Confidence knock- Help Please

Kokopelli

Kokopelli

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Don't run before you walk comes to mind.

I've been doing brilliant with Andy, I felt so confident on him and even when he has a silly moment I'm happy still and I just really do enjoy him.

But today stupid me decided to go out on a hack, in the blowing wind during rush hour on my own. He would have been fine if I just went around teh village but I decided to go up one of the bridle paths to have a canter. He was fine for a bit but then he started getting really tense and started jumping up and down and bunny hopping going up the path. This didn't bother me to much I just kicked him on and had a chuckle at him.

Once he settled down I asked for a canter which was faster than what I wanted to go but when I asked him to stop he didn't take too much persuading. He comes back to a nice walk were happy so we go onto the road which starts descending on a very steep hill and drivers wizz past you at about 40/50mph.

He started jogging down the hill and every now and again he would throw his head uo and try and go off down the hill. So I tried to keep him rounded as when he's concentrating he's less joggy. He then starts swinging his bum out in the middle of the road and tries to go down sideways but I manged to get him walking staright again and I think a lot of cars noticed I was having problems so slowed up.

I get him to the bottom and he's still really joggy and being really silly, I did my breathing exercises and relaxed my body but nothing was working so I just kicked him on to stop him jogging. Then a lorry comes wizzing past us and he spins around I almost fall off and he goes up onto the grass verge. Fair enough, the lorry was going too fast so I don't blame him much.

I get him back to the yard and he still seems over-excited so I decided to take him in the school to walk him around and calm him down. As soon as he got in the school it was a like a different pony he was really chilled and walked along on a loose rein.

So now my butterflies are back when I think about riding him. Yesterday I rode him out to the field bareback in a headcollar and today I don't think I want to ride him out of the school.

I feel so stupid for going out with him, my confidence at a high for me, I was talking about doing xc with him and going to cirencester park but now the thought of it makes me feel physically sick, and all my tricks to help aren't working this time.

I just feel that my confidence holds me back so much, I over think things so much I analyse everything what can go wrong and everything that can go right and its driving me crazy. Its also the reason I can't pass my driving test as I over think when doing the hazard perception. I just wish I could get out of my head sometimes.

So please help me, I'm kicking myself for being such an idiot. You know when you just want to curl up in a ball and it all go away? :(


ETA: I now feel even more stupid reading that back because he's not done much, I have no reason to feel nervous its not like I had a bad fall or anything.
 
:(

Ok, long post short - stop over thinking! I do it too about things in general life, and what is actually a blip becomes a massive hurdle.

Have you got someone else to ride out with? Choose a quiet time of day, and go for a 5 minute ride. Just 5 minutes. Then come back. He is fine normally and it will put a successful ride between you and today and make it seem less horrible.

Good luck, think of how far you've come - and stop thinking about it! :p
 
I honestly don't think I could ride him out the school though atm. I have someone whose safe to go out with but he can get stronger with other horses as he gets excited. I want to put a succesful ride between it and forget about today. I hate the fact I'm so nervous!!! :(
 
I worry and over-analyse stuff too and have massive issues with hacking - the 2nd share I had scared me so much hacking I nearly gave up riding totally. Just built it back up in teeny tiny chunks, got my girl in October and still haven't had the confidence to take her out on my own and still nervous hacking out with other people.

Just try to focus on the good stuff, if needs be take a friend along to chat to you while you're riding - the girl who owned the 1st share I had who is now a really good friend, brought her dog along for a walk the first time I hacked my girl (who she had already ridden out for me the previous weekend) and she was able to calm me down when I got jumpy, and knowing I had someone competent with me if things did get a bit scary made me feel a lot more secure.
 
I second Dobby's post! Next time you ride, have a quiet ride in the school doing something you both find easy and enjoyable. Then go for a very very very short hack. Gradually increase the length again. If you don't want to leave the school, then stay in the school for a few sessions until you feel more confident. Is there anyone who could come with you on horse or foot for hacks? Things are much less scary when someone is there to help.

I know exactly how you feel as I have confidence issues too. Just take it slowly and remember to breath lots. I find that singing helps too. :)
 
Aw hun I've been there and it's not nice! I had to hit rock bottom crying in the car park before I felt happy about riding him again. I had mine reschooled and the trainer had him going so nice that I fell in love with him all over again.

It takes time and I honestly couldn't tell you which method helped me regain my confidence. I think I just went from being scared and nervous to hacked off with my horse. I couldn't work out how I was feeling the other day before I rode and it took a long time to work it that it was excitement.

You will find your confidence again, it just takes time - I viewed it as baby steps :)
 
My mum or dad could come around with me on foot and reassure me at the weekend. I'll spend between now and then building up my confidence in the school.
I'll try the singing though, although I don't think I'll be very popular in the village :p
 
Don't feel bad, so many people struggle with confidence issues. Quite rightly too really.

Think about what happened. Yes, mayb you made a bit of an error of judgement at the time but who hasn't? The end result was that Andy got a bit upset, pratted around and that was it.
As I understand, he is new to you. You don't know him that well yet, you probably aren't sure of how he is going to react to everything yet and it is a little bit daunting sometimes when they feel as if they have a rocket up their backsides! Horses are horses, until we know them and they feel like that, we don't know if they are truly going to explode or if the jogging and tense feeling is as bad as it gets.
Don't feel bad about getting nervous, for some it is a natural reaction. Take it as experience. He didn't do anything dangerous but until you are better tuned into each other perhaps don't hack out at rush hour when the wind is blowing a gale!
The more time goes by, the more trust you can build, the more confident you will feel and the more you will both happily be able to do!

Hope that all makes sense! Seems like you are getting on really well, don't let a little blip dent your confidence.
 
You did well there girl!!

Don't beat yourself up. Move on forget about it, it's all part of a learning process and todays lesson has been positive. You have learnt something.

Remember, life is not a race and there is no finishing post;)
 
Maybe look at it as: Went for hack on windy day, had a good canter, and despite problem with Andy wanting to zoom off down hill (and presmably home) and despite nasty fast lorry going past, got back safely, in control in one piece and had nice chilled pootle in school.
 
Awww feel for you :( x

Get practicing shoulder in - doing shoulder in with the bend towards the traffic will turn their bums towards the kerb and keep them straight :)

It's hard when they do that - there's not much you can do really :( But what you did was exactly what I would have done.

Look at it this way - you got home in one piece :) You managed just fine :)
 
Hey stop beating your self over it you stayed on remained in control and arrived home safely. You say he was jogging down a hill was he possibly struggling with his balance? And then jogging like small children do down hills. If you can have a play in the school for a few days could you then hack him to his field and then around his field if you are feeling ok as you won't have to deal with any traffic.
Andy has probably heard about your plans to do the Shetland grand national on him so was just getting some practice in ;)
Oh and for the hazard perception just click when something goes in front of the car or the car slows down :)
 
Sorry to hear you had a bit of a set back, I had a big one with Fleur back in the summer, went from super confident to a big mess. I have used NLP to great effect, PM me if you want some more details.
 
Is he normally like this when you hack out or do you think he was just a little wound up (more than usual) due to the wind? if so, don't worry too much, it could of been a one off, the more you think about how he re-acted the more you'll get yourself into a tizz and expect it to happen every time.

Has he not been hacked out for a while due to the weather etc? perhaps when he gets back into a routine, he'll settle more when your riding him back?

Next time just bob him round the village (a short hack) even if it's just down the road, then come back and do some schooling, this will build your confidence back up but will also teach him that despite being back at the yard, work doesn't stop there, maybe in time he won't be as eager to get home then and will be more sensible when hacking back?

Is he feeling a bit too well, perhaps getting a bit too much energy from his food or not burning enough off?

Could you get someone to go out with you on a bike, go for an extra long ride to tire him out a bit perhaps.

Or only make sure you canter him away from home (while your confidence is low), always make him walk back towards home?
 
Dubsie said:
Maybe look at it as: Went for hack on windy day, had a good canter, and despite problem with Andy wanting to zoom off down hill (and presmably home) and despite nasty fast lorry going past, got back safely, in control in one piece and had nice chilled pootle in school.
Click to expand...

Couldn't of said it better myself. Forget about it! Next time you ride just go in the school where your comfortable. Then every time after that go on short hacks building up the distance.
Someone walking on foot might help too :)
 
Yep, my gelding rides out on the buckle normally, but go out in the wind and he can become a different horse. It will get better as you both get into more of a routine, really it will. You need more hacking miles on your clock. Maybe you could get a friend to walk with you next time you go out? Just to get over this glitch.
 
I'm sorry you are having a confidence blip. I love reading about how you are getting on, first with the gorgeous Koko (RIP), and now on your fab pint sized tb! I know how you feel with getting scared - I also fall into the over thinking thing - to the point that in the past I have felt too scared to even walk on my safe as houses mare without someone holding her head (poor girl, she has never done anything wrong!!).

Sounds like you had a really sucessful hack out despite some potentially scary bits - hack on your own, windy, canter (and you didn't freak when he went off a bit fast, and he happily came back to you), dealt with the busy road, he jogged and you knew how to keep your nerves under control and how to ride him forwards despite his joggy-ness, controlled a spook from a too fast lorry and you still kept you and him in control and rode back home. Even after a few scary things on your hack, you didn't jump off as soon as you could have and you took him in the school too, and he walked nice and calmly!!

WOW!!!!!!!

You should be super pleased with yourself for tackling all of that and achieving a positive outcome on a horse that is still pretty new to you (and you are new to him to take confidence from).

If you don't feel happy riding out of the school then don't! Given time you will feel like you want a short hack again - so when you do just have a really short one (perhaps turn back sooner than you would like so you are left wanting more iyswim?) and just do what you are comfortable with. It sounds like you and Andy are coming along so much.

Try not to let a hack hold you back, I need you to be brave on Andy to spur me on with my mare!! I am getting ready to go to Harpbury for their CR, know you are aiming for something similar with Andy too so I love reading about your progress!

P.S. def go to Ciren Park (it's where I livery and ride), it really is ace! If you are having a worried day then there are lots of tracks and paths to wonder along, if you are having a brave bit then there are plenty of large fields and and wide uphill rides for a nice canter.

Try not to beat yourself up, you are doing so well with Andy, continue with doing what you are comfortable with and in time you will develop more trust and confidence in each other. Even if one day it isn't riding, just lunge or do some groundwork. It all helps you both with your fitness and getting to know each other. ((hugs))
 
What Kenzo said!

Definately look at his feed and perhaps look at reducing the energy content. Also bear in mind that we have had a bit of a 'false spring' after the snow which has meant the grass has had a growth spurt which could contribute to loopiness!

Chin up hun... just make baby steps and I'm sure it will get better.
 
Reading what you wrote was like I could have written it myself. I find that I suffer from nerves a lot more these days, although I have always been a 'what if' rider. I agree with others that you should see the positives of your hack, it was a bit more of an event than you had wanted but you dealt with the situation and got both of you home safely. I've had my horse since June, so like you am still getting to know him and do get those knots in the stomach at times, but I love riding and I love my horse so I push myself to get over it- whether that be going for a short, quiet hack or singing to myself when I feel a bit nervy.

I think it's a bit harder as well, as I knew my old horse inside out and back to front, and it's a bit unnerving having to go through that process again, although thinking back things weren't always plain sailing with my old horse by any means! You will get through this, because you want to succeed so try not to give yourself such a hard time (easier said than done I know!) Keep us updated on how you and Andy get on.
 
Dubsie said:
Maybe look at it as: Went for hack on windy day, had a good canter, and despite problem with Andy wanting to zoom off down hill (and presmably home) and despite nasty fast lorry going past, got back safely, in control in one piece and had nice chilled pootle in school.
Click to expand...


Echo!! you did well!!

Most horses would have done more than that in this wind. You have to remind yourself of how good he was really and if sticking in the arena for a few days helps then so be it.
However don't stick in there for long as you may end up stuck there for months or forever.


I know cos I keep making excuses why not to leave the arena's, first its too soon after my surgery, then its too wet, icy and now of course it is too windy.
There have been days when I think I would have gone but then it was competitions to do or lessons or something important to work on in time for a competition :mad:

I will go soon though before he gets too fit :D

Silly thing is he probably won't put a foot wrong
 
Try going back to basics, long reining around the roads so he gets more familiair with traffic. Then go out with a more sensible horse and just walk everywhere for afew weeks, it is so valuable for them and people over look it, but try not to let him become too dependant on the other horse.

You seem to know what your doing, giving positive messages to him when he is facing difficult situations, and again making sure youre relaxed in the saddle is also important.

I am sure you will be fine, try going back to basics though. will help you both
 
Thank you for all the replies everyone, I don't think he has any extra energy then normal so I don't think thats the issue. The first time I hacked him he was a bit on edge but after that he really settled, I put it down to him being in a new place. He may have also been unbalanced going down the hill so that may be something we need to work on.

Just a little update-

I rode him in the school today with a friend and had a wonderful time on him :D We were going around just having fun talking and being silly. We even tried vaulting on Andy but he didn't like it so we stopped. We also were practising our flying changes which are coming on quite nicely :D

So tomorrow, weather permitting after my exam I think a nice plod around the village may be a goo idea. My friend on a very sensible horse is coming with us so I'll see how it goes. The thought of it makes me a bit nervous though but I just need to, as my BF would say, "man up" :p
 
Just to say I think it sounds as though you coped really well, don't beat yourself up, you coped really well with a variety of challenges! As one whose confidence ebbs and flows with the weather (I'm always far more confident when the sun is shining!), I know how you feel, l but I think you should take confidence from all this and believe in yourself. Good luck tomorrow, I'm sure you'll have a great ride, just spend your time gossiping - works for me!
 
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