Confidence issue - help!!

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Binyanis9

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Hi!

So I've got a few confidence issues, and I thought it would be good to hear other people's experiences and stories on how they overcome their fears.

I've been into horses my whole life, and I've always volunteered at my local riding schools and been on 'own a pony' days etc. So my riding knowledge was never great, I knew how to look after the horses more than the riding. I've handled all kinds of horses, working at riding schools I used to turn 4 horses out at a time (I know, you shouldn't!) so I have no idea why I can't even bring my own horse in...

I had a fall on my TB last year and ended up with a broken back. Due to being out of work for a while I then for some reason lost all confidence. In the end, I had to sell him and he is now in a lovely home just down the road and is competing and enjoying life! I now have a little Welsh Section D mate and she is absolutely lovely. But for some reason I'm having a major confidence meltdown and I can't even go in her field to bring her in. I know it sounds incredibly silly and when I type it, it does sound ridiculous, but I could do with some words of reassurance! When I go into her field and it's a little bit windy or something, I completely panic and even though she's absolutely fine she just stands and waits, I have this huge fear that she is going to rear up and try to 'attack' me or run into me or something! It's so silly but it's having a huge effect on me being able to just get on and ride and I'd love to go in her field and do some intrinzen stuff with her to create a bond. She's good as gold and has never done anything wrong - I just have it in my head that for some reason if I go into her field she will attack me and rear at me and all sorts of silly stuff!

So I was just wondering if anybody had any tips they could offer for my confidence? Also, any reassuring words? I know accidents happen and if she was extremely spooked by something she could potentially rear but I know the odds aren't great but my mind isn't understanding that, so if anybody has any reassuring words, especially if you've had years of experience with horses and nothing like that has ever happened I'd really appreciate it! Just tell me I'm being silly and I should just get on with it?!

Thanks for reading! :)
 
Unfortunately telling you to get on with it is unlikely to work! You have had a horrible experience and it is bound to take its toll on you.

If it helps, I have been involved with horses for over 50 yrs and kept my own for 40+ yrs, in multiples for over 30 yrs. I have never known a horse 'attack' its owner when s/he has gone to bring it in from the field, or indeed at any other time. Have you asked someone else to accompany you to catch your horse? Just having someone else with you might give you a confidence boost.
 
Pearlsasinger said:
Unfortunately telling you to get on with it is unlikely to work! You have had a horrible experience and it is bound to take its toll on you.

If it helps, I have been involved with horses for over 50 yrs and kept my own for 40+ yrs, in multiples for over 30 yrs. I have never known a horse 'attack' its owner when s/he has gone to bring it in from the field, or indeed at any other time. Have you asked someone else to accompany you to catch your horse? Just having someone else with you might give you a confidence boost.
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I know - its going to take time! But I really appreciate what you said - that's exactly what I'm after - people that have had years of experience and can tell me it's never happened with them! I know accidents can happen, and I need to just trust that she's not going to hurt me on purpose! Thank you :)
 
I don't think its silly that you have lost some of your confidence, you've had a nasty accident.
I had a knock to my confidence, but unlike you, mine was only when riding. Again the horse I get nervous on has never done anything wrong.
I found the kelly marks book perfect confidence helpful. I also take rescue remedy, which helps me.
I also found seeing other people ride my horse to be helpful, to prove to me that he wasn't going to bolt or try and throw me off.
Its silly to say, but in a way my boy was too good, I almost couldn't accept that he wouldn't do something awful at some point, and I was scared how bad it would be when it finally happened !
Is there someone that can handle your horse while you are there to see her reactions, and reassure yourself that she isn't going to do anything nasty?
Kx
 
Circe said:
I don't think its silly that you have lost some of your confidence, you've had a nasty accident.
I had a knock to my confidence, but unlike you, mine was only when riding. Again the horse I get nervous on has never done anything wrong.
I found the kelly marks book perfect confidence helpful. I also take rescue remedy, which helps me.
I also found seeing other people ride my horse to be helpful, to prove to me that he wasn't going to bolt or try and throw me off.
Its silly to say, but in a way my boy was too good, I almost couldn't accept that he wouldn't do something awful at some point, and I was scared how bad it would be when it finally happened !
Is there someone that can handle your horse while you are there to see her reactions, and reassure yourself that she isn't going to do anything nasty?
Kx
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Yeah - I know it's not silly as losing confidence is awful! It's just when I try and explain my fears I know they sound irrational if that makes sense?
Yes! I felt exactly the same - my TB was almost too good and I used to always think it was too good to be true and that something and was almost certainly going to go wrong. It's weird isn't it?
I too feel a lot better seeing someone ride my horse - it reassures me that they're fine and it's all in my head! My partner comes with me sometimes and he brings her in and I watch him and watch her behaviour and realise I'm actually just, again, being irrational and she is fine, a dope on a rope!
It seems we have the same way of dealing with our problems! It does work definitely - it's just when it comes down to me actually having to handle her on my own my mind goes into overdrive!
I will definitely try the rescue remedy - I've heard a lot of people that try that.

Thanks for your advice :)!
 
Something a friend told me, which I think is a really useful way of looking at things, is: If you are imagining something bad happening (her rearing up or spooking while you lead her), make sure you think of two or three scenarios where nothing bad happens (she is a dope on a rope). Then the likelihood (in your mind) of something bad happening becomes two or three times less that something good happening.

I find this quite helpful when I start imagining the worst.
 
MiniScam said:
Something a friend told me, which I think is a really useful way of looking at things, is: If you are imagining something bad happening (her rearing up or spooking while you lead her), make sure you think of two or three scenarios where nothing bad happens (she is a dope on a rope). Then the likelihood (in your mind) of something bad happening becomes two or three times less that something good happening.

I find this quite helpful when I start imagining the worst.
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That is a very good way of thinking - I will definitely try that thank you! I'm already imagining good things - I think that's the thing, I imagine all the bad things and never the good! :)
 
How about a natural Horsemanship person? Granted they are not there to help the Horse. But they can assist you in doing things to help you get that bond and hopefully install confidence in you too?

I feel for you, losing confidence is so awful.

I was the opposite to you, I will handle pretty much anything and consider myself experienced on the ground. However after a nasty riding accident my riding suffered and I went back to basics (think having to be lead around whilst I sobbed!) I don't think I will ever get it back 100% but I took baby steps. The biggest thing that helped me was to stop comparing myself to others which is something I did all the time! it made me feel worse about myself so I just gave up. But after I stopped focusing on what others were doing with their Horses, I set myself small goals and things just started to click. I was lucky I found a VERY patient and forgiving mare so gave me so much confidence. Because my confidence was at an all time low, with the wrong Horse it would have been an accident waiting to happen!

Good luck x
 
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