confidence - still struggling

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margaretb

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Still struggling with the thought of getting back on Poppy after three months "rest" due to her possibly being in foal. No foal yet and getting more unlikey so she is just fat. I know I used the possibility as an excuse not to ride her.

To get my confidence back I went back to the riding school and am having fortnightly lessons on the lovely safe steady mare - its just like I never got off her, if not better, my riding seems to be better, but the thought of getting on Poppy leaves me cold.

I know why, I think; RS horse is very safe & I trust my RI 110%. At home I am outside the "safe bubble"of the RS, I am on my own. I am going to have someone school Poppy for me but I am worried it will all be in vain. At least if she is re-schooled and I do decide to sell her she should be more saleable that just being sold off the field.

I am sure my negativity is rubbing off on her - we are bumbling along, somedays are good somedays she tolerates me. I have decided she is not a huggable horse, but reading some posts perhaps if I don't get in her space she may be happier, if that makes sense.

Perhaps I should just accept I am not meant to be a horse owner, and should just enjoy lessons. And tbh it's not fair on Poppy when all she (hopefully) wants is to be ridden and enjoyed.

sorry I've typed this without my glasses on so hope it makes sense.
 
Could you take Poppy to your RS to have lessons with the RI you are happy with? Treat it as a bit of a half way house?

Is she difficult to ride? Have you had probs with her before?
 
If I really wanted to I could take Poppy for a lesson there, and I have been thinking seriously about doing so.

Not problems as such - she is probably a little too much for me and senses my nervousness (I am 47 - mid life crisis to learn to ride again and own a horse!)
 
I'd recommend having lessons with the RI that you are confident with. As she knows how you ride she'll be able to assess the difference between how you ride with the RS horses and how you ride Poppy so she'll be able to see the effect of your nervousness and help you work through it.

Nervousness is so hard to overcome on your own - trust me I've been there!! Unfortunately the more you try to manage on your own the bigger the gap will seem between your RS riding and how you feel you are riding Poppy.

Maybe get someone at the RS to ride her first or ask the RI to ride her?

How long have you had her?
 
To be honest I think most of the people on this forum have gone through confidence issues with their horses over the years, so your not alone. The suggestion about taking Poppy for a lesson at riding school sounds excellent, that way RI can see you both at your best or worse which ever.:):):):)
 
suzi said:
I'd recommend having lessons with the RI that you are confident with. As she knows how you ride she'll be able to assess the difference between how you ride with the RS horses and how you ride Poppy so she'll be able to see the effect of your nervousness and help you work through it.

Nervousness is so hard to overcome on your own - trust me I've been there!! Unfortunately the more you try to manage on your own the bigger the gap will seem between your RS riding and how you feel you are riding Poppy.

Maybe get someone at the RS to ride her first or ask the RI to ride her?

How long have you had her?
Click to expand...

7 months - not ridden her for three. I think I will try to find away to get her there, seems the most obvious option tbh.
 
Well good luck - I hope it all works out well.

I think that'll be your best option. Hopefully it'll help you re discover what prompted you to buy her to start with.

Let us know how it all goes.

(BTW Which RS do you go to?)
 
Apologies if this sounds a bit mean, but do you think maybe Poppy is just the wrong horse for you? I only mention it because it happened to me before I found Che. In many ways I think we are similar, I am the same age as you and have been riding and owning again for 2 years after an 8 year gap. I have never been very brave but seem to have been fortunate with my horses over the years. However, 2 years last April I bought a mare as my comeback horse, supposedly a happy hacker with a lovable nature and easy to do. She wasn't, she was actually quite an indifferent mare with a nasty edge to her (not suggesting Poppy is like this) and I felt she was just not right for me. I wanted a horse to love and fuss over a bit and this mare just wasnt having it. I persevered for 3 months but only ever rode her 3 times, she scared me to death tbh, then I returned her to the dealer. Che was advertised locally to me, he is an ex racer so on paper completely unsuitable for an older, slightly nervous rider as a happy hack but honestly, he has been such a little star. He is loving and gentle, adores being pampered and is 100% on the roads whatever the traffic is like. He does have the odd TB moment but is never nasty or dangerous. It is a very difficult decision I know, you cant possibly know if you and a horse are suited until you try and you cant just give in and change them every 5 minutes but I just wonder if maybe this is the problem, the two of you just dont gel together. It seems a shame to give up on your horse owning dream, you sound as if you have a lot to offer the right horse. Good luck with it all.
 
what really helped me with my confidence was having hacing lessons - sounds silly but really helped me as pony was a rude beast really helped him get fit as he was obese too
and now what is really helping me is pony club i really enjoyed jumping just didnt really want to do it at home as pony is very strong as was nervous, only been to 4 rallies but on eds i was jumping coffins, water trays, tyres, gates, fillers apreads and up to and over 3ft :D and wasnt even nervous it also is great for makin friends too
im guessing your too old for pony club but riding club would be quite similar and would help :)
 
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