Confidence issues-me

happyhack

happyhack

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Short background: I fell off in August 2008 and it has severely affected my confidence. I was cantering a horse in a big open space and lost a stirrup and the horse spooked and I went flying. I was unconscious for about half an hour, severely bruised my back and pulled tendons in my hand and dislocated my knee. It took me about 4 months to get back on a horse and have only cantered once since and nearly had a panic attack when doing so.

I have been hacking out in walk and trot on Bondi every so often, but I dont trust him as far as I could throw him. So riding isnt very enjoyable for me ATM.

I hve been asked to help reschool a mounted games pony who has been doing nothing for a few months. I got on him today and he was absolutely fine, hacked him over to the school at the yard over the road and he was spooking at everything and suddenly felt like he was going to explode, so I got off. Friend got on him and just walked him in circles as a starting point for him but also commented that he felt like a ticking time bomb.

3-4 years ago before my fall I would have had no trouble riding him through it and would have really enjoyed myself, but the thought of it today made me feel sick and I burst into tears. :( Its so frustrating.

My other friend works at a yard with a few safe horses and has offered to give me a few lessons on them to help get my confidence up but I dont know what else to do. I know its baby seps but I feel like I've taken 1 step forward and about 9 steps back!

Riding is supposed to be fun and I miss it like mad. :(
 
Huge (((((((((((hugs)))))))))) to you. Of course riding is supposed to be fun, but when you've lost your confidence, you never forget exactly WHY you lost it.

My advice, for what it's worth, is to find the right horse - a friend's trusty plod, and then try riding while being lunged. Walk first time, then trot, but don't canter - that will come. Just take your time, and wait for that huge grin to hit your face ,you know the one :D.

Then take it from there - stick with trusty pony and build yourself up. Fwiw, I used to own a feisty horse, but I lost my nerve and asked myself exactly WHY I had lost it... am now a fully paid-up, blissfully happy member of the cob brigade (sirens wailing). I adore him, and we have fab rides together. That said, any steady horse will be brill for you as long as you click (backing swiftly away from any debate here - none intended at all) lol.

Good luck xxxx
 
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Hang on in there.

I would recommend taking up your friend's offer. I'm getting my friend to help on the ground whilst I ride tomorrow. I fell off and hurt my back having only just recovered from a car crash/whip lash.

It is scary but I know that I need to toughen up and put my boy in his place, although i admit it is easier to say than do! I know with him though, that he's testing me. Having only had him almost 2 months I know that we'll get through it, whether he likes it or not.

Hope it works out x
 
I can totally empathise about a lack of confidence as I am sure so many on here can for various reasons.

The lessons are a great idea. I think its a bad idea to overface yourself, so try not to do it. Just take those small steps, in time you will take bigger steps.
I used to be so confident at riding, I would ride anything, even our stallion who was a bit of a bugger, and now I struggle to ride my mare without feeling nervous. My confidence crises stemmed mostly from my car accident last June. Coupled with the fact I have to go very carefully with her due to her foot so sometimes she feels like a coiled spring, which is terribly unnerving.

I am not sure what horse you currently have or how long you have had this horse or how attached you are, but is it a possibility to get yourself more of a confidence giver. I think age can deplete your confidence all on its own, let alone anything else added to that equation.
 
No magic answers to confidence issues, I personally dont think anyone ever really gets 100% over a nasty accident, BUT, I think you can get over most of it, and get back to enjoying your riding, the biggest thing I reckon is time, unforunately you cant make time go faster, but I think you can speed the process up by ride ride ride and ride some more.

Young lass at my old yard broke her leg in 4 places, glad I wasn't there as I am a wimp, yes she was a lot more cautious to start with, but now is back to riding different horses and biggish ones at that, you will get over it, just be patient and take it bit at a time ;) x
 
Moggyinmanolos said:
I am not sure what horse you currently have or how long you have had this horse or how attached you are, but is it a possibility to get yourself more of a confidence giver. I think age can deplete your confidence all on its own, let alone anything else added to that equation.
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I'm quite lucky in that I dont have my own horse, but am quite lucky that all my best friends have horses I can ride (if I want) or know of someone else who does.
 
happyhack said:
I'm quite lucky in that I dont have my own horse, but am quite lucky that all my best friends have horses I can ride (if I want) or know of someone else who does.
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Aha, well in that case that's a good position to be in, as suggested get on some quiet kick along to perhaps boost your confidence, then you will find yourself wanting to ride different horses more and more, good luck x
 
Baby steps are still steps in the right direction. Take up your friends offer, and you'll be back to your old riding soon

Good luck xx
 
Read your email through.. and what would you suggest if you were giving advice? You are being too hard on yourself... you had a horrible fall and as we get older, our bodies are a little less forgiving. I used to be incredibly cocky and would sit on anything, and didn't care if I came off - all part of the fun, but over time, this gradually erroded my confidence and a particularly unpleasant fall put me right back. We are talking going from prepping for PN eventing to be unable to face going over a ground pole. So, deep breath, do NOT get on anything that worries you. It doesn't help. Get back on dead safe, 100% safe horses and get to learn you can ride without hurting yourself. This will take a while, but this is a hobby and supposed to be fun, so who cares? Relax, enjoy your friends safe horses, and let yourself build yourself back up. I "borrowed" a friends blooming huge novice eventer whose big thing was that he would never stop at a fence and he gave me back my confidence... starting with ground poles.
 
I know how you feel as I had a nasty accident last year (almost a year ago exactly) too.

Nerves are a natural reaction to that, but you have to rationalise too. For example, I had been happily, hacking, competing etc for 25+ years before my accident, so the odds of something so bad happening again are pretty low. Plus, I made sure to work through all the issues which caused the accident with a very good trainer before I set off on my own again.

My one best tip is 'consistency'! I had to go out and do something with my horse every day no matter what to make sure all the hard work I'd put in with my trainer paid off. However, the benefit was I was never able to let the nerves get the better of me. Even if I was afraid, I just made myself get on and go.

The first few hacks out alone were scarey. I did what I could (told husband where I was going to be and when, took phone, wore tons of hivis) to minimise risk but had to mite the bullet and accept that if I was going to keep the horse and hobby I loved I just had to do it.

I still have scarey moments, and I guess those of us who've had a nasty accident always will, but riding horses is never going to be a 100% safe way to spend your time. You have to accept that fact and move on, either force yourself to do it (and the nerves will subside, I promise!) or re think whether it's worth it...
 
Thanks gang. I had a plod round the school on Larry (17hh 6YO) today and felt a bit better that I had got on.

Also advised B's owner that I dont want to ride him anymore until I feel I can as he just scares me too much, she was a bit upset I think but understands that there is no point in me riding him if a) I am scared, and b) I can't ride him effectively.

Its taken a long time for me to admit that I need to get it sorted and stop with the false front.
 
Hey, you are being hard on yourself. I have come from a very bad place where I used to burst into tears if the horse walked too fast! Here are some things that helped me!!

1) You need to make sure your position is as secure as possible - any doubts and get a lesson from a bio-mechanics teacher (PM me if you want recommendation).

2) If you just want to walk on the horse then thats fine, don't do anything else until you feel ready. But make the time work for you. Before you get on have a plan of what you are going to do (ie going to do 2xfigure of eight followed by 2 3-loop serpentives, nect flextions on a circle, etc), working through this stops you thinking too much about your fears and having the horse always bending is also a safety net!

3) Learn to get your horse to do neck flextions and lots of lateral work (even just a couple of paces to the left, a couple to the right, etc), that again will give you control and confidence

4) Only ride at the pace you want to - if you only walk for the rest of you life so what if you enjoy it!!

Good luck, you will find that you enjoy riding again - just take it at your own pace!
 
happyhack said:
Thanks gang. I had a plod round the school on Larry (17hh 6YO) today and felt a bit better that I had got on.

Also advised B's owner that I dont want to ride him anymore until I feel I can as he just scares me too much, she was a bit upset I think but understands that there is no point in me riding him if a) I am scared, and b) I can't ride him effectively.

Its taken a long time for me to admit that I need to get it sorted and stop with the false front.
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This sounds like you've done the right thing, well done for being up front with the owner too - it can be very difficult to say how your feeling about someone elses horse even if your not saying anything negative about them but just your situation.

Keep going, you sound like your progressing well
: o )
 
i got my pony a year ago and when i first cantered her she was mad and just bombing around the school, it was really scary and i wouldn't canter her again for ages and then i just did it randomly when i was schooling her and i loved it. you just need to become confident riding your horse and once you trust him it will all come to you again. I would defiantly go for the riding lesson. Good Luck!! xxx
 
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