Confidence Knocked- What would you do? *long, sorry*

[Minnies_Mum]

So, I'm supposed to be going hunting on the 9th, on the pony I've been riding. It was my idea, and I was all geared up for it. I'm not a very brave rider but she's given me so much confidence that I was sure I could handle it.

BUT, I have fallen off twice in the last 8 days. Admittedly, once was off another pony and the other was in a jumping lesson, so totally un-hunting-like situations. But today I had another little wobble where I thought I might come off again, while we were out cantering. We cantered past a field with 2 ponies in it and they cantered up the field with us, and pony scuttled sideways and shot forwards and I got a bit unbalanced. Just wondering if I'm really ready to cope with what she might do in a crowd out hunting.

I really really want to go hunting, I've never had a horse I've felt comfortable to even consider it on before and it would make my dad so proud. He used to hunt a lot and I feel I'm a bit of a disappointment to him because my lack of confidence and tendency to panic often stops me going very far with my riding.

Part of me knows that if I can grit my teeth and just go for it, I will feel so much more confident at the end of the day when I have done it. But the falls have dented my confidence this week and I'm not sure I can go through with it. I'm sick of my lack of confidence getting in the way of what I want to do.

So, should I get some balls and go, or give it a miss?

 

[equiweb]

If it was me in your situation then I would not go hunting. Get your confidence back up a bit more first before heading out hunting.

 

[elsielouise]

I agree. You need to be confident no matter what your ponio throws at you when hunting. If you feel at all worried about hacking spooks I'd work on that and your jumping before going to a party.

 

[YorksG]

Remember that we ride for fun, if it isn't your job then push yourself only as much as you feel comfortable with. If you don't feel that you realy want to go hunting this time then don't.

 

[JessPickle]

I agree with others, I think if anything did happen you could knock your confidence further, why not give yourself some more time to build your confidence then go hunting.

 

[Minnies_Mum]

Jumping not such a problem because there's nothing to jump where we're hunting. Was going with pony's owner on her mare (which I think she's also a little worried about) so I guess the other option is to sit it out this time and pony's owner could take her, and my dad could maybe take owner's mare (if owner is agreed). Then dad gets to go (make him v happy, lol) and I get to have feedback on what pony is like and make up my mind for next time.

I just feel so defeated by my own fears, have just had a little cry about it because it happens all the time. It's almost worse that I felt I could do it and now I feel I can't, than if I just always knew I wouldn't be able to. If that makes sense.

 

[Stella]

You are not your father and what he did isn't necassarily what you should do!! It sounds like the strongest reason for you to want to do this is because you fear that you are disapointing him and you feel that if you do it and suceed, it will make him proud. That is not a good reason to do anything on horseback. We all know that riding is a high risk activity and although it can be good for us to push ourselves a little outside of our comfort zones to progress, its not sensible to push ourselves to do things that we don't truly want to do and are afraid that we don't yet have the skills for.

You say you know that you will feel more confident if only you could get yourself to go out and hunt. I wonder if its really that you would like to be the kind of rider who is full of confidence and enjoys hunting. Thats understandable, but you can't just force yourself to become that! I myself don't hunt. I would also quite like to be that confident, carefree, tough rider who enjoys a good days hunting, but I'm not and the very idea of doing it make my blood run cold!!! Therefore, I'm not the best person to advise you on whether or not you are ready. No doubt others will give you opinions on that.

My advice though, for what its worth is - be yourself and take pride in being yourself. You may be wrong about your dad. Maybe he is proud of you just the way you are. If not - shame on him!!

 

[Minnies_Mum]

Thanks Stella (and everyone else!), I think you might be right. I do want to be the type of rider who loves hunting but maybe I am not there yet. Maybe I never will be. The pony I ride is wonderful, you could easily put a small child on her most of the time, but today I got the tiniest indication of what she might be like in a crowd and it was a bit alarming!

I think my dad is proud of me, I just know it frustrates him (as it does me) that I am a fairly decent rider but my nerves prevent me from doing so much. I would really have liked him to be able to point me out at the meet to his old hunting cronies and say "that's my daughter".

 

[spider]

Maybe you could do something like a sponsored ride with a friend on a calm horse first to give you confidence and aim for hunting next season. Or could someone else take her hunting and you follow on foot to get some idea of how she behaves.

 

[Hullabaloo]

There will be other times to go hunting - when your confidence is at a low ebb is probably not the best time. Also I'm not sure where you are but if its anything like round here the ground is probably awful just now too.
I saw your other post earlier but didn't have time to reply then, but just wanted to say that doing a line of bounces when you're just getting back into jumping is very brave (I hate bounces!). Maybe though your instructor is pushing you a bit too far at the moment. My advice, for what its worth, would be to go back a step and just relax and enjoy your riding and build up again from there. Its amazing how your confidence comes back when you're having fun!

 

[SpruceRI]

I'm sure your Dad just wants you to share his love of hunting, and to be able to talk all night about it afterwards.

But, we can't help who we are and like the others I don't think you should go hunting until you feel really ready.

I'm sure your Dad is just as proud that you love riding like he does.

 

[Minnies_Mum]

Hullabaloo, I'm from the esge of Salisbury Plain, would be hunting up there with the Royal Artillery. Pony (and me in term time) lives in Mendip Farmers country, with the walls and the dykes (and we certainly aren't jumping those!) so we were going to travel with the neds back to my home to avoid the jumping.

Whereabouts are you?

 

[filly190]

I would not recommend going hunting until you have secured your seat and have a super-glue bum, meaning no more falling off. It sounds like you have a balance issue that should be worked on, as you may have the unfortunate experience of a tumble out hunting, where it is unlikely if they are going at a fast pace that people would be able to stop and help you.

I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but a realistic view to stop an accident needs to be considered. I would hate to hear of you hurting yourself. Out hunting its every person for themselves, meaning everyone has all on looking after/controlling their horses and staying on themselves, especially over fences.

 

[elsielouise]

Do you have private lessons? I can't remember from your posts, just remember a group lesson.

How about getting someone you really trust to work with you on confidence. Maybe get a group of people out on a fast hack or two too. It IS do-able but no point in scaring yourself and if you are truly nervous hunting really isn't safe with lots of horses charging about.

You could of course just plan to go for an hour or two - or even don't go to the meet just join in later (pay of course) and stay out as long as you are feeling safe.

it is about enjoying it feeling and being safe after all. Only you can really decide if your riding is fine and it's nerves or you need to brush up on skills.

 

[Hullabaloo]

I'm on the edge of Salisbury Plain too. Up on the plain isn't too bad but it is pretty muddy lower down at the moment!
How about setting this as a goal for next season when you feel more confident? Maybe some fun rides etc between now and the autumn would help? It is pretty open up there.

 

[Minnies_Mum]

Usually I feel very safe on this pony and I have developed quite a good seat over the last few years, due to owning a very spooky TB! It's just that the last week or so I have felt wobbly, ever since I was bucked off. Then to tumble again yesterday did nothing for my confidence, even though it didn't hurt, was totally my fault and nothing to do with the pony really.

I guess I'm worried about how she will change when she gets out there, I know it blows some horses' minds. Her owner has said she is fine on fun rides with people cantering past her, but she's never seen her actually hunting. As she is when I ride her now, she is very stoppable, quite pingy and bouncy but very very safe. She's just got no neck at all, which I feel makes me quite vulnerable to coming over the front!

I don't have private lessons, my first lesson on this pony was yesterday (haven't been riding her long) and was jumping and I came off. I told the instructor I felt a bit out of my depth doing a grid of bounce fences when I haven't jumped for years, but she just said that nobody loses the ability to do it no matter how out of practice they are. So I went with it, but it wasn't much fun to be honest.

I think I will take advice from my dad (not that yours isn't all very helpful!). Much as I don't want to admit to having yet another confidence crisis, he knows the terrain and what it is like.

 

[elsielouise]

I'd consider getting another instructor with that advice! You don't want to be asked to do anything that makes you feel out of your depth. The point of training is to grow confidence not wreck it!

It should be fun and lessons should leave you like you're making progress. Your dad IS the best person to advise you of course and it's braver to admit it than to go along becaus eyou feel you should.

 

[4whitesocks]

I'm going to go against the grain here and say if there's not much jumping and if the pony is normally good in company why not give it a go - I am a complete chicken normally but have started hunting this season to try and get myself out of the chicken mode....there's always someone to take a lead from and if they are a nice crowd then someone will always hang back with you or check to make sure you're ok - if it's not a friendly hunt then maybe you should wait it out but the four times i've been out in the last 2 months have had me grinning from ear to ear and done me the world of good confidence wise and stickability wise too!

 

[Grumpy Herbert]

It's probably a good idea to take advice from someone who knows the land your hunt rides on so you have some idea what you might face.

I'm not surprised you lost a bit of confidence after jumping a grid when you haven't jumped for years!! I'm sure it's like every other discipline and you do lose ability if you don't do it regularly. Having said that, I'm sure you'd soon get back into the swing of things if you take it slowly.

I would say don't do anything more that may make you lose confidence because it's not easy to get it back once it goes. (I speak from experience!) The hunt will still be there when you've built confidence up again and you'll enjoy it all the more if you can relax!

 

[Flame_]

I agree with the others who've suggested doing fun rides first. I think they are the perfect stepping stone to hunting - you get a good idea how your horse will behave among other horses in open fields without that commitment to keep up with a great pack! Its not nice setting out on a hunt and feeling out of your depth because once you set off it can be hard to convince your horse to go back. Have a good blast on some fun rides and if they boost your confidence then try hunting.