Confidence problem - update

madhector

madhector

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Well I decided that I would take J in the manege today and school him. I went prepared with my mp3 player full of nice calming music, and had decided to work mostly in walk and changes of bend so I wasn't feeling pressurised. By the time I had tacked up I felt sick, got on anyway and started warming up, couldn't relax and then he tripped and I obviously didn't need any excuse to stop as before I had realised what I had doe I had jumped off.

I then just froze, couldn't get back on, and when dad came out to see how I was getting on (I warned him I might need his help) I just broke into tears and had a complete panic. Dad tried to persuade me to get on again but I couldn't. So led him back to the yard and got back on there and took him for a hack. Got out the drive and there is a lovely bit of field that is never farmed by the road, so I thought I had better at least trot a circle, I then quite happily schooled him for 20 mins, really made him work and got some lovely trot work, he was fantastic. I had no fear at all
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When dad then suggested I tried him back in the school I felt sick again. Just been down to the farmer who owns that scarp of land and he said I can school there once or twice a week so at least I have a temporary solution.

I just find it crazy that I will happily school him in an open field, yet I become a nervous wreck in the school
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Sorry for the long post but I am still feeling a little panicky and writing it all down has helped my nerves slightly.



Not sure where I go from here, think someone would have to actually make me ride in there again as I dont think I could do it voluntarily, how stupid is that?!
 
Oh hon, please don't be so hard on yourself. confidence is so easily knocked but takes ages to build back up.

Are you ok with lessons in the school? I think I remember you saying you were... If yes then how about getting someone to go down with you, not an instructor, just a friend to gabber to you and take your mind off it...
Is there someone you can school with at the same time?
Or my last thought is why not just school in the field and hack then aim to walk round the school once on every ride, then build it up to twice, then trot round etc. Take it slowly and you will be fine!!
 
E come ON you can do this !! Jeez you are MORE than capable of riding this horse, and you have done such an amazing job with him so far! None of this talk about getting someone else to event him!!
Your arena is woodchips isnt it? I've always found them so slippery. Do you think that this, deep down, is the reason why you are so worried about schooling him there? And as soon as he slipped today it just maybe reminded you that he is not so stable on his feet in that arena, perhaps? I dont know, obviously I havent seen the arena- I am just generalising! But I just wondered if that might be the issue. Might explain why you are happy to work him anywhere and everywhere else?

If not that, then maybe get someone else good to school him for a few weeks in this arena, make sure that you're watching every time- hopefully he will be good, and for you to watch someone else schooling him safely may give you confidence that everything will be OK when you get back on.

Think of it like this- the only time he was naughty in that arena was when he had had a LOT of time off so he was completly boiling over with energy - since then he's worked off that energy and had some disciplined work combined with very rewarding things to do so generally he is now a much more educated horse,and a happier one- so, overall, you'd have to agree that there is much less of a chance of him behaving like a prat again...he has afterall been really good since that bad episode hasnt he? What 3months now of good work and only 1 week of bad and naughty work? so the odds are good!
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MH - do you think the root of the problem might be the surface - in that he is naughty because he is not sure of the ground. When I first had my mare I kept her at a yard with a very badly put down woodchip surface (I am not insinuating yours is bad) - she was anxious about her footing and would buck - especially on the lunge when I could see her visibly slip. She has not put in bucks and twists since the day I moved her either on the lunge or under saddle. Is there a school somewhere nearby that you can try schooling in to see if he is better on a different footing? I just wonder if phycologically this is affecting you as you are clearly not afraid to ride him in an open field on grass.
It must be a horrible feeling for you - you have my sympathy.
 
umm... crikey. well, first of all, as i am sure you already know, it is totally illogical to be braver on grass in a field than in the manege, every horse i've known is naughtier on grass. i think you need to try NLP or TFT or something, because you have a mental block, simple as that. you're not a rubbish rider, you're not a coward (as proved by you getting on and schooling him very well elsewhere!), you just need a bit of help to get over this illogical block.
it's like trying to understand people who have weird phobias like buttons, clowns, etc... totally illogical, but very real and horrible for them!
please please try ringing that jo cooper lady who has been so highly recommended, got to be worth a try. or someone similar local to you.
or of course you could just pay me to come and bully you into riding in the menage and not being so effing daft!
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*hugs*
 
It sounds like your problem is purely phsychological. I know its probably not the BHS way but have you tried having a couple of drinks before you get on for Dutch courage?
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It could be the surface, it isn't great, but then where I take him for jumping clinics is wood chips too and I have no problems there at all, in fact quite the opposite - I love it!

The really stupid thing is when I schooled him afterwards on the grass he had quite a few bucks in canter and was strong but I happily worked through it and he then behaved beautifully. If he acts like this in the school at home I cannot do this
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I have a lesson booked on the first weds in Jan at home, so will try and get my trainer to knock some sense into me as I feel like I am being completely pathetic.

The surface isnt the best though, but I took him SJ at the Jays and the warm up was much much worse and I was so relaxed it was unreal. We are talking about doing something to improve the manege in the spring, is so frustrating as I saved and saved to put that surface down and I am afraid to ride on it!
 
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It sounds like your problem is purely phsychological. I know its probably not the BHS way but have you tried having a couple of drinks before you get on for Dutch courage?
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I will try schooling christmas afternoon after a few drinks maybe
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please keep pluging away at the problem ,sorry not any solutions,i for one have really enjoying watching your progress with your stunning horse.
if he was a she i would have snatched your right arm off for a stunning baby making machine...
 
No no no! You really DON'T need bullying! Don't push yourself & certainly don't get someone else to do it; your subconscious mind is too strong for that; look at what you've got going for you: you have the courage & ability to ride a spirited, lively horse ANYWHERE except in that one little space, whereas some people have a job getting themselves to go out of a school even on a quiet animal. Accept that for now & concentrate on consolidating your relationship with Hector in the REST of the world, outside the school rather than trying to force yourself & building up a vicious spiral of tension.

Of course, you won't always be ready to settle for this; that you've tried to beat it already & by yourself does credit to your courage & determination; but when you do tackle it, I think you need to de-sensitize yourself in easy stages, and as other people have said, there are professionals out there who specialize in guiding you through this. But don't force yourself to do it all in one go. Could you borrow an unflappable plod to try in the school- one that would just go to sleep if necessary & let you panic in peace?

Trust me on this- as a timid soul with vast personal experience of mindless horse-related terror, I do think there are times when you should force yourself, but the indications are that this isn't one of them, but is a phobic response and therefore not something you can control by sheer force of will.

Again as has been said, it doesn't have ANY bearing on your ability, future success and overall competence, all of which are looking rosy, to judge by what you've achieved so far & your determination & spirit: so don't let it get to you.
 
Its J isn't it- YOU'RE Hector; sorry! Could you have your January lesson on another horse, just to see if its the place or the combination of horse & place that causes the problem?
 
Yep is Jerry, Hector was my old horse, I have ridden my friends mare in there fine and backed Spooks in there so think it must be the combination of J and the school, although both of those were before he went over backwards with me. I think I would be fine on something else though.

Its almost like when I ride him in there I feel overhorsed, where as xc schooling or schooling in a field I feel fine
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I think in that case- the only thing for it is Jo Cooper! Jo is a fab friend, and a lovely LOVELy person, so do not be afraid to give her a call. She is so easy to talk to- and will really help you sort out everything- you will not regret it I promise!
 
Brill. In the meantime please do not beat yourself up! You and J are going places you might not believe it but from what we've all seen we all think that you are both a VERY promising combo!
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FWIW, I do know how you feel to some extent. I was schooling Cat up the field once when he shied at his field shelter (!!), lost his back legs & fell over on top of me. I really whacked my head & got quite squashed. Since then, I've hated schooling on grass & am not that keen jumping on grass.

Up until that point, when C was being a prat, the worst that I could imagine happening was maybe getting dumped by an unexected spook & even that was reasonably unlikely cos I was used to him. After that little incident, the 'worst that can happen' bar had been set a bit higher.

Prob no help, but what I used to do if I was expecting to get some nonsense out of him (windy day, couple of days off til I could get a shoe put back on, etc) is lunge him for 20 mins before riding & longer if he was being a total d**khead. Then when I got on, I was more confident that nothing bad was going to happen.

Good luck - I'm sure you'll crack it.
 
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I think in that case- the only thing for it is Jo Cooper! Jo is a fab friend, and a lovely LOVELy person, so do not be afraid to give her a call. She is so easy to talk to- and will really help you sort out everything- you will not regret it I promise!

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DEFINITELY call Jo! She's worked wonders for me and is exactly as C_D describes!
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Maybe you feel different in your arena as we prodonimently use it for schooling and making them go how we want to.

fields and compatitons are fun to go and do and much more laid back as we no what we want to go and where as we worry too much if the horse isnt going right in the arena so get all tense and worried as they start pratting around hence we get uptight.

This is what im like as at comps i tend to ride a tiny bit better because i no what im trying to achieve whereas in the arena your trying to improve them.

Im sorry if that made no sense at all Lol, but i hope your confidence ipproves youve done a great job with Jerry
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charlie
xx
 
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