..have taken to riding my bike alongside instead..much safer! How do you go from Competing/jumping 90cm- 1 mtr and BD Novice a month or so ago to not wanting to ride at all !

I have been offered a little 15.1 Cob(his Mum has joined the RAF) successfully done all PC teams, so more than capable to do my level Dressage/Sjumping/X country & RC activities with a competent 42yr old, I hacked him with company twice at the weekend his first time ridden for 3mnths, then on my own last night, he was a little unsure but I'm sure that was down to me but didn't put a hoof wrong & as we passed a big hedge last night, a petrol lawnmower started up, I automatically went into defensive riding, tummy dropped, expecting the worst, he didn't twitch an ear, I'm sure he rolled his eyes back and thought why is she spooking at a lawn mower!

Will my confidence come back! Was going to try hacking again tonight, we have to hack to an arena in the village, and see if I feel anymore confident with the dude! Even him picking up the pace slightly on the way home makes me want to bail and lead home!

Stories of success needed!

 

[Serephin]

I had confidence issues after owning a flighty ex-racer and then a rodeo cob!

I now have a wonderful irish cob who has given me my confidence back in spades - we have been together now for 4 years and I have done more with him than I ever did with the other two. He can have his moments, but I trust him and know him so well that I don't worry. When I get on him, it feels like home. I am 33 weeks pregnant and have ridden him throughout, only stopped now as my pelvis can't take it anymore.

He is genuine and kind - knows his job and gets on with it. I love him with all my heart. When you find the right horse for you, the confidence will return, just take it easy on yourself and don't push yourself too soon. Build up your relationship together, and if it feels right, you'll be fine.

 

[HeresHoping]

Yes! But don't expect everything to happen overnight. Little cobs are perfect for this. Little horses, too. They're just a bit closer to the ground.

I had a TB that tried to kill me on a regular basis with his bucking bronco act. I have often said I stuck on him like glue because I didn't trust him to turn around and finish the job if I did hit the deck. We later found he was in a huge amount of pain, poor boy, from a previously fractured pelvis and a pulverised SI joint (ligaments were mere threads).

I digress. I was a shaking, quivering wreck in need of Tena Lady every time I went to ride him. I could barely tack up and by the time I got to the mounting block I'd be hyperventilating and seeing black spots. Me, who used to ride absolutely anything and everything and had competed at a fairly significant level in the juniors. Me, who used to be given 'problem' horses to ride. Ok, so it was a long time ago, but still...

After he was PTS, a very kind lady let me ride her 15.1hh ex showjumper now heading for a new career in dressage. She was feisty and frantic and bobbed around like a JA pony on speed and my legs were round her knees but she could do what she wanted and I found after the initial little 'umm, is she going to spook?' feeling my fears just melted away. I think it's because she was never, ever known to buck. Go sideways, and jog, and canter on the spot, cat leap forward, yes, but she didn't buck. And she was little. 15.1 is a hell of a lot closer to the ground than 16.3.

I rode her for about 6 months and found very quickly that my wobbles were a distant memory. They'd come back in force when faced with a new horse but I'd tell myself that if I could ride the little mare, I could ride anything. When I got the big ginger lawnmower in my avatar, I confess that his 17hh brought the fear back in floods but he never did anything except pronk (mini leap off all fours) on the odd occasion. But I took it very, very slowly, and tried to keep the rides on the smaller things I was kindly offered just to rebalance. If he did do something that unsettled me, I'd tell myself over and over that I sat that, and lived to tell the tale, what more am I worried about? I did as much hacking as I could - even if it meant going out for a plod. I viewed it as 'hours in the saddle'. I'll never forget my first canter on him in a group - I was so scared I nearly passed out and my legs turned to jelly that wouldn't stay in the stirrups. Suddenly we were at the other end of the field and I wasn't quite sure how I got there. He, of course, loped along gently without so much as hop or a skip. Unfortunately he's very broken, so I never tested the eventing waters with him. But, I do have a ride on a youngster and we're off XC schooling in a couple of weeks so my confidence must have come back somewhere along the way. I would be running at breakneck speed in the opposite direction if you had asked me to do that last year. I absolutely hated myself for it, too.

Chalk it up. Notch by notch. In a couple of months ask yourself if you've enjoyed yourself more times than not. If the answer's yes, then that's the biggest confidence boost of all.

 

[Goldenstar]

Sometimes I think that the feeling you describe is your sixth sense on steroids .
Riding is dangerous that's a fact .
Riders do a risk benefit analysis and come out on the side of that the benefit out wieghs the risk .
Struggling along with a difficult horse who does not suit you is confidence sapping .
Take the cob he sounds perfect rather than worrying about these feelings embrace the fact you feel them with the knowledge they will subside in time .
Set your self sensible goals and quietly work towards them .

 

[WindyStacks]

I got all my confidence back riding a little haflinger who threw all his best moves at me. Bucking, spinning and rearing. But when they're so wee with short, little bak a it's almost comical rather than scary.

Currently in a pit of fear though and yesterday had to get off halfway through a five-stage vetting. Hot salty tears of shame et al!

 

[samleigh]

Thank you, Thank you...I only wish there was a like button for all your replies x

 

[splashnutti1]

I to hd a crazy tb who knocked my confidence bolting with me and in the end i had a really bad fall. i eventually sold him and i was completely honest about his bolting. sold him cheap just wanted him gone.

At the time i worked with horses breaking and schooling and it really affected my job. i went form getting on anything from young to problem horses, showjumping at weekends etc to not being able to ride the ones i knew and had previously ridden loads, was a nightmare!
Fortunately i had other people to ride for me so didnt have to.

I then found a lovely cob and got all my confidence back with her and although i was still unable to get on others bravely, i would take her anywhere and do anything, she was truly my savior!

Sadly she died 2 years ago and my confidnce died with her

I brought a lovely irish cob who is a superstar i can honestly say he has never in 18 months put a foot wrong, at the most he has got a bit joggy out on his own yet i was petrified to get on him, physically shaking and hyperventilating. Has took time and slow progress but we are finally starting to click and i am much more confident with him, he really is a super patient lad considering he is only 4.

Unfortunately he recently injured himself and will be off for a while, hoping my confidence doesnt dwindle in the time it takes to heal

Just take it slowly hun x

 

[misskk88]

Sorry to hear you have had a rough ride (quite literally!).

Jokes aside, your confidence WILL come back. It just takes time to mend. I was the same as you for ages after having a horse dismount me in front of fence after fence. My nerves were fine on my old horse, because I knew what to expect, whereas my new horse was unchartered territory and actually, that filled me with dread even more, was she going to be worse, better, a total loon? I sent thousands of questions around my pickled little brain, that I put more stress on myself than I ever needed to!

All I can say is, take it slowly, invest in a good instructor, and where you can hack out with someone that you feel can maybe egg your confidence on a bit. Do not worry about what you were doing before (I was out jumping anything, XC schooling, Hacking etc and went to barely wanting to trot or pop a teeny cross pole!). What matters is how you feel now, and building the groundworks with a new horse. You haven't had it long, give yourself a chance to work each other out, to build a friendship, because then you will tackle the bigger scarrier things together, as a team

EDITED TO ADD: Remember it is meant to be fun! Enjoy your horse, don't make yourself a wobbly mess by pushing yourself too hard, too fast with your new pal. Far better to build slowly and have the foundations right, than force it. And lastly, don't beat yourself up- it happens to the best of them!

 

[Christmas Crumpet]

I am another who had their confidence totally killed by a couple of horses who bronked in order to get me off. The first broke my leg badly out hunting. The second would bury me on occasion out exercising last summer and I totally lost my confidence.

I then had the most wonderful horse ever on loan who was 20 when I got him and he was quite sharp but he was also a gentleman with it. He was a big horse and I'm only little but I could hunt him in a snaffle. He never once scared me which is strange!!

I worried I would never be able to get another horse after him because clearly it was a one off but new horse arrived 2 weeks ago and I've been riding her on my own ever since and fingers crossed its been fine!!

 

[Duvetdays]

Me too - I have fallen off three times in my limited riding career - first time six years ago, a bucking broncing young cob resulted in ambulance, suspected broken pelvis and crutches for 6 weeks with torn pelvic ligaments. Second time, two months ago- my first ever horse whom I'd had for 4 months, bolted in school with me after a dressage test and almost jumped out, I came off into the fence and wall - cue suspected broken back, concussion, suspected broken ribs, haematoma in head and huge tear in my hand, still attending physio.....then, first time back on a horse after 6 weeks recuperation, and deciding to send my boy back, and the first one I was trying out decided to get faster and faster in the school, with me frantically trying to stop it but inadvertently in my panic making it go faster - oops....cue exit from said horse and onto my left hip.....very, very sore for weeks and bruising like you wouldn't believe!!!

Ended up with a wee 6 yr old irish draught x ISH mare, 16.2hh, who was so calm and solid when I watched her being ridden that I actually managed to get on her and walk her round the school even after falling off the first one and in significant pain! She is now mine, and I am taking it VERY slowly!

The first time I hacked her out, my friend walked with me, and to my shame, I demanded a lead rope, as I could not shake the image of her tanking off with me. I was shaking, jelly legs and feeling quite ill. However, I am concentrating on ground work, lunging etc, and have hacked her out a few more times - a couple of times on my own with her......slowly is the key. Little by little, and getting to know the horse. Developing trust takes a while, I tell you!

But we will all get there!

 

[SadKen]

Yes it will come back!

I sold my flighty Arab youngster last August. I fell off him twice and he was extremely unpredictable. I knew I'd lost my confidence when I put him up for sale and a buyer wanted to see him ridden. I actually hyperventilated at the thought of getting back on. Prior to this I'd been bouncing round a 10 acre field jumping and galloping bareback on a Fell pony, and I never thought I'd ever be scared of any horse.

I bought my girl because she's good at giving me confidence. I felt OK from the beginning; she feels solid and sensible. After I'd got a bit more comfortable she started spooking and tanking with me; I could hear her saying 'you have to stop me if you don't like this'. I did stop her! We jump and canter, and I go down to the scary end of the school (dressage mirrors/rabbits) and don't bat an eye. I fell off in January and tore my ACL jumping but I got straight back on and wasn't in the least phased or frightened by what happened.

I'm not great at hacking as too much can go wrong (in my head). She's great, no napping or anything, but she does get a bit excitable and as we haven't done it much does bounce a lot more and feels a bit more wobbly underneath you, if that makes sense! I am not comfortable with this so we haven't really tackled it yet. I think I'll have a couple of beers in the summer and go on a hot day.

I will say though that I swapped with a friend at the yard on Sunday, she rode my girl and I rode her young horse. I only walked, but I found it really quite scary despite the youngster being good. She just didn't feel 'safe' like the feeling I get from my girl!

So - right horse, you'll be fine. It took me about 4 months but I love her and I love riding again and I ride most days instead of finding excuses like I did with my old boy. She may not have the best conformation but she's my angel and I think she will be my horse of a lifetime!


ETS: My lad bronced with me as well - that's why I fell. I couldn't stick on for more than 3 seconds when he did it. I wonder if broncing is a confidence robber more than other things as it seems to be a theme in this thread? Prob one for a new thread I guess!

 

[Dreamer515]

sorry to hear that you have lost your confidence. i lost mine a few years ago. i used to work on a racing yard and was riding out when a horse infront started messing about long story short the horse i was on leaped sideways to get out of the way and although stayed on and nothing really happened i lost all confidence and wouldnt ride anything not even my own horse. i used to be in tears standing on the mounting block holding a horse while my boss shouted at me to hurry up. in the end i couldnt physically get on. i had a friend ride my own horse out for me and i walked with the dog beside, and i asked my boss if i could do yard duties for a month or so as it was summer so not many to ride out. i had a break from riding completly for about 2 months before i got back on. we had a lovely horse come to the yard that had an injury so had had 18 months off work, and we just clicked on the ground and in the stable then when he started to be exercised it felt right for me to ride him so i asked, my boss couldnt believe i wanted to ride him when i wouldnt ride something that had been in work all summer and was know as the yard donkey! this horse was an angel and didnt put a foot wrong even when others were messing around next to him. he helped with my confidence and a week after riding him i started riding another horse aswell. i had a sit down with my boss and he asked what i would be comftable riding...out of 108 horses i gave him a list of 4 lol. i eventually got back on my own horse and got better every day. when this horse retiered his owners gave him to me and i have never known him to be naughty but he can be quite keen sometimes. although even now my confidence isnt great...i look at jumps and s*** myself thinking i dont want to do that but my instructor tells me to and so i do it. (i learnt the hard way to always do what my instructor says!)

i should say that before all this i used to get on anything without caring. had a lot of falls which didnt bother me. i used to be known for jumping on bareback and going flatout round our mini cross country course...now i struggle to do that in a gentle canter with tack on!

 

[Polar Bear9]

I lost mine about 3 years ago and its just now starting to come back properly. I was at the point were I would not even get on a riding school plod, just the thought of sitting up there made me feel sick. I certainty wasn't going near my own. I also was nervy on the ground, I would do all the chores etc but found it stressful and difficult. Time was a big factor but also, weirdly, splitting up with my boyfriend has bought most of my confidence back. Time is the key healer, that and taking it slow. I sing to myself a lot when I get worried. Another big factor was my sister, she has no sympathy and is very confident herself so doesn't sympathise well with confidence loss. I would get on and panic and she would go 'Oh for gods sake just bleeding well get on with it!!' It was mean but it scared me into doing stuff and once I'd done it I wondered what I was worrying about.

I suppose what I'm saying is give yourself time and find what works for you personally. I'm sure my sisters methods might leave other people a quivering wreck but it did work well for me. I promise you that it does get better

 

[Mike007]

I had a total train wreck of a fall about 18 months ago. I almost died . 1 month in hospital ,6 months of black depression due to the concussion. Fortunately some of the spinal nerve damage started to fix itself and I lost the paralysis in my right arm and intercostals. My breathing has started to improve though the right half of my diaphragm is still paralysed. I now feel good . I am still riding and my long suffering horse has been so understanding.(except for the little incident early on when he just wanted to show dad that he was happy to have him back ,and was mortified that his show of exuberance had his dad in tears and petrified.Now I only have to start to breathe heavily and he does the most amazing square halt. Has got us unjustyified points at dressage!I couldnt even think of jumping but made myself do it , Thanks Wildwoods and Anthea. Its not been easy , I actualy managed to warm my horse up for show jumping by another rider ,the other day. I cant manage a showjumping course,I would simply run out of oxygen . But I am proud of this small step.

 

[Burmilla]

Respect, Mike007! That was some train wreck to come back from! I've had a few nasties in my time, but that one sounds as if it would have most people, me included, reaching for the tiddley winks and leaving it at that!
My confidence has been restored by buying a little 14hh Exmoor x ? mare who is young, (4yrs) green, opinionated, and a darling to ride. The fact she is so much nearer the ground, compact, very responsive to subtle aids (I ride her bareback in the arena and in walk round our very quiet lanes) has helped a great deal. All previous horses have been tall, sharp, talented and previously messed about with by other owners/trainers. All came good enough to stay with me 'til they passed away. The last one came right after three years hard work and some seriously scary moments. We were out there, getting excellent results in competitions etc, and one day, after a completely unremarkable hack, I got off and thought 'that's it - I'm not getting on him, ever again". And I didn't. Three years of underlying anxiety caused by his massive, very sharp spooks at anything and everything, (except when we were out competing, when he was a saint,) had done it.
He went to an aquaintance who is an ecellent horse keeper and will keep him for life.
After four months riding other people's horses, I was irritable and bored. Having vowed not to own another horse/pony (50 years of it was enough, surely?) I looked on all the "bottom of the market" websites, kissed a lot of four-legged frogs, saw and rode Missy and put a deposit on her there and then. Definately a rough diamond, and owned by persons of a specific ethnic group, but I knew as soon as I saw her, tied up in a filthy stable that she was for me. So far, so good. I'm sure I feel confident with her is partly (mostly!) due to her being at least a foot shorter in both height and length than the previous incumbent!

 

[Mike007]

But equaly respect in turn. We do what we can,

 

[Cherrydan]

Being honest, I am not confident and it has got the better of me at times. When I have the time to put in, to take things slowly, to show him I am happy and comfortable in his company, to go in with a "Im choosing to trust you" mentality, and forcing myself to relax...my confidence grows a little. Them perfect sunny days when you can just be with them,smell them...be a friend to them...to take the pressure and self torture about how inadequate you feel about your lack of confidence, believe it or not being kind to yourself helps.
Good Luck to you, it is awful to feel scared to take the risk. From my point, its a slow process,but I wantto get there.
Hacking out alone! Nope, I would be a wreck, well done to you.xxx

 

[Ceriann]

You can get it back and the little cob sounds just the ticket. I'm re-building mine - getting there but still a WIP. Two trips to A&E last year with my mare (nowhere near as bad as some of the posts on here), one after a bronk and then bolt (after I came off she went straight through a thick hedge into my neighbours garden - 4/5 ft drop from the road too so I'm lucky I did come off). My confidence was floored and I found every reason not to hack. I still have her (her problems could be dealt with) and she's now pretty much a saint, but i still have niggling issues. I find when I'm on her im fine but I have to convince myself to try a new hacking route or venture further (my mind plays terrible games with me) so we do it all v slowly. It's lucky we enjoy so much and I always come back from a ride smiling. Do what you can take to make yourself feel safe - bp, rstor/ neck strap, friend on foot or bike, hacking companion, do short routes and it will come back. Very best of luck.

 

[alainax]

Yes it does come back!

Mines has came pouring back, and im so glad

I used to be so super confident, would get on anything type, get thrown off anything too! Then I met my match, had some very bad falls, and was very lucky to be able to walk afterwards a few times. Myself and that horse were a very bad match, my confidence ended in tatters and I knew I had to sell him.

Its the weirdest feeling going from "uber brave" to suddenly finding it hard to breathe when mounting!

I got my Nero last october, and he is an absolute complete saint. Thanks to him, my confidence has literally came pouring back and I couldnt be happier with him. We school, go hacking, soon with have our first ridden show, and will go to the beach in the summer

Today i hacked him bareback to the feild for the first time, something I could have never even dreamed of before. But I just hopped onto him, and he was an absolute angel. He would even stop if he thought I was a bit unbalanced like - " Hey , you ok up there mum? Holding on properly?"

 

[LessThanPerfect]

I regularly lose confidence in all sorts of things, not just riding, with no obvious trigger (although I do have ptsd following a car accident which damaged my spine but that was YEARS ago.)

Sometimes with riding I find a change of scene helps so I look for a riding school or trekking centre I haven't been to before and book a hack/ trek, I don't know why but it seems to work, maybe it is because there are no expectations on me and I can just "enjoy the process" as they call it.

Might be worth a try.

 

[jjerome]

I too lost my confidence riding about 3 years ago and slowly its has come back . I have a cob who has helped me with this and we have both been through a long journey together but I have come out the other side .
A few things have helped me and I did also stop riding for a few months as I just needed to take the pressure of it all . (as I didnt even want to get my cob out of the field!)

No pressure , do what you want when you want , even if you only get him out of the field it will help, I also did a lot of groundwork with him to help built the confidence , had a lunge lesson and a simulator lesson , some days I only tacked him up and then sat on him and got off again . I had a very supportive friend who walked out on foot with me and held my hand for many months. Horse Agility was good fun too

The biggest 'help' for me was having TFT/NLP sessions from a lady called Jo Cooper, very supportive and understanding and being a rider herself she understands what is needed and required. Losing your confidence riding is a big thing and what I found out is that the root problem may not always be linked to riding or the initial problem from when you lost your confidence. Really recommend her website is www.equestrianconfidence.com - have a look on the website and give her a call for a chat

Let us know how it goes - but remember no pressure , keep smiling and enjoy them