Confidence/pushing your comfort zone

[Wishfilly]

I know this has been done to death, sorry and this post is probably going to be a bit all over the place, but I'm just trying to put how I feel into words, and maybe to get other people's thoughts and opinions.

So, several years ago now, I was working with horses full time, taking BHS exams etc etc. A video from that time recently came up on Facebook of me jumping an absolute superstar pony around a full up 80cm course with fillers, water trays, the lot. I know that's not super impressive, but the point is once upon a time, I could do these things.

Anyway, I fell out of love with the equine industry, lost my confidence, and was only occasionally sitting on friend's horses for e.g. a quiet hack out etc for a year or so. At the time, I said I never wanted to jump/compete or do anything again, I just wanted to enjoy horses- I slowly got back into it, and ultimately (during lockdown, terrible I know) bought my pony. When I first got him, he'd been passed around a lot, and he was probably greener and spookier than I realised- he did do a few things that scared me, although I only came off him once.

However, we did work with an instructor, and got to the point where I was pretty happy riding him on the flat, doing poles etc, confident enough to take him out to fun rides and things. We would pop jumps occasionally, but it was pretty rare. I then had to move around a bit due to work, so he had a year in just very light work- and then this winter just gone, we're more settled, and I've been working with an amazing instructor at my new yard who has really built my confidence, to the point where (in theory at least) I want to jump again- as well as lessons at home I've been out to a few clinics, and done a very low key clear round (where he was amazing). He is amazing, very point and shoot, despite being spooky about certain things, he has never looked at a filler, never stopped, figures out his own feet.

So, in theory, everything is going well? Except recently, I've been messing around at home (when I have people to help me put out jumps etc), and I still have to really psyche myself up to jump- if he starts cantering in front of a jump, I find it very hard to relax and just go with it, even though he often jumps better out of canter. Equally, without an instructor there to tell me, I find it hard to be confident enough to dictate the pace to him- even though I sort of know I need to do that. In theory, I want to jump, and there are times when I'm loving it, he clearly enjoys it, but there are moments when I look at poles in the school and I'm finding it hard to even summon up the will to jump a cross pole.

In theory I'd like to take him cross country schooling, but I also think when I got there I'd just freak out and give him a terrible experience. In theory, I want to push the jumps a little bit bigger (we are only talking 50-60cm) so that I can do some very low key unaff shows. In practice, I'm finding it tricky to do that. The thing is, I used to be at peace with my decision not to really jump or compete any more, but now there is part of me that wants to- right up until the point I have to line up with a jump and actually jump it! I'm also definitely *much* better when my regular instructor is there, and she can tell me exactly what to do if I freeze up, I think I'm also sometimes better with a round of jumps as there's no time to think!

Anyway, I don't really know what I'm after here, just a general ramble and is anyone able to share experiences or what works for them?

 

[Upthecreek]

It sounds like you need more sessions with your instructor to build up your confidence and experience until you get to the point where you don’t feel you need them there to tell you what to do. There is nothing wrong with that at all and there is no point making yourself do something you’re uncomfortable with.

 

[HJJ]

I have a very similar relationship with my riding. As a kid I'd jump anything, couldn't wait until the next SJ show, often in the ribbons, had a spicy JA pony and was braver than I can ever imagine now, nearly 4 decades later (with a 20 year break from horses in between).

I'm now building back up my jumping confidence, as like you, I really want to compete again now that I've been riding for a few years and back to owning a horse. I only want to do low level SJ and XC but my older brain makes my stomach knot up whenever I put a fence up, or turn onto the approach, lol! That said once I've done a jumping session I've really enjoyed it retrospectively, if that makes sense.

I'm reading "Brain training for riders" by Andrea Monsarrat Waldo, it's brilliant. The author events and isn't fearless, but she uses techniques to help calm (for me, irrational) anxieties. Well worth a read.

 

[daydreamer]

I don't really jump at all now and haven't for years. It has never really been my favourite thing but at one point I worked really hard so I could pass my stage 3 exam. What I found, especially with jumping, was that I had to do it regularly to keep my confidence up. Is there any way you can leave a tiny jump up in the arena and just jump it every time you ride, even if it just ends up that you trot over it rather than jump it, and then eventually raise it a bit and work towards doing more?

 

[Wishfilly]

I don't really jump at all now and haven't for years. It has never really been my favourite thing but at one point I worked really hard so I could pass my stage 3 exam. What I found, especially with jumping, was that I had to do it regularly to keep my confidence up. Is there any way you can leave a tiny jump up in the arena and just jump it every time you ride, even if it just ends up that you trot over it rather than jump it, and then eventually raise it a bit and work towards doing more?

I'm always a bit precious about jumping every time I go in the school as well- In many ways my pony is very low mileage, but I'm also conscious of not suddenly deciding to jump him loads but I think lots of repetition until it becomes boring (for me) might be part of the way to go.

 

[Wishfilly]

It sounds like you need more sessions with your instructor to build up your confidence and experience until you get to the point where you don’t feel you need them there to tell you what to do. There is nothing wrong with that at all and there is no point making yourself do something you’re uncomfortable with.

I definitely plan to keep on with the lessons whenever we can make our schedules line up- they've helped so much over the winter and I can imagine another 6 months or so will make a huge difference!

 

[Wishfilly]

I have a very similar relationship with my riding. As a kid I'd jump anything, couldn't wait until the next SJ show, often in the ribbons, had a spicy JA pony and was braver than I can ever imagine now, nearly 4 decades later (with a 20 year break from horses in between).

I'm now building back up my jumping confidence, as like you, I really want to compete again now that I've been riding for a few years and back to owning a horse. I only want to do low level SJ and XC but my older brain makes my stomach knot up whenever I put a fence up, or turn onto the approach, lol! That said once I've done a jumping session I've really enjoyed it retrospectively, if that makes sense.

I'm reading "Brain training for riders" by Andrea Monsarrat Waldo, it's brilliant. The author events and isn't fearless, but she uses techniques to help calm (for me, irrational) anxieties. Well worth a read.

Definitely will check out the book, thank you! I definitely enjoy what I do retrospectively, or at least feel proud that I've done it!

 

[Crazy_cat_lady]

You don't have to jump if you don't want to!!

I've got FB memories of me jumping 1m-1.05m single fences on him, the last few years I had him I didn't jump at all

He was a spooky Welsh D and you were never entirely sure whether he was going to go or not, so I ended up in a vicious cycle of riding defensively so I was more securely seated if he didn't go. If he'd back off I'd panic. If he took me into it I'd brace because it was going to hurt more if he said no and I came off. Sometimes we'd have cat jumps and I'd be left behind. He'd got better with not stopping, but I never fully trusted him not to so would always brace in case he did

The what ifs suddenly kicked in of if I fall off I could break a bone or something then couldn't get to work without public transport which would be expensive etc etc

So the last few years I had him, we just went hacking, galloping across the fields for some reason didn't have the what ifs, I could go along in my light seat but not fully forward so if a piece of grass terrified him I was ready for it. I found the school boring, jumping scary so hacking was a happy medium

Don't feel like you have to jump, plenty of people don't! He also really enjoyed doing poles and raised poles so that's another option without actually leaving the ground

 

[Bernster]

I’m in a similar situation. Not quite sure if I will jump one of mine again but kinda feel like I will want to. And trying to be ok if I don’t ever want to. Bit all over the place. I’ve been doing some pole work with an instructor to work through some confidence issues that impact my riding. If I get to the stage of comfortably cantering round poles on the ground as if they are jumps then I’ll start jumping again. I’ve also had a mindset coaching session with Flying Coaches Jenni Winter, which helped me reset my brain after the fall which dented my confidence. I may need more!

 

[maya2008]

Start really small, in your comfort zone (poles on the floor if needed) and stick to that until you get bored. Then raise it a little. Next time, start with wherever you finished the time before. When you get bored, up a little more. In time, you’ll be jumping 80cm again with confidence. Pushing yourself too far with someone there to push you, doesn’t fix the problem. Gradually building your own confidence will.

 

[LEC]

Just set yourself up for success at home. I have mine doing hours of cavaletti - playing about with the canter. Lots of pole work. You don’t need to jump proper fences to improve your jumping and the horses. I will also often have one fence set up but really the majority of the work is done with the cavaletti and poles.

Confidence, is confidence in your abilities and if you don’t practice, then you won’t develop.

As for xc go with a lunge line and then you spend the time building the horses confidence on the lunge when you hire the course. Then you can get on and do water and steps or ditches. None of my young horses would ever start xc ridden. They all start on the lunge. Mostly as I want them to figure out stuff with no rider interference. They might start walking over a small log on lunge and then build it up. Just because you have hired a xc doesn’t mean you need to be galloping round jumping jumps.

 

[TheHairyOne]

I could have written that, only Ive bounced up and down the heights a few times with the same horse, who loves jumping and is pretty reliable.

If I dont do it my confidence in doing it collapses, and that makes me ride badly. Enter a vicious cycle of spiralling down to not jumping.

2 things are key for me. If I have had a break I book in super confidence giving instructor for once a week for 3 to 4 weeks. I only jump when they are there. However, i do poles between wings, raised poles etc in between lessons all to get my eye back in. I also really like doing grid work for the first session as it stops me fiddling so much.

By the end of a month of focus I will be back to feeling reasonably happy about jumping 80-90 at home on my own.

My confidence has pinged between x poles are scary, to jumping 1.10m courses (at home with instruction) on the same horse!

It is possible, but for me I need the right people around me to make it happen.

 

[Wishfilly]

You don't have to jump if you don't want to!!

I've got FB memories of me jumping 1m-1.05m single fences on him, the last few years I had him I didn't jump at all

He was a spooky Welsh D and you were never entirely sure whether he was going to go or not, so I ended up in a vicious cycle of riding defensively so I was more securely seated if he didn't go. If he'd back off I'd panic. If he took me into it I'd brace because it was going to hurt more if he said no and I came off. Sometimes we'd have cat jumps and I'd be left behind. He'd got better with not stopping, but I never fully trusted him not to so would always brace in case he did

The what ifs suddenly kicked in of if I fall off I could break a bone or something then couldn't get to work without public transport which would be expensive etc etc

So the last few years I had him, we just went hacking, galloping across the fields for some reason didn't have the what ifs, I could go along in my light seat but not fully forward so if a piece of grass terrified him I was ready for it. I found the school boring, jumping scary so hacking was a happy medium

Don't feel like you have to jump, plenty of people don't! He also really enjoyed doing poles and raised poles so that's another option without actually leaving the ground

For years, I didn't want to, and was happy with that. At the moment, I feel like if I completely gave up on jumping, I'd regret it, and I'm lucky that I've got a pony who is really genuine in terms of jumping.

I want to feel confident again going into a jump, and if it all goes absolutely right, it feels great afterward. If I get it wrong, I definitely beat myself up about it a lot.

 

[Wishfilly]

Just set yourself up for success at home. I have mine doing hours of cavaletti - playing about with the canter. Lots of pole work. You don’t need to jump proper fences to improve your jumping and the horses. I will also often have one fence set up but really the majority of the work is done with the cavaletti and poles.

Confidence, is confidence in your abilities and if you don’t practice, then you won’t develop.

As for xc go with a lunge line and then you spend the time building the horses confidence on the lunge when you hire the course. Then you can get on and do water and steps or ditches. None of my young horses would ever start xc ridden. They all start on the lunge. Mostly as I want them to figure out stuff with no rider interference. They might start walking over a small log on lunge and then build it up. Just because you have hired a xc doesn’t mean you need to be galloping round jumping jumps.

XC hire and starting off with me on the ground is a really good idea, definitely something I will look into doing!

Start really small, in your comfort zone (poles on the floor if needed) and stick to that until you get bored. Then raise it a little. Next time, start with wherever you finished the time before. When you get bored, up a little more. In time, you’ll be jumping 80cm again with confidence. Pushing yourself too far with someone there to push you, doesn’t fix the problem. Gradually building your own confidence will.

I think part of the issue I have at the moment is that I don't know exactly where my comfort zone is at the moment. Sometimes cross poles are fine. Sometimes they aren't. Sometimes a particular jump or angle will freak me out, and I won't fully be able to explain why. I know which things I'm never fully comfortable with, and I know where my current hard limit is on jumping, but I'm not always sure where to start! But definitely need to take my time and not push myself too fast.

 

[LEC]

Practice at home in the arena on the lunge first so you teach them the cues and the general idea. I would have a lunge whip at home but tend to just use a schooling whip on xc and it’s mostly as an extension of my arms. On something scary like a ditch they will often follow me first and then I will keep building it up to them going by themselves on the lunge. It’s all building blocks so they can answer the question with minimal fuss and worry.

 

[Wishfilly]

Practice at home in the arena on the lunge first so you teach them the cues and the general idea. I would have a lunge whip at home but tend to just use a schooling whip on xc and it’s mostly as an extension of my arms. On something scary like a ditch they will often follow me first and then I will keep building it up to them going by themselves on the lunge. It’s all building blocks so they can answer the question with minimal fuss and worry.

Yes, will definitely give this a go- when I first had him, we used to do a lot of stuff in hand in the arena, started off with practising standing still and practising standing to be mounted, but we did also do a lot with poles, tarp on the ground, etc. As he's matured and is generally less spooky, I've not done much of this, but it'll be good to resurrect it, with the view to hopefully doing it out at an XC course at some point!

He is good with water at least- we have plenty of chances to practice that at the moment!