Confused much? What to do to fill the void?

Kokopelli

Kokopelli

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Thank you for the replies on my previous thread, its taken a while for me to be able to reply I've stupidly been trying to put it all to the back of my mind and today in college I cracked. Unfortuantly no one there understood the bond I had with him and they all probably think I'm an over emotional weirdo but I honestly don't care!

To say I'm confused would be an understatement atm, I don't know what I want to do hack or compete or both or neither or get a polocrosse pony or get a show jumper or get a youngster and back him/ her or not get another horse again or get one in the spring or wait until I finshed A levels :(

I would love to do any of these but I don't know which option I should choose, I'm so scared about looking at horses again after having my confidence shattered trying out a horse, I'm not sure I could go and do that again and I don't want to go and buy a competition horse and just hack it and I don't want to buy a hacker and want to compete.

The plan I had to loan a horse for the winter and buy in the spring has fallen through and I'm not sure I could go through the winter without a horse. Its been 4 days since I've ridden and I'm already missing it, but I got a lesson tomorrow on my instructors horse :)

I would love some guidance if anyone is offering? As I just don't know what to do :/ except eat lots of ice cream, sulk and get angry at everyone :(
I would do absolutly anything to have him back :(
 
Its no wonder you're confused, koko has only just left u :(
I honestly think you need to give yourself more time, time to grieve properly.
I understand you have this huge void in your life, I know I'd not know what to do with myself if I suddenly didn't have my horses.
I'd try and get a ride here and there where you can, on friends horses etc. and mull over all the options for some time so that you get the decision right on what to buy for the future.
I know riding other people horses isn't the same, the part I think we all love the most is that special amazing bond you develop with your horse and of course you will only feel this again once you get another horse that is just yours, but it will be worth waiting for.

I really dont know what else to say other than my heart goes out to you after losing such a special beautiful horse x
 
missyme10 said:
Its no wonder you're confused, koko has only just left u :(
I honestly think you need to give yourself more time, time to grieve properly.
I understand you have this huge void in your life, I know I'd not know what to do with myself if I suddenly didn't have my horses.
I'd try and get a ride here and there where you can, on friends horses etc. and mull over all the options for some time so that you get the decision right on what to buy for the future.
I know riding other people horses isn't the same, the part I think we all love the most is that special amazing bond you develop with your horse and of course you will only feel this again once you get another horse that is just yours, but it will be worth waiting for.

I really dont know what else to say other than my heart goes out to you after losing such a special beautiful horse x
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Thank you, I'm finiding it hard adjusting suprisingly I miss not having to wake up at stupid o'clock in the morn to see the horse and rush home from college to ride.

I do love riding friends horses and I'm enjoying myself, I was planning on going on a hack this weekend with my friend but the only horses I've been offered are so unfit we can't go out on our 4 hour journeys like we normally do, I'm really missing that.

I jumped a friends horse the other day and this horse can jump huge but doesn't put any more effort in than needed, unlike Koko who would jump a 2ft x pole 3ft high. I miss feeling this power, over the fences you literally felt like you were flying.

All I know is half term is going to suck without a horse to share it with :(
 
I don't know the background at all - but from what I m reading, it seems that you do need a replacement - and now is the time to do it - so go and find your new hearts desire......Your own, is better than having a bit of someone elses - and there are a lot of nags out there now having a tough time because of the recession........
 
dressedkez said:
I don't know the background at all - but from what I m reading, it seems that you do need a replacement - and now is the time to do it - so go and find your new hearts desire......Your own, is better than having a bit of someone elses - and there are a lot of nags out there now having a tough time because of the recession........
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I lost my horse very suddenly last weekend, he went from jumping succesfully friday night to not being able to wlak staurday morning without collapsing :(

The problem is I don't know what type of replacement I want, does this mean I'm not ready to move on or are my thoughts in such a jumble I literally can't think straight :/
 
Kokopelli said:
Thank you, I'm finiding it hard adjusting suprisingly I miss not having to wake up at stupid o'clock in the morn to see the horse and rush home from college to ride.

I do love riding friends horses and I'm enjoying myself, I was planning on going on a hack this weekend with my friend but the only horses I've been offered are so unfit we can't go out on our 4 hour journeys like we normally do, I'm really missing that.

I jumped a friends horse the other day and this horse can jump huge but doesn't put any more effort in than needed, unlike Koko who would jump a 2ft x pole 3ft high. I miss feeling this power, over the fences you literally felt like you were flying.

All I know is half term is going to suck without a horse to share it with :(
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I totally understand what you are saying, having horses isn't a hobby, its a way of life and without them our lives feel empty :(
There would be absolutely nothing wrong with you getting a new horse soon, but with not knowing quite what you want to do with the horse or which way you want to go, you could end up getting the wrong horse for yourself.

I do think that a youngster may be a possible option, one that is going to grow to the right size, a breed that is suited to anything. But then the downside is you wouldn't be able to get stuck in with the riding now, but on a positive side, the bond you develop with a youngster is amazing.
I have a little Welsh D, she's my pride and joy, and I know you shouldn't have favourites, but she definitely has hold of far more of my heart strings than the others.

I think you will know when the right horse comes along for you, and you will know when you are ready for it.

As for half term, my daughter would totally sympathise, in Scotland they've already had half term and her pony was out of action with back problems, in the summer hols it was Lami - its really crap when you love riding and you've nothing to ride in your hols, its the time you get to spend that extra special time with them x
 
Kokopelli said:
The problem is I don't know what type of replacement I want, does this mean I'm not ready to move on or are my thoughts in such a jumble I literally can't think straight :/
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You're brain is understandably scrambled right now.
Put pen to paper, it helps clarify your thinking - I mean make a list of what you want in your ideal horse.
Just one word of warning: I know how special Koko was to you, and chances are everything you want is what Koko was, but there will never be another Koko, so I'd personally steer clear of horses just like him. If to similar you may find yourself forever comparing your new horse to Koko without even realising it, and your new horse would have a hell of a lot to live up to x
 
Sorry to hear about Koko.

Could you do something like volunteer for RDA which would be a useful and rewarding way to fill some time whilst still being with horses + you may meet others which might lead to other horses to ride, while you work out what you want to do?
 
Wait until your head is in the right place before you jump in with another horse.

Or get a deacent all rounder that can compete but you dont feel you have to :)
 
As I said in reply to your last thread I am truly sorry about Koko, I can't even begin to imagine what you have gone through. I think that at the moment it would be wise to see if you can get rides on other people's horses rather than rushing head long into a new horsie relationship. During the time you ride other hoses it'll give you more time for your pain to ease slightly and for you to begin to see things more clearly. Subconsciously you will begin to realise what you really want from your next horse and you'll know then whether you really want a hack/ a competition horse or a youngster. At the moment it is very understandable that you want another horse to fill the void in your life, however if you made a rash commitment now it could end up being the wrong decision. I also agree with missyme10 that there will never be another Koko and that you really should try and keep away from horses that are similar to him, because the chances are that they would never live up to being Koko.
Good luck and I hope that in time you'll be able to look back on all of the happy times you shared together and all of the happiness he brought into your life :)
 
You do sound very confused! Your mind is probably a bit 'all over the place' at the moment understandably as you have just lost Koko and you are still grieving. I wouldn't rush into buying a horse yet while you feel like that. Maybe looking at loaning one over the winter and buying one in the Spring would be the best option? That way, you will have more time to think about what sort of horse you want to buy but you will still have something to ride over the winter. Even if the horse you loan isn't something you would look at buying, it will give you something to ride for now and also keep you in the routine of looking after a horse, etc.

Hope this helps. :)
 
Having lost two the only advise I have is take your time. The right horse will come along and you might not even realise it is what you want until you see it. Having lost my eventer Sammy following an injury I wasn't sure I even wanted another horse. Yet Jesper came along and stole me heart. He wasn't what I was looking for, was too big, too young and a TB but he made me smile and won a place in my heart.
Jepser retired last February because of an injury and I knew I couldn't get another riding horse. Nothing could measure up to him and his personality. I ended up with an eight month old gelding.
Don't rush in to anything, you need to give yourself time to think. And when you do start looking remember you can't compare the horses you see to Koko because nothing will measure up. You just need to find a horse that can make you smile again.
 
I know how tough this is for you. I replaced my horse within a very short time of loosing my previous one, who was my horse of a lifetime.

His replacement is totally the opposite, a feisty, opinionated mare who has tested my patients unbelieveably but I absolutely adore her. She has great character and talent and we have a good understanding of each other now ( allthough she has just had a KS operation so off work at the moment)

I knew I could never replace my Alby so I went for something completely different and ma and my mare have grown together. My advice would be to go out there and try a few horses if you are ready for another. There will be one out there that will capture your heart, but it won't be like your Koko. Good luck hun, I hope you find what you are looking for x
 
I don't think that any-one can really advise you about what is right for you. I can only suggest that you need to know what you want before you buy another horse, or you might be trying to sell again in a few months.
If it helps, this is my experience - sis and I lost our first horse in similar sudden circumstances to your loss (field accident). We didn't get another horse for 2 years, although we did ride a variety of horses. Since then we have always had a small herd of horses and every time we have lost one, we have had to continue to care for the others. When we lost the last horse to a sudden illness, we were out looking for another to join the herd within 3 weeks.
I do think that you need to consider other aspects of your life and work out how a new horse will fit in before you make a final decision. What will you do when you have finished your 'A' levels?
 
i lost my pony almost four years ago now, to navicular, she was fine one minute and then the next day everything went down hill, however i was still really in riding school life, it took me just over a year to buy another horse, i went for something completely different P was only 14hh highland x connie, who i got when i was only six, so i then got taz a 16.2 irish draught, still to this day i cant imagine of replacing her, as nothing will, but taz certainly helped to make me understand that she was gone, even if i did get him a year later.

Dont think that you are replacing him, think of it as still having him in your heart that he will always be a part of you, but that to get a new horse is a way to help you deal with what happened and as a way to take the first step to moving on, you will never forget him but he wont want you being upset for too long :-(
 
Don't think of it as replacing, or moving on. He wouldn't be disappointed, or upset, or sad.

Just keep an eye open on horsequest and in local papers. If something catches your eye, then go and have a look. No pressure, no active seeking of a new horse. Just the option is there.
 
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