Could I sell?

Difficult one here. Part of the reason you want to sell is because you're thinking negatively about her, you're thinking about what she can't do now vs. what she can. That's no frame of mind to be selling your horse in. You'll scare off decent owners and be left with numpties/dealers.

Why do you want to sell anyway? Do you want to buy a megastar warmblood from Holland that's going to get you to Grand Prix? Or do you just want to take Grace as far as she can go? My father used to say that unhappiness is caused by unrealistic expectations. I presume you didn't pay hundreds of thousands of pounds for Grace to be a ready made dressage schoolmaster so it follows that she will have some issues and some schooling problems that will need ironing out. Don't think about selling as a reaction to disappointment. And don't think that because she doesn't go the way you hope that any other horse will be any better.
 
Hi I have not read all these posts so apologise if this has been said but, the key thing which lept out at me was:
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My trainer more or less said to me that she may never go the way I want her to go I have spent all afternoon in tears because of my lesson today... my husband just asked me whether it is worth it

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Now, I don't know for sure who your trainer is, but I can hazard a good guess from the area you are in! If it is who I think it is - sell horses don't they? I used to work for them for a little while (left on good terms tho - no axe to grind) but you should be aware that a large proportion of the horses sold through any dealers are sold to people coming on perfectly nice horses for a while only to be told that "to be honest, if your serious about doing well, you have taken this horse as for as it will go.... I have one that is just PERFECT for you!!"
You have said before how your horse is a fantastic mover and her hocks are really active etc... you have also just been out and qualified regionals and got 5 70% plus scores?? and now your trainer can make a comment and you doubt your horses ability immediately?
I don't think this is an issue about her behaviour at all because it doesn't matter if you own a happy hacker or Salinero they could both be beastly in the stable one day, they could both go lame it makes NO difference.
I agree that if the horse is not doing the job you want to do, OR you just don't click then yes, you should sell, but your horse IS doing the job you want to do... so I am sorry but I don';t understand?
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Are you thinking that your horse won't go to the level you want to - is that what your trainer suggested? Because to be honest, you are competing successfully at Prelim - you can't seriously think that is your horses limit?? A good rider can train a NICE horse like yours to Medium at least... and to be perfectly honest (IME from working on the yard) you can only really tell when at medium what seperates a nice horse from a GOOD horse... you are quite a way of knowing how far your horse can go, so the only really logical reason for stopping now is because you do not like the horse you are working with?
Like I said I do not really know you or your situation, but if you are thinking that if I sell my horse I can afford to buy a better one, then that is a fortunate position to be in, but doing things that way round will not benefit YOUR riding ability, it won't do your ego any harm though! (joke)!
I am only saying because I can't believe how niave people can be when taking their trainers advice without a teeny pinch of salt sometimes, I have literally seen it about 15 times (in a few months)... your horse is holding you back, you need to crack on move forward, your ability is restricted by your horse, your horse isn't built for it, blah blah... I was actually asked to get particular horses out DURING peoples lessons which they were lining up to sell to pupils who hadn't even thought about selling yet!!!
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also, told that if the pupils ask me about the horse i got out to say how it was my fav and is world class blah blah.
Ask yourself if Carl Hester was riding my horse, would Prelim still be your horses limit?

I am not trying to be mean, far from it, I'm actually trying to do you a favour... hope it comes across that way!!
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Thank you for everyone's replies... and apologies I have not replied individually.

I spent most of last night going over and over my choices (I look like death this morning as a result). I tried to speak to my husband about it and he tries to be understanding, but at the end of the day he has never been involved with horses as I know he finds it hard to fully grasp how I am feeling. A nice cuddle though and a cup of tea did help.

He reminded me that it was not so long ago that I gave myself a few months barrier before I had to make a decision... which I had forgotten about. I think it was back in February I concluded (on here also) to give Grace til the summer and try not to think of the next step until then. As you know, she started getting much improved marks at Preliminary and we came on a lot so I made my choice then.

Since the summer, she has really started to shine, and yes, she has broken the 70% barrier now on 5 seperate occasions which I am still very proud to achieve. But, in the past week and a bit, she has become the horse that she was back in February. She feels very unhappy in her work again and as I say, after my lesson yesterday I just got home and cried because I felt so bloody frustrated! I put so much time, emotion and money into this mare, and yesterday I just felt as though it was all pointless because all the progress that had been made just seemed to have washed away!

I am still not 100% sure what is the right path yet for Grace and I, whether we continue on it together is also something that I have to decide upon. However, I just wanted to thank everyone for their support and replies (including those who have sent me lovely PMs too) as it is very much appreciated.

I know many of you get sick to death of reading the same post from me time and time again... I get fed up of writing it, so apologies for that. I find that this forum lets me open up about how I am feeling about my horses without someone rolling their eyes (husband/family) because they simply cannot understand that bond we seem to find so hard to break with them!
 
Why do you think it would be so different with another horse, you will always be investing time/money and emotion and you will ALWAYS have a bad lesson or a bad week.
The main question is whether you are prepared to work that particular horse through that particular problem, you can go and buy an advanced horse and things can be great for a time, but a problem will crop up at some point, would you sell that horse then and get something else?
It is really very silly to think that horses 'forget' or 'go back to square one'. Training is a constantly developing process, there will be peaks and troughs throughout it.
I don't mean to be rude, but you seem to have a little bit of a fickle attitude as in if she goes well on monday then your elated and so pleased and happy that she's the best thing since sliced bread if then she goes a bit backward on tuesday it's the end of the world and you want to sell?
You can not afford to take that attitude in dressage because ultimately if you want to enjoy every single ride on your horse - the only way to do that is never go outside yours or their comfort zone - then you will not progress so you will still be unhappy?
Horses do not work to an agenda if they only react. Maybe it is her hormones, which is a fixable issue, you could have the same issue or much worse with any other horse.
TBH it might be a good idea to sell her and get yourself a really advanced schoolmaster that knows a LOT more than you do - and I guarantee every ride on it won't be amazing, it will probabally be harder work than your current horse but you can't keep going round in circles blaming the horse all the time because you will KNOW that the horse is more than capable when you bought it.
 
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There's an owner for every horse, you just have to find them.

Either stop worring and keep her & enjoy her or find that person. I dont think you'd get very much money if you go on about the negatives but there's a lot of positives you've achieved with this horse too.
I dont think selling her as a jumper is the right route to go down.

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ditto.
 
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Why do you think it would be so different with another horse, you will always be investing time/money and emotion and you will ALWAYS have a bad lesson or a bad week.
The main question is whether you are prepared to work that particular horse through that particular problem, you can go and buy an advanced horse and things can be great for a time, but a problem will crop up at some point, would you sell that horse then and get something else?
It is really very silly to think that horses 'forget' or 'go back to square one'. Training is a constantly developing process, there will be peaks and troughs throughout it.
I don't mean to be rude, but you seem to have a little bit of a fickle attitude as in if she goes well on monday then your elated and so pleased and happy that she's the best thing since sliced bread if then she goes a bit backward on tuesday it's the end of the world and you want to sell?
You can not afford to take that attitude in dressage because ultimately if you want to enjoy every single ride on your horse - the only way to do that is never go outside yours or their comfort zone - then you will not progress so you will still be unhappy?
Horses do not work to an agenda if they only react. Maybe it is her hormones, which is a fixable issue, you could have the same issue or much worse with any other horse.
TBH it might be a good idea to sell her and get yourself a really advanced schoolmaster that knows a LOT more than you do - and I guarantee every ride on it won't be amazing, it will probabally be harder work than your current horse but you can't keep going round in circles blaming the horse all the time because you will KNOW that the horse is more than capable when you bought it.

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I don't think it will be different with any other horse, I am not that naive, but if she really does not want to do I am not prepared to keep pushing and pushing because it will make us both very unhappy
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I am more than prepared to work a horse through a problem. I have brought my IDxTB from being a horse one trainer told me would never ever make a dressage horse to one that is now ready to compete Medium and is working like a total star for me! She had so many problems, I would be here all day listing them, but her major one is still one we are working through...

I have been really pleased with her as of late, but then she has just suddenly slammed the anchors on and is refusing to go forwards. I put it down to her hormones initially, but I am now starting to wonder how long that can last and whether the Regumate will make any difference (although am giving it a trial run at the moment). I have also been given a bit of interesting info about homonal mares and alfalfa so am looking into that too as put her on it four days previous to the change in behaviour.

I would never buy anything ready made, it is not something that appeals to me... and to be honest, if I did choose to sell Grace I would not be replacing her.

I am very determined when it comes to my horses and try to do the best I can with them, but when you just keep getting buck after buck every time you put your leg on, there has to be a point where you say enough is enough.
 
Ive also known alfalfa to effect mares behaviours, completely changed their temperment. Would be very interesting to see how she goes without it again! Good luck, shes a lovely mare, would be a shame to get rid x
 
Thanks charlie55... I have never ever heard of it before, but it was mentioned to me and has started to cogs turning.

I also put my IDxTB mare on it at the same time and the past week she has been really difficult to handle on the ground which was a thing of the past???
 
I know this might sound out of order! We could offer her a good home here. We are an equestrian centre and often have horses that are quality but just jack it in in a comp home, some horses just aren't competitive.
Last year we took on a mare that cost the owners £20k, the horse had been competing 2* and also advanced medium dressage and then she just stopped peforming. She refused to do anything, napping, rearing ect . They had her checked for everything and she was fine so they put her in foal, she came back and was just as bad. They then turned her away and offered her to us. We took her on, she has been fab here, we use her for advanced riders and staff training for BHS exams and she has not put a foot wrong. The lack of pressure has done her no end of good.
We also took on a very stressful horse who has been advanced with a well known event rider. He was sold to a young rider for £30k and they couldn't manage him, we have now had him for 3 years and he is a top schoolmaster.
Plus many more, horses seem to just chill out here!
So if you need a home for her PM me- she would be loved to bits!
 
charlie76, she is not really a school master... and she was not an expensive horse to buy so I don't know how suitable she would be for you. Is it just experienced horses that you take on?

I have done a little advert I can send you via PM though. Didn't want to put it on here as still feeling quite emotional about the whole thing. I am not planning on rushing into anything, nor do I want to be a time waster, so until I am 100% certain I will not actually place the advert as once I have done that the decision will be final.
 
Rather than sell her would it not be worth giving both you and her some chill out time. You have both had a stressful year and maybe subconscoiusly you are feeding off of each other. I hate to use the word happy hacker but if she could have six months with someone hacking out ,pootling round local shows etc with turnout and a herd around her, you may find she is a different horse by the end of it. We have a couple of horses at my yard who have led high pressure lifestyles( from the racing world) and were horrible to handle and to ride when they first arrived . Now they are alot nicer ( still a few issues but they are ingrained problems ) . We have large turnout groups - my horse is in a herd of ten that vary from an 11hh welsh to him a 16.3hh tb that are out 24/7. He came from a sole turnout for a maximum of an hour a day . When we first picked these two up we were told everything from they bucked when you first got on to the spooked to they ran for home but they had so much pent up energy they really had no where to put it. They too had reactions to various everyday things eg shavings and hayledge at the beginning(rest of the yard were on the same with no reactions) now they are treated like any other horse. I think it would be a real shame for you two to part company as you obviuosly get alot from riding her in both a positive and a negative aspect but I think some time apart would do you both the world of good.Good luck with whtever you decide
 
Why not think 'out of the box' (sorry boring Management speak!). I am sure that she would be a fabulous RC horse for someone rather than put her in a particular category. A good 'All-rounder' maybe the way??

Maybe not a helpful suggestion but, you never know!?
 
From your previous posts you appear to spend so much time in tears and seem to have so little pleasure from your horses you would be better off selling them and finding another hobby that causes you less stress.
 
I have thought about trying to find somewhere that she can live out for a while, but at the moment the weather is so horrendous around here and we are clay based so many of the fields are being closed due to being water logged up to your knees (literally!). I am keeping my eyes out and ears open though as had my 2 year old out all summer, unfortunately he is out with two colts otherwise she could have gone there with him
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My other two horses cause me hardly any worry at all. My IDxTB is just going the best she has ever gone at the moment and I love riding her. We have come so far together and she is sort of the proof that determination and patience pays off. Two years ago a BD trainer told me that she would never be a dressage horse and to forget trying with her
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She is now ready to go out at Medium, and we have just booked into our first Elementary frestyle to music
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I am a completely different creature when it comes to Grace though. When my IDxTB mare has a puffy leg or is slightly off one of her feet, I just box rest her, give her a few days and she is right as rain. With Grace it never seems to be something as simple as a knock or bruising
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I sometimes feel, and please don't jump down my throat on this one, have you ever had one of those cars where everything seems to go wrong? You crash it four times even though you never even scratched your other cars? It breaks down on you several times in a short space of time and you start to lose confidence and think it could just be one of those cars that you will always have problems with? My Mum used to have a Renault 5 Sport when I was about 8 and this was one such car... That is how I sometimes feel about Grace and I do chastise myself for thinking like that!

I am no fool, I know most of Grace's issues come down to me ultimately... The way I ride her, ask her to come up in the shoulder etc etc.
 
I wouldn't personally blame yourself for her faults because at the end of the day are you really asking for 100% of her potential at the moment ? From your posts I say probably not as you have previuosly had her at a slightly higher level than you are now and would your trainer not have picked something up by now in your lessons if you were asking incorrectly ? She justs sounds to me like a horse that is trying to tell you something - both the allergy to alfa a (this seems unusual to me as it is a natural feed product) reactions can often be a sign that something isn't working to full potential and is the body's way of coping and the ridden issues just strike me as 'boredom' (there is a better word to use here but couldn't think of it) . My horse does this when I am trying to work on something relatively basic eg transitions but as soon as I get into the lateral work it stops because his mind is occupied and if he even attempts to lift a foot of the floor he looses balance(he is a ridic leggy tb whos brain is a looooonnnggg way from his feet). Please stop putting yourself down as it is no mean feat to get two v different horses to the regionals and breed a stunning 2yo(I think??) . You ride well in the photos you put up and alot of people would be v envious to be in your position ( inc me !!!
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) I think for 6 months just take all the pressure off - go clear round jumping,hacking maybe to the beach ? Just make it fun again for both you and her and try not to analyze what might happen if you do these things - unwrap the cotton wool from around grace and I think she will surprise you
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