Confidence

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Maz55

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I’m looking for suggestions/advice to improve my confidence!! What has worked for you? Are these NLP/hypnotherapy etc courses beneficial?
I’ve had my mare for three years and it’s fair to say I haven’t had an easy ride but neither has she done anything dangerous or to justify the confidence issues I have. She feeds off me so I need to sort myself out!

We’ve made massive improvements and I’ve overcome numerous issues and both our confidence has improved immensely - we have the best relationship to date - but there’s still something holding me back. Eg I worry about canter but she’s never put a hoof wrong cantering, I worry about jumping and want to do more and do some xc and whilst she can occasionally get excited it’s rare now she gets silly. she can be looky at jumps but doesn’t run out or stop - the worst she does is jump bigger and often if I relax she’s fine so it’s me causing it - yet I’ve got it in my head she’s going to spook and stop or run out and I’m going to fall off. She has in the past been nervous in open spaces and wanted to run back to the herd (riding in huge field next to yard) but is now confident riding round with a friend and is fine when I go alone with my partner on foot but I’m a bundle of nerves on my own and I know if we have an issue I’ll have caused it due to my (unwarranted) nerves. In the past I’ve blamed her for our issues but I can see 100% now I’m the problem!! I’m having weekly lessons with a flatwork instructor and regular jumping lessons. What else can I do to sort out my “mental” issue?
 
You sound just like someone I know! Give yourself a break- confidence can be really hard to find sometimes, it sounds like you've been growing together and doing well so far. Confidence takes time and trust both of which you can't get at the drop of a hat.

Give yourself small realistic goals to achieve each week.. each month whatever you feel comfortable with. Keep working with your instructor- or find a new instructor who deals with confidence issues on particular. There are clincs that target the anxious rider particularly - it might be worthwhile trying to attend one?

XC and jumping is scary- no doubt especially if you are rusty! Your flying on a 500kg machine that could squash you- give yourself some credit jumping is no mean feat!
If I were you I would get some jumping lessons on a schoolmaster if you can or an XC lesson! Get your confidence up on something that knows their job then give your mare that confidence :)

Just keep pushing yourself that little bit each day- time and patience is the key!
 
I had good results with hypnotherapy. Not a believer. Not sure why it worked but it did. (The sessions were a gift by a believer who thought it would help)
 
I'm reading a book and listening to the audio book alongside it written by a man called Karl Greenwood, I like his style, but I also highly recommend Fay Lowe.
 
I think you're doing the right things already. Doing things over and over again feeds your confidence so keep plugging away and it will get easier.
 
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