Coping with the loss of a horse.

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maxapple

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I wondered how people who have had to cope with the loss of a horse did so?

I had to have my old boy put to sleep yesterday. I was fine during the day and held it together until I got home - then the flood gates opened and I've spent the whole of today trying not to burst into tears every 5 minutes.

I feel so sad and empty and the thought of going up to the yard fills me with dread. I have another horse (who I bought when I had to retire my old boy) but I feel like I never want to ride again. I know I have to go and give her attention but its so tough I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to do it.

any advice / thoughts / words of wisdom would be lovely.
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I lost a horse about 4 years ago due to an accident in the field so the decision was taken out of my hands, however every year on the actual date I always have a cry as I miss him so much..but what you must remember is that you were there in his last moments and you know that his death was as peaceful as it could be and that you were with him till the end so he did not die alone.
Put your effort into the new one and think that the old boy is looking down on you both watching your new adventures..It is so hard to lose your best friend, but remember he is always with you.
 
Dont rush it. I felt the same way when Ruby died, I had no interest in my other horses. I still loved them but it brought back sad thoughts walking by her stall and playing with the others made it worse. You need time to grieve, it sucks, if feels like your world is ending. How can a horse do this to you? I dont know but I can tell you that with time, and everyone is different, the sad thoughts of their memory stop making you cry and start to make you smile. The horse that passed away inspires you to work with the others...It eventualy gets better but you never stop missing them.

Something that helped me was making a scrap book of Ruby. I cried A LOT, but I enjoyed looking at all the pictures and writing tag lines for her. I did it by myself, it was my time to remember and miss her. Now, I LOVE looking back at it and showing it to others. There are pictures that make me cry still and thoughts that bring tears but more often I find myself telling stories to got with the pictures that me and others laugh and smile.

My thoughts are with you.
 
Forgot to say the horse that I lost is on the right jumping the x country fence his name was supersonic soz..and now we have a trophery in his name for the pony club area show jumping..its nice to see it presented each year.
 
I'm so sorry for your loss
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I haven't been in your position yet. I had to have a dog put down some years ago after having her for 12 years and I felt heartbroken, but I know it will be much worse when its my mare
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Grief is grief, whether its for the loss of a person or an animal. Its absolutely normal to feel as you do. If you feel like crying, don't fight it, let it go. Its natural and in the end, it will help you. It wouldn't be good for you to bottle up your feelings and if you do, it will take longer to go through the grieving process. You need to experience the pain and distress before you can move on to be able to smile when you remember him.

Can you tell us about your horse? What was he like? what did you used to do together?
 
I felt the same when my young horse was PTS with grass sickness. I didn't want to ride and even stopped visiting my mum's horse. I think because it was so sudden and tragic that I went into a bit of shock over it.

Time is the only healer I think and now I'm back riding again and having wonderful experiences. It did take about a year though. One day you will be able to look back and smile but it will take a while.

Am thinking of you. xx
 
very sad, I wish you all the best. My friend's horse died last year and it was devasting. Allow yourself to grieve and cry when you need to.
 
Very very difficult to lose a horse
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The loss of a horse has always hit me much more than dogs or house pets because for me, that partnership of working with an animal creates a really strong bond - one that nothing else comes close to
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Ive lost three now and each one has hurt like hell but the old phrase that time is a great healer is true
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Like you, i had other horses but took some time away to try and gather myself. I knew that going to the stables and having people tell me they were sorry and so on would devastate me all the more
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So dont feel bad if you do need some time away... is there someone who can look after your other horse for you for a few days?

Everyone deals with it differently, but I kept a lot of my horses' stuff. Ive had jewelry made out of tail hair i took when they were PTS and so on... I also have certain rugs that wont ever be used again. I dont know if hanging onto them is healthy, but it makes me feel better. One day the pain does subside and at that point, I think its good to allow yourself to remember... more to the point, i think it honours your horse to do so.

Most importantly, dont under estimate what you're going through. If you want to cry, you should! You've got to give yourself that time to grieve and you shouldn't feel bad or silly for doing so.

Time does heal the pain... but I can honestly tell you that not a day goes by where i dont think of the 3 i've lost and I can still reduce myself to tears from thinking about them. On the other hand I can now look at pictures of them and smile and remember them and be greatful that i had the honour of having my life influenced by them in some way. Ive got portraits of them on my walls.. i have trophies that i won on display and I intend on making sure that they are never ever forgotten
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Horses are incredible animals and we should never forget the impact they have on our lives.

If you need anyone to chat to, send me a pm... but my thoughts are with you either way.
 
(((huge hugs))))

I think you have to allow yourself to grieve, if you feel like crying do (says the stupid girl bursting into tears), time does heal and you will be able to look back with fond memories. I've never lost one of my own but been very unfortunate with old loaned horses and some very nasty field accidents, thinking of them still makes me cry 10 years on.
 
He was loved and will live on in your memory.

Little things will remind you of him but if he was old and had retired then you must accept that he had reached the end of his life.

Multiply his age by 3 and work out if he was the equivalent of a human pensioner. If he was then he has had a full and happy life and live his "3 score years and 10"

Your other horse will sense your loss and be a comfort to you. Go and cry over your horse and use this time of sorrow to bond with her and let her cuddle you and then put the tack on and go out for a waddle on a long rein and just absorb the countryside.

You enjoyed your riding with your old horse. Remember that without this horse you won't be able to retrace your steps and recall some of those treasured memories.

It isn't easy and nothing will make it easy - but it does fade slowly. Having another horse around does help.

Good luck
 
I have lost 2 in the last 2 years, and losing each one has left a big gap. I think you just need to allow yourself time and put all your energy into your other horse. When i first lost Barnaby i didn't want to deal with my other horses as i was so scared that i would lose them also. When you lose a horse suddenly it feels as though your whole world has been torn apart. I am so glad i had the others to keep me occupied and give me something to look forward to. We lost our little pony Misty over Christmas and we are all still coming to terms with her loss, but time is a great healer and it will get better for you i promise. Over time you will be able to look back on all of the great things you did together and instead of bursting into tears you will be able to smile. I know i can now. I still can't bring myself to watch any videos of Barnaby or Misty and we are approaching Barnabys 2nd anniversary. Take care and if you want to cry then cry, it takes such a long time to grieve but things will get better i promise.

If you ever want to chat you know where i am...
 
Actually something that helped me and I wish I had found sooner was HHO!

I'm not really one to be over emotional in public in RL and I never actually posted about it on here however when I started visiting here I read alot about other peoples experiences.
They made me sad but at the same time I also learned I wasn't alone in the way I felt and there were people going through the same things. I sometimes felt that being very, very sad about it for over year might have been a bit over the top and HHO helped me realise that it was actually quite normal for some people to feel that way.

Anyway I'm going to stop rambling now! Am a PM away if you ever need someone to talk to xx
 
Thanks for all your kind thoughts and messages. It really helps to chat to 'horsey' people who understand. My non horse friends have been very sweet but i think they liken it to having a hamster put to sleep!!

Max was my first horse & I'll never have a bond with another like I had with him. He was so naughty when i 1st got him and we spent hours together and eventually he became the perfect horse for me!! I texted his old owner last night and she said that we were ' the perfect partnership' which was just so nice (I'm allowed to be nostalgic and forget all the times he tried to buck me off out hacking right now!!!)

Yesterday the vet said ... 'we look after them in life and we owe it to them to give them the right ending...' which is so true. It was a beautiful sunny day - he had a massive lunch full of goodies and went with the sun on his back. I have a shoe and a lock of his mane and a million memories to enjoy - hopefully soon with a smile.

Max always loved the spring - and yesterday really felt like the 1st day of it so i suppose it was as perfect as it could be.

Thnak you all again - i'm even feeling just a teeny bit better already xx
 
I really feel for you as this April the 20th it will be two years,but it does get easier,does not feel that way and that I do understand for me I kept thinking I PTS for all the right reasons and my mare had the best and gave me the best........so I remembered all the fun we had together and she had a good life....all of her 17 years......so give all you have to your current horse and if you feel like crying let it out,sometimes you will feel like this.....can anybody do your horse for a few days so you can have some "outside horses time" to allow you to adjust to the fact that sadly this has happened.......I hope the loss easies over time and you will look back with fondness for your old chap and he will be up there looking back.
 
My horse was put down just over 2 weeks ago after a very difficult 6 month illness, so it's all fresh in my mind & I totally understand what you're going through.

At the time, it didn't feel real...it was such an awful thing that I could hardly believe that it was really happening to ME and MY horse. I cried for most of the day (it was a Mon) & then on & off for the rest of the week because little things would suddenly start me off, so don't feel that there's anything wrong with you if that's what you do.

On the following Mon I was in a meeting with the head of compliance & a high up HR bod discussing my redundancy & all of a sudden I was totally overcome & cried my heart out in the middle of the meeting. I just missed Cat so badly cos it was a week since it happened, so I couldn't help thinking, this time last week, we were phoning the vet etc.

Please don't think there's anything wrong with you, no matter how the grieving process happens to you. I found it hard going into the feed room to feed my old mare cos all Cat's things were hanging up. I couldn't bear to muck his stable out for several day as it smelt of him & contained his half finished food & hay. I found some of his mane when I was dealing with the muckheap the other day - I'd been tidying him up cos he was supposed to have recovered & I wanted him to look smart when we started going out & about again.

It is normal to get upset again out of the blue. I hadn't cried for a few days but yest I was on the phone to PetPlan & was being quite rational...and all of a sudden I was in floods of tears again.

I think you have to put yourself in autopilot for a bit & look after your other horse and wait for time to put some distance between what happened. I'm afraid that horrible, horrible things like this are the price which has to be paid for the relationship we have with our horses. I really loved Cat, just as you loved your horse and if I try to be rational, and 'add up' all the fun I've had with him over the last 4 1/2 hears, then subtract the nightmare of having him put down, it was still totally worth it. It's just that the fun is spread out over the years & the bad stuff happens all at once.

I am really, really sorry for you. Please PM me if you think it would help, and cry as much as you want.
 
I'm really sorry to hear of your loss.

Firstly, you have to let it out. I feel almost ashamed to say that I cry more (even now) about the horse I lost 15 years ago than I have about some humans who have passed away. There's a bond that no one can understand unless they've had a horse.

Confront the grief head on and let it out hun.....big hugs x
 
lots of hugs to you, like everyone says its good to cry. made me cry reading this. im aware this will happen to me at some point as i have my old mare of 25 owned her for 21 years and my first pony out on loan who is an old boy. But having lost my dad a a young age, it does get easier when you lose someone or something close. eat your fav sweets. i do when im having an emotional time. xxxx
 
My thoughts are with you, when we had our old mare pts two years ago we also had her friend of twenty years to look after and she was greiving as well. I keep mine with my sister and found that talking about all the daft things that Pop had done helped us. I am now dreading the end of the other old girls life and we have decided that she will not cope with another winter, so she will probably go in the autumn, we will have had her for 23 years by then and it will be the hardest day ever.
But like your vet says we owe a good end to them for all that they give us during their lives.
 
I had my horse pts 17 days ago. I cried for the first few days, and couldn't face going back to the yard. It took me 3 days to face walking to the field to see my sons horse.

Tom was my first horse, he'd been diagnosed with arthritis in his knees 2 1/2 yrs ago, had an operation but never really came right again. Over this winter he'd been getting worse, an even 2 danillons a day didn't help.

I made the decision to let him go i couldn't watch him suffer anymore. I miss him like mad and i know i'll never love another like i love him.

I just think of him as free now and able to run with no pain. It's really hard, but now i smile when i think of him and know i've done the right thing hard as it is.
 
I too am sat here in floods- there is not much else to add to what others have said
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Time does make it easier but only just. For the first year or so after losing my old horse I cried every week- i'd be travelling along in the car having just been clothes shopping, or on my way for a walk with my OH and i'd suddenly go quiet, start sobbing and then breakdown thinking of how much i missed him. It took my 18 months before this started to happen less frequently. After 18 months I was ready and had saved enough to buy another horse and along came Mr Darcy- the love of my life. I actually found it comforting to use Sammy's things on Mr D- it felt like Sammy was still playing a part in our lives.
I've got a few pics of Sammy up in my room and I have a lock of his mane.
I had the same situation as you, it was a beautiful sunny day, spring was blooming, he'd spent the morning being groomed , went for a walk in his field, stood quietly in the sun and then off he went. I'm sobbing writing this and it's been 4 years now- it will keep creeping up on you like this. I know it was without a doubt the kindest thing I did for him.
May he rest in peace
We're here for you.
x
 
Big Hugs,
my daughters pony was put to sleep a few years ago, it broke her heart and ours, he was 32. we still have piccys of him all over the house. It will ease with time
 
I lost Simon nearlly a year ago now. Like most people i had the decision taken out of my hands really. Id had him 19 years and he was my life. Id been through everything with him. I never thought i would want another pony again but i found myself at a loss as what to do with my time. Along came Inky, my miniature. I decided i could never replace Simon, and didnt want to do with another horse what i used to do with Simon. I cant bring myself to ride another horse, and dont feel as if i ever will. Thats why i got one that i could do totally different things with. I will show Inky, something i never really did with |Simon and i cant ride him. I was worried at first because i couldnt bond with Inky i felt i was betraying Simon. I had something special with Simon that i will never have with another horse. I will never love another horse as much as i did Simon. The thing is, i will have those special times, and i will love Inky just in another special way.
I still have all my Simon pictures up and even now i cant bring myself to put ones of Inky up but i will do in time. I will never take thoses down of Simon because he was an important part in my life.
I kept some of Simons things, a rug, my tack, his headcollar etc in a box in my garage. I donated his rugs and other stuff to the equine hospital but wanted somethings to look at and remember him by.
If you feel you cant do things with your other horse just give yourself abit of time, dont rush.
****Big hugs********
 
My advice is to just let it all out. If you feel you need a blooming good cry, do it!

Do everything you feel you need to do to let it all out.

It is only natural, after all.

So sorry to hear of your loss. Try and remember the good times and sometimes remembering the bad times and the naughty times can lift the tears and drum up a smile.


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My heart goes out to you. I lost my beloved Flyer Christmas 2005, I still think of him everyday and probably talk about him or use his name on a daily basis.

Having said that, as time has gone by the pain does ease. I was lucky, I also have another horse and they were sole mates, an unlikely couple, little and large! I made myself go to the stable on the night of Flys death (sudden heart attack) as I knew Ralph would be pinning for his mate. It took Ralph a good 6 months to get over the loss.

It took me a few weeks before I was able to enjoy riding again. I hated the pity I got from people and went through a period of resentment that Fly had died and other peoples horses who were I felt not as fortunate and well looked after as mine had survived, sounds really awful, but it is part of the grieving process and I'm sure other people have felt the same 'why me'???

Now I can look at photos without bursting into tears and Fly now keeps me company at home surrounded by his trophies. His shoes were removed and my farrier welded his and a set of Ralph together, making them into a plant holder, so that they are always together.

I hope this has helped, honest, it does get easier, trust me
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Its early days, you need to get cried out first and take each day as it comes. I am really sorry to hear your news, please take care of yourself, this is going to be a time thing.
 
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