Confidence Issues

Chellebean

Chellebean

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chellebeanequestrian.com
OK I am having a shocking time today and after someone had a go at me this morning it got me thinking.
Do people find that comments like "oh are you sure you can cope with that" and "I don't think you should be doing that" Type comments chip away at your confidence?
I probably take comments to seriously but I find the more people make comments like this make me self doubt myself!
Does anyone else get like this or is it just me? And if so, how do you get over it? :(
 
they'd get to me, I'd think they were saying they obviously didnt trust my ability to cope with whatever it was... and then I'd think well if they think that.. what does everyone else think?

I over react and have become emotional and stupid since having a baby though haha :)
 
Urgh, I hate those comments. I tend to deal with them by a) remembering the things I have acheived and - if the person making the comment is being snide - b) more bitchily, reminding myself that the people saying them have flaws too. For instance, our 'superstar' livery, who isn't nasty by any means but just occasionally is a little snide, passed a comment about my loss of confidence with hacking alone recently. Fair enough he's a fantastic and fearless rider, but his horses still barge through him and take off when he turns them out. I had Monty out of that habit within the first two weeks that I owned him. ;)

If the person commenting is doing so out of perceived kindness/genuine concern, I'll just reassure them that I think it's the right move because [reasons]. I find that stating this also tends to reassure myself as well :)
 
Yes it does - and what i do is have one person who i trust - my instructor to ask for advice.
She is bhs trained, works in bhs welfare - has lived and breathed horses all her life, talks sense - says it how it is and i trust her 100%.
She has made it clear i can ring her any time for advice and i have done.
So many different people have different opinions and it can drive you crazy - find one person who you can truly trust and admire and go with them - and ask them to be honest.
She has taught me weekly and ive trusted her with so much with my first horse, she hasnt only only taught us riding - she has advised re diet, helped me deal with dodgey groundmanners - i asked her to tell me when we were ready to hack out alone safeley and she did.
You need one mentor who you can trust - there are so many conflicting ideas and advice out there, you need to find one person you can trust and depend on so you can confidently tell any "doubters" where to go - good luck x
 
You are not alone in this, I've been to he'll and back for this sort of thing in the last two weeks in ways I won't go into on a public forum the way im getting though is to walk away and remember the things that make me happy, and I do think people most of the time are only like this because they jealous of something. Don't let them get you down
 
Yes it chips away at your confidence, I've had it done to me with my current horse. However, we are doing amazingly and the thing that keeps me going through a confidence crisis is the fact that I'm doing this without the person who has been mean and I'm doing it well!! X x x
 
Oh I can breathe a small sigh of relief! I have been over coming fears, we have come a long way so far I believe. I am now at the stage over the weekend to start going it alone :D I just wish certain peoples comments would affect me so badly :(
 
oh bless you, I personally would really try not to listen to people like that, I know it's easier said than done, but I am a strong minded person anyway.

Keep your chin up enjoy your horse and try not to let these people effect you
 
Merlywerly said:
oh bless you, I personally would really try not to listen to people like that, I know it's easier said than done, but I am a strong minded person anyway.

Keep your chin up enjoy your horse and try not to let these people effect you
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Thanks :D I am a strong mind person but for some reason this is really got to me! I know Sailor and I are great together and that isn't the issue... I am now at the stage where he is almost 100% bombproof, I just need to ride and double check it lol :D
 
The only thing i can say about it is to use their negatively towards you to your advantage and prove them wrong. Rise above their own inadequacies. It works. Some people feel they have the right to say things because it somehow makes them feel better. There's always one nasty person to say ten good ones so weighting up the odds shows that they are the ones not normal!
 
I know the feeling well. My confidence is shot to pieces and I can't seem to get it back due to negative comments from people. It is so upsetting and even now I have my own horse I feel they are getting worse. Unlike you I find it really hard to rise above it, but like to think of the times where things have gone well and take confidence from there rather than the people around me. Thankfully I have a few people who are there to pick me up when comments get me down. In my case I think that the one particular person in question doesnt realise that she is in fact being negative and the effects it is having on me. I am glad I am not the only one that feels this way, but at the same time dont want people to experience it.
 
Try asking yourself if you would allow the person being rude to choose your hairstyle for you. If the answer is no, then why take any notice of any other opinion they have :D Works for me :D
 
It depends if they have reason to ask. I broke my back in April but by June I was moving full water buckets back and forth albeit with a wheelbarrow, mucking out my two, lungeing them both and taking them for walks through our hacking. Now I'm back doing sensible riding. Throughout the whole recovery process I've had people making comments, especially when I got a new horse whom was taking the mick.
 
Chellebean said:
OK I am having a shocking time today and after someone had a go at me this morning it got me thinking.
Do people find that comments like "oh are you sure you can cope with that" and "I don't think you should be doing that" Type comments chip away at your confidence?
I probably take comments to seriously but I find the more people make comments like this make me self doubt myself!
Does anyone else get like this or is it just me? And if so, how do you get over it? :(
Click to expand...

Aw, Chelle - only just seen this, sorry.
How are you and Sailor getting on?
Ignore the people making comments. If you think you can do it, you go do it girl! You prove to them that you CAN do it! And make sure you feel nice and smug when you do get on and do it, and smile sweetly at them.
xx
 
YorksG said:
Try asking yourself if you would allow the person being rude to choose your hairstyle for you. If the answer is no, then why take any notice of any other opinion they have :D Works for me :D
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Haha love this thought :D

Lauren- nope she doesn't no my riding ability and I'm 4 years down the line from you regarding a back injury! Although it has taken until about March to get it sorted :mad: Sailor is an absolute dude and barely flinches when he does, I should have no reason to question mine or his ability but this has made me do it big style. I think it's the various comments over the last few months.

HH- thanks hun :D I've pm'd you back xxx
 
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