Constructive Cricitism/Bitching - what is the difference

[Agent XXX999]

I have been reading a few posts on here and it does seem that people get a bit confused between constructive criticism and bitching….

I think that C.C is a good thing for everyone, and you can learn things – for example, I posted ‘I am sorry but I think your pony looks a bit poor’ on a thread the other day – because IMO the pony did, and she asked for opinions. I don’t see things like this as bitching…

However, bitching – e.g. slating another persons thoughts on a matter – example – “This happened” next post “ Well I think that your thoughts on [that] are completely daft and you should just get over yourself…” is neither constructive or very helpful. In turn everyone starts posting who is right and who is wrong and it gets a bit daft and detracts from the point…

I am not, by the way, saying that you should stop posting negative things, just consider the way in which it is done, and how the person (who you actually don’t know in most cases) might feel about it at the other end. I would hate to think that someone would be upset or take to heart some of the things that are said on here.

I do think (as a relatively new member) that things can get a bit cliquey on here sometimes (just like being on a big yard really!)

I really enjoy coming on to the forum (and it is great for looking busy at work) and if I do get into a debate with someone I tend to PM them afterward to ensure they are OK and make sure there are no hard feelings… I just think that some people would benefit by remembering “if you can’t say something nice don’t say it…”

Sorry but I had to get that out!

 

[KatB]

Well said! It does get a bit cliquey on here, but that doesnt bother me. What does is when people rip people apart unnecessarily! Its uncalled for. If you don't like what you read, and cant put anything constructive in response, don't post.

Negative comments are not a problem, its unnecessary personal comments that are.

 

[peterthepony]

Well said, i think if people ask for C.C then fair enough you get what people think, and why do people have to bitch like that.

 

[piebaldsparkle]

Completely agree.

 

[burtie]

[ QUOTE ]
Well I think that your thoughts on [that] are completely daft and you should just get over yourself…” is neither constructive or very helpful

[/ QUOTE ]

Well actually I disagree, yes there are ways to put to it and ways to put it, but one thing life has taught me is that there are 2 sides to every story and nobody ever thinks they are in the wrong otherwise they generally would behave differently!

The whole point of posting on an open forum should not be to just go 'arwww how awful for you' in reply to everything, unless of course the post is titled something like 'really looking for symapthy here' or 'need a hug' etc etc in which case anything else would be rather insensitive!

 

[Tempi]

unfortunately its all part of the forum, ive been attacked on many occasions and have learnt the hard why which is why i dont post anything personal on here anymore. it shouldnt be like that but it is.

 

[claire1976]

Here, here. I've probably been guilty of this in the past but it's not nice when you're on the receiving end of comments that are upsetting. Sometimes people lose sight of what this forum is about and need reminding!

 

[xspiralx]

ditto - I too tend to refrain.

Sometimes people are down right ignorant about something and need to be put straight - but plain rudeness from people just because they CAN be is out of order IMO.

 

[Agent XXX999]

Burtieeeee….it was an example being used to highlight the point! Read further down where I say

I am not, by the way, saying that you should stop posting negative things

 

[burtie]

I guess a lot comes down to point of view, I probably have a much thicker skin than most so sometimes just don't see it when others say things are getting personal

!

I suppose in reality it gets personal as soon as the original poster thinks it is, rather than the replier or anyone esle saying so, as it is obviously aimed at them and maybe that is something we need to bear in mind when replying.

 

[ArleyMoss]

Sometimes it's easy to misunderstand someones post, because text doesn't give us the signals we get from face to face!

Which is why I offen put a

at the end of my stuff, so people know nothing is meant with cut

 

[Mellymoo1]

Well said!!!

I was going to post something very similar in light of some recent posts where people have been absolutely slated for daring to post a rant or ask for constructive critisism.

Much as I love using this forum, I often feel that it is spoilt by the cliqueyness and "ganging up" attitude by a minority of users. Having said that 99% of people on here are fantastic, helpful, knowledgable and funny. Its just the odd few who make new members feel unwelcome, and have to nit pick at other peoples opinions. I can think of a couple of people who have made me think twice about posting for advice as I know they will immediately jump on me!

In no way am I saying that people can't offer opinions, its just there are nicer ways to disagree with someone without it turning into a slanging match.

I also can't stand the secret squirrel stuff that goes on, if you have something personal to discuss, why post it in a public forum.

Thats my t'pennorth anyway!

And breathe....

 

[Tia]

I don't care.

I would rather someone told me the truth whether it was what I wanted to hear or not.....rather than lie and tell me a load of bollox and then go yacking about it in PM's. Of course that does not apply to the dopey people on here who just reply for the sake of replying and are often talking out of their bottoms about something they know little of.

If I post something, I want knowledgeable people to give it to me straight, and I appreciate it.

 

[_OC_]

[ QUOTE ]





I do think (as a relatively new member) that things can get a bit cliquey on here sometimes (just like being on a big yard really!) I really do agree with that one.......

 

[_OC_]

OMG talking about me-I know I can take it....I confess I am the dopey one

 

[jenbleep]

constructive critisim is where you are saying sonething to someone to help them, such as 'if you did it this way you might find it easier..' blah blah blah. bitching is when you are saying something to someone that is not going to help the situation at all, like 'you should't be looking after horses at all!' ok maybe that was a bit harsh but you get what i am saying.

 

[Tia]

LOL!! I don't think so.

You seem intelligent enough to me.

 

[Toby_Zaphod]

There's an old saying:

"Keep your words sweet.....you may have to eat them!"

Sometime people should bare this in mind & also "Think twice...Post once" check what you are posting is actually what you want to say.

 

[jenbleep]

i get your point Tia, but PROFESSIONAL people will give constructive critism because they want to help and not bitch because they know better than you

 

[jenbleep]

i hear that Tia! its sometimes hard to get your point across in a post. like when you are being sarcastic as a joke and people take you seriously! many arguments have been caused my misunderstandings!!

 

[sleepingdragon10]

[ QUOTE ]
I don't care.

I would rather someone told me the truth whether it was what I wanted to hear or not.....rather than lie and tell me a load of bollox and then go yacking about it in PM's. Of course that does not apply to the dopey people on here who just reply for the sake of replying and are often talking out of their bottoms about something they know little of.

If I post something, I want knowledgeable people to give it to me straight, and I appreciate it.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well,now I AM shocked

Tia said "bollox"

That is the very first time I've ever seen you swear

 

[Tia]

Oops!

Not really a sweary word though.....is it??

Really odd though as it would never be a word I would use in real life......you see everyone on here is encouraging me to use these sorts of words, LOL!!

 

[Sooty]

Criticism is criticism, whether it is constructive or not. I would prefer to have something I was doing wrong pointed out to me politely, which I do think is what happens on here the majority of the time. There are times when people get het up over something, but that can be something potentially dangerous. I think criticising someone for the way they live their life, or their financial set up, is bitching.

 

[Sooty]

Blimey! She's got a potty mouth alright that Tia. She just controls it on the forum!

 

[sleepingdragon10]

LMAO!!Oh dear....you trying to say we're a bad influence eh!?!

 

[Tia]

LMAO!!!

People; I have been known to swear from time to time in real life.

 

[sleepingdragon10]

[ QUOTE ]
Blimey! She's got a potty mouth alright that Tia. She just controls it on the forum!

[/ QUOTE ]
Aye,thought as much

It's always the 'quiet' one's you've got to watch

 

[filly190]

I have been shocked by some posts and think they are outright aggressive. The whole point of this forum is to be helpful and friendly. I have learnt now, that you can easily create an open sore by putting in an post and it can be pot luck what you get back.

I think its time people started to be a little nicer and use their brains before their fingers when typing.

 

[Sooty]

See - nothing wrong with my ears!

 

[Sooty]

Oh yes. Quiet as a mouse...