Confidence issues

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theoilbaron

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Help! I am currently suffering with confidence issues and lack of motivation. I suffered a couple of falls recently when my horse of four years spooked badly resulting in a very sore back.

Since then I have continued with my weekly lessons but I don't feel as though I'm enjoying it. I haven't hacked out alone since and can't get out my head that I may fall again. Its not the fact he gets me off but more I am annoyed with myself that i let him!!

My instructor has got me doing lots of long lining and groundwork which when I am doing enjoy and my horse is going lovely but on my lesson yesterday he again had a buck although I did stay on and I did enjoy the lesson. I keep my horse at home so struggle for company etc to hack out with.

I am sure my horse is picking up on this. It is very out of character for me but I am even considering giving the whole thing up.

I want to do it in my head but when it comes to it I look for other things to do to get me out of it! My mum recently passed away so my head has been all over so don't want to make any rash decisions. Help, advise needed!
 
If your horse's behaviour has changed, I would be wondering why. He could be picking up on your emotional state at the moment but, equally, he could be in pain. I would get your vet to check him over, especially his back.

I am sorry to hear about your mum. It is not uncommon for a major life event such as a bereavement to have an effect on our riding confidence and when the horse does the unexpected, everything builds up.
 
Sorry to hear about your Mum and the fall knocking your confidence back like that.

Firstly don't be annoyed at yourself at having come off - it's part and parcel of riding and if someone hasn't taken a tumble / fallen or been thrown, it's not a case of if but when it'll happen.

Out of interest what happened / where were you riding your horse when he spooked?
 
Horse had issues beginning of year but all clear by vet now. Behaviour not changed in bad way but think he is feeling 'very well' following his rehab and also fitter than he has been for a while hence the spooking etc. Feel I need to just 'man up' and get over it but easier said than done when feeling this way x
 
MumsGloriousOrca said:
Sorry to hear about your Mum and the fall knocking your confidence back like that.

Firstly don't be annoyed at yourself at having come off - it's part and parcel of riding and if someone hasn't taken a tumble / fallen or been thrown, it's not a case of if but when it'll happen.

Out of interest what happened / where were you riding your horse when he spooked?
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Thankyou. First time we were out hacking and I asked him to pass some fly tipping, which he did what asked, but as passing tarpaulin blew up and spooked him. In all fairness he didn't bugger off, and seemed quite sorry. Unfortunately I fell onto the road and it hurt! The second time I was in a lesson, in the jumping paddock on a windy day and he spooked and spun and got me. I think because happened in quick succession didn't help. I have now bought an air jacket as I no longer bounce!
 
Pearlsasinger said:
If your horse's behaviour has changed, I would be wondering why. He could be picking up on your emotional state at the moment but, equally, he could be in pain. I would get your vet to check him over, especially his back.

I am sorry to hear about your mum. It is not uncommon for a major life event such as a bereavement to have an effect on our riding confidence and when the horse does the unexpected, everything builds up.
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Horse had issues beginning of year but all clear by vet now. Behaviour not changed in bad way but think he is feeling 'very well' following his rehab and also fitter than he has been for a while hence the spooking etc. Feel I need to just 'man up' and get over it but easier said than done when feeling this way x
Read more at https://forums.horseandhound.co.uk/threads/confidence-issues.782371/#kGOfo4AxAXz3S5zj.99
 
Trouble with confidence is that you can lose it so quickly. I am currently out of action after a pretty bad fall and was temporarily paralysed.

First week or so I didn’t even want to sit on a horse again. I did all this at a walk when my horse tripped and fell down completely. For me it’s not the riding or even falling it’s the thought of being paralysed again it was pretty horrendous.
After riding for nearly 50 years this fall has been a real challenge for me to get my head round.

I hope you get through this and your confidence improves. Best of luck
 
so sorry about your mum - that’s tough. Maybe take some pressure off yourself and don’t ride for a couple of months until you feel you really want to - it sounds as if you have enough to deal with at the mo without it ... your trainer sounds lovely in giving you groundwork, but you could even seek out some other things to make it fun again and rebuild your bond, some trick training or Liberty work or agility. Regarding the bucking, I don’t like it either, a one rein stop comes in handy but Karl Greenwood has some hints which may help (hope I have the right link .. https://www.karlgreenwood.co.uk/rearing-video-free-pdf1
really good luck, the important thing is to give it time and the right path will come.
 
theoilbaron said:
Thankyou. First time we were out hacking and I asked him to pass some fly tipping, which he did what asked, but as passing tarpaulin blew up and spooked him. In all fairness he didn't bugger off, and seemed quite sorry. Unfortunately I fell onto the road and it hurt! The second time I was in a lesson, in the jumping paddock on a windy day and he spooked and spun and got me. I think because happened in quick succession didn't help. I have now bought an air jacket as I no longer bounce!
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I'm not in any way qualified to give advice and not everyone cares for my way of doing things like this but personally, what I find helps for riders whose confidence has been knocked back is to take off all the stress and pressure of riding, go back to spending time on groundwork and whatnot but mainly having fun. I'm really big on playing and having fun with horses to loosen up, relax and strengthen the relationship if you will.

My sister had a setback not unlike yours and was getting herself worked up in knots trying to find ways of getting over that bump and back in the saddle. Got out the big yoga / exercise balls, rattling hula hoops, balloons you name it.

Took them in the sand arena for him to play with and the second I kicked the exercise ball he set off bucking and farting and then chased it around like an idiot. Sister joined in and was howling with laughter and really enjoying playing “chase” and having fun. Then I gave her a leg up onto him and she just plodded slowly around bareback and then picked up a bit and was much looser, more relaxed and I could see Bobbi almost following suit and relaxing too.

That alone gave her so much confidence to then tack up and ride out for a short quiet hack just for half an hour after which she felt miles better. It's sometimes just a case of snapping the mindset back out of “I'm gonna fall off / he's gonna spook” and taking pressure off yourself.

It's horrible when something like that happens especially the first time or when it's been out of the blue and really caught you off guard but I do think sometimes people are maybe rushed into getting back up and riding again. It puts additional huge pressure on the rider to somehow conquer and overcome what's natural response but it can heighten anxiety then you're tense and tight and it sometimes starts to become a really unpleasant experience for you both.

I'd definitely play some indoor arena horse footie :D
 
I think there are a few things going on here, which is resulting in your lack of motivation. And probably the biggest, is not the falls, but losing you mum. In your position, I think I would not bother to ride. Take the pressure off, grieve for your mum, spend time with your horse, cuddling him, hand grazing and grooming. This time of year, with cold, dark wet days is not inspiring to get on a horse thats a little spooky. Your horse will not mind that he isn’t being ridden, so spend a bit of time healing yourself and re-building your relationship with your horse. When you are mentally ready, you will want to get back on. xx
 
MumsGloriousOrca said:
I'm not in any way qualified to give advice and not everyone cares for my way of doing things like this but personally, what I find helps for riders whose confidence has been knocked back is to take off all the stress and pressure of riding, go back to spending time on groundwork and whatnot but mainly having fun. I'm really big on playing and having fun with horses to loosen up, relax and strengthen the relationship if you will.

My sister had a setback not unlike yours and was getting herself worked up in knots trying to find ways of getting over that bump and back in the saddle. Got out the big yoga / exercise balls, rattling hula hoops, balloons you name it.

Took them in the sand arena for him to play with and the second I kicked the exercise ball he set off bucking and farting and then chased it around like an idiot. Sister joined in and was howling with laughter and really enjoying playing “chase” and having fun. Then I gave her a leg up onto him and she just plodded slowly around bareback and then picked up a bit and was much looser, more relaxed and I could see Bobbi almost following suit and relaxing too.

That alone gave her so much confidence to then tack up and ride out for a short quiet hack just for half an hour after which she felt miles better. It's sometimes just a case of snapping the mindset back out of “I'm gonna fall off / he's gonna spook” and taking pressure off yourself.

It's horrible when something like that happens especially the first time or when it's been out of the blue and really caught you off guard but I do think sometimes people are maybe rushed into getting back up and riding again. It puts additional huge pressure on the rider to somehow conquer and overcome what's natural response but it can heighten anxiety then you're tense and tight and it sometimes starts to become a really unpleasant experience for you both.

I'd definitely play some indoor arena horse footie :D
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I will try that! My instructor is brilliant hence the long reining etc and I agree when doing that the pressure is off. I was struggling as thought this was a kop-out but it really isn't and is doing us both good. He is definitely picking up on my tension. My other issue is we have been rehabbing all summer and he is looking better than ever so i am very reluctant to lose any of my hard work as in losing shape/fitness. I am very hard on myself and do feel like I'm letting myself down.
 
EllenJay said:
I think there are a few things going on here, which is resulting in your lack of motivation. And probably the biggest, is not the falls, but losing you mum. In your position, I think I would not bother to ride. Take the pressure off, grieve for your mum, spend time with your horse, cuddling him, hand grazing and grooming. This time of year, with cold, dark wet days is not inspiring to get on a horse thats a little spooky. Your horse will not mind that he isn’t being ridden, so spend a bit of time healing yourself and re-building your relationship with your horse. When you are mentally ready, you will want to get back on. xx
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Thankyou. I do know I put too much pressure on myself in all aspects of my life. I had to be made to take compassionate leave as I didn't want to let anyone down or appear weak x
 
Aww don't pressure yourself or think you're in some way skipping out on anything - far from it. I honestly believe hand on heart that time spent out of the saddle just playing, grooming and hanging out can do more in one day than work and schooling can do in weeks.

It's a vicious cycle sometimes when we're stressed, tense and anxious, it makes our horse feel the same and the more tenses and anxious they feel and that makes us even more stressed.

Think of it as deciding to take time off and have a mini-break just the two of you. You need time and space to breathe, think and deal with things after losing your Mum and nothing can help soothe the soul and ease that kind of pain like a horse who will listen to you waffle on and sob and bawl as you're plating and grooming and fussing him.

Good listeners and great therapists :)
 
I feel your pain....I lost my confidence very badly after coming off and ending up in hospital for 2 weeks. This s 3 years ago now, and at first I thought about giving up, but decided it was really not an option, as my love for horses and riding was probably far greater than I realised, I decided that when I do give up riding (if ever..) it'll be on my terms, and not some random act of fate - that really would be unbearable! I went to see a hypo therapist which helped -she also taught me some mindfulness techniques which helped a lot (if you feel start to feel the 'fear', focus on some small part of your body - i.e. your toes or fingers - it really helps, and focus on your breathing). Also, this therapist helped me understand about why we continue to feel fear - it's about your brain trying to protect you from grave peril, and all these negative memories are stored in a part of your brain called the amygdala. Whenever I felt afraid, I'd say to myself (or my amygdala...) "thank you for your concern, but I'm ok now, I'll be fine!". I kept going with some small success, and eventually I found I got to the point where I was so sick of myself being scared that one amazing day, it just stopped - I got on the horse, walk, trot, canter - no tears, no fear, just elation. Finding yourself becoming fearful of doing something that you love so much is very, very hard to overcome and somewhat soul destroying - but I do believe that if you really want to - you will overcome it. It takes as long as it takes - don't be hard on yourself and don't rush things. I wish you every success and loads of luck...please let us know how you get on.
 
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So sorry to hear about your Mum, and your confidence knock. I agree with others, I think this probably goes hand in hand.

I lost my best friend of 20 years earlier in the summer due to an awful freak riding accident, and I posted a thread about my subsequent lack of confidence even thinking about getting back on. I was giving a wealth of helpful advice, predominantly to take a step back and not put any excess pressure on myself. I took really baby steps, and did only what I was comfortable doing, I made things fun again and didn't force myself to compete, jump etc. I'm now in a space where I am more or less back to normal, but interestingly my goals have since changed and I'm sure that my friends death was a factor in that.

Don't be hard on yourself, speak to people around you if you think that would help, and don't be afraid to ask for support.
 
You sound just like me and my situation is very similar as in my horses are at home and motivation is an issue, I had a nasty ankle break 2 years ago my fell on me whilst cantering in the school, since then I had a few long breaks if riding as both of my horses had issues so couldn't be ridden.

I have just got some help from a friend who is stabled next door to me in a livery yard, I try to have 1 or 2 half hour sessions in the school, and it has really helped I do have some people I can hack with but not everyday, on days I am on my own I often lunge for ten minutes then get on it lead my horse part of the hack then get on when I feel like it, he can be nappy going out so this often eliminates that which helps my confidence, I often offer a ride to friends or someone i know so my 2 horses can get out together which encourages me to get out, only doable if you have 2 horses! I also have a friend that will walk out with me and we swap half way and I often give her a little lesson in the school on one of mine as she has not had as much riding experience, so helps us both out.

I really understand what your going through I was actually quite a ballsy rider both my horses are Arabs, although they are good they have Arab moments which never ever bothered me before, I find it incredibly frustrating that now I do worry about spooking and silliness, we are probably no where near each other or we could probably help each other out sometimes just having someone there for support or to give you a kick up the arse is a massive help.
 
littleshetland said:
I feel your pain....I lost my confidence very badly after coming off and ending up in hospital for 2 weeks. This s 3 years ago now, and at first I thought about giving up, but decided it was really not an option, as my love for horses and riding was probably far greater than I realised, I decided that when I do give up riding (if ever..) it'll be on my terms, and not some random act of fate - that really would be unbearable! I went to see a hypo therapist which helped -she also taught me some mindfulness techniques which helped a lot (if you feel start to feel the 'fear', focus on some small part of your body - i.e. your toes or fingers - it really helps, and focus on your breathing). Also, this therapist helped me understand about why we continue to feel fear - it's about your brain trying to protect you from grave peril, and all these negative memories are stored in a part of your brain called the amygdala. Whenever I felt afraid, I'd say to myself (or my amygdala...) "thank you for your concern, but I'm ok now, I'll be fine!". I kept going with some small success, and eventually I found I got to the point where I was so sick of myself being scared that one amazing day, it just stopped - I got on the horse, walk, trot, canter - no tears, no fear, just elation. Finding yourself becoming fearful of doing something that you love so much is very, very hard to overcome and somewhat soul destroying - but I do believe that if you really want to - you will overcome it. It takes as long as it takes - don't be hard on yourself and don't rush things. I wish you every success and loads of luck...please let us know how you get on.
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Thankyou. I did think about hypnotherapy so maybe I should do it, maybe he will do 2 for 1 and make me skinny at same time!!
 
Pinkvboots said:
You sound just like me and my situation is very similar as in my horses are at home and motivation is an issue, I had a nasty ankle break 2 years ago my fell on me whilst cantering in the school, since then I had a few long breaks if riding as both of my horses had issues so couldn't be ridden.

I have just got some help from a friend who is stabled next door to me in a livery yard, I try to have 1 or 2 half hour sessions in the school, and it has really helped I do have some people I can hack with but not everyday, on days I am on my own I often lunge for ten minutes then get on it lead my horse part of the hack then get on when I feel like it, he can be nappy going out so this often eliminates that which helps my confidence, I often offer a ride to friends or someone i know so my 2 horses can get out together which encourages me to get out, only doable if you have 2 horses! I also have a friend that will walk out with me and we swap half way and I often give her a little lesson in the school on one of mine as she has not had as much riding experience, so helps us both out.

I really understand what your going through I was actually quite a ballsy rider both my horses are Arabs, although they are good they have Arab moments which never ever bothered me before, I find it incredibly frustrating that now I do worry about spooking and silliness, we are probably no where near each other or we could probably help each other out sometimes just having someone there for support or to give you a kick up the arse is a massive help.
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Thankyou. Ive always been up for it so feel frustrated with myself and the voice in my head is saying 'man up'! If I had somebody to hack out with I would be out every day. Disadvantage of having your own yard! Think I need to book onto clinics etc and get out there as once I've done that I really enjoy it, either that or have a drink first !!!
 
Sprat said:
So sorry to hear about your Mum, and your confidence knock. I agree with others, I think this probably goes hand in hand.

I lost my best friend of 20 years earlier in the summer due to an awful freak riding accident, and I posted a thread about my subsequent lack of confidence even thinking about getting back on. I was giving a wealth of helpful advice, predominantly to take a step back and not put any excess pressure on myself. I took really baby steps, and did only what I was comfortable doing, I made things fun again and didn't force myself to compete, jump etc. I'm now in a space where I am more or less back to normal, but interestingly my goals have since changed and I'm sure that my friends death was a factor in that.

Don't be hard on yourself, speak to people around you if you think that would help, and don't be afraid to ask for support.
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Thankyou, I am too hard on myself I know, I see it as a sign of weakness but I know I shouldn't x
 
Just a thought but l returned to riding shortly after losing my mum last year and was despondent at how nervous (folded down on the horse's neck nervous) and how physically useless l was, way beyond rusty. l learned later from an NHS leaflet on bereavement that grief can cause muscle weakness, which it definitely did with me. You may be physically compromised without specifically being aware of it amongst everything else. As others have said above, there is no need to do anything with your horse you aren't currently enjoying. This is a time to be kind to yourself.
 
theoilbaron said:
Thankyou. Ive always been up for it so feel frustrated with myself and the voice in my head is saying 'man up'! If I had somebody to hack out with I would be out every day. Disadvantage of having your own yard! Think I need to book onto clinics etc and get out there as once I've done that I really enjoy it, either that or have a drink first !!!
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I am exactly the same have also thought about having a drink!! I used to have a drink at a show does work but not really ideal if it's 10 in the morning lol, is there no one local that you could meet to hack? Might be worth asking around there might be others needing some company.
 
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