Confidence is being eaten away at....

Chestnutmare

Chestnutmare

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I feel so useless and stupid with myself am feeling very deflated... :(

Since I got Finn I thought excellent lets get on with it new horse (who is rather green) and my newly aquired confidence from Mr T I thought I could handle it all, he is a gorgeous boy but I have gone to hack out a couple of times now and he is terribly spooky with me, yet with my neighbour who has ridden him out on her own he is OK with a little spooky but she just tells him to get on with it and he's fine. We went out with neighbour on her mare and without warning her mare went vertical we only got a little way down the drive we carried on, but seeing she was having issues I turned to help her, well this is when Finn started going up on me too I managed to control him this time and used a firm voice with him, he was jig jogging all the way back... I felt very upset after this, as I had my confidence massively knocked about 3 yrs ago after a very nasty fall from a horse that bolted with me and broncoing... so understandably a little aprehensive.

I have schooled him in the menage even had a little jump a couple weeks ago he was fantastic I came out smiling away great I thought.. as previous to this I was started to get all down about him not feeling like the one for me etc, he nips and does it so quickly even when walking to field he tries to nip and then go up but I have managed this well so far by telling him NO in a firm voice he listens then tries again... agh!

I am telling myself in my head to get on with it stop being such a wimp I can do this and handle him (deep down I am scared) which makes me annoyed with myself more. He can be a sweet boy to be around he doesn't do cuddles ok fair enough, has never lifted his back legs to kick, although strikes out with front now and again.

I lunged him last night he had his funny five yeah ok no worries about that he soon settled down and was working quite well I was just using his bridle and lunge line no pessoa etc... so he was free, so working away well and changed rein again another funny five yep he's young blah blah until all of a sudden he started spooking at 'nothing' charging around the school with me on the other end trying to calm him down he was then set to snorting head up no relaxing at all and I know I really shouldn't have but I did as I was so upset I called it a day... which I am not happy about with myself but at the same time was scared of what would happen as he was not calming down. :( :( :(

I have been thinking alot about what to do with him, I am not feeling much for him which really saddens me I also think I will hold him back and maybe I am more suited to a been there done it type to carry on getting my confidence back, as its being eaten up again once upon a time I used to love horses like him that had that little edge about them and think nothing of it, id it cos I am older dented I don't know?? really wish I did.

He is on loan with view to buy and I seriously did not think I would be feeling like this so soon after getting him that I want to send him back I have to be honest and say I have not taken to him as well as I thought I would and its a crying shame, other factors are I do not feel he is big enough he was advertised as 15.3 and is only 'just' 15hh.

Please do not come in all harsh as this is really really difficult enough for me, although will appreciate any constructive crit given etc.

Giant cadbury's buttons all round.
Thanks,
 
I dont mean to be harsh but as he is on LWVTB I would send him back now before you lose more confidence and he gets away with more bad behaviour, it is only fair on everyone involved. It sounds as if you are not happy with him, he is too young, too small and it does not feel right.

Look around for something a little older and more established that you feel is the right one, there is no point in trying to make the wrong one right when you have the option of sending him back.
 
I breathed a sigh of relief on your behalf when i read he's on loan with view to buy. I would send him back as he doesn't sound as if he's the horse for you.

I battled with a horse for four years despite knowing he was not for me after 3 months. I should have moved him on then, despite everyone saying the problem was with my confidence. Eventually he did something really dangerous with thankfully a very good but young rider and he had to go.

I have also had one that I didn't take to for quite a while, but 8 years later he's still here! Riding is supposed to be fun, and it's too expensive a hobby if it becomes a chore or is scaring you.

I may not be the best to give you advice as I'm afraid I have lost my confidence over the last couple of years so you may be better listening to some braver souls.
 
No harsh words. We've probably all suffered with confidence issues at one time or another.

From your post, it's pretty clear that you need a confidence giver and that he is green. So he is not the right horse for you at the moment.

The right horse is out there. :)
 
I agree with the above posts. It sounds like he's not the horse for you and you're not the human for him... you both need confidence givers! Don't feel that you're giving up or failing because it's actually a lot braver to make a hard decision like this. It sounds like you haven't bonded very well, along with the other issues, so you shouldn't feel bad about sending him back.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
 
Sorry to hear that you're having trouble, but at least you've got him on LWVTB. As you know, the problem with confidence is that it can take years to rebuild and seconds to destroy.
As he doesn't really fit the bill, he's a bit too small, you haven't bonded with him and deep down you're scared of him, send him back before you make the mistake of buying him.
There are lots of other confidence building horses out there and they're not all Cob types either ;) Good luck.
ps - I have nothing against Cobs, I think they're gorgeous especially when they have all their feathers and long flowing manes :)
 
Sorry to hear this.

I agree with the others to be honest. As he is on loan at the moment, I would take him back before you are back to square one with your confidence.

Sounds like you would enjoy something a bit more experienced who's been there, done that, so you can get your confidence back and start enjoying riding again.

I would also say, don't rush to buy something. Some of the best horses I have ridden were loaned. They weren't for sale as the owners couldn't bare to part with their old faithfull friend who had won them a tackroom full of rosettes!

There are lots of owners out there who have maybe moved on to a horse who is able to compete at a higher level, but still have their old faithfull who can do all the riding club stuff perfectly well.

Put adverts up in your local tack shops, local forum's, facebook groups etc. Ask your riding instructor and horsey friends.

I am guessing you are a good rider who has just lost their confidence a bit. Be completely honest in your ad and hopefully something will come up. You will obviously get calls from some unsuitable ones, but don't despair - the right horse will be out there somewhere :)

xx
 
I've recently been where you are now, my previous horse knocked my confidence. He would just take off without warning and was very spooky out hacking. Unfortunately for me I had bought him from a dealer, although I did return him and get a small amount of my money back. I did get attached to him as he was a sweetie on the ground, apart from p...ing off when being led :(

I would send him back, you are only going to lose more confidence. I have a new horse now and my confidence is fully restored, I'm no longer dreading riding and can't wait to go to the yard each day. You too will find your perfect horse, sadly this one is not.
 
I kept meaning to ask you how he was doing.

The height thing I wouldn't worry about you look good on him.

The confidence thing is the crux here and I think you should send him back.

What should be happening is you feel a bit nervy about doing something and then you do it and you feel great and not nervy.

What is happening is the opposite and it's not doing you or him any good.

Sorry to be blunt as I think he is a bloomin lovely horse but I don't think he is going to suit you sadly.
 
It should be fun and its not. As some one who is only just beginning to get their confidence back and enjoy riding to the full I would say this little lad, while lovely in many ways, is going to set you back all over again. Send him back before you do each other's heads in and wait for the right one for you. It is out there somewhere!
 
I would defo send him back. I also lost my confidense with a baby some years ago, the more nervous I got, the more badly behaved he became as he could sense my fear. Ended up with me in hospital, confidence totally shattered, vowing never to get on a horse again. Since then, I've been lucky enough to find the perfect horse, and I'm sure you will too. It just takes time and a realistic expectation of what you are capable of dealing with. Good luck. :)
 
I think that you are very lucky to have discovered this horse isn't doing your confidence any good while he is on loan. As the others have said, send him back and find a horse that you can really enjoy and have fun with.

People overhorsing themselves is a nightmare situation for all concerned and can lead to expensive times, financially, physically and emotionally.

I do think that there are occasions when people can work through confidence issues, but this isn't one of those times, get a horse that you can trust to build your confidence, they are out there.
 
Wow quite a response thank you, I just feel like Im letting him and myself down and its bugging the life out of me too as he is going to make someone a very special horse one day.

I think maybe an older been there and done it type is going to be what I need to get back my confidence.

Feel awful and dreading telling his owner :( :( :( I don't hand animals back without good cause and this is chewing me up but we can't all be matched straight away I guess?.

With regards to the loaning instead of buying, sadly this day in age it is difficult to loan a horse out due to too many horror stories people really struggle to let them go out which ruins it for others that are genuine.
 
Thank god he is LWVTB! At least you're not stuck with him and whilst the conversation with the owner might be a little difficult, you will breathe a sigh of relief when he goes as it's just awful to have a horse that you are scared of and don't enjoy. Chalk it up to experience and have a look for an older schoolmaster type that you can enjoy :)
 
I too breathed a big sigh of relief when you said lwvtb. This is why it exists. Listen to your gut, he's not the one for you. Don't feel bad about it, much worse if you bought him then ended up having to go through all the upset of selling him.
If its not making you happy its just not worth it xx
 
send him back, like someone else has said its meant to be fun!

I too ended up with a younger last year who pretty much got me to the point where I didn't even want to look at another horse ever and my confidence was in tatters! Luckily he was also on LWVTB. When I actually fessed up to the fact I hated him it was like a massive weight of my shoulders - since them I've got myself a lovely boy and my confidence is "slowly" coming back! :D

Your perfect horse is out there somewhere! :)
 
He sounds like he will make some one a great horse, is this person you, well only you can decide that.

If you like him you could find some one more confident to share him or ride him a few times a week out hacking and doing the things you dont feel ready to do yet while you carry on riding him in the school and doing what you enjoy with him (a student could be perfect). If you dont think he will be for you then send him back to the owner.
 
Oh for goodness sake, send him back! If not for your sake, then for his - he doesn't need to be scared for the rider all the time (this, after all, is what spooking is all about; I'M not brave because YOU'RE not brave), and you need to have a nice, friendly horse who will take care of you a bit. No shame in that; I'm the first to admit when I don't like a horse, and I've bred quite a few that I couldn't stand - they were sold on to people who "got" them, and everyone was happy.
 
Merlywerly said:
Wow quite a response thank you, I just feel like Im letting him and myself down and its bugging the life out of me too as he is going to make someone a very special horse one day.

I think maybe an older been there and done it type is going to be what I need to get back my confidence.

Feel awful and dreading telling his owner :( :( :( I don't hand animals back without good cause and this is chewing me up but we can't all be matched straight away I guess?.

With regards to the loaning instead of buying, sadly this day in age it is difficult to loan a horse out due to too many horror stories people really struggle to let them go out which ruins it for others that are genuine.
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Tbh I think the person who you've loaned him from will be grateful that you've been honest by saying that he isn't suitable for you. Most people do not want to sell their horse to someone who will sell them on again in a few months because they don't suit each other. I know I'd want to sell my horse to someone who intended to keep him or a very long time :)
 
My neighbour has ridden him a couple of times out hacking and she is more confident than I am.

I actually enjoyed being around him last night he really isn't a nasty horse just one that requires the right lead in life, I can do it if I want to I know I can presently I am nervy and that is what is bugging me.

I have since spoken to my YO who is fab and understands issues as one of her horses used to throw her off often etc and she is having lessons to regain her issues with him and is doing so well too I have actually sat and watched a couple of her lessons the instructor is very nice too she's not pushy or won't rush you or the horse.

My neighbour has also been someone to talk to, and has offered help when and if I need it, it's great to know I have this support.

When i jumped him the other week I thoroughly enjoyed it as did he we were both tired after for sure, I will have a really good long hard think over the weekend as to long term plans speak to the instructor too as I do like him he is not nasty in any way, good on ground if a little nippy but im dealing with this, I have already managed to stop him rushing through gate to field, it's electric and he got a zap one day when led by someone else.
I took him back through it several times slowly talking gently to reassure him going past his gate and back to go back in again, he is now brilliant and does not rush, so thats a plus. :)
 
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