Coping with death of a horse...advice needed

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Farma

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I lost my beautiful horse of a lifetime and my heart is completely broken, i cant believe how much its affecting me and just wondered how others found ways of coping with the loss and the enormous whole in their lives?
 
I can't advise, sorry :o
Also lost mine 7.5 weeks ago & its helped having new horse in, but I am not bonding with her so quickly as I would have hoped but am sure things will ease.
I do have thoughts of BF on my mind so often tho.

Nothing anyone can say will help, but I find I need to be busy as the others still need me.

xx
 
Farma said:
I lost my beautiful horse of a lifetime and my heart is completely broken, i cant believe how much its affecting me and just wondered how others found ways of coping with the loss and the enormous whole in their lives?
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I am so sorry, Farma. I am teetering on the edge of possibly losing my horse of a lifetime and it is really taking its toll. I dread to think what I will be like if she has to be PTS. At the moment she is on the mend, but I never know what she is going to be like the following day. My sister lost her horse of a lifetime 3 years ago. I saw her take the news on the phone and she physically collapsed. She was beside herself with grief for many months and said she never wanted another horse. But strangely, it was getting another horse that finally helped her. She took her time untill she found the right one and now she loves him every bit as much as the one she lost. She never thought it would be possible. One thing to remember is that you can never replace the one you lost, but another horse will have its own qualities that will be different, but which you learn to love in a different way.

Time too, is the best healer. It will get better, though it seems at the moment, like it never will.
 
I'm sorry that lost your beautiful horse. I have never lost a horse, but have had other losses in my life.

Never let anyone (including yourself) tell you how you should or shouldn't be feeling. Your grief is your grief, you won't suddenly wake up one day and be over it. Take your time, be kind to yourself and the memory will become part of who you are! and one day you realise that you look back and see the good times and the end has faded.

Another horse won't replace the friend you lost, but can provide the comfort of knowing that you are giving it the good home, care and attention it needs.

Paula
 
Surreydeb said:
Allowing yourself the time to grieve is most important. That and trying to keep busy. So sorry for your loss xxxx
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That ^^

4 years on and I still cry over mine. TIme is the only thing that has helped me. I quite quickly got another (within 3 months) and I resented him horribly for not being the other horse but we bonded eventually and now he is my absolute darling.

I don't know if getting another would help you or make you hate the new one. :confused:

My sincere sympathy for your loss. :(
 
Thanks for the replies its comforting that others have gone through this, i have had the horse for 20 years and my life revolved around her, today is the first day since i was about 7 that i do not have a horse to look after. I hope that time will make this less painful:(
 
I Lost my horse of a lifetime in 2007 and think of him every day. I know that when I go a buy another I will be looking for a grey tb. Time helps, I kept his head collar. And decided never to part with it. If it wasn't for a good friend literally putting me on her horse I very almost never rode again.

We put down my OH 5yo last week due to injury, and I never had bonded with him and was more upset for my mare seeing a field companion PTS again.My OH is still upset but I think more cross with himself as jake was only five. I think he made the right decision. But it will take time and sometimes another horse.

Huge hugs x
 
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, it's such a horrible thing to go through. I lost my special boy a few months ago and was a complete emotional wreck for a few weeks, but then it slowly got easier. I still have days where I burst into tears (like yesterday when someone asked how he was), but although I didn't believe it at the time, time is definitely a healer. I think it's just important for you to grieve how you need to, don't feel under pressure to be strong if you're emotional, or emotional if you're numb with shock - everyone grieves differently and there is no 'right' way.
What I intend to do is make a memory box of him - I haven't quite got that far yet as looking at his things is still a bit too hard, but I want to get a big wooden chest and put all of his 'special' things in there - the rosettes that I can't display, his headcollar, bridle, favourite brush, fleecey rug etc. I'm also going to make a "photobook" as a keepsake. I would have made a scrapbook but I wasn't sure I'd do it justice so I'm going to create a special book online with all my favourite photos so that I always have something lovely to look back on. The people on here were such a comfort to me when I was going through it, I couldn't find the words to thank them for all the kind replies & messages, so if you ever need to talk about it please don't hesitate to make a post, so many of us have been through it and will know exactly what you're going through. Sending huge hugs your way. xx
 
I lost my boy after 15 years, when he broke his leg in his field. Despite the fact that I have other horses, he was my biggest character, brightest star and best friend.

Nothing will ever replace him and I will never look at any other horse with a view to them doing that, as it would be unfair to them.

There's no advice that anyone can give you about how to deal with the loss of your horse, other than to say allow yourself to grieve. Be kind to yourself.

I'm so sorry...
 
I have had a lot of horses and as I rarely sell them I have been though the whole loss of a horse thing many times .
All are painful but one was overwhelmingly so I wont go onto the whole awful story but the experiance completely overwhelmed me the only way I got though it was everytime it came into my mind I thought no and did something ( like tidy something )I simply did not allow myself to think about it, in time I became calmer and more accepting and could think it though although of all my horses I find thinking of her is normally about sadness , I am crying now but the overwhelmingness of it all has gone its is ture that time does heal these things.
As someone who has done it I hope you don't feel it's harsh to say you just have to go though it.
Good luck.
 
Thankyou, i like the idea of a memory box, i have so much stuff i dont want back now but a few items to remember her by is a nice idea.
 
Goldenstar that is exactly how I am coping, I can only bear to let myself think of her in little bursts or it is just too overwhelming, every part of me misses her :(

Farma I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, it's an awful thing to go through and cope with. I've bought one of the box picture frames and when I feel up to it am going to do a rememberance frame with one of her horse shoes, a plait of her hair and a small plaque. It's still in its bag at the mo, but I'll get there.

Hope it gets a bit easier for you x
 
I haven't lost mine yet but it looks like he won't come back into work though I am hoping he will be able to cope with being a paddock ornament. If not I will have to make a tough decision.

As others have said the idea of buying another and 'replacing' him is difficult and I'm not sure I am ready to do that.

So I was offered and have taken a horse on loan for a year, that way I am getting my horsey fix and being kept busy. The owners are abroad so he will go back, as it is temporary from the start, I don't feel like I am replacing mine.
 
I don't know how you cope, you just carry on with life, and the pain fades in time. I lost my boy on Wednesday, it's still so raw, if I see his headcollar or bridle etc I just cry. But it's normal, it's part of having horses. If you let yourself love them you will suffer the pain.
 
So sorry for you loss, no matter the circumstances its always tough.

I lost my gelding in September after 8 lovely long years together, it was completely unexpected and broke my heart. I chose to end it for him as I didnt want to see him in pain anymore.
The first few weeks I was okayish, unless I saw my horsey friends who knew him. Everyday gets easier, dont get me wrong I still have had days where ive burst into tears because I miss him so much. I still am yet to clean his bridle for his memory box as I can bear to look at it right now. I have had a nightmare with the insurance company who have now paid out for everything (Ive never been so disapointed to see a cheque come through the door, as the money will not make me feel any better)

Remember the good times, remember him how he was, and rememeber you did everything for him possible.

I had a bracelet made from my geldings tail, its really beautiful and even has the odd grey hair that reminds me of the grumpy old man. I have also put together a memory box, with all his photos, rosettes, passport, tail hair, stable door sign and his bit in. Maybe you could collect a few bits and pieces for one?

Hugs to you xx
 
I'm so sorry to read what you are going through. I had my boy PTS after having him for 17yrs (he was 21). I was utterly heartbroken and still am to be honest 19 months later. I wasn't going to get another one - I'd always said when this one went, that would be it. I had so much more time to do other stuff but myheart wasn't in anything. I left it about 3 months before I could even think about seeing my friends at the yard and when I did, I cried buckets. I had to put away all the photos and rosettes in the house. I couldn't even look at a picture of a horse, drive out in the country as everything made me cry. In the end, I bought a barely ridden, not seen traffic, very green not so youngster (aged 6) and worked with him. It took us a long, long time to bond, and as someone up thread said, I almost resented him for not being my old horse. Now we finally have it, I think. Current horse, I now have to admit is a "better" horse than the last one and is like the child of my old age - I can't get enough of him. Only yesterday, I was relating the story of having my old one PTS and cried buckets though. I don't think we ever get over it really. Good luck.
 
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