TheRedMare
Well-Known Member
I'll have a nice update for them, I said. I'll have celebratory news that "yes we are moving into the cottage by the stables and isn't it lovely?".
Well...
You may have seen the livery client drama beforehand. Three horses on yard, two geldings and my mare. One "point of contact" yard manager for solving disputes, arranging field topping, fencing etc. There were problems with my horse "stressing" this one lady's pony, apparently, but they are in kept apart by electric fencing and there is a whole stable between them with half-walls between each stable in a block of three. On end, my mare, in middle, nothing, on other end, cute pony. Separate stable has YM's horse.
I dug my heels in after things exploded and said "no you're not building another wall in the stable so that my horse can't even look at your pony". I make sure they don't touch by just bringing my horse in after the pony in the evening (she goes out first anyway). YM was attempting some kind of blackmail by saying she'd have her horse put down if we forced her to leave (by not getting on with this other livery client) and her horse promptly got colic the following weekend. I spent a couple of hours walking him up and down the yard and fetching them coffee and helping when the vet was there, because I have a freaking bleeding heart. I do believe the incident may have given her a scare though... It went quiet and we just honestly avoided each other. My partner didn't like it much, because he felt we were being intimidated and bullied. My partner shares the mare with me and rides (yes, I got a bloke into riding!!!).
Anyway... Time passes. We're sorting details about renting the cottage out, which is just behind the stables. I try not to aggravate the livery client, but I do turn out to have left tools in the wrong place (in the storage stable / walkway, which is shared between all of us currently) and we moved one item when we had the farrier in and couldn't get it back in time before she arrived.
Land owner needs access to fields earlier this week to do some work - this happened after I'd sorted my horse out for the morning and turned her out with hay. I found a missed call on my phone and then found out, after the fact, that the livery client had taken it upon herself to bring my mare in ONLY so the land owner could have the work done on the fields. My mare is not yet settled on her own and spins and paces and screams alone in the stable because she can't see the other horses. She was then left unsupervised, which is in no way, shape or form acceptable! Everyone on the yard knows she's an absolute idiot on her own at the moment.
YM is told about this and livery client is immediately told to go back and bring ALL the horses in, because they're doing work on the field. My horse does calm down then, but by the time I find out about this, I am quite angry. I gave the land owner a call just so I could get my facts straight (after that missed call, I tried to ring back but no one answered several calls) and he repeated, word for word, what this lady has previously said about my mare. She apparently thinks my mare is a demon and a dragon and keeps speaking about how the mare cannot be with the geldings and we have to make sure she doesn't "get at" the boys. My belief is, from the facts supplied, that she wanted to leave the geldings out in the field to potter about while work was being done and the middle/dividing fence that would separate geldings/mare would come down.
Personally, if work is being done I think all horses should be out and clearly YM thought so too. I was absolutely seething that she HANDLED my horse after all the nasty things she's said about her. (What a genuine girl though, to allow herself to be caught and behave so nicely for this lady...who then put her in her stable all on her own and left her there.) I calmed myself down, ducked out of work to check her and distract with food (was wild-eyed and tucked up when I got there).
And personally it seems like a load of effing drama for something that should be fun. I'm confident that this lady was malicious in putting my horse in alone when she gets so worked up (I'm working on this problem with our horse, huge change in life for her) and I've calmly and politely told YM and LO that she's not to handle my horse except in case of emergency and my horse is not to go in alone except in case of emergency (also that we're not to handle the other livery client's pony, but I wouldn't do that anyway). She can stay out on her own though, as she can see onto the yard from the field and is okay with this without getting her panic knickers on.
So, I handled that pretty damn well, I think. Kept my head, made my point, set rules. All okay, right?
Don't be so sodding daft.
Partner went up to see our horse before starting work today (was on a different shift at work) and unfortunately the livery client was there. He mucked out our horse and she complained that he wasn't sweeping up as he mucked out. Okay. Generally I muck out and then sweep up all at once. She moved some of our tools around in the storage/walkway stable and he asked her why.
And it went to hell. Going on about us trying to take over the yard, playing mind games with her, that she knows people like my partner because she's worked in mental health and she knows his type, something about the storage space in the spare stable (I can't remember word for word on this one). He was pretty dumbstruck. She said about us not acting like this on a proper yard (I used to work on one and have worked on one on my holidays last year, doing up a yard of 23 boxes for the night too) and he regrets snapping back and saying that maybe she should go to a proper yard then. I can't say I blame him for what he said, but he regrets saying it. The whole thing ends in her saying "she's got two big sons to sort him out" and threatening him! He calls her on it and, well, just fireworks continuing there.
Who freaking threatens someone like that? She says my partner is intimidating! Well, he does look a bit of a dope in his serial killer beanie hat but I'm probably more intimidating than him, he's not the tallest bloke but I guess he's pretty quiet? Likes to truck on through the chores and spends a lot of time with our horse, fussing her and grooming. Tried to avoid the woman today too by hanging out with our mare in the field, but unfortunately I'd asked him to muck out (I would have done it after work if I'd known what was going to happen from such a silly thing).
You'll probably be pleased to know that I've found my lady balls and my partner has gone to LO about this and told him his side, also apologised for the bits where he snapped. I'm considering going to the police tomorrow morning in town also for the threat so something is on record there too, as I was threatened by someone last year (non-horse related) and I regretted not getting something down when that happened as those who were supposed to sort that horrible situation simply didn't. LO is very apologetic, but it's not his fault. I've gone to see LO after work too and had a good chat about the situation, being as impartial as possible but stating that I will not tolerate threats and intimidating behaviour; he's very much on side. He's a very kind gentleman and I feel bad for how apologetic he was, hardly his fault.
This is mostly just an update, to be honest, but there is a bit of a question here too, I swear! I suppose I'm thinking "what do I do now?". I think I've handled this pretty damn well this time round, but maybe someone can see something where I've gone wrong above? More eyes on a situation helps me see different perspectives to a matter. THe LO wants to talk to YM about this but YM wants us to talk to livery client about it. I've agreed to let it sit for a night as there's no sense in doing things at silly o'clock at night when tempers are likely still heated.
Does it make sense to speak to the livery client after the threats or would it make more sense to push towards YM and LO handling it? I could honestly push this either way, but if I am completely frank... I don't want anyone around me or my partner that is threatening us. We're there to have fun and enjoy our horse after a really horrible situation beforehand for both of us. I can do ok with YM, despite her "threats" to put down her horse because of us before. I think it's something she says now, even if I don't like it. I don't have to like what she talks about, as long as we can get along and her horse is, of course, well looked after (he always looks well and happy). I've offered to assist her with him if needed.
So...is it time for the high road or time to let the person in charge handle this for us? All opinions appreciated on how I could better handle this situation or suggestions on what to do, though there's more information on the old thread as to the distress and how that panned out. We will be enjoying our cottage though I don't know when we'll move in yet! The previous people have sold me some of their white goods so they are already in there ready!!!
Our horse is settling more and more, which is why, of course, I don't want to move her as she's already had a huge change in her life. Horse and health comes first.
Rather an essay tonight... Have a glass of blooming wine on me for getting through this! Cups of tea are so not strong enough for this crazy!
Well...
You may have seen the livery client drama beforehand. Three horses on yard, two geldings and my mare. One "point of contact" yard manager for solving disputes, arranging field topping, fencing etc. There were problems with my horse "stressing" this one lady's pony, apparently, but they are in kept apart by electric fencing and there is a whole stable between them with half-walls between each stable in a block of three. On end, my mare, in middle, nothing, on other end, cute pony. Separate stable has YM's horse.
I dug my heels in after things exploded and said "no you're not building another wall in the stable so that my horse can't even look at your pony". I make sure they don't touch by just bringing my horse in after the pony in the evening (she goes out first anyway). YM was attempting some kind of blackmail by saying she'd have her horse put down if we forced her to leave (by not getting on with this other livery client) and her horse promptly got colic the following weekend. I spent a couple of hours walking him up and down the yard and fetching them coffee and helping when the vet was there, because I have a freaking bleeding heart. I do believe the incident may have given her a scare though... It went quiet and we just honestly avoided each other. My partner didn't like it much, because he felt we were being intimidated and bullied. My partner shares the mare with me and rides (yes, I got a bloke into riding!!!).
Anyway... Time passes. We're sorting details about renting the cottage out, which is just behind the stables. I try not to aggravate the livery client, but I do turn out to have left tools in the wrong place (in the storage stable / walkway, which is shared between all of us currently) and we moved one item when we had the farrier in and couldn't get it back in time before she arrived.
Land owner needs access to fields earlier this week to do some work - this happened after I'd sorted my horse out for the morning and turned her out with hay. I found a missed call on my phone and then found out, after the fact, that the livery client had taken it upon herself to bring my mare in ONLY so the land owner could have the work done on the fields. My mare is not yet settled on her own and spins and paces and screams alone in the stable because she can't see the other horses. She was then left unsupervised, which is in no way, shape or form acceptable! Everyone on the yard knows she's an absolute idiot on her own at the moment.
YM is told about this and livery client is immediately told to go back and bring ALL the horses in, because they're doing work on the field. My horse does calm down then, but by the time I find out about this, I am quite angry. I gave the land owner a call just so I could get my facts straight (after that missed call, I tried to ring back but no one answered several calls) and he repeated, word for word, what this lady has previously said about my mare. She apparently thinks my mare is a demon and a dragon and keeps speaking about how the mare cannot be with the geldings and we have to make sure she doesn't "get at" the boys. My belief is, from the facts supplied, that she wanted to leave the geldings out in the field to potter about while work was being done and the middle/dividing fence that would separate geldings/mare would come down.
Personally, if work is being done I think all horses should be out and clearly YM thought so too. I was absolutely seething that she HANDLED my horse after all the nasty things she's said about her. (What a genuine girl though, to allow herself to be caught and behave so nicely for this lady...who then put her in her stable all on her own and left her there.) I calmed myself down, ducked out of work to check her and distract with food (was wild-eyed and tucked up when I got there).
And personally it seems like a load of effing drama for something that should be fun. I'm confident that this lady was malicious in putting my horse in alone when she gets so worked up (I'm working on this problem with our horse, huge change in life for her) and I've calmly and politely told YM and LO that she's not to handle my horse except in case of emergency and my horse is not to go in alone except in case of emergency (also that we're not to handle the other livery client's pony, but I wouldn't do that anyway). She can stay out on her own though, as she can see onto the yard from the field and is okay with this without getting her panic knickers on.
So, I handled that pretty damn well, I think. Kept my head, made my point, set rules. All okay, right?
Don't be so sodding daft.
Partner went up to see our horse before starting work today (was on a different shift at work) and unfortunately the livery client was there. He mucked out our horse and she complained that he wasn't sweeping up as he mucked out. Okay. Generally I muck out and then sweep up all at once. She moved some of our tools around in the storage/walkway stable and he asked her why.
And it went to hell. Going on about us trying to take over the yard, playing mind games with her, that she knows people like my partner because she's worked in mental health and she knows his type, something about the storage space in the spare stable (I can't remember word for word on this one). He was pretty dumbstruck. She said about us not acting like this on a proper yard (I used to work on one and have worked on one on my holidays last year, doing up a yard of 23 boxes for the night too) and he regrets snapping back and saying that maybe she should go to a proper yard then. I can't say I blame him for what he said, but he regrets saying it. The whole thing ends in her saying "she's got two big sons to sort him out" and threatening him! He calls her on it and, well, just fireworks continuing there.
Who freaking threatens someone like that? She says my partner is intimidating! Well, he does look a bit of a dope in his serial killer beanie hat but I'm probably more intimidating than him, he's not the tallest bloke but I guess he's pretty quiet? Likes to truck on through the chores and spends a lot of time with our horse, fussing her and grooming. Tried to avoid the woman today too by hanging out with our mare in the field, but unfortunately I'd asked him to muck out (I would have done it after work if I'd known what was going to happen from such a silly thing).
You'll probably be pleased to know that I've found my lady balls and my partner has gone to LO about this and told him his side, also apologised for the bits where he snapped. I'm considering going to the police tomorrow morning in town also for the threat so something is on record there too, as I was threatened by someone last year (non-horse related) and I regretted not getting something down when that happened as those who were supposed to sort that horrible situation simply didn't. LO is very apologetic, but it's not his fault. I've gone to see LO after work too and had a good chat about the situation, being as impartial as possible but stating that I will not tolerate threats and intimidating behaviour; he's very much on side. He's a very kind gentleman and I feel bad for how apologetic he was, hardly his fault.
This is mostly just an update, to be honest, but there is a bit of a question here too, I swear! I suppose I'm thinking "what do I do now?". I think I've handled this pretty damn well this time round, but maybe someone can see something where I've gone wrong above? More eyes on a situation helps me see different perspectives to a matter. THe LO wants to talk to YM about this but YM wants us to talk to livery client about it. I've agreed to let it sit for a night as there's no sense in doing things at silly o'clock at night when tempers are likely still heated.
Does it make sense to speak to the livery client after the threats or would it make more sense to push towards YM and LO handling it? I could honestly push this either way, but if I am completely frank... I don't want anyone around me or my partner that is threatening us. We're there to have fun and enjoy our horse after a really horrible situation beforehand for both of us. I can do ok with YM, despite her "threats" to put down her horse because of us before. I think it's something she says now, even if I don't like it. I don't have to like what she talks about, as long as we can get along and her horse is, of course, well looked after (he always looks well and happy). I've offered to assist her with him if needed.
So...is it time for the high road or time to let the person in charge handle this for us? All opinions appreciated on how I could better handle this situation or suggestions on what to do, though there's more information on the old thread as to the distress and how that panned out. We will be enjoying our cottage though I don't know when we'll move in yet! The previous people have sold me some of their white goods so they are already in there ready!!!
Our horse is settling more and more, which is why, of course, I don't want to move her as she's already had a huge change in her life. Horse and health comes first.
Rather an essay tonight... Have a glass of blooming wine on me for getting through this! Cups of tea are so not strong enough for this crazy!
I think you may need LO's approval to put one up so I'd ask first.
OP has handled this a damned sight better than I would have...
