Confidence wobbles

[RHM]

So looking to pick all you lovely peoples brains. I am having an absolute mare recently with my nerves. I’ve never been a nervous rider but recently I’ve been getting really anxious about riding my new mare. I had a really innocuous fall a month or so ago off a different horse but rode after that with no issue. My last lesson I left with a massive smile on my face for days as my new one went so well but I just can’t seem to shake this! Need a stern talking to please!

 

[Lintel]

I think you need to confront what the cause is and give it a kicking!

How does your instructor feel you are doing? He or she is probably is a much better place to be helping you through this rather than us random strangers online?

Push through it RHM, your lucky to have a lovley mare to be riding that you clearly enjoy- from your smile? Suck it up and get on with it!
^ there is your stern talking too!

 

[smolmaus]

Same idea. First thing: what is it you're actually afraid of? Falling off because its a "failure", because you might hurt yourself, you might upset your new horse, you're not ready for what you think you should be doing etc.

Need to find the real problem before you can solve it! Pay attention to yourself and at what point the nerves kick in. I don't believe in stern talking I'm afraid, it's the yucky introspective stuff from me ? just for balance!

 

[RHM]

Thanks for the thoughts guys!
I think it is a fear of falling off but only in the ménage, give me open spaces any day! ?
Instructor thinks I put myself down too much when I’m riding and I seem to have forgotten I’ve been doing this for over 20 years and have survived so far! I seem to take my legs off completely when I get nervous and that makes the new horse anxious which makes me think something bad is about to happen, when in reality she just needs her hoof holding a bit in the very windy ménage!

 

[Ceriann]

Im in exactly the same place. Fell off my mare in the school about 4/5 weeks ago and its done a number on my confidence, mainly in the school. Hacking is fine. I know my fear and its losing control - im just taking it all nice and slow and getting someone to school my mare in the meantime. Stern words havent worked for me!

 

[PatchyBabyHorse]

I would take it slowly, and remember that you don’t build confidence by scaring people. If it’s really scaring you, don’t do it.....yet. Do something else that doesn’t scare you. Go for a hack, ride in open spaces. Then when you feel up to it, have a walk round the school at the end before you get off. Then just build up slowly.

Forcing yourself to do what scares you only makes you more scared in my opinion, even if you achieve it in the moment. Afterwards, what your brain remembers is the fear.

Everyone’s different though really good luck with it!

 

[Nari]

I'd say keep getting on. Get on even if you only have time to walk a 20m circle, it's bum in saddle time and routine that you need. And don't focus on the fall or feeling nervous, every time you start thinking that way replace it with an image of you riding well and confidently, to a degree we are what we think! Also if you absolutely must think of the fall then try to turn it to something positive - so I fell off, so what? I tipped the sand out of my bra, dusted myself down and got right back on with no ill effect.

You can do it, it's just a case of changing your mindset and making yourself get on with it rather than turning it into a big deal.

 

[ruth83]

I've sent you a message RHM

 

[RHM]

Im in exactly the same place. Fell off my mare in the school about 4/5 weeks ago and its done a number on my confidence, mainly in the school. Hacking is fine. I know my fear and its losing control - im just taking it all nice and slow and getting someone to school my mare in the meantime. Stern words havent worked for me!

Nice to know others can feel the same though!

 

[RHM]

I'd say keep getting on. Get on even if you only have time to walk a 20m circle, it's bum in saddle time and routine that you need. And don't focus on the fall or feeling nervous, every time you start thinking that way replace it with an image of you riding well and confidently, to a degree we are what we think! Also if you absolutely must think of the fall then try to turn it to something positive - so I fell off, so what? I tipped the sand out of my bra, dusted myself down and got right back on with no ill effect.

You can do it, it's just a case of changing your mindset and making yourself get on with it rather than turning it into a big deal.

This is really good advice, thank you.

 

[Wishfilly]

I agree, don't force it. Hacking is definitely my happy place these days, and I feel under more pressure and more nervous in the school. I'll also happily jump things out hacking that I wouldn't even consider in the school!

I agree with the advice not to force it. Can you spend time hacking and building up your confidence with your new mare, and just doing little bits in the school as and when you feel like it? Maybe start with 5/10 minutes before you hack out, or at the end of a hack- just doing things you feel really confident with? I think over time it will come back- but forcing it isn't the way to go.